Am I an Alcoholic ?
Most people who are drinking too much, in whatever way, will occasionally ask themselves the question – am I an alcoholic?
It’s a scary question to ask yourself, but as with most things the answer will not be a black or white,
“yes you’re an alcoholic” or
“no you’re not”,
but a shade of grey somewhere in between.
What sort of alcoholic are you?
Binge Drinker
- Irregular over-drinking,
- Monster hangovers,
- Doing embarrassing things you regret,
- Alienating your friends,
- Accidents,
- Days off work,
- Mood swings…
If this sounds like you, then get some help here.
Heavy Drinker
- Very difficult to have a day without alcohol,
- Can’t sleep without drink,
- Drinking alone,
- Guilt,
- Cravings,
- Can’t concentrate,
- Low energy,
- Depression…
Or if this sounds more like you, then contact us here.
Dependent Drinker
- Physical withdrawal,
- Drinking from early in the day, every day,
- Isolation,
- Poor health,
- Unstable work,
- Relationships failing,
- Feeling hopeless & ashamed…
If however, this is who you are, then to start with you’re going to need some medical help to detox your liver – go and see your Doctor, then get in touch with us.
You might be wondering, more simply, how can I stop drinking alcohol? But of course it’s never as simple as that. You’ll need plenty of support, and some clear goals, plus some in-depth understanding of how your own particular addiction works. That’s what online counselling will do for you. Try one session at least, and you’ll see how it can help.
If you do nothing about your problems, then nothing will change.
I need to stop, full stop. have rung aa today and was told to attend a meeting tmw night. dont know if ill go. ive drunk for 33 years and only arrested once (dr 10 drink drive). have drunk enough in those 33 years to last any man a life time. good mate tells me i have a self distruct button. i do and its not a button its a lever- it has a greese nipple- the greese is booze.
went to workds do. made an idiot out of myself. did something terrible…. dont know what it was but feel the guilt and the shame. it may come back to me, it may not, either way i know i did something. new by the way collagues treated me next morning- working else where now. someone may ring and tell me. Can cope but MUST give up booze as its causing me to cock up.
Tanya- your story nearly made me cry. You are in a very difficult situation and i feel very sorry for you. Your Mother loves you im sure. If she read what you wrote i know she would cry. Advice from an alcoholic like me is prob not what you need but here goes anyway. You need to try again. take your mother out for a coffee and you buy. sit her down and talk to her. you need to let her know how you feel. try to put aside your dislike for mums boyfriend and explain about his drinking and your mothers and your concern about it. Calm and rational discussion. talk to her. She may stay with him but so what. so long as you dont suffer and your mother dosnt continue to drink to excess then so what. i know this is harsh but your 16. you can move out! dont, your too young but in a couple of years you’ll be 18 and could go to college or work or whatever. talk to your mother again and make her aware fully of your justifable concerns.
Good luck
I am 53 year old single woman and still drinking. My alcohol dependency has cost me jobs in the past and also my family. I have practically no contact with any of my children or grandchildren which I bitterly regret. I dont drink all the time but I go on binges where I seem to have the need to consume as much alcohol as is humanly possible. I just wish that I knew what the trigger was so I could press the off button and then I would feel better about myself,
Sometimes life seems just so awful I just want to shut everyone out. I don’t know why I get so unhappy but its nice to know that I am not alone with my demons.
Im 26.. ive been abusing alcohol since i moved out of home at 15. Im a comedy performer who does shows at bars some weekends. I drink when i go out because im afraid of people when im sober. I have anxiety, it seems to help mask that fear. It ‘Helps’ me get on stage infront of people, although i think id be a better performer without it. Its not affecting my health as far as i know.. because its not every week.. (It used to be though). When i was 18 i was binge drinking every thurs, fri, sat.. Now i can only drink the once on a fri or saturday night because the hangovers and guilty feelings are lasting longer and longer. I find i lose my memory no matter what amount i drink.
My relationships have suffered because of this, My current partner and previous partners have asked me to stop getting drunk because i get moody, abusive and violent. I get angry because i feel like i can control it on my own and ive been in denial. I binge drink.. or i have a few and get violent and aggressive towards partners as a result. Any amount of alcohol makes me moody and it doesnt seem like it but any small thing can trigger an outburst of scary physical strength. I yell a lot when i go off, i throw things, i wont let my partner escape me until she agrees with me.. Its so bad. Im usually a lovely person who wouldnt hurt a fly.. It makes me think about killing myself in turn because i dont want to be like this. Ive broken so many things, including my past relationships. Ive lost my licence twice over alcohol (1st time when i was 15 and on my leraners permit). This is ruining my life.
I use alcohol to manage anxiety too, especially when I go to dances and parties – I feel like it helps make things flow easier. I am actually going to school to become a psychologist, I am so disciplined when it comes to everything else except alcohol! I binge about two to four times a month, I’m 30 now and been doing it since I was 14. My last binge was on Saturday and I am just starting feel a little bit normal, but this is the first time I have been scared enough to acknowledge that I have a problem and reach out. I wish you luck and relate to so much of what you shared.
Hi all.
i am moved and saddened by all the stories here. my wife has just this evening told me we are getting divorced. my heavy drinking is the sole cause. even though i make excuses, i know deep down the truth. this has shocked me into sobriety, but for how long? she is everything to me. booze will always be there but she won’t. how can i not see this? it’s a no-brainer but i am still looking at when i am not hungover so i can have a beer to mourn the loss of my marriage. if i could cut down to a sensible amount but i can’t. if i could stop for more than one day, but i can’t. i can no longer drink responsibly and i need her support now more than ever. we fight, i drink. i drink, we fight. we’re happy, i drink. you name it, i have a reason for drinking.
i am an alcoholic.
i have known this for many years but this is the first time i have really admitted it and it’s an awful feeling.
Hi , my names Rob , two years ago I met and in turn fell in love with a wonderful woman called Suzanne . However I noticed that she always drank , at first i didnt think too much of it as i occassionally liked a sesh . Gradually it became a real problem , massive mood swinds , aggression , unreasonable behaviour , “Mr hyde “. I tried evrything , rationalising , promoting counselling , good cop , bad cop but still i get let down . With her its not so much the amount she drinks but the way it changes her . I left her for 4 months despite still loving her , she pleaded with me to start over , I gave her my heart again , 4 weeks later im back in the same boat . Now i feel like im the insane one , a control freak . So to anybody who’s listening , I love this girl with all my heart , but i am leaving her forever because i am now numb and sapped of all energy. I will never return because I cant trust her with my heart again . I would rather be alone and unhappy in love than in love and unhappy with someone with a drink problem . It boiled down to loosing me or the drink .. the drink won .. it always does . I hate it so much .. happy Christmas and new year .. another excuse to drink .. love ya all Rob x
Hi Rob,
After reading your story i couldn’t help but cry! You see i am in the same possition myself however i am that girl you were talking about. I’ve had so many problems all the way through my life and after following in the same footsteps of my Dadz alcoholism, violent behavour and rebelness. i drink everyday. Two years ago i met my boyfriend and we were drinking every week end and got bloody smashed. It was great at first however i carried it on through the week, through the night and straight away in the morning. I needed something to make me forget what was happening at home forget my past and what happened when i was younger. Basically my parents fucked me up. It has caused my and my boyfriend to break up, get aggressive (badly) but every morning whether it was his or my fault we always said sorry. We’ve done so many bad things to eachother and i regret it every single day If im sobor. Im concerned that you ex girl friend has problems of her own and just needs to hide behind somthing like drink. Please dnt take my reply the wrong way but you have opened my eyes to alot just by reading that!! Im sorry for what you have been through and i admire you for putting up with it and i hope you find another girl who you love more than you ex, i just want you to know there isnt a moment that i am sobor im not sorry for that. I havnt drank since the new year and i am back with my boyfriend i am i willing to make the effort however, ive taken it to the next level before and drank 4 bottles of wine (atleast a day) And im only 20 on the 6th of January! so i need medical help to to this. But you have encouraged me to be possitive so for this im am so so thankful!!
Drinking, in any abusive way is really a bad thing. Worst, it seems that it is very difficult if not impossible to have control over how much is enough, once we have fallen into one or several different traps of alcoholism. To all of us concerned the wisest and safest option is to quit drinking. For those indirectly affected, it is better to address the problem with the person with alcohol problem, remember to be very diplomatic and patient as they are in need of your help. I personnally have decided to quit and I really hope I will have enough will power to do so this time, as I tried and failed to stick to the correct decision in the past. Our body is a holy temple and we should take care of it every moment in life. We are extremely lucky to be born as human beings and as such we ought to nurture a constant love of our beauty. Good luck to everyone.
ive been drinking on and off for yrs,but recently some shit happnd at work? i got of something,which i knw i didnt do.the stress from that accusation has made drink nearly everyday for 2 months!! i even started something new,drinking before and sometimes during work!! this weekend was very heavy for me and woke up this morning feeling horrendous.i walked into work,went to the boss and broke down and told him im an alcoholic!!! ive never heard myself say that? i was shaking and trembling and so upset.iwent to the docs and told him everything.he gave strong vits and min,and librium to calm me down.i came home and told some of my family.they we knw,we just wanted you to finally reaslise it? ive got liver test tomorow.the dr is making an appointment for a good councillor.well i never wanted to say the alcoholic namw to myself,coz its so final. well here goes,1st day of my new life tomorow.
These posts are useful. I am getting the picture now, regarding myself, based on the other posts: (1) I will not be able to control the intake. (2) The boozing will get worse for me in future (3) it is an addiction and has nothing to do with an ”addictive personality”’. (4) I do have a drinking problem (am a so-called “heavy drinker”).
Alright then, today I will be ordering Carr’s book about quitting drinking. Its as simple as that – there is no other feasible option for me. I am just angry that I turned a perfectly pleasant pastime of having an occasional drink, into a problem, and as a result of this, I am going to have to forfeit that original pleasant pastime.
I am writing this in the fond hope that what i say will help all of you that have or think you have a drink problem.
I’m 38 years old and started drinking when i was 15. I would go for a game of tennis with my friends then end up having 1 or 2 cans of lager. As i got older the drinking got worse and by the time i was 18 i was out every night and drunk every night. I knew i had a problem even from that early age but as we all know you kind of go into denial thinking that you will be able to give up if you really try. When i was 21 I went to work as a holiday representative and god this was a big big mistake i worked abroad for 8 years and because i was a rep all my drinks were free i thought i was in heaven but always in the back of my mind i knew what i was doing was very wrong and i knew that i was in trouble. God knows how i managed to conceal it i would keep a lemonade bottle full of vodka in my work bag and just add it to my coffee so no one would know that i was topping myself up. I became so ill while i was abroad i honestly thought i was going mad in the end having had some sort of breakdown the company i worked for flew me home as i was acting like a total lunatic. When i arrived home my parents tried to stop me drinking but they couldn’t and i couldn’t stop drinking i couldn’t cope with the withdrawel symptoms. I tried many times to go cold turkey but would always give up after 2-3 days. I then managed to get myself a job as airline cabin crew and you would have thought i would have known better I don’t know how i got the job because i was half drunk when i went to the interview. Whilst i was working for the airline i am very embarrassed to say i used to steal the alcohol from the trolley’s because i could not afford to buy it as my parents had thrown me out and i was living in a grotty little bedsit and needed all my wages to pay for my little drinking hole. I never got caught stealing from the airline but was sacked for being drunk on duty and i absolutely loved that job. by the time I was 25 i was a complete wreck i had no friends and i couldn’t form any relationships because i was a complete and utter obnoxious man. My family disowned me and i had hit rock bottom living on my own drinking myself stupid not eating and not socialising. I attempted suicide 3 times but would then check myself into hospital and tell them what i did. Nobody could control me i was in and out of hospital back and for to my gp who would give me diazapam to control withdrawel symptoms but i would only mix them with alcohol to get a better high. I come from a very well respected family and hated the fact that i had let them all down. I then started to steal alcohol from supermarkets and sometimes would get away with it and sometimes get caught i then became known to the police who treated me like the local pain in the butt. I eventually landed myself in prison for mugging someone for money to buy the booze which now to this day I hate myself for that and the prison managed to dry me out and when i came out i felt like a new man. About 3 days of coming out of prison i fell into a false sense of security and thought that one drink would not matter and of course i was off again and before long i had hit rock bottom again back to the stealing the horrible withdrawel symptoms in and out of rehab in trouble with the police more attempts on my life etc etc. I moved away because i thought that it would make me better a new start would be good but of course the problem just follows you where ever you go. I tried AA but that didn’t work for me but have seen it work for others so please dont be put off by AA. I kept trying and trying to give up alcohol and eventually something happened inside of me and I stopped and I stayed stopped and now 6 years down the line I am still sober please don’t ask me what happened because I don’t know i think it must have been my sincere determination to stop. I completely did in on my own without any support or help and believe if you have the determination and self will you can do it. I am now 38 years old I am married have a great job and nice home and in good health (god only knows how i never runined my liver or other organs) i go on holiday twice a year and life is good so i guess what i’m trying to say to you all there is light at the end of the tunnel and you will find a way to stop if you really want to. I look back on the bad old days because believe me they were not good and sometimes i could cry when i think exactly how bad I was and what i put my family and friends through and i thank whoever or whatever made me give up everyday for making me well. There is hope for everyone so please never give up giving up because one day you will. I hope that this is of some benefit to some people sobriety is wonderful and long may it last.
goodluck to you mate.
great post..I to am 38 years old and have started my own “program” to quit. Good luck to you.
Iam a 41 year old indian asian woman who has problems with alcohol. cant stop , am at work and have been heavy drinking fir 6 days help me stop!!!!!
im 26 have been living with my partner for 2 years & have been with each other sixi..we have 2 beautiful kids who we both adore but my partner is controlled by drink..i have threw him out loads of times then he promises to go off it & change for the sake of our relationship & the kids,this change could last a day,a week or a fortnight but always rnds up in him throwin everything up in the air & turning to drink..the last time he was drinking he became soo aggressive & angry that he became violent towards me infront of of the kids..wen he sobered up he promised to change & never touch another drink but sure as per usual he went drinking today..hes tried aa & tried the tablets libium that the doc gives ya but none of this is helping,i love him with all my heart & the kids adore him but i dont think i can put up with this much longer..there must b more to life than living with an alcoholic..any1 any suggestions..
hi, being reading your comments, a couple of years ago I met my x whom I fell madly in love with, at 45 i never thought it could happen again, we were so close, it didnt take long until i relized he had a drinking problem, i tried everything split up got back together, then last year he beat me bad during a blackout, i have never been a drinker and could not understand this, however i stood by him, much to my familys horror. but his behaviour became totally insane, i eventually split a few months agom i still love him so much and think of him every minute of the day, i have changed my phone numbers so i havent heard from him, i feel so sad that i was also powerless over his alcohol problem, i pray for him always.
In a way it was good to read this lot. To hear so many other people who feel powerless, who know they have a problem they can’t seem to beat at least makes me feel I’m not the only failure around – no offence to you. I have been drinking since my teens and I’m now 45. I don’t drink in the day, but I honestly could not tell you the last time I went a day without alcohol. I can keep it quite well hidden I think, but I tend to drink much more when I’m home alone, which is about 4 nights a week since my wife and I split last year. But then even when she was here I would drink loads after she’d gone to bed. Red wine is my poison. If I have a beer or two I don’t want any more beer, but I find myself wanting to move onto the red wine and once I do it slips down far too easily. I like myself better when i’ve had a couple of glasses of wine. I sit here now at 6 in the evening with a dull headache and I know if i go pour myself a glass of wine I will feel better, but then I’ll have another one and so on. i’ll tell myself that i’m having a laugh – although the evening will slip by very quickly in a blur and i won’t achieve anything i can remember. I probably drink 1-2 bottles of wine every night. One night a week I go out and drive. Even then I have a glass before I leave – to take the edge off – and then I get through the evening knowing I can have some more when I get home. I get home about 11 and tell myself i’ll just have one to unwind, but then polish off a bottle in about an hour. In teh daytime I am exhausted and depressed most of the time until I have a drink and then I come to life. I am struggling to kep my job though cos I’m so tired and I can’t concentrate all the time. I have a new partner, but I think she’s starting to suspect all is not right cos if she rings late at night i’m like a different person. I rang the AA a few weeks ago, but i can’t face going to a meeting in case I see someone I know, or i’ll have to lie to people about where i’ve been and then it might all come out in the open and i’ll be ashamed. I don’t know what to do – I feel lost.
alrite mate hope your doing o.k im in the same boat as you but i try hide my drinking from my partner who is my ex after 7year cos she found me drink to much.i wanna kick this shit so much and carry on with my live.your not alone mate as a friend im hear for you and so are other people
i too drink a bottle of wine every night, i feel frustrated if i dont have it and cant sleep, the sad thing about all this i feel as though i am following in my best friends footsteps, she got depressed and started drinking a bottle a night, this gradually progressed to where she was drinking day and night, she sadly died of liver disease two months ago, she had only been drnking for two years, before that she was tee total, the greif has made me want to drink more.
im 33 year old whos drinking is controling my life i just want to stop im not sleeping even tho im shatterd.ive always loved a drink but i drink till i black out i dont even remember getting home sum nights.i have stole money to buy drink i have just recently split with my partner after 7 years so ive been caining even more im not scared ov not ever drinking again im moore scared of losing my family ive got 3 gorgouse girls im scared the booze is gunnna kill me 1 day
I share your pain Nick, I have lost it all, dignity, love and to an extend my family. I have been taken to court for maintenance for my kids, i love them but I realize that I’m an alcoholic if I can’t love them more than booze. At times I feel like just dying and then wake up to be stronger than I am today. I have changed a lot, used sympathy to get out of troubled caused while I was drunk. I have nothing in my name not even the one thing that God blessed me with,my kids. I sometimes cry when I think of all I’ve done to hurt people who really love me for who I am not what I can be. I guess I’m depressed I can beat this if only I can resist the thought of going to a bottle store every time I have money. I stole to have money, it all start well with a good plan but it end up bad because of my drinking. Why can’t I beat something that is so simply and easy for other people. Why can’t I be that strong to control it?is it because I’m depressed? I guess I need to drop everything and focus on me stopping to drink “not to reduce but to stop completely”.I hope on e day I will beat this, it’s scary but I will make it I guess one day. I have been out of control for too long to lie and manipulate people around me. I’m strong if I’m sober. FUCK IT I’M QUITING.What is the point of working but being so unhappy everyday of your life. I guess I will fail rather than quite. I remember when my kids used to wait for me at night from work, the praises, the love. i will not fucken loose this battle.
look i need help or ill die but your web site aint no help but if i was on drugs ill get help tomorrow so never mind why waste my time
I understand your frustration my friend.
I am sitting alone drinking at 2am because I cannot sleep due to overindulging the last 3 days..missed work yesterday and no intention of going in today…I dont feel im an alcoholic but maybe from the external eye..I am??
My marriage is in grave danger because of my husbands drinking habits. For 3 years I have watched this drinking, which seem to have no end. Otherwise we are very happy, but now the end is looming, at least for me.
Usually it starts, when he goes out alone with the boys. Sometimes he goes for shopping, and returns at night in a drunken condition, swaying from one side to another. More than often he is loud, makes noise disturbing neighbours, may even get violent . I really am afraid of him, and told him so, when he leaves and comes back drunk. Sometimes I sleep with my clothes on.
He misses the last train home, and often comes home with a taxi, which we really cannot afford. I always must have money at home.
The result of his drinking – about 2-3 times per week – has led to sleepless nights for me, alienation from my friends, and stress and anxiety. We have discussed all this many many times, yes he always is sorry and will stop, but these are empty words and promises. He claims he is not an alcoholic, but has a problem, yet he does not do anything about it, not even AA meetings, nothing. Now have told him that this is the end, I cannot take it any more. And am waiting. The next step will be divorce.
can anyone offer advice please ?
im an alcholic im 27 yrs old ive been drinking for 8yrs and never tried to stop till i went to aa meetings. i thought they would judge me but they support you and offer as much help as u need. i think yr husband should go and see his doctor and ask for aa meetings in his area it will be difficult the first meeting he goes to but it will be worth it in the end. i was scared to go first meeting but i go every week now i hope this help for you and yr husband
Thankyou Arunas. It helps to know I have the support from friends.
my name is sarah. its 3.20 in the afternoon and im dying of a hangover. i was at a family meal yest and as usual i overdid it on my favorie poison WINE .I made such a twat of myself and ended up upsetting people i love. Im tired of the guilt shame regret and remorse-my business is going to shit ( i run my own pub!) and alcohol has my life spiralling out of control so today ive made an appt with a local support agency in a couple of days so wish me luck! The injuries ive sustained this year alone from drunken falls is endless, broken bones broken nose etc
thank you for all your stories, helps me open up.
I joined a favourite airline 15 years ago, became successful, 2 houses, mercedez sports car…i wanted for nothing.
I met my so called someone special who abused me verbally daily, but after having a physically abusive drunken father this seemed the norm. I began tto drink whilst away from home with the crew to forget, it was steady at first, then a bottle a day. The man i loved, never saw me drunk but would put me down anyway, so i drank more. He then disappears with all our savings with another woman, both of us starting off poor, i worked so hard to better our lives.
The demon drink took over 3 bottles a night, self harm. 5 bottles a night to suicide attempts and being sectioned. I was also arrested for drunk driving, lost my house, i reigned from my job to avoid embarrassment. I dont know where the strength came from to stop…maybe losing everything and nearly my life. 2 weeks sober now, with no help…i feel terrible, but whats the other option, death?? I now loathe alcohol, but thank it for being my only friend when i needed it. There is more to money, prestige and booze. I am now engaged, have 3 rescue dogs…people love the real me, for once with no abuse so do i. Good luck everyone, i feel your pain.
I don’t know how to respond, however I’ve been drinking daily (6 pints a night+) since I was 18. I’ve been on antidepressants twice and am now terrified that I may lose my job. They know but don’t say anything as I am the only person who can do the job.
I do have a very good diet, but know that what I am doing will eventually kill me.
I need a advise any kind of input or information: I was in commited relationship for 7 years. 3 Months ago my girlfriend started to act different and broke up 3 days ago me because she wants to be free.
she has been drinking havy for the las 3 years, but overall really always did for as long as 7 years not as much as now. I do not thinks that the alcohol has any thing to do with her decision but is it possible?
She does not like her work or she is tired all the time specially in the las 3 months, I notice wine spell in different places of the house, I can see remorse and guilt at times on her, she is very irritabe. Since always I do give her enough freedom to go to the bar and see her friend.Also it is possible that for the last 5 months he has been mixxing alcohol with depression or panic medication. MY QUESTION. Is it possible that her reason she wanted my out of her life has a little to do with her priority to get alcohol or how alcohol has affectedher. what can I do I want her back
hey cano,
see my following post…hey, are you dating my ex???
sorry poor joke, and this stuff ain’t nothing to joke about.
give her some time, and if you can keep tabs on things from a safe DISTANCE for yourself…do not interfere or get involved unless you absolutely have to. let her make mistakes if she needs to. it might help her to recognise the problem for what it is?
like me I’m sure you will hear some horror stories about what she has been up to or how much fun she is having without you, or about what a muppet she was last night etc. etc. and blah blah blah….but it is all much the same. other people may not recognise the erratic behavior of someone you know so well. but maybe we know different.
first and foremost, get yourself on an even keel. you will be unnatractive to her if you are in some self-pitying rut – and more to the point useless if she really does need your help all of a sudden, you may need to be on form. do not let yourself crash and burn over this. you love her for sure, but these are her issues, not yours. do not let yourself be made a victim, or for her to project those issues onto you.
focus on who you are, what makes you, well, you, and enjoy finding yourself again. this will not be a quick solution to her problems, or yours, in fact it may take you months to get back to being self-confident again after all this.
been there got that t-shirt. its debilitating stuff.
get fit and healthy! if you can, get down the gym a few times a week and work some of this stuff out!
it could be the case, like in mine that being in a healthy domestic environment is simply unappealing to her and that, as you say, being in the bar makes her happier, but it probably won’t in the long run. you can only pretend your problems away for so long.
you sound like a good bloke, and if that’s the case she will maybe realise that you are a safe haven and come back. just don’t bet on it. I don’t know either of you so I just don’t want to make promises I can’t keep. but maybe only let her back in on your terms.
hey one question, did you go to the bar drinking with her sometimes? if so did you condone any unruly behaviour when with? or let her know if she was being a jerk? in my case, it seems her mates think she is well funny, but then they didn’t have to pick her up off the street at the end of every night out while she was slagging me off for it.
be strong.
hi, this has been an inspirational website, so I guess, I’m looking for some advice prior to visiting my doctor/ local help group for some further info. Let me know if after reading the following, that this is an advisable step to take? Or if the scenario rings any bells for you?
I recently broke up with my long term partner who I believe to have an alcohol-related disorder. Rather I should say, she broke up with me as a result of her continual outrageous behaviour in public, open verbal abuse toward me, and the way it all was ruining our relationship. I got a whole tirade of other ‘excuses’ to boot, but I strongly feel there was more to it, as I shall explain:
In terms of abuse, she would get loaded then abuse me claiming I just thought she was a drunk. Other ‘clues’ included drinking until passing out, and then waking up to start drinking again. Loosing any recollection of where she was after drinking heavily, being abusive toward me and having no recollection when sober, picking fights with strangers, and also having severe stomach cramps when sobering up the following day. She also suffers from depressive episodes.
She had claimed that because we no longer got on anymore that this was a contributing factor to her drinking, and that I wasn’t letting her be ‘herself’. But she has always been a heavy drinker, and can’t hold her drink. Yes, she has a right mouth on her, and is a huge extravert, but as far as the rest of the outrageous behaviour is concerned, this is much worse when drinking.
Naturally being concerned that there were deeper underlying problems than simply just not getting on anymore, I spoke to her parents who confided in me that she has always had a problem with drink. She has a volatile relationship with her family, but since moving out has further distanced herself from them, instead getting new drinking buddies, with whom she has a few drinks and then presumably goes to meet other people afterward. I’m guessing she is trying to disguise the problem – is that right?
I have backed out from her life entirely for one simple reason – to let her stand on her own two feet, and to her allow her to make some mistakes.
Having not seen one-another for months, we recently caught up last week, and it goes as follows….she had been out with a friend until four in the morning, and was still drunk, having been at work all day. After dinner with friends we went out for a drink to catch up. It all went well, and I got the feeling she really wanted to get back together, but didn’t know how to approach it. After having about three-four pints that I had seen her drink (on top of what had already been consumed the night before), she came back to my place.
On the way back she started to tell me that I lived near her. In fact on the same street (I still live where we both used to live, she lives on the other side of town). Later into the evening, she started to call me by several different names, was asking if people who don’t live with me were about, and then started to have partial conversations with me about who knows what…talking to me as if I was somebody else with fragments of previous conversations with other people I guess.
Ok, so I figure her problem has gotten worse without me being in her life. She seems to want back into my life, but naturally, I am unsure. Should I suggest that we both enter into some form of counselling to get an impartial opinion? Any advice on the above would be greatly appreciated.
Jesus Christ i think i knead a drink after reading that lol……You Poor sod she sounds like every mans nightmare…..Ok that aside i think we can sadly say she has an addiction to alcohol….As it goes i have seen many woman with booze problems with wat i can only say as parts of wat your girl has…..Is she on any type of drugs….Skunk speed E Coke you no or prescription drugs because she sounds like she has deeper problems than drink but the drink now masks it…..As for you m8 you have to do 1 or 2 things……! 1 is before she drives you nuts as in proper nuts get the hell out of it and slowly find a more un nuttish woman or you stick with her and try to ask her to go to counseling with you……Now that could take her a good month to agree to because well she is a woman end off…Go back and try to talk with her family about counseling and also ask them was she aggressive as a young girl or did it all just happen when she started to drink….I don’t think it did………..I have a 3rd one for you…..Ask admin to take your post off and mine ….Some how sit your girl down in front of the pc when she is ish sober and put this page up and tell her to read and post a small letter or big letter then tell her you are going down the shop for a paper and you will be gone for a good hour and we will see how we go from there…..Its worth a try
hey sean,
thanks for the post, at this stage any advice is most welcome.
hah, yes in some respects, my instincts are telling me to RUUUN FORREST, RUUUUN!!!!
however, that said, yes I am wondering if there are any further deep-seated psychological issues being manifest via the drink…other than those symptoms described above.
don’t know if any unprescribed pharmeceuticals are involved we haven’t seen each other for months.
she did kind of mention some terms and conditions relating to any potential reunion, in that respect I think slowly does it, if at all, and perhaps introduce some of my own, starting with some form of therapy for her, and then see.
when all is said and done, she is a very close friend, and a colleague, and gorgeous, caring etc. but perhaps it should all start with her recognising the problem and doing something about it for herself.
I guess some people’s wounds never heal though.
thanks
I drink about a bottle of wine (750 ml) about 3, 4 sometimes 5 times a week and sometimes cocktails mudslides and pina colada’s and other’s but when I do I usually drink the whole bottle in less than 1 hour am I an alcoholic?
I`ve been drinking since I was 17. Sad thing is I`ve lived a life where I feel I can control it. I don’t drink in the morning, or during the day. But every night after work I drink and am happy to drink alone. I occasionally make a joke to people I work with about drinking at lunchtime to get me through to the end of the day- although I am almost considering it. Thing is I’ve always found a reason “It’s been a bad day”, “I feel a bit low”, “I”ve earned it” but I always convinced myself it was OK, although I now think when that the excuses will stop being at the end of the day… I`m scared I start to find other excuses at lunch, or before work. I survive on my salary, although I think I would have done far more interesting things if I didn’t drink so much – funny how I complain that I never have any money… and yet, I always manage to find money for drink. The clincher came tonight- I had some bad news, I was sat in an empty pub on my own – looked around. all of a sudden the paper I was reading wasn’t as interesting, I couldn’t see a future ahead – and I couldn’t see how I make things better. The news wasn’t major, not life changing and I can/could live with it,it was just a disappointment but it scared me how quickly it encouraged me to sink a few pints of cider (and a vodka). Thing is – where drink used to (I thought) pep me up to face the next day now I feel like I want to get drunk – and stay that way. I see a routine, I work, drink at the end of the day, get back to work and drink again. The plans I had to live a better life take a back seat to “I`ll do it tomorrow when I don’t feel as rough”. I don’t feel ashamed – but I look at myself now, and I`ve become one of those “regulars” I always used to hate when I was a kid.
hi , iv enjoyed and gained strength from reading all your posts some were very sad. i myself drink only once a week now but when i drink i drink till i cant remember what i have done or whom i offended if i offended .i worry myself sick the next couple of days, full of regret. i would say I’m easily influenced and some times i find my self taking drugs while I’m drinking, like not last nite but the nite before I’m told i had 4 ecstasy tablets while i was drunk and i still feel like shit today . the week before i found my self popping 10 Valium 5mg dose per tab while i was drunk but still i only had ten and if i had more i would have taken more. i don’t like taking drugs nore do i want to blame friends for asking me if i want them , i understand its the drink, i have cut back to only drinking once a week but some times its 2 times it depends on my crazy urges .i want to stop but i seem to only stop for 2 0r 3 weeks then i feel i will be able to just have couple then stop and some times i will but if i go past that point i get messy real messy. I’m silly, i know what to do but i just cant seem to stop . i quit smoking for a year now and 2 nights ago i found myself smoking a cigarette while i was intoxicated. dam I’m silly I’m not going to start smoking cause it hurt my lungs, i just wish i could quit drinking like i did with smoking cause i would be such a stronger person. i train 5 days a week so i usually wont drink before or after cause alcohol breaks down muscle, argh so frustrating i just want to stop its making me crazy. I’m 27 and when I’m pissed i act like a bloody 18 yr old , yea i might be fun but i have been charged with dui 3 times in the last year one was over .15 witch was the last one,it was on a push bike, i tried to change my behaviour but im still getting into trouble. i sort of grew up in the bush so iv ridden motor bikes pissed, bush bashed cars pissed, I’m crazy when I’m drunk but i don’t mean to be. i can see one day i might kill some one or myself, and that’s something that i wish not to live with, i mean fuck that the shame on my family! anyway I will start to try my best to beat this insanity find my way back out of this maze, i just wish i could get in a plow and plow a path out of this maze and back to the way i was when i was a child and just enjoy life and the simple things. I’m wishing for that magic kiss like when ya fall down when you were like 5 and ya mum kissed ya palms or knee and said all better now and it was, then ya just ran off and continued to play .maybe if i stop wishing and start believing in myself! i new deep down that i would quit smoking and i did and I’m now starting to think the same with drinking. i will conquer this evil!!!!!!!!!!!!
hi there my names william maloney a stay glasgow and im a ragein alcoholic am always angry and hittin the kids i sum times offten pea the bed my wife hates me always calllsme bold….but thanks to this i no drink i have stopped beatin the kids andthings with my wife r good i sumtimes still pea the bed tho i think this is cos of m y childhood
What to do? I am an alcoholic who hates going to AA and listening to the stale diatribe and indoctrination. I have a terrible time in groups and end up being a pariah.
I have been fighting this sickness since I was 14 and now I’m 47. I go on these awful binges. I have gotten into some extremely dangerous situations. I seem to have a compulsion to disinhibit completely, to let it all hang loose. It’s like having two personalities and it is a constant battle between the two. But what I can’t understand is whether I’m an alcoholic or not. I adore wine and hate all the rest champagne included.
Hi,
For years I was a binge drinker, needing a couple of beers to get over anxieties going out to meet up with friends or to just have a good time on the weekend. I always needed a beer to kick start things. The trouble was I would always continue drinking, never able to stop once I was on a roll.
The mornings were always the same, a feeling of gloom as I’d start to remember what I’d done the night before. I’d feel really guilty, vowing never to drink again. But just 6 days later I would have forgotten about what happened that weekend and then start all over again.
I knew at 20 that I had to give up drinking. It took me 15 years to finally break free from it, I just wished that I could have done it earlier.
Now I no longer have anxieties when I go out. Once I realised that I could enjoy a night out with my friends without drinking it was like a revelation. It was a brilliant feeling, and still is.
For those of you trying to give up, keep working to that goal…it is well worth it and I love every day now. I feel really proud that I’ve been dry in over 5 years.
Wow, what a wonderful story, I am really proud of you too, because it seems like you totally nailed what is the problem for most ‘recovering’ drinkers: the feeling that they are missing something when they don’t drink.
It sounds like you don’t miss anything at all and that you fully enjoy your sober, bright life in all aspects.
I have quit drinking because my father died from the effects of alcoholism. Instead of worrying that I might end up like him, I stopped drinking so I KNOW 100% I’ll never end up like him. I find it surprisingly easy, I think it is interesting to observe myself when I go somewhere social. When I come in I feel a little anxious. This used to be the time where I would have a drink in the past. Now I just observe my feelings and found out that these anxious feelings go away during the night and that I don’t need a drink for that.
I never make a fuss about not drinking, because it makes the ‘drinkers’ uncomfortable and then they will try to sort of ‘force’ me to have a drink by saying things like: ‘Why don’t you have a drink? Just one. Don’t be such an a-social person.’ I just smile and say ‘no, thank you.’ I can see now that I am sober that people do that because they feel insecure themselves and I just let them be. I just think: ‘I am so happy that I will not have a hangover tomorrow and that I can face the problems in my life that seemed HUGE when I drank but are actually quite managable now I don’t drink.’
I found it was very easy to stop drinking once I found out the truth about alcohol: that it is poisonous and that there are no benefits. NO BENEFITS AT ALL. it doesn’t make me more courageous, doesn’t make me lead a fuller life, doesn’t make me less scared, doesn’t make me more social or more attractive…
I am so happy that I don’t drink and that I am FREE. I hope this message will help other people to quit drinking too!
Am i an alcoholic,who knows,too me its a label,and given the way society percieves the afore-mentioned not a healthy one.I do know however,that,i have a grave problem with alcohol(no pun intended)I started drinking when i was 13,and,it greatly enhanched my low self esteem(age 40 still low),it allowed me to speak to my peers,allowed me to speak to anyone,but did it bring me happiness,never.I suspect,it hampered my growth as a young man,stunted my sense of myself.
Anyhow,i abused alcohol for 20 years,never questioning why,but yet,always a voice has lambasted me, thee thou art a fool.I did stop for 5 years.I went travelling,hah,an attempt to escape myself,and i ended up in Vietnam,met a young girl,and we married.We moved back to my country and were blessed by a beautiful girl(the moment she was born is stopprd drinking)we lived reasonably happily but my wife missed home and i should have been happy but was,nt and thus,agreed to move back to vietnam.I sold my house,gave up my job everything,but,i gave up my soul,my sobriety.Why?Fuck,i wished i knew,because the decision to start drinking again,caused me to have an affair,which,resulted in a divorce,which ruined the marriage,i ended up,with no money,sleeping on the streets,and after a month of this was arresxted,put in jail,and sent back to my country,
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FUCK.does anyone know how that feels?Moving to another country with your family,and,6 mths later,being deported,losing all that you cherise?Well mugins here does.I spent 2 mths detoxing,and then,onto a homeless hostel.I did remain of alcohol as i can stop(AM I AN ALCOLIC,)and earned enough money to return to Vietnam to visit my daughter,where,i am as i type,but guess what,dick head,has started drinking again,why??I dont know,lonliness,boredom,sadness,anger,andthe pattern goes on and on,and the sad thing is that i knowits not just me im hurting but my wee angel,my wee girl,daughter.It is a curse alcohol,i can stop,but yet i keep deluding myself that its ok to start again….i want to find the real ME,so i can stop this,not for myself.but for leah,my daugher,the innocent.
I think i have a drinking problem. I drink nearly every day of the week and anything from 1 glass to 1 bottle of wine during this time. I think I drink more than 30 units a week. I hide from my husband how much i drink as I wait until he is asleep. I am still full functional but i can feel it is going to go down hill from here. It is time to stop.