Alcohol and abusive relationships
Alcohol is a common feature in abusive relationships, so if your partner is an alcoholic you might have to deal with erratic mood swings and unpredictable behaviour, arguments and aggression, recklessness (DUIs), the risks to your children and so on.
So how do you confront a partner about their drinking? (when it is often a very touchy subject) Usually, people learn to avoid the issue, simply changing the subject when it comes up. And so the situation continues for years, unless you decide to address it.
But quite often each person may be so afraid of loneliness, or have such low self-esteem that they believe themselves unlovable, that no-one else would have them, that they couldn’t survive alone. This co-dependency makes people tolerate more than they should have to, in order to stay together.
The abuse of alcohol might affect your relationships in many ways. But those same close relationships are often the ones that can perpetuate alcoholism. A dysfunctional marriage can be so much stress for anyone involved – if your first choice for coping with that is alcohol, then you can see how some people justify their drinking by blaming it on their husband/wife.
If the extra drinking that arises from relationship problems itself makes those problems worse, then a very messy loop can develop.
Alcohol can serve a number of purposes in a relationship -
- a temporary boost in self-esteem,
- soothing anger or escaping from conflict (which often leads to more arguments or even domestic violence),
- an emotional escape from unhappiness,
- exerting control through defiance of the partner’s requests not to drink.
Alternatively, if you’ve decided you want to quit drinking, but your partner still drinks heavily, then you might have real difficulty resisting temptation – there you are trying to have a sober day, when your husband is cracking open a bottle of wine for the evening!
This sometimes happens as a form of sabotage too – if a couple both have a problem with alcohol, your partner might not want you to get sober, might not want you to get your confidence back.
This is all sounding rather gloomy, surely there’s a light at the end of the tunnel? Of course, your close relationships can be your biggest source of support and encouragement. Even if you might think you’ve damaged some relationships beyond repair, the people who care about you will still be there if they can see you really want to change.
I’ve know my (well now, exboyfriend) for 5 years, we were online friends for 4 years, was together for a year. Lived together. For years, I knew he drank alcohol, just never to the point where he couldn’t control his anger or depression. He would always blame his childhood for the drinking, might have blamed me once or twice because I was “nagging” too much about his drinking. The other night, we got into a big fight and I got thrown across the room and had my face slammed into the wall. Not a pretty sight. He was arrested for domestic violence, put in jail, got released last night. He finally came today with a cop, to get the rest of his things. The result of the fight was that I had enough. Enough of the drinking to the point where he couldn’t function. He’s hardly worked in the last year, only do “odd jobs” here and there, wouldn’t help me with anything. He cleaned the house, helped watched my 2 daughters while I worked. That was his “contribution” to the household. The over all stress finally snapped the other night and I asked him to leave. He wouldn’t leave. The last time we had a physical fight, I didn’t call the cops, which I wished I had now. I started attending the local Al-anon meeting, and it has helped somewhat.
I’m hurt by his actions, his attitude, and mourning the loss of the relationship. I’m tired of crying. We have a no contact order, but we have to attend court. My youngest, overheard him say in the hallway to the cop, that he had pleaded guilty, paid a fine, and I guess that’s how he got released last night.
I feel guilty because I helped enabled the drinking. Buying it for him whenever he needed. We didn’t have a sex life much, he always blamed the reasons cause my kids live with us for the time being. My kids are not his, they are from my previous marriage. The other night of our fight, he had mentioned he wanted to get intimate and I was cool with that, since we rarely had those moments. Then he was like “I don’t want to now”….and I guess that’s what did it for me. That’s when I finally stood up for myself and told him I wanted him to leave. I guess being thrown into the wall was his way of saying he still wanted to control everything. I am angry, hurt, humiliated……I loved him with all of my heart and this is the thanks I get? I don’t understand alcoholics, what gives them the right to abuse the one they say they LOVE? That is NOT love. My ex-husband was abusive and I spent 12 years living that way. I never thought this ex would ever do that to me.
Heartbroken… I have begged and pleaded with my girl of 12 years to stop drinking. We have a 11 yr old who has seen her drunk and I have been through so much emotional and verbal abuse as well as our son. I finally told her alcohol or me.. I lost. I am devastated. Her drinking brings out the worst in me and my words get nasty. I have no idea where to turn. So lost
Hi Bryan….
I’ve done that, giving my exbf the “ultramadium”…it’s either us as a family or the bottle……his reply was…..”I’m not giving up my alcohol for nobody”…..
Alcoholics are selfish people. They only think of themselves, not others. They don’t see the impact they put on others.
I’ve learned that giving that ultramadium, means disaster. It causes them to drink MORE, creating more chaos.
Hi,
I’ve been in a relationship with someone that has a drinking problem for almost six years. At first I thought it was just a phase since we were both younger but to find out its not just a phase. The past year has been the worst and honestly has been an emotional roller coaster for me. He has changed so much I don’t even know who he is anymore. We fight all the time and he is so verbally abusive it’s sick. He has recently even started to be physically abusive with me, and possibly even cheating. I don’t know what to do. I can’t talk to him since he is always drunk. And if there happens to be a time when he is not he just becomes extremely aggravated and starts verbally attacking me. This has honestly destroyed our relationship, it’s killing him and tearing me apart where it’s hard just to get through the day without feeling anxious and overwhelmed by it. I have tried to help him but i seem to be the one paying for it. I read in some of your posts that they seem to turn on the charm for other people, but as soon as its just me or me and someone he knows well I seem to be the target for his anger. At this point I don’t know what to do. I love this guy and would do anything for him, but at what price?
heres a musical take on how alcohol can affect a relationship
click here –> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TXEejKYRBiw&feature=g-all-c
hi , ive just left my partner of 15 years.we have 2 children aged 11 and 9.hes been abusive & violent over the last few years he stopped drinking then had a fit and a stroke last october he stopprd drinking for a few weeks then started having a few beers dont get me wrong hes calmed his drinking down attended a few aa meetings and another group called wpd . but its now his mood swings i cant handle so ive now taken an occupation orde out on the house as were not married i left him 5 days ago , im finding it hard coz at the moment my kids r off skool and im having to live with my parents. i also took a prohibited steps order and a residental order which means he cant contact me or the kids . im hoping he,ll see the light and change but from now on im thinking of myself and my kids .but before i did all this tho i took an overdose cos i just couldnt see a way out . hes been to prison aswell for drink driving and hasnt worked for the last 2 years . ive even tried to speak to his parents but they prefer him drunk so they can control him they even kicked me and the kids out last year and we had to go in to a hostol . so for everyone out there going threw the same crap get out now. xxx
Hi,
I have been with my husband for 16 years. Febuary 1, 2012 I told him to leave and not to come back until he gets help. He has turn into this person I dont want my children to be around. My son and I had to pick him up on the side of the road he had a gun in his hand and a beer in the other he was in my sons car. He smelled like pee and beer. He called everone that he knew and told then that this was the last time they were going to here his voice. My daughter that is in college had to here this too! He does not remember any of these things at all. I am not in love with him anymore I am scared and I knoew for many years of mental abuse I should have done something sooner. We have been separated before for the same reasons. I just didnt have the guts to do anything like this. I would already have let him back in. I cant even begin to tell you the birthday parties ended up in a fight. My poor children! I pray that they do not grow up like him. I dont allow alcohol in my house he drings with his friends. He has an excuse for everything. I feel like I am damaged because I feel I cant trust anyone. He lied to me so many times. In january I got a very good review from my job and my I want to go out and celebrate, He never showed up he went out with his friends and celebrated! Who does that to there wife?
hi my xgirlfriend is a alcoholic and and now in a rehabilitation centre i still love her to bits and never stop thinking about her will she ever change i only found out since that she has a history of alcohol abuse im left empty heart broken and verry hurt and so lonely and finding it very hard to cope with things etc my job
hi, my fiancee and i have a drinking problem, now i don’t know if we are aloud to see eachother, he is in custody, but i love him so much!!! when we are sober we are very caring and loving towards eachother, i have rheumatiod arthritus, no kids, he does help me but with the treatment i am getting though i do not need as much. he got taken in on wed, it only friday. i miss him so much, i keep crying. i just want him back!!!!
Hi all, reading these stories I see I’m not the only one affected by alcohol. we’ve been married now for nearly 10 years and alcohol was always important in my husband’s life. When my husbands dad died more than 2 years ago he started being depressed and drinking heavily. Then he was made redundant and there was even more reasons to drink. I don’t want to bore you with my story but I also have been ‘through hell’ the last few years; loosing my sister to cancer while doing a full-time degree with a family. We also look after my sister-in-law with severe mental health problems and she stays with us every second weekend. Also, the long period out of work have put us in financial difficulties; he’s not applied for job-seeker allowance ‘as that gets him down’. This all has put a strain on our relationship but it took me a while to realise that the alcoholism of my husband was the problem and the relationship problems just a symptom. He also lost his Libido because of the alcohol and hasn’t touched me for years. We’ve got a daughter of seven who said last week ‘I wish we would be a normal family with a dad who doesn’t drink’. I have been trying to keep up normality as far as possible, taking over responsibility of everything in our family to the extend of filling in my husbands time sheets etc. He started going for alcohol counselling (which he eventually agreed), but the penny hasn’t dropped yet; he’s not ready for change. he does well a day and then finds an excuse for a binge. Anyway, I am the problem now: I hit him last Sunday and last night again. I am terrified; out of anger and frustration. I just can’t bear the situation any more and feel helpless. We’re struggling financially, there is Christmas coming up and he laughs in my face and says he deserves to spend all that money on alcohol as he has worked hard all his life and it is now my turn to pay for things. I am the looser now; he has always know how to push my buttons to wind me up, but I kept. Now I am the abusive partner, despite the last ten years of emotional abuse. There is no justification for hitting, it makes me feel so bad.
Hi Ruth, I did the same as you towards the end of last year. After 2 years of mental and emotional abuse, not to mention intimidation, threats, being shoved, having him spit in my face and mock me, I finally snapped and hit him. I’ve always stood my ground with the exception of actually leaving. But to be honest I think standing my ground made him all the more determined to break me. He finally succeeded when my mother died a couple of months ago. He hit me the day after her funeral. He still hasn’t moved out despite saying we have a shit relationship and it’s all my fault. If I mention his rage he explodes even more because I’m blaming him. He’s basically made my life misery and I’m sure he’s only in the house still because he’s enjoying hurting me even more. He even looked me in the eye the other night and told me it was my fault for not heeding his warning that he hit walls and threw things when we first met. People like him are insane. They will twist absolutely everything to ensure they don’t take responsibility for their behaviour. They are dangerous people and will totally destroy you. We don’t love them, we’re craving the need to be loved because they deny us it. I know that’s very easy to say because I still crumble and wish everyday my abuser was still the lovely person I met and fell in love with. He just uses that to destroy me even more. I am angry, hurt, sad, not only at him but at myself for putting up with it all along. Is he feeling the same way? No, he’s gone completely cold on me. But then we should realise, if they ever had feelings for us all along, they wouldn’t be able to treat us like it. I once said that to him, how could he treat me like it when he’s supposed to love me. His response? He can’t love me then. Just please, stay away from these people. Good luck to everyone on here. We’re left picking up the fragments of our lives and putting ourselves back together while they turn us into the enemy. I’ve never experienced anything like this before and never want to ever again.
I totally and completely relate to so much said here but particular to Anon. I also have tried to hold on to “what was,” the person I met 28 years ago. He drank when I met him but I was blind to how progressive his alcoholism was. He treated me well for most of those 28 years, until about 5 years ago, I saw his personality start changing. Anything he had to do with myself and our children, if it meant he had to leave the bar early, he would be angry. I saw his moods swing constantly. Two years ago, he became a sex addict – perhaps a secondary addiction along with the drinking. Then I saw how crazy he really is, how cruel he could be, how cold and unloving and self-centered he had become. But… all along, during those years of progression, he had ways of making me feel like I was a selfish person. And I believed him. I lost my self-esteem. Once I felt the cold, evil side of him, such a contrast to the loving, kind man I knew all that time, I wanted to hold on, praying and begging that the person I married would come back, that he would remember that we did have a good life and were happy. He will even say we were happy but he “screwed up.” He has yet to want to work to change that – instead he will say he has “done too much” for me to ever get over all of the cruel things and he likes to drink and that, I guess, in the end, is not negotiable. He is what he is now and I desperately miss the loving man I married. I feel such a loneliness I can’t even describe it and have felt close to a nervous breakdown because I have never been emotionally abused in my life and to have the man I trusted the most on this Earth be the one to treat me with hate, cruelty, disrespect, coldness, vileness… I feel I am in a posttraumatic stress state. I am in counseling when I can get there, and have attended Al-Anon but I just cannot accept at this point that someone who used to care, who gave a damn, could be become such a monster. But this is what alcohol does – robs a decent man of his heart and soul. I wonder if I will ever recover from the pain.
My partner is 41, he suffered massive heart failure on 8th Nov caused by drink. He is an alcoholic, the alcohol makes him abusive. He wets himself, passes out drunk, drink drives and has beaten me very badly for the first time this weekend. I have tried to police his drinking, for both our sakes but all it has done is intensify his resentment towards me. Without drink he is the man i love to pieces. He lies compulsively, in order to drink socially, and party with a bunch of 20/30 year olds who all think he’s a great craic, buying them all drinks and making a fool of himself, they don’t clean up his piss or get abuse from him. How can I help him, I am terrified he will die. He does wonderful things, it’s not all bad. But the drink is overshadowing the good stuff too often. I once thought we had a happy future ahead of us…
I have just come out of an eight year relationship. A very hurtful and painful experience. Unlike some of the literature which is on the internet i do not seek out and never have sought out this kind of relationship. It is the first time i have ever had a relationship with someone with a drinking problem, and probably the last time. I tried to manage the damage which was being inflicted on the relationship and eventually, on me. I didn’t stay out of being addicted to the relationship or because i have low self esteem…I stayed because i love my partner. I never asked for the promise that the drinking would stop, if you love someone, love them for who they are. I tried , in vain, to stop my partners alcohol problem from touching me and the relationship. I failed and always would have failed. I am the one who has called off the relationship…a very painful experience…and a first as i have never left someone that i love before. I did all that i could to communicate this to my partner, but unfortunately, it not only fell on deaf ears, but also it was interpreted as interfering, trying to help, trying to control, so i had no chance. According to Al-Anon most people with severe drinking problems have personality disorders…this is true in my experience. After breaking my heart by sleeping with someone else, i was told that i didn’t have a broken heart, i was simply jealous and my pride was hurt that it was someone else and not me. While tears were streaming down my face, i was told nothing has changed between us…it was a drunken mistake. This was the second time. Add to that DUI and getting caught as well as hundreds and hundreds of drunken verbal attacks…there was no recognition that these incidents were having a very bad impact on me. Lift up your heads and be glad you survived and get on with your lives…the future is yours…try not to look back to much…and think of all the things you can do. My relationship came to an end at the end of August so I am still in pain but am feeling more positive than i have for many years. Thank you.
Hi , I hope someone may be able to help me . I split with my husband 18months ago after he had an affair , during one of the worst times in my life , i lost 4 very close people to me in a car crash ,he tole me i was too busy with dead people that he had an affair ! My self confidence hit the floor .
I have now met a lovely guy , but i find it so hard to trust him because i feel he will do the same to me .
Last night we went out for a lovely day with his family , i had quite a bit to drink and when we got home , i started on him , a comment was made about him always being with young girls and that now he was with me they were happy as i am older, but i accused him of wanting girls and that he was bound to be having an affair .
i went crazy i threw his stuff out and actually hit him , i feel dreadful and so ashamed, but when i drink i find these emotions get out of control . He is very upset but says he loves me , i can bearly talk to him because i feel so bad . I do not know how to control myself when i drink . I feel maybe i should end the relationship beacause im afraid i will do this again . please any advice would be a big help .
Hi Jenna,
You are brave and courageous for sharing your story. If you love this man and he loves you, don’t lose him.
You say, “I do not know how to control myself when I drink.” It sounds like you have already figured out what the problem is. Seek support; starting with this man you deserve to have in your life if he is good to you and good for you.
If you look after yourself first – A.A. is a great place if you think you need a program – work the program and then everything else will fall into place as it should, including healthy relationships.
You have been through a great deal in a short amount of time and perhaps these major life events have acted as a trigger for you. A good life program like A.A. can help you to find yourself.
Another option is to start by talking to your family doctor – openly and honestly – if he/she is the type of person you are comfortable talking with. Perhaps, after all you have been through, the problem is two-fold. You might be dealing with depression as well but only a trained professional should help you sort through that possibility.
You are worth it. With sincere best wishes.
Wow. I cant believe these stories. I thoguht I was the only one who lived like this loving a drunk and holding on to a dream while he holds on to the bottle. Im resentful of the years I gave up the child who has watched and the asshole that I love. (do i )
Hi Liezl I sympathasive with you as i understand what you are going through.I had been with my 4 childrens dad for thirteen years and once the honeymoon period was over I knew he had a drink problem.I was always trying to fix things.He would buy two bottles of wine each night and once he had fnishd them he would go from the normal guy to the insane drunk.He has been physically,sexually and more so emotionally abusive to me.I was at his beck and call.I have been away from him for a year and a half.When we split up he threatened me that I was not to see anyone yet when he started seeing me again he also went out with a polish girl.Everytime I allowed him to come to my flat to see me and the boys he would always get drunk and keep me and the kids up all night.I used to go and clean his mess up change wet bed sheets pick up all the crap not anymore on monday night after a his usual put me downs making out i was a slapper in front of the kids and their pals when i asked why he spoke to me this way his answer when sober was thats what he thought of me and he was only with me out of convenience I dont know what happened inside of me but i told him to take his stuff and have totally refused in my head to do nothing more for him i must have reached a breaking point.
Tonight he called me up and asked me if i wanted to say sorry and i gave him a piece of my mind DONT PUT UP WITH ANYMORE SHIT your a person and you deserve better down tools dont do anything for him.Ask yourself if you were the drunk would you expect someone to do what you are doing now for you.Give him an ultimatium but stick to your guns.My ex man is the crackpot not me for giving up his family.Youve got to change in order to give him a chance to get better if he doesnt want to then either stay and put up with it or leave and find true happiness.Best of luck. karen x
Hi I’ve been dating an alcoholic for more than 6 yrs its rocky ynpredictable. Heartbreaking and the moods uncontroleable! Its seems it is always my fault and the reason for drinking is me or its because they want to social and I’m not fun. I work hard come home prepare food clean the house wash the dishes always listens and I’m always there for help wanted to leave few times but then I feel sorry and take the person back. I must admit I love this person dearly but I’ve had my nose broken blue eyes missed work. Sometimes when they go out partying only comes home like 3 days later and miss work. It cost jobs already as I think its the mood and temper. Also its at a stage where he gets epilepsy and is on phyletoin tabs so can’t drink but still does. He had a difficult childhood but I always thought it was that but I have taken him so a psyciatrist and still nothing helps. He does not want to go to AA and promised to stop then again leaves to drink. Also nowaydays he would go do shopping or look for a fight to go alone and when he comes back his car is always full of bottles and now he buys mints to hide it.He and his ex flirted few times behind my back and then alsways comes back and say sorry ect. That’s not all he also cuts himself he is a cutter. I am so afraid of leaving and something happen the worst is he is everything u want when sober and normal. I have also been reading bout borderline persoanlity and it seems it fits the bill. I am lonely scared hurt and don’t know which way to turn anymore but to leave for good. How do you treat situations like this and how do you walk away overcome this and leave someone you care for so deeply knowing they are killing themselves
Hi Desperate.
Please do not think that you are alone. There are services and peole who can help once you make the big decision that you want this to end. Make an appointment to go and see a solicitor. You might be eligible for legal help (legal aid) and if not many solicitors offer initial fixed fee interviews and some offer intial free consultations. Any thing that you tell them will be in complete confidence and they will not judge you. They will be able to advise you in relation to your options such as divorce (if that is what you want) but also in relation to matters such as contact (which may have to be in a contact centre if your husband can not be relied upon not to drink when your son if with him) and the possability of seeking a non molestation order (protecting you from violence or threats) and even an occupation order (removing your husband from the home).
No body deserves to be subjected to threats or violence. As a mother you owe it to yourself and your son. Take Care and Good Luckxx
please can someone help me.
I have been with my husband for 19 years -since we were kids. we have been married for 9 years and have lovely 8 year old. My husband smoked weed for years and gave up 5 years ago. he has drank everyday for as long as i remember -lager and cider. he has major periods of ups and downs and gets fixated on things especially when he has had a drink. 2 years ago i was diagnosed with a liver tumor – had major surgery and im still here!! but t made me realise i cannot cope with the violent drunk i live with. when sober he is lovely, but when drunk – he is verbally abusive, wets himself and is totally incoherant and i live in fear. so he had a breakdown…he harrassed me from morning to night….i had to flee my home…… they think he is borderline bi polar……and is on antidepressants for the rest of his life… gave up alcohol for 11 months!!docs say not allowed to drink anymore. but sadly he has had many blowouts since then. we sold our house – went into rented so i was not tied to him anymore – fresh start and all that. my son has witnessed some terrible things and it makes me so sad…..wondering when the next time will be……when will he fall off the rails again. so i have given him ultimatum – us or the drink…….our marriage or the drink…….he chose us. or so i thought. today he swore on my life he wouldnt drink……….went out came home drunk….this has been happening every week for the past 6 months..i told him i wish he would die. my son heard – now i feel terrible.
so – do i put up with it – or end it but know i will never get rid of him – he scares me. he will never leave me alone and will harrass me everytime he is drunk. im so scared what he will do to me or our son. i cannt trust him to look after our son but where do i stand?
pls help x
hi Sad
Im sorry to hear you are going through this with your husband, and sorry that your first marriage was abusive also.
I myself had to go through the process of weighing up the worth of my marriage and of myself. I found it so hard to admit my ‘perfect’ marriage was over and that i would have to go it alone. Is bankruptcy worse than living this way?
I think your husband can change – ive heard stories on this very site that many alcoholics choose to stop and actually live their lives, instead of just existing. But i think the important step is acknowledging the problem and deal with it. My husband chose not to do this. Ultimately it led to the end of our marriage.
I couldn’t say how your husband will get to this point but perhaps sitting down with him when hes sober and explaining how you feel when he drinks might make him see hes upsetting you.
Oh and you shouldn’t have to ‘keep your mouth shut’ when hes drunk. I got told that all the time, and in my mind if one of you doesn’t have a tendancy to go off on one when they drink then the other one wouldn’t be forced to submit each time. Its tiring, it ruins nights out and ultimately ruins the fun side of your relationship. I am so looking forward to going out and not having to mind what i say or what i do incase hubby doesn’t like it.
You don’t have to be sad or lonely – if you read some of my earlier posts you will see where i was last year and ok this is the way it worked out for me, and i hope you and your husband can work it out together – but don’t put up with it. Im no longer lonely – im alone but never felt more loved and supported by my friends and family and i no longer cry myself to sleep everynight.
You ask your husband for what you need to be happy – work on it together if he needs that, but don’t settle if you aren’t happy and forfilled!!!
Good luck!
I have known my husband for 4 yrs and married for one yr. Drink never seemed a problem at first. We would go out and drink socially and have a good time. Over the years he has been drinking to get drunk whenever we go out in the evening. He will drink until the money runs out or he can’t stand up. He doesn’t drink all the time but when he does it’s heavy. He has called me some horrible names and done some horrible things when drunk. He says he can’t remember in the morning but i sometimes think it’s selective memory. He is a loving caring husband when drink isn’t involved but when he is drunk he changes. He always blames me for the arguments and the next day i spend on my own while he sleeps to sober up.It usually takes 2 days for the apologies to arrive by text while i am at work. He denies he has a problem and just says i should keep my mouth shut when he is drunk because i make it worse when i confront him. I feel i only stay now because if i leave i will lose everything i have worked for. I came from an abusive first marriage and lost everything and if i leave this one i will have to go bankrupt. I am so sad and lonely right now. I do love him but do you think he can change ?
Hello , I Live with a achohalic and he says he is’nt and he is not, but I know he is because when he goes out to drink I pay for it and when I come home he always tells me he is gonna kill me, today wich is may 9th he did try 3 times to choke me and throw me out our up stairs apartment window. I said to him u may want to think about what u are doing before u do this and he said by the end of the week he was gonna kill me. I am not sure this will happen . I don’t think your husband is gonna change sorry , once an alchohalic always an achlohalic. I live like this every day , every week , wevery year. No one I so far have talked to wants to get in volved. The funny part is we are not married just live together and I was told if I call the police on him , I will be removed from my appartment and I will go to jail, I can’t seem to figure out why am I being removed from a place I pay for when he no job , no money comming in? Makes no sence to me. Nobody can give me answer.
That is not true if you are in the USA. Choking is a fellony. Get help. Go to Alanon and undestand you codepency then go to the POLICE
I haven’t meant to stay away so long, but its hard to know what to post sometimes, especially when things in my life change so frequently.
Me and my husband remain separated, infact less than 2 weeks after my last post, my husband revealed to me that he had found himself a new gf, that they have somuch in common and that he can be himself with her. The shock i can say was more than i thought i could take. Especially at 5 months pregnant. After everything i went through for him he left me for someone who drinks as much as him and sees nothing wrong with it…….
Ive since moved out of our marital home and started divorce proceedings. As Lucy mentioned earlier on this thread, im also financially so much better off even though it has been just 5 or 6 weeks since we split. He, on the other hand has spent nearly £4500 in the same time frame.
He doesn’t know im moving towards restriting his contact with our son and the bay that is due in just 5 weeks time. I can not trust him because his drinking is so out of control. Its interesting to me that he can still ‘play’ the normal guy role when it suits him – i.e. to manipulate me into doing things his way. As per our relationship.
I have to say im facing a different xmas, a sober one i guess lol. Im sad that things have come to this but attempting to focus on my future being better without him. Also feeling nervous about being a single mum with 2 babies, but again – rather this than living with a chaotic, abusive alcoholic!!
Although things are hard and as i suspected in an earlier post he is raising issues over access and custody and doesn’t think his drinking is a problem. I know in 12 months time i will be full celebrating my freedom and my happier life!!
Hi
I think you are an inspiration and give so much hope. Thank you for that. I can see you wrote this last January and I am hoping things are much better for you and your children.
Without dwelling on the past I think it is very difficult to feel anything but rage when a man (alcoholic or not) can be so cruel and manipulative. For me this is the most damaging thing about being on the receiving end of an alcoholic, especially a functional one on many levels.
I wish you happiness and love for your future. I really do. You have done the right thing and as I said above you have inspired me so much.
You are brave and wonderful.
Love, Peace & Happiness