The Alcoholics Anonymous Alternative
Is there an alternative to Alcoholics Anonymous? Do the 12 steps really work? These are questions that most alcoholics will ask when they decide that they want to change.
Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) originated in Akron, Ohio in the 1930′s from religious individuals grouping together to solve their alcoholism. The 12 steps soon emerged as a formula for all addicts to follow if they were to stay sober.
From the very beginning, complete abstinence was seen as the only answer. Of course this does work for some people, but clearly not for everyone.
Figures for how effective the 12 step recovery process is are impossible to find. Estimates suggest only about 5% of people who attend meetings regularly stay sober for more than a year. Not much more than the placebo effect really.
However, AA and NA (Narcotics Anonymous) do develop networks of community support, which is undoubtedly very positive. The support given is from other addicts or alcoholics of course, not trained professionals. And by their very nature the meetings are public access, anyone can attend, so they are clearly not anonymous (especially when you are required to state your name).
The main objection many people have to the philosophy is its rigidity, and there are references to relinquishing personal responsibility. The reams of cheap slogans don’t help much either.
Ok, so anyone who hasn’t seen them before must be wondering, what are these 12 steps then? Here you are –
- “We… admitted we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable.”
- “Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.”
- “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.”
- “Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.”
- “Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.”
- “Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.”
- “Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.”
- “Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.”
- “Made direct amends to such people whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.”
- “Continued to take a personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.”
- “Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.”
- “Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles.”
Any of you who are not particularly religious might be squirming a little right now.
The Higher Power issue is the biggest problem that people seem to have with Alcoholics Anonymous or NA.
Handing over responsibility for your problems and the solution of them, it doesn’t sit well with modern approaches to psychological self-help does it? SELF responsibility and empowerment are essential to good mental health.
“One of the things they (AA) tell you is you are powerless – you must submit, that’s stupid. Once you become sober, you realize you do have the power to quit.”
Strangely there’s not many references to alcohol in those 12 steps. Or indeed how to prevent yourself giving in to cravings. It seems like will-power, determination and faith are supposed to get you sober. That and some apologies of course.
Of course, there are different interpretations of these 12 steps, and many AA groups do advocate a more liberal approach, with the meetings themselves being seen as the higher power.
In my experience, people appreciate a more personalised view of their addiction and recovery, one in which each person’s background and personality are taken into account. The cognitive approach to addiction encourages the person to look at themselves and discover what they need to change, then helps them to make those changes in any sequence they choose. It provides strategies to understand the psychological mechanisms of your addiction.
The AA idea is to work through each of the steps with various written tasks. Should anyone relapse or have a drink at any point, they have to go back to step one and start again (snakes & ladders anyone?).
The alternative view suggests that abstinence is not the only option, for many people a healthier level of consumption is possible. We can help you to become the expert, so you are not dependent on either a group, or on your counsellor. You learn the skills to take control of your alcoholism.
The AA view is there is no cure for alcoholism or addiction, it is seen as a disease, which again slightly removes any personal responsibility from the equation – “I can’t help it, I’ve got a disease”. We view it more as a set of habitual patterns, cognitive and emotional automatic behaviours that can easily be un-learnt and replaced with something healthier.
So maybe there are alternatives to AA for alcoholics, ones with more flexibility and a more personal approach.
I would just like to say anyone with a serious alcoholism condition should read the leter form Mike about 3 letters back.. I believe he has a great handle on the opinions of this site and the fact that represent recovery..
I am an alcoholic.. I cannot drink again, for IF I do it might lead to not stopping and eventually death.. I have been spared death once.. I have been sober for 5 and 1/2 years.. before that it was 25 years of drinking.. the last 8-10 intensive.. like the last few years.. at least a liter of 100 proof a day.. sometimes 2.. I agree that sopme people replace the addiction of alcohol with the addiction to AA.. I’ve heard many say something like, “I got up. went to the grocery and when I came home dropped and broke everything, so I knew I needed to come to a meeting.”
I’ve been told by doctors that my chemestry makeup is different for others.. which is why abstainance is my only solution.. I will be glad to tell others how I got sober.. or that is have stayed sober for this long.. if you wish to contact me.. Everyone these days wants a quicker, easier, more convienant way to do everything.. It equates to taking a pill for whatever ails you.. but with this disease, AA has helped many more than it’s hurt.. and you get out of it what you put into it.. You look for things that will help you sometimes it is only the fact that you aren’t alone… And Yes alcoholism is a disease.. not unlike cancer.. so if you can think your way or eat your way or whatever to curing these diseases.. then nothing short of a miracle has happen.
If you are or aren’t sure if you are an alcoholic.. look up the defination and see if the shoe fits.. then go on to the issues of recovering.. but if you don’t want to recover completely (who wants to partially recover form cancer?) don’t bother trying anything.. I pray the best for everyone and this site.
Its just brilliant that mankind is still so alive and kicking, constantly looking to improve and better oneself. Respect to all of you. And me for seeking the solutions to the pain that being and addict/alcoholic brings into life.
Hi – I’ve only been going to AA for a few weeks now but I know I wouldn’t even have managed this small period of abstinence without meetings. For me, it’s being in a room full of people who understand the loneliness, despair and depression I associate with my excessive drinking. They do not judge me, I find only acceptance from them: it’s like holding my hands out to a warm fire. I’m an alcoholic, no question about it and AA is really helping me. I’ve got a long, long way to go (the rest of my life!) but hopefully I’m learning to keep things simple and to concentrate on just not drinking today – that first drink, for me, is like lighting the blue touch paper – BANG.
I wish you all well with your struggles with drink, no matter which path you choose to help you. Goodnight from the south of England.
All I can say is AA worked for me but it’s not for everyone.
I also think people can go on too much about it being a disease. BUT- pour enough booze down your throat (like heroin or ciggies) and for most humans a line is eventually crossed. Many people who do that tend to have a predisposition to be manic and obseessive, but not all. Once truly addicted there is virtually never a return to normality- the mental obsession and physical allergy has taken over. Of course most of us will fight anything that gets in the way of taking the booze away – which is why you have to privately decide for yourself, and first off try controlling it to find out if you’re addicted (try having the odd glass of wine)- you’ll soon find out. There are lots of alternatives for people who have just drunk too much and too often (rather than become truly addicted) and I know a couple of people who have used techniques such as CBT to successfully return to just drinking socially. AA is a last resort for people who are desperate and truly addicted- it really is a last resort and some people come in before they are ready or who aren’t alcoholics (I suspect often as a result of treatment centres). I don’t mean you have to be a down and out street drunk (I wasn’t) but you do have to be desperate.
Also: I know atheists in the rooms – their faith is in the meetings.
As for renaging responsibility- for me it is TOTALLY about taking responsibility (after a long time of playing the blame game). Of course there are nutters in the meetings- but that’s a minority. If you try out AA, it’s for you to take responsibility to stick with people who have sorted themselves out and done the steps.
I didn’t plan to end up in AA but it was the only thing that worked for me. 8 years on it’s an invaluable tool for living a very normal, full and busy life. I’m quite glad that nothing else worked, I love it.
I am a big fan of RATIONAL RECOVERY, it gives you a simple technique to control the LOWER power that compells you to drink, instaed of HOPING for a higher power to save you. I needed to quit for reasons of situational depression, for a year. I then CHOSE to drink. Have had bouts on and off here in the USVI I do agree that AA has a fellowship, more of a congragation, but there can be folks you can respect. What bothers me are two things: 1> God didn’t make me drink, 2> Everyone talks about alcohol like a long lost lover they miss. . . this is depressing. I chose to drink again and it got out of control due to situations I was not handling correctly. I have developed a physical dependancy that bothers me. I am going to try the Kudzu approach and revisit Rational Recovery. . . worked before. Nice comments from both sides of the fence, and YES the Supreme Court ruled that AA is a religion. . .12 Commandments instead of 10, a Big Book, pass the basket and open and end with a prayer. . .
http://goliath.ecnext.com/coms2/gi_0199-2729337/A-state-religion-Alcoholics-Anonymous.html
http://www.orange-papers.org/orange-spirrel.html
G.
Well Well Well!
I am a recovering alcoholic and was nearly dead before entering the doors of AA. it amazes me how people can claim to know so much about AA and alcoholism even though 1) they dont suffer from the illness and could not possibly imagine the thinking and mentality of an active drinker or addict without actually being one, those who just think its a matter of willpower and positive thought to give up drinking have never experienced the illness of alcoholism because if they had they would not be saying that. Any REAL alcoholic knows the loneliness, despair & fear of this cunning baffling and powerful illness and those who have never had this illness that just spout what they believe to be true is nonsense! 2) anyone can go to college and get a degree from a book or lecture about addiction and drink, only real alcoholics and addicts who have experienced this illness in depth and pain can pass the truth of the illness on. I believe if a person has prejudice about addiction or alcoholism then they cannot help the suffering alcoholic as they will only see there opinion and judgement as right even though they cannot relate as they do not have first hand experience or suffer with the disease to talk honestly about it.
thank god you dont have it. its nothing to do with religion as I am not religious at all, I need AA because AA gave me a new life FULL STOP. NO psychiatrist could understand, and after an hour showed me the door. No doctor could understand and just wanted to hand me pills. my family and friends though they loved me could not understand as they did;nt have this illness.
Alcoholics get well in AA because its a fellowship of people who understand Alcoholism because they are alcoholics.
the 12step programme and big book were put together by alcoholics for alcoholics and it works. An alcoholic has to really reach their rock bottom before they find the truth!!, all those who have not yet changed and justify their drinking are still on their journey to that rock bottom, which could take days, months, years, but its progressive and Everyday I wake up sober and happy with my loving husband and ability to study and have my health and family back in my life. I know I am truly blessed and if that makes me brainwashed, mad, a bible basher, whatever then OK. people can think what they want about me though they dont know me, they did not know the sick person I was before living IN this illness. Today I live without isolation, fear and despair. So to all the people who have made bad comments about AA dont judge something you dont understand or judge something because you feel it did not work for you. OK! it did not work for you, to say it doesn’t work at all was just your excuse to leave it. I am a prime example AA works as 4years ago I nearly died from alcoholism and life is truly great today.
I do service and love to see people get well from this illness who are in terrible situations mentally and physically but they get well and have peace of mind through going to AA and the 12step programme. A normal drinker and non alcoholic would not understand that.
Oh! and we dont give our will and life over to the care of god!!
Its a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the god of our understanding! that can be anything or anyone- we only make a decision on a daily basis to live life on lifes terms.
we are human and no human can be perfect and act perfect at all times.
its a way of living the best way we can and doing the best we can by the people close to us
to any alcoholic suffering listen to those who can help you. not those who cannot.
when your time is up you will listen!
peace to you all xxx
The thing people in AA are ****ed with is this: If you defend AA, you seem like a cult member. If you don’t defend AA, you seem to be like a cult member. Catch-22 anyone?
All I do know is this: Things are better in AA than they were when I was drinking. I have become more self-aware than ever before, and it’s helping my life. I am discovering new things about my behaviour and I am OK.
I don’t worship Bill W or ever want to go to Akron, Ohio and check out Bill’s House. I worship God – which is my name for my higher power.
AA is built on people helping each other. Call it a support group if you want, but people are getting sober. Some of them go to one AA meeting, and never drink again. I only wish I had the luxury of doing so. Now I’m a few years sober (seven, in fact), I find AA is less about not drinking and more looking more deeply into myself. I have found new friends and perhaps a new way of life.
Frankly, I don’t care whether you think AA is a cult or it isn’t a cult. It’s helped me and millions of others. And it will continue to do so.
Oh, and if any of you reading this are confused about going to AA or not going to AA, can I suggest you hit up a meeting? If you don’t like, you are free to go out and drink or never drink again. Most people in AA care about one thing firstly and foremostly- themselves.
God after reading this i feel worse than when i started
Bottom line is i cant stop drinking for more than a couple of days on my own
I have an addictive nature, as in if it feels good, i dont want to stop
its not just alcohol, although that is probably the most damaging substance ive had trouble with. My brain chemistry not right, i now that
Im a perfectionist also and can easily fuck myself up just reading something like this and then fear i havent found the ” right ” answer to my problems
so i may as well get drunk and fuck everything
All or nothing thinking, its a bitch isnt it
I have also tried many avenues, counselling, medication, self help books etc
bottom line is I CANNOT stay away from booze for more than a few days
and when i drink, i can never ever just have ” one or two ”
i have to go all the way, regardless if i have to work the next day, etc
AA is the only thing that actually stopped me drinking for any length of time
so i find myself here again, on the verge of going back to the rooms
Because im desperate, having made a big fuck up of my life AGAIN
i hope i can keep it simple this time, and stop analyzing the fuck out of it all the time, which has never helped me.
God bless all
Of course it is a cult; a vicious, nasty, fascistic one at that. I have seen people reduced to shells of who they should be by mind control tactics in AA. I spent three mind raping years in that thing and to even think of it makes my blood boil.
And yes, I am still sober, and happy too – happier than I ever was when following the dogma of a fan of Hitlar, big F Buchaman.
Wow where to begin!
Everyone loves the polarities don’t they? Either in or out, right or wrong – but life is so grey. As Pirsig said `the top of the mountain defines the sides, and the sides support the top’. So many paths to the same summit! Life is interesting due to such diversity, yet we all share such simliar themes within our lives – the desire to stop drinking is one of them. Yes AA was developed in the West in a time of more prevalence of orthodox Christian/Catholic/…. religion. Here there is a belief of a God separate to oneself and hence the `handing over of power’ is seen as literal. However my AA experiences are shaped to fit my spiritual journey that being of no god that can be spoken of or known per se (the old addage of the `finger that points to the moon is not the moon’). However I have surrendered to trying to master the drink – to reinvent a new harmonious relationship with alcohol, for I have failed to do so and like many dysfunctional relationships simply had to `let it go’. I don’t feel `powerlessness’ in the doing of this but the opposite, in that I had finally stopped deluding myself and regained control of the reins of life — directing my wagon along a more stable path.
Yes I think that AA could be spruced up to accomodate the new evolving attitudes to spirituality that are definately occuring – however it would only be a tweek here and there with the wording, the message would be the same. Please don’t get bogged down in the semantics and fuss over who is right and who is wrong – the bottom line is the desire to stop drinking and yes to live harmonious lives as a result. Arguing is based on the idea that you are right and the other is wrong – trying to convince the other to change their mind. I know it feels `secure’ to seemingly have a silver bullet secret weapon – but the reality of life suggests that rigid belief systems only strengthen the illusory division of the `other’ and as a result create further conflict.
May peace be with you all
intresting
sober and happy do not mix
Hi all,
With reference to the above writers statistics on how many people stay sober in AA.
The AA programme does not work for people who need it, The AA programme does not work for people who want it, The AA programme will only work for people who do it!
If only 5% of the people in AA do it, then only 5% of the people in AA will recover. Seems like a human problem rather than a programme problem. Im still sober using the 12 steps of AA after 6 years. There are many who do not give themselves to the programme and therefore if they are real alcoholics rather than just heavy drinkers its practically impossible for them to stay sober.
I have copied Chapter 5 from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous called
How it Works
David
Sluffing off responsibility? Wrong – obviously you don’t ‘get it’. The purpose of the steps, in particular step 5, is to learn to take responsibility and be accountable for one’s behaviour. ‘We are not responsible for our disease, but we are responsible for our recovery.’
We have learned that the only way for us to recover is through complete abstinence – if I believed in the harm reduction theory, I’d be dead by now. This addict cannot have one of anything…it’s that ‘one’ that will kill me. I stopped getting high at 29 years old, and am celebrating 17 years in 3 days. I got clean and have stayed clean as a result of coming to and staying in Narcotics Anonymous. Drugs are a very small part of my problem…that’s why I keep coming back, and want to help others.
I don’t share about my religion in meetings, but just for the record, I’m Wiccan. Nobody tells me I can’t be, and I don’t force my beliefs on anyone either. And, I don’t let anyone force their religion on me.
For me, the real deal about being a member of NA is I talk to other people who have experienced the same horror that I did, and understand why I think the way I do, feel the way I do, and behave the way I do. We understand each other and I trust recovering addicts, who are working a program, to continually help me.
Even after 17 years of staying clean, I know that if I try to fool myself into thinking that I can have now have ‘one’, I’m doomed…something happens to me when I take a drug, any drug, including alcohol. I want more. Nothing and nobody matters, not even me.
And, of course there isn’t a whole lot of reference to drugs in the twelve steps of Narcotics Anonymous, because drugs aren’t the problem – they were the solution…..
I am a member of Alcoholics Anonymous…
I absolutely think everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but I do have to point out that there are quite a few misconceptions mentioned in the article…
1) Of the first 100 members that wrote the book Alcoholics Anonymous, quite a few were not religious at all….as it states, you pick your own conception of God, and in the chapter written to agnostics, it mentions over and over that many of us do not like religious view (myself included). If you’re going to a meeting where they talk about religion, that is not AA. Religion has NO PLACE in AA. Our personal beliefs are our own to have, and if someone tells you otherwise, find another meeting, because they’re full of sh*t.
2) Second, abstinence is required for an AA alcoholic. What that means is, read the book, if you identify, chances are you’re the AA alcoholic, and your illness is progressive. Those of us that have relapsed and gone back and actually worked the steps, and continue to live the program in our daily lives have proven that to ourselves. We have no desire to prove it to anyone else. If something else works for you, GREAT! This is what worked for me. It doesn’t make it wrong because it doesn’t work for you, and what you do is not wrong because it didn’t work for me.
3) It mentions that estimates are that only 5% that attend meetings remain sober. Well, yeah, if all they’re doing is going to meetings, the chances are VERY VERY VERY high that they will relapse. AA is not meetings. AA is the twelve steps. Meetings are our place to gather and share experience, strength, and hope. We help each other.
Which brings me to an important point…. AA is not therapy. I live in Austin, Texas and I will say this…MANY meetings have turned into therapy driven, sob fests of “poor me.” THAT is not AA. AA is the book of Alcoholics Anonymous, and if you show up to a meeting and they bring up a topic without reading that book first…WALK OUT!
4) BIG ONE!! AA DOES NOT HAND OVER THE RESPONSIBILITY OF OUR PROBLEMS TO A HIGHER POWER!!!! Quite the opposite….as the article listed….in the steps….Step 4: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of our wrongs.” and step 5 “Admitted to God, ourselves, and another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.” <—-That step right there, is where we begin to TAKE responsibility for the problems we have created in our own lives. After years of blaming others, this is where we begin to take responsibility for our own actions. Anyone who says responsibility goes elsewhere is not helping you. FInd a new meeting and another sponsor.
5) The reason you have to go back to one after you relapse, is cause…well…you obviously didn’t believe in your innermost core you were powerless over alcohol and thought you could control it. I’ve been there, most alcoholics have. That’s why they call bottoms bottoms. You have to come to the point where you realize you’re powerless and usually that doesn’t come until unmanagability comes. And also….the definition of unmanagability is different for each of us.
Don’t take my word for it…the BEST way to find out what the program of AA is about is not to go to a meeting, it’s reading the book. Meetings are WONDERFUL, but they are full of people’s opinions. We’re human, we’re not perfect. You take it all with a grain of salt, then when you have questions, you see how it relates to the book.
If you are having problems stopping drinking…or staying stopped, my only advice is to keep searching for an answer. If you are desperate enough, you will try anything. So if you try AA and it doesn’t work, keep searching. Don’t give up. It is absolutely possible to rise from the dead and live again.
me and my wife are now in drug court and are in family drug court together we both have history of using meth and we have five kids and we quit by our selfs for two years and just now in sep, we relasped and lost our kids to defacs and we have five kids and we both are christian raised and belive in god and me and her both have two say the twelve steps work and we are doing good and are doing better and been clean now for thirty days and we plan on being that way for the rest of our lives and we ask for your prayers and in six months we get our kids back and now we are looking at new house to bye and we thank our god and the peoplein our aa and na groups for it works for us thanks for listening and reading god bless.
Hi you all,
I have just spent the afternoon reading all of the above and found it most interesting. I think it’s obvious that you have to find what is right for you. I have just admitted today to my dearest loving wife that I do indeed have a drink problem that is getting progressively worse. I am not at the stage where I need a drink everyday but it has taken over my free time and therefore interfering with normal family life which they certainly DO NOT deserve. To be honest I don’t know how she has put up with me this long!
My point is that I am greatful to you all for writing and expressing your views and it has given me food for thought as well as frightening the daylights out of me! (Where do I begin?) I don’t think I could do the meeting thing at least not yet so I think I will try some of the stuff mentioned above to see how it goes.
So thanks for that and I hope you all find what you need at the end of the day.
Cheers,
Tom.
[...] AA has a success rate of only 5%. NICE would not approve a drug that worked in only five per cent of patients. It gets even worse [...]
Hello everyone,
I have had a substance, and more recently, alcohol abuse problem for more than 20 years, although I had a 10 year period during my thirties when I thought all that stuff was behind me and I lived a normal life.
I have been to several rehabs, counsellors, psychologists etc. but always in the end they all had one recommendation only – the only way is the AA/NA way!
As I am an intelligent, highly educated, motivated atheist, I have always had huge problems with accepting the AA program and its (to me, incoherent, rigid) tenets. I always feel intensely uncomfortable in meetings due their cult aspect and the associated rituals and ceremonies (serenity prayer etc) and being made to feel that if I question anything it must be a symptom of my “illness”
Having said that I do recognise the positive aspects of AA as a mutual support group of people who have had many similar experiences.
It has been a revelation to me to read this thread and the many thoughtful contributions from AA dissenters like me. Thanks everyone.
Can anyone tell me if there are such things as RR meetings? Or is this perhaps a contradiction in turns i.e in RR one is supposed to do it on one’s own?
I live in SE England. Anyone else out there ina similar position would like to chat?
Hello to each person who has an addiction. I was thinking about going to aa but not anymore after reading all of this. I started drinking two years ago and reached rock bottom last night when I threw my two beautiful daughters out of their home. Worst thing is, it was my birthday. One never to forget.
I dont ever want to put them through that ever again and today even the thought of drink makes me feel sick. I’ve decided to go it alone. I firmly believe that if you truly want something you can achieve anything.
Reading all these thoughts has given me the boost I needed to kickstart my life again. Just knowing this site is here is a comfort.
Thankyou.
Such a lot has been written on this site about AA, and a lot of it negative. Seems to me there are 2 types of contributors, the first from people who sound like their in denial and the second by people who have never set foot in an AA meeting or ever read the Big Book! Lots of opinions and lots of rubbish has been written. I will keep it simple. I went into my first AA room almost 20 years ago because I couldn’t stop drinking and desperately wanted to. Since that first meeting, a day at a time, I haven’t needed to drink. I am happy and have a wonderful life. I have lived through many experiences in all these years, surviving cancer being the last major experience. I am agnostic and have no interest in God. I think AA is a wonderful place to get sober. And to start enjoying life once again. I am one happy customer and would recommend the AA way of life to anyone with a drink problem. And remember, the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. Some people have written nasty comments about people who attend AA. There are nasty people everywhere and you will find them in AA. I found loads in pubs when I drank! I personally couldn’t get sober alone, i tried for many years and failed. I had never belonged to a group in my life before going to AA and have to say it never appealed to join a group. Until i hit bottom and I would have joined any group in order to have my life back and quit drinking. AA works, plain and simple. People keep saying 5% success rate. Well someone give me higher success rates with other organisations? They can’t cos theres no other place that publishes success rates is there! I am pleased to say I am one of those 5%. Because I wanted sobriety. So all you knockers of AA continue to drink until your beaten and then maybe you can surrender and find sobriety and some peace in your life. Thanx Tricia
Wow! This is truly amazing stuff. I have never written about my sober life in any forum or discussed my 21+ years sober with someone who was not sober or thinking about getting sober. I guest today is the day.
I drank and used anything that changed how I felt. As an untreated alcoholic, I have an obsession of the mind. I am uncomfortable most of the time and looking for anything to devert my mind away from unwanted memories. I turn to booze, drugs, sex, food, money – you name it – anything to change how I feel. The problem is with alcohol, once I put it into my body it sets off a trigger. I cannot predict what will happen. Sometimes I only have two – but mostly, I go until something stops me – no money, jail, accidents, painful social situations. It was a real problem that affected everyone I came in contact with.
I tried many things to stop. Like the people who have written on this page, nothing worked. I see people talking about their issues with AA. That’s OK, alcohol is the great humbler. It knows no bounds. And it is patient.
I crawled into AA. All other avenues were gone. All family members were gone. All other program that gave me “my control over my addition” were gone. No one was there. No one.
Only AA was there. People with real, long term sobriety. No one “checked me in” to AA. There was no credit check, insurance cards, nurses, leaders, no dues or fees, no one told me to leave. They only asked me to keep coming back.
So, for 21+ years, I’ve worked the steps. I have sponsored many men. I have a sponsor who has 35 years. A very good man who has saved my life more times than I can count. I run a men’s AA retreat in Santa Barbara and for the last 10 years over 500 sober men have returned to their families better for the experience. They found a solution. I have found a home where no other existed.
AA saved my life. I owe. I owe big time.
Should you want some help, you are welcome to come to the Laguna Beach Canyon Club 7 AM meeting. Seven days a week. Over 150 people meet every morning helping each other to stay sober – one day at a time.
May God do for you what you can not do for yourself.
I must say I find the levels of aggression which some people exhibit towards AA pretty baffling. It is a wonderful, non-prescriptive organisation which saves lives! Some people will immediately query the description “non-prescriptive” and point to the fact that there are definitely “rules” which need to be followed if you are to fully pursue the AA program in recovery. But the use of the word “rules” would be misleading There are principles and practices which you can choose to accept or not. It’s up to you. I have never been to an AA meeting which required anything of anyone. Even in meetings where it is the practice to go round the group introducing yourself by your first name, the option of “passing” is always made explicit. If it were not, I would walk out! Likewise, you don’t have to get a sponsor, or engage with the 12 steps at all if you don’t want to. NO ONE WHO IS PROPERLY PRACTICING AA WILL MAKE YOU DO ANYTHING – IF THEY DO (AND I FOR ONE HAVE NEVER EXPERIENCED THIS), YOU CAN JUST TELL THEM TO GET LOST. Of course, it is not for everyone and of course there will be people in AA, as in all areas of life, who may be unpleasant or foolish. But as long as you are capable of taking responsibility for your life, it can really work and you should give it a try. The simple fact of mutual identification and support alone is very helpful. If you find the spiritual aspect of AA threatening, then perhaps it is not for you, but I would still recommend giving it a try, to see what you can get out of it. I found the spiritual aspect alarming to begin with, but once I realised no one was going to make me do anything I was uncomfortable with, I relaxed and just went to meetings – and it really helped me. Call me an indoctrinated cult member if it makes you feel better, but in my view this is a genuine (and very precious) example of an organisation which is non-religious, but opens spritual possibilities for people. If they choose to take up those possibilities and find that rewarding, great. If not, but they still get something out of the program, such as support and identification, that is great too. If the program simply does not work for people then they can (and frequently do) leave. So what’s the big problem?! Honestly, the polemical nonsense that gets written about it being a kind of cult all just smacks of – as a previous poster has said – either denial or plain ignorance of what AA is actually like.
it is very hard to beat nasty drinking habit alone.But… I do not believe that Alcoholic Anonymous is really that anonymous, …if you have kids -than there is record and you will loose your child- and what can be worse than that…
AA is not suitable for everyone. Lonley vunerable women I know have been used and abused in AA by so called long time sober members. I have a brother and sister in AA and it has worked wonders for them. Could it be that it suits certain personality types and not others ? In Ireland AA has become a dumping ground for the mental health services. I have been to AA and did the steps many times with different sponsers. They told me I was sick. I finally went for intensive counselling because of my life experiences which were horrifying and I was told by a psychologist that I wasn’t sick, she said there was nothing wrong with me. I got sick in AA listening to sick people who thought of themselves as preachers and teachers because they were ‘sober’ longer than me. That is my honest experience.
I beleive that self help groups work! If people have a common problem then self help groups are set up inorder to give support advice and suggestions. take Weight watchers or slimming world for example and the NHS quit smoking groups. Ther is evidence to suggest taht group therapies work also
I went to AA for 3 years i got sober and my life was good…however, i was lacking in confidence and was manipulated into stopping medications in order to ‘get a better connection with a higher power’….( I dont beleive in god)..and so i did..more fool me.
I was still very vulnerable and impressionalbe..after all who wouldnt be surrounded by long term sobriety!…however it went very badly wrong and as i fell into deep debilatinaitng depression I was told to ‘get on my knees and pray’….to ‘hand it over’ and to attend more meetings…
I did as i was told…..i finally became suicidal and was told to pull myself together.
My husband finally decided enough was enough and i stopped attending AA and went to the doctors who have now helped me through.
that was over five years ago, im still sober and im still happy. I do not attend AA anymore, i dont miss it.
I do have a strong social network of freinds who know that i am alcoholic, i dont have to attend a meeting weekly to discuss the miseries of every day life with people i dont really know.
I beleive that you create your own reality and for me im creating one in which alcohol has no importantce…..
i have passion and drive and zest for life and will continue to help others with addictions problems….
I advocate AA for those in early recovery, however i would add a warning…
be careful…..
in the mean time i will be looking at creating alternative groups. I happen to think that the reason AA is so successful is that it has been around for a verrrry long time (1930) it is a common problem and the routine and steps give people some structure…..its also self supporting, and not governed…it attracts rich and poor….there are no boundaries!
If the government were to try and copy that they would probalby really make one hellofa hash of it!
So keep working what works for you…if AA works well done..but pelase please do reaslise its not the be all and end all……
there are alternatives and in my opinion in this modern cosmopolitan society we need as much diverstiy as possible
many thanks K
I completely agree and accept that AA is not for everyone. Also, it is not the be all and end all. There are infinite paths that can be taken in this life, and there is no one who can judge which is right for you except yourself; this is only one possibility; but for many hopeless drunks it has proven to be a good one.
AA had a 75% recovery rate in its early years, it has since opened its doors to the masses and as a result of raising the bottom, it has diluted its effectiveness in my opinion because many people who come choose to stop coming and therefore start drinking again. My closing comment is that the fellowship be there when they really mean business.
You sound like a typical brainwashed dogmatic AA member.
If you research the history… AA NEVER had a 75% success rate, Bill W said ‘we had to cull over hundreds of those drunks to get anyone to take the bait’ in the early days. AA has never even claimed such a rate (they have admitted it’s 5%)
I am weaning off AA after 2 1/2 years- still sober. I have met more people who have tried to bleed me, control me and manipulate me then who have tried to help.
And yes… I do ‘really’ want sobriety.. that’s why I’ve stayed sober.
AA as an organisation refuses to be accountable for the deviance and exploitation within- attacking it’s valid critics instead. This seems to be the response of both the organisation and it’s individual members.
And the steps.. they make u feel worse- that’s my honest true experience.
David with respect, your comment ‘it has diluted its effectiveness in my opinion because many people who come choose to stop coming and therefore start drinking again.’ is a generalised and sweeping comment. How do you KNOW that people who leave AA start drinking again?..there is no empiricle evidence to suggest that is true. After all the last five years of my life without AA has been fantastic!
Research into the workings of AA is also precarious as it is an anonymous fellowship. There is little reliable research to back up the effectiveness of AA.
Most of the research is conducted in the USA and is filtered to the UK. The difference between how meetings are conducted is huge. the 12 steps are misinterpreted and abused in many ways by many people…THAT is what is watering the message and philosophy down…..
Regards Kenni
The best advice I heard was
“…..forget what anyone is saying or what you might have heard about AA, give it three weeks and if it is not for you then you can have your misery back free and without charge.”
I followed that advice and have been sober for 11 years.