Comments on: Alcohol and abusive relationships

By: traciiee

traciiee — Wed, 25 Apr 2012 19:36:45 +0000

hi , ive just left my partner of 15 years.we have 2 children aged 11 and 9.hes been abusive & violent over the last few years he stopped drinking then had a fit and a stroke last october he stopprd drinking for a few weeks then started having a few beers dont get me wrong hes calmed his drinking down attended a few aa meetings and another group called wpd . but its now his mood swings i cant handle so ive now taken an occupation orde out on the house as were not married i left him 5 days ago , im finding it hard coz at the moment my kids r off skool and im having to live with my parents. i also took a prohibited steps order and a residental order which means he cant contact me or the kids . im hoping he,ll see the light and change but from now on im thinking of myself and my kids .but before i did all this tho i took an overdose cos i just couldnt see a way out . hes been to prison aswell for drink driving and hasnt worked for the last 2 years . ive even tried to speak to his parents but they prefer him drunk so they can control him they even kicked me and the kids out last year and we had to go in to a hostol . so for everyone out there going threw the same crap get out now. xxx

By: Marcia

Marcia — Sun, 01 Apr 2012 13:12:32 +0000

Hi,

I have been with my husband for 16 years. Febuary 1, 2012 I told him to leave and not to come back until he gets help. He has turn into this person I dont want my children to be around. My son and I had to pick him up on the side of the road he had a gun in his hand and a beer in the other he was in my sons car. He smelled like pee and beer. He called everone that he knew and told then that this was the last time they were going to here his voice. My daughter that is in college had to here this too! He does not remember any of these things at all. I am not in love with him anymore I am scared and I knoew for many years of mental abuse I should have done something sooner. We have been separated before for the same reasons. I just didnt have the guts to do anything like this. I would already have let him back in. I cant even begin to tell you the birthday parties ended up in a fight. My poor children! I pray that they do not grow up like him. I dont allow alcohol in my house he drings with his friends. He has an excuse for everything. I feel like I am damaged because I feel I cant trust anyone. He lied to me so many times. In january I got a very good review from my job and my I want to go out and celebrate, He never showed up he went out with his friends and celebrated! Who does that to there wife?

By: paul

paul — Sun, 25 Mar 2012 14:24:42 +0000

hi my xgirlfriend is a alcoholic and and now in a rehabilitation centre i still love her to bits and never stop thinking about her will she ever change i only found out since that she has a history of alcohol abuse im left empty heart broken and verry hurt and so lonely and finding it very hard to cope with things etc my job

By: n8iveinpain

n8iveinpain — Sat, 21 Jan 2012 05:40:22 +0000

hi, my fiancee and i have a drinking problem, now i don’t know if we are aloud to see eachother, he is in custody, but i love him so much!!! when we are sober we are very caring and loving towards eachother, i have rheumatiod arthritus, no kids, he does help me but with the treatment i am getting though i do not need as much. he got taken in on wed, it only friday. i miss him so much, i keep crying. i just want him back!!!!

By: Anon

Anon — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 13:10:23 +0000

Hi Ruth, I did the same as you towards the end of last year. After 2 years of mental and emotional abuse, not to mention intimidation, threats, being shoved, having him spit in my face and mock me, I finally snapped and hit him. I’ve always stood my ground with the exception of actually leaving. But to be honest I think standing my ground made him all the more determined to break me. He finally succeeded when my mother died a couple of months ago. He hit me the day after her funeral. He still hasn’t moved out despite saying we have a shit relationship and it’s all my fault. If I mention his rage he explodes even more because I’m blaming him. He’s basically made my life misery and I’m sure he’s only in the house still because he’s enjoying hurting me even more. He even looked me in the eye the other night and told me it was my fault for not heeding his warning that he hit walls and threw things when we first met. People like him are insane. They will twist absolutely everything to ensure they don’t take responsibility for their behaviour. They are dangerous people and will totally destroy you. We don’t love them, we’re craving the need to be loved because they deny us it. I know that’s very easy to say because I still crumble and wish everyday my abuser was still the lovely person I met and fell in love with. He just uses that to destroy me even more. I am angry, hurt, sad, not only at him but at myself for putting up with it all along. Is he feeling the same way? No, he’s gone completely cold on me. But then we should realise, if they ever had feelings for us all along, they wouldn’t be able to treat us like it. I once said that to him, how could he treat me like it when he’s supposed to love me. His response? He can’t love me then. Just please, stay away from these people. Good luck to everyone on here. We’re left picking up the fragments of our lives and putting ourselves back together while they turn us into the enemy. I’ve never experienced anything like this before and never want to ever again.

By: shana

shana — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 04:19:01 +0000

That is not true if you are in the USA. Choking is a fellony. Get help. Go to Alanon and undestand you codepency then go to the POLICE

By: Ruth

Ruth — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 06:29:07 +0000

Hi all, reading these stories I see I’m not the only one affected by alcohol. we’ve been married now for nearly 10 years and alcohol was always important in my husband’s life. When my husbands dad died more than 2 years ago he started being depressed and drinking heavily. Then he was made redundant and there was even more reasons to drink. I don’t want to bore you with my story but I also have been ‘through hell’ the last few years; loosing my sister to cancer while doing a full-time degree with a family. We also look after my sister-in-law with severe mental health problems and she stays with us every second weekend. Also, the long period out of work have put us in financial difficulties; he’s not applied for job-seeker allowance ‘as that gets him down’. This all has put a strain on our relationship but it took me a while to realise that the alcoholism of my husband was the problem and the relationship problems just a symptom. He also lost his Libido because of the alcohol and hasn’t touched me for years. We’ve got a daughter of seven who said last week ‘I wish we would be a normal family with a dad who doesn’t drink’. I have been trying to keep up normality as far as possible, taking over responsibility of everything in our family to the extend of filling in my husbands time sheets etc. He started going for alcohol counselling (which he eventually agreed), but the penny hasn’t dropped yet; he’s not ready for change. he does well a day and then finds an excuse for a binge. Anyway, I am the problem now: I hit him last Sunday and last night again. I am terrified; out of anger and frustration. I just can’t bear the situation any more and feel helpless. We’re struggling financially, there is Christmas coming up and he laughs in my face and says he deserves to spend all that money on alcohol as he has worked hard all his life and it is now my turn to pay for things. I am the looser now; he has always know how to push my buttons to wind me up, but I kept. Now I am the abusive partner, despite the last ten years of emotional abuse. There is no justification for hitting, it makes me feel so bad.

By: Dawn

Dawn — Wed, 14 Dec 2011 08:43:31 +0000

My partner is 41, he suffered massive heart failure on 8th Nov caused by drink. He is an alcoholic, the alcohol makes him abusive. He wets himself, passes out drunk, drink drives and has beaten me very badly for the first time this weekend. I have tried to police his drinking, for both our sakes but all it has done is intensify his resentment towards me. Without drink he is the man i love to pieces. He lies compulsively, in order to drink socially, and party with a bunch of 20/30 year olds who all think he’s a great craic, buying them all drinks and making a fool of himself, they don’t clean up his piss or get abuse from him. How can I help him, I am terrified he will die. He does wonderful things, it’s not all bad. But the drink is overshadowing the good stuff too often. I once thought we had a happy future ahead of us…

By: andrea

andrea — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 10:46:16 +0000

I think you are an inspiration and give so much hope. Thank you for that. I can see you wrote this last January and I am hoping things are much better for you and your children.

Without dwelling on the past I think it is very difficult to feel anything but rage when a man (alcoholic or not) can be so cruel and manipulative. For me this is the most damaging thing about being on the receiving end of an alcoholic, especially a functional one on many levels.
I wish you happiness and love for your future. I really do. You have done the right thing and as I said above you have inspired me so much.

You are brave and wonderful.

Love, Peace & Happiness

By: Ian Varey

Ian Varey — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 13:19:38 +0000

I have just come out of an eight year relationship. A very hurtful and painful experience. Unlike some of the literature which is on the internet i do not seek out and never have sought out this kind of relationship. It is the first time i have ever had a relationship with someone with a drinking problem, and probably the last time. I tried to manage the damage which was being inflicted on the relationship and eventually, on me. I didn’t stay out of being addicted to the relationship or because i have low self esteem…I stayed because i love my partner. I never asked for the promise that the drinking would stop, if you love someone, love them for who they are. I tried , in vain, to stop my partners alcohol problem from touching me and the relationship. I failed and always would have failed. I am the one who has called off the relationship…a very painful experience…and a first as i have never left someone that i love before. I did all that i could to communicate this to my partner, but unfortunately, it not only fell on deaf ears, but also it was interpreted as interfering, trying to help, trying to control, so i had no chance. According to Al-Anon most people with severe drinking problems have personality disorders…this is true in my experience. After breaking my heart by sleeping with someone else, i was told that i didn’t have a broken heart, i was simply jealous and my pride was hurt that it was someone else and not me. While tears were streaming down my face, i was told nothing has changed between us…it was a drunken mistake. This was the second time. Add to that DUI and getting caught as well as hundreds and hundreds of drunken verbal attacks…there was no recognition that these incidents were having a very bad impact on me. Lift up your heads and be glad you survived and get on with your lives…the future is yours…try not to look back to much…and think of all the things you can do. My relationship came to an end at the end of August so I am still in pain but am feeling more positive than i have for many years. Thank you.