Binge drinking is alcoholism too
Many people looking for help on this site do not consider themselves to be alcoholics. They are not drinking all day, every day. But they are regularly binge drinking alcohol to excess, such that they are damaging their health, their relationships and their self esteem.
It is easier to convince yourself that you haven’t got an alcohol problem if you can regularly have days where you don’t drink at all. You think you’ve got control of your drinking again, so you’re not so concerned any more.
Then it happens again – you binge, and wake up feeling awful. Maybe you carry on drinking heavily for a couple of days to deal with how guilty you feel about it all. But this type of binge drinking can have serious negative consequences which you need to do something about.
Are you an alcoholic or a binge drinker?
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I’m 36 and have been binge drinking for half of my life. I go anywhere from 2 months to 6 months without craving a drink but, inevitably, I take that first drink and I don’t stop for at least 2 days. I wake up extremely sick and paranoid. I don’t remember who I ran into or called during blackout periods and I am afraid to go out of the house or answer the phone for a couple of days. It doesnt matter what state my life is in–from a poor college student, 26 year old live in relationship to a 36 year old health concsious, financially stable adult–I do the exact same thing over and over. Traditional support groups haven’t been of much help because I don’t crave alcohol on a daily or weekly basis. I’ve gone up to 6 months without even wanting to drink, but one night I just decide this might be the night to get a slight buzz and then it’s the same ol thing. Someone said there must be an underlying issue and this is what I’ve been thinking too. There has to be a reason for this self destructive pattern. I wish everyone well.
Wow!! I do the same and feel the same! It’s a trip! Good luck 2 you
I am the same way and I completely understand…the support groups have been super hard for me because I never hear anyone who has this problem and it makes me doubt the problem…and it’s a vicious cycle from there…
Rem
Just want to talk to someone.
mindful,
i can go without alcohol for a lng time, weeks, probably months if i wanted to. When I was pregnant it really wasn’t a problem. But something very bizzare is happening to me. My husband is an alcoholic and sometimes I get very upet, angry or frustrated and when I do I just crave a drink. And then when I finally get an opportunity, for a night out with a babysitter, I can stay out till 7 in the morning!! Drinking with total starngers.
I think we are searching for oblivion because there is something deep down inside going on that we don’t want to face. Emotions we don’t want to deal with. We can blame anyhting. I could blame my alcoholic husband but it truth I think it has something to do with my childhood.
My husband binge drinks at home. He’s on the road all week and I usually work a day on the weekend. I come home and he is trashed. I talk to him about it, he says he will stop, and then he does it again. I’m getting worried. Is it to destress? Or, is it an emotional problem? His first wife died of cancer and it was horrible. Don’t know what to do? Ignore? Leave? Babysit him?
I had hit rock bottom.
It started off with only 1 glass of wine at night to wind down from a stressful job. Then it escalated to 1 bottle a night to deal not only with a stressful job but a stressful relationship to. I came up with many excuses as to why I should have a drink….but now I realise that’s all they were.
I realised I had a problem when I have these blank patches – how did my car end up in that car park? How did I get home? These then led to guilt – OMG what did I do last night? What kind of example am I setting for my child?
I needed to do something and I realised that I couldn’t do it by myself. I went and got hypnotherapy. 4 sessions and it has given me the willpower that I need to change my life around. That was 3 months ago.
I can still have a drink but I will limit it to 1 or 2. I keep a diary on how much I do drink so that I can’t lie to myself and so that I can monitor if it starts getting bad again. I now use other methods of relaxing – bubble bath, cammomile tea and self hypnosis.
I know that I can always go back to my therapist if I need help again and that makes me feel in control. I’m on a new path and I am going to be proud of who I am.
Well done – you should be so proud of yourself.
I have done the exact same thing Joy and have gone the hypnotherapy route to try and make sense of what is happening to me. There WAS an underlying issue which I had been repressing but it is now out in the open. Only time will tell if that has had an impact upon me but I too will go straight back to my therapist for that extra support and to to re-programme that screwed up part of my brain. Good luck.
Been very helpful to read all these comments. I started binge drinking in college and have had some many bad outcomes due to alcohol. I am 31 now and can attribute almost every bad situation to drinking. 1 DUI, fights, relationships problems, embarassing moments, hangovers. The last straw was losing a whole vacation weekend with friends because I was so wasted that I blacked out and stayed in the hotel passed out the whole time. How embarassing! I have never actively tried to cut down the drinking because i was in denial. Lke many others, I dont drink during the week but cant wait for the weekend to “party”. I always feel like I have a high tolerance and dont have to monitor my intake. Many times no bad things will happen but way too many times they have. Almost all my friends drink so it makes it way more acceptable in my circle.
I am in denial no longer. I think I can control this on my own, but if my attempts fail I will have to seek professional help. These comments let me know that it’s not just me (which helps). Have seen a few books on line that may give me some insight. All I know is that getting wasted to the point I do is just uneccessary. I think I will stop drinking for the unforeesable future. Saying i will never drink again is a lie at this point, but stopping for now has to be a good idea. If others can control it, I feel that I can. Good luck to everyone.
I am a binge drinker and I am an alcoholic. It was very hard for me to identify as an alcoholic because I didn’t do a lot of the things that “typical” alcoholics do: I never drank every day, I never needed a drink in the morning, I never drank at work, never got the “shakes” or other withdrawal symptoms when I didn’t drink, I never got arrested .. the list goes on. I graduated college with honors in four years, went on to law school, passed the bar exam, and have been a practicing lawyer for nearly four years.
But, since the time I started drinking at 16, I knew that I didn’t drink like a “normal” person. Once I had a drink, it was always very hard to control how much I drank for the rest of the night. Sometimes, if I fought really hard to “stay in control”, I’d wind up not getting too drunk, and this would make me think that I was in control of my drinking. But other times, I would lose count of how much I was drinking and I’d wind up in a black-out, not knowing what I did or how I got home when I woke up in a hungover nightmare the next morning.
I got sober in AA for about a year and a half about 5 years ago, but then decided I wanted to do a little more “research” on my drinking. I drank without consequence for about 8 months, and then the black-outs started again. I went through another 3 years of black-out drinking, mixed with controlled drinking, and tried moderation management through psychologists, as well as different medications to help try to kill the cravings for more alcohol once I started drinking.
A few months ago, I gave up the fight and went back to AA. I couldn’t fool myself anymore into thinking that one day, I would be able to drink like a grown-up. I’m 32 years old and it will never happen. Why? Because I’m an alcoholic. Alcoholics are simply people who develop a craving for MORE alcohol once they start drinking. It is that simple. If you identify with that statement, then you are an alcoholic, too. Please consider giving AA a try. If you don’t like the first meeting that you go to, try another one. Not all meetings are a bunch of old men. My home group is made up of mostly educated men and women in their 20′s and 30′s. We go out to dinner together, play softball together, go to concerts together, and go on trips together. And the best part is that we remember it all at the end of the weekend.
Feel free to contact me if you want to talk about getting sober.
Nicole,
When you said an alcoholic is simply someone who craves another drink after they start, that kinda hit home pretty hard. You are of course 100% right.
All,
I have already posted my story in this thread. I exhibit all the same symptoms, reactions and thoughts and destructive relationship with alcohol as you all. I love coming back here and reading more people’s stories because I believe binge drinking is a unique form of alcoholism with its own unique set of problems.
I recently quit drinking cold turkey for 4 months and then fell for the moderation lie 2 weeks ago and binge drank on 3 separate occasions. I was devastated that I gave in to this horrible cycle again but a few weeks later now and I feel like I am back on the road to recovery again.
The hardest part though are these recurring thoughts that life can’t be fun without alcohol. I want nothing more than to rid myself of this horrible poison which has affected my life negatively for a decade now. But still, every once in awhile, especially when I am going out to some party or something, I have this overwhelming feeling that quitting drinking is wrong. Just try it again this one last time, live a little, have some fun etc. Sigh, I am just another sufferer of this disease. It is not easy. I feel for you all. Cheers.
Thank you for your input. I am struggling with myself and am looking for strength and direction. Thank you!
Nicole,
I have been so confused about this alcohol problem that I have and I have never heard anyone explain, almost to the tee, exactly what I have experienced. I have had a really hard time finding someone, anyone really, who identifies with this “binge” drinking thing…I would really appreciate it if you would give me your contact information so that I can talk to you more in depth.
Thank you so much for your post! Finally…maybe this will make some sense after so many years…
Rem
Nicole,
I’m a 53 year old male that has been a binge drinker/alcoholic for what I would say my entire adult life. When I was younger, late teens and early twentys, I drank beer and mixed drinks. After several years of this, I decided to drink only beer so that I could “control” my drinking. Since my early 20′s I’ve only drank beer and I have gone months without drinking any beer except for an occassional beer or two when dining out. Thirty years later I can look back at my past and realize that numerous times I have consumed way too much beer. Six years ago my wife, daughter and I moved across town to a new developement. Meeting new families and friends as they moved into my neighborhood was met with almost daily beers out by the road or in our homes. Several parties have followed and having a fridge for beer on the back patio became a part of my life. All my neighbors drink and I’m sure some of them have similar problems with alcohol. Maybe even more severe.
My wife of 22 years mentioned binge alcoholism a couple of years ago but I did not put much thought to it since I never craved beer in the morning and I was able to go days/weeks without drinking. I honestly am realizing that I have a problem and have had a problem for several years of binge drinking. Just because you are able to quit drinking when the beer is gone/fridge is empty, or the ball game is over, doesn’t mean that you do not have a drinking problem. Priding myself on my ability to consume good imported beer, Bass Ale is my favorite, at a rate almost double my neighbors, is no more a desire of mine. I’ve discussed this with my wife after July 4th, 2011 (my last binge drinking episode). My wife does not drink but has shown great patience and undying love in allowing me to figure this out on my own.
I can’t tell how many times over the years I’ve said to myself and my wife that I am going to quit drinking in excess after having an embarrassing moment of binge drinking, (7/4/2011). I honestly believe that there will never be a time that I can be a social drinker without episodes of binge drinking. I use to be a social drinker “most” of the time. But, I always have “moments” that I have an unlimited supply of beer and no worries of accountability that I’ve taken advantage of to “pour them down.” I’m pretty sure I’m a “Binge Alcoholic” and your post mirrors my sickness. I have come into realization of this now and your post hit home while I took time out this morning to read up on what my wife pointed out to me a few years ago. Thank you for your honesty.
Nicole,
It has been three weeks since I had a drink. (July 4th, 2011) I’ve saved this site to my favorites and have been back to read some of the stories over the past three weeks. Again, I can’t have a drink socially without episodes of binge drinking in the mix. I thank you again for bringing light on this. Cravings for beer have been daily but I am not going to give in. You helped me understand that I am an alcoholic. Although I am craving a beer on a regular basis, through your post, I know that the craving will be severe if I have the first beer. Thank you a million times for hitting the nail on the head with what I’m sure many share. I’m enjoying being sober and I know that I can’t have any without suffering a relapse. Tim
August 21st and haven’t had a beer/drink since July 4th. Plenty of opportunities but I haven’t given in. Football season will be a difficult time. I plan to read this website weekly from this point forward. Take care all. I am a recovering alcholic-aka: binge drinker.
Having been a binge drinker myself for many years now,in fact 23 I always was perplexed as to why the binge drinking behaviour would continue to be repeated despite the consequences and repercussions,this sort of loop and repetitive behaviour.
What I have come to realise is that it is addiction but also there is an underlying notion of an individual who does binge drink to conquer the issue and become a master over it.Unfortunately the binge drinker will attempt to achieve this by still consuming the substance and that in itself is the trap…the determination to control something which regrettably is already out of control because of an apparent addiction.
The only way to control addiction is to totally abstain.It is the only stable datum.
In addition, individuals do not make theselves binge drinkers neither are they born so.A binge drinker is created not by what that individual has done but by what has been done to that individual.As any individual drinks alcohol(a drug) it restimulates their bank,an area of mental aberration and demons if you like and this in turn opens a whole box of uglies hence people’s strange behaviour when high, or drunk.
The mistake folks make is seeing one generation of a family with substance abuse problems and then the next following generation with the same issues and assuming it is a genetic link where it is not,if there is any link it is on body cellular level more likely and this in turn is brought on by contagion of aberration.
Miles,
Would you mind expanding on the body cellular level comment? I am wondering if the demon I love to release and hate to clean up after is a result of a childhood incident (death of a parent) or genetic inevitability. I’m 42 and have personality altering binging blackouts, heavy anxiety for days after sobering up and won’t drink for weeks after an episode as i like to call it. Then it’s time to act like a normal social person and join business associates for a drink. You know, grown men who like to bond and say ‘man, that guy doesn’t drink, what a goober!!! And I agree because I don’t want to be that nerd pack. Well 4 hours later I leave and my alter ego takes over and is the life of the party and escalates through the roof with animated super ape like energy. Next day I wake up and for a second am wondering why I feel so numb and my brain is not working. Dang, I am still hammered, but from what? I vaguely remember the third or fourth drink around 7pm. Look at my phone, txt someone at 1:30am “thanks bro!”. Wht was that all about? Anyways I have a thousand epic binge stories and no longer want to be that guy anymore. Every one ended the same. Severe Anxiety, vomiting, headache, chills, shame, more anxiety, my wife extremely impressed with me amplifying all those feelings and down the hellish spiral I go. Now go back and read from “Then it’s time to act like a normal social person and join business associates for a drink…” and never stop reading. The eternal loop that needs cutting.
You are all special like me, why are we like this? I demand to know.
I read all of your blurbs, I have come to the conclusion that I must be an alcoholic even though I only do binge drinking, simple because I feel so badly, do down on myself, wanting to hide, wanting to sleep for the next day or so, at least until the bad feelings are gone, then, in a while (like a week or so) I give intot he demon alcohol once again, it is now a pattern with me, where do I go for help with this problem, besides AA.
Hi Rochelle, I used to have the same stigma to AA (I am the partner of an alcoholic) I used to think the people who went there were the people who couldnt get through a day without alcohol, but you have to remember that there are many types of alcoholism, binge drinking is one of the types and, like any form, you need to get help. If you really want to avoid the AA, there are brilliant alcohol counsellers out there, but they are costly. Also, there is a good book dedicated to binge drinking and cutting down called Controlling your drinking by William R Miller, hypnosis is another alternative, there are some good MP3′s you can download for quite cheap. Small steps, small goals, one day at a time. Good luck.
Please can you advise about the downloads?
Is binge drinking a form of alcoholism? I believe so but I’m starting to doubt it. My boyfriend binges once or twice a week at the weekend.. We don’t go out much as we cant afford it, but every weekend, he will buy 8x330ml bottles of beer and drink them, sometimes on his own if I go to bed. When I question it, he calls me a prude, that I don’t like drink, that I’ve changed, that he can handle his drink more than me (sizewise) I love a drink, but a social drink, not sloppy, slurry rubbish. The type that is the result of a whole bottle of wine and beers all by himself. Not drinking for the sake of it. Last weekend, he had 5 bottles of beer and a bottle of wine and sat up on his own till half 2 putting weird posts on facebook.
Over the years, Ive bought hypnosis cds and books to try to help him, but nothing sticks. Last weekend I told him that if he didn’t change his drinking, I couldn’t see a future together. That was the night he drank the beer and wine and the next day (hungover and remorseful as usual) he said he did drink too much, that I was right, he needed to go talk to someone, he was going for a liver check-up and was going to phone the next day. He never phoned and tonight, one week later, he said ‘I might get a bottle of wine tonight, I love the wine’ and I just thought what the hell am I doing. I asked why the change from last week and he said he thinks I should drop it. So I said I think I should drop you and he stormed off to get the alcohol and drink it in his mam’s house. I don’t feel sad, I haven’t cried tonight, I just feel numb, sick of the same pattern of behaviour. He wont change if I nag him, he wont change if I don’t, so I guess I have no choice but to leave. Maybe I’m being harsh, maybe I’m over-reacting, but in my heart and soul I don’t think I am. I’m 30 and we talk about having a family, but Im starting to question what sort of family life we could have together with this problem.
Help.
Sarah, I’m so sorry to hear that you are going through this with your boyfriend. You are not being harsh or over-reacting by saying that you have to leave him. You can’t change him, and it sounds like you know that, even though you really want to change him. He has to hit his own personal “bottom” first before he will change. That might happen tomorrow or 10 years from now, and there’s no way to tell just how far he will go before he realizes he can’t go on living that way anymore. Until then, the cycle of him getting drunk and then being remorseful the next day and telling you he’s going to do something about his problem will continue. He genuinely means it when he says he wants to do something about the problem. But, alcoholics have very short term memories when it comes to how they felt after a rough night of drinking. A few days later, it doesn’t seem like it was so bad, and they start getting excited to drink again. I know this because I am a recovering alcoholic. And, sorry to say, but your boyfriend’s drinking behavior sounds worse than mine was.
Picture him acting the same way he is acting now, only 4 years from now when you are married with a child. It’s probably very painful or nearly impossible to think about, but it is the truth. Please walk away before that picture becomes your reality.
Hi Aisling, thanks for replying. I have read and re-read your post and you’re right about the short-term memory when it comes to alcohol, its like ‘this time will be different, I wont get as drunk’ but it always ends up the same. I think I have no other choice. I have looked around to rent a room, it means giving up my beautiful apartment and renting it out, but at least i can sleep soundly without wondering what state he is getting into in the sitting room… I think I have given all the chances I can, thanks a million & you should be so proud of yourself. Sarah
Well I stuck to my guns and we have broken up. He tells me that he likes a drink and he wont change and thats that. Thanks for your help, it will be hard but I know I’ve made the right decision.
Hi Sarah,
You sound like you are in exactly the same situation as me, and I’m online searching to see if my fiance does have a problem or not. The only difference is I am engaged due to get married next year and I have a 2 year old son.
My fiance drank 3 bottles of wine last night by himself and I heard him going to bed (in the spare room) just as me and my child were getting up. He was definately still up at 4am as woke me playing music and what a state – it disgusts me. Funnily enough he was also posting things on FB at 4am but in the morning I told him to remove comments on his page as I don’t want my sister knowing he was up at that time as she has asked me if I am sure he is right for me due to excessive drinking when we went on holiday.
Tonight he only has two bottles of wine, but also a couple of beers. He doesn’t drink during the week normally, although he did actually have a bottle of wine to himsef on Thursday.
Also like you, I have tried speaking to my fiance and he promises me he will stop or cut down and he normally does for a while bt it seems to be a weekend occurence again, which kinda stops us doing family things together as he ha a hangover or is still sleeping.
I guess what I am trying to say is think about it very hard before you have children with this man. I wish I had! I would never regret having a child but I do wish my weekends were happier and I didn’t have to worry abou his drinking.
I am sure we both deserve better! Good luck with your decision.
XX
The thing is we used to get bery drunk together, so I guess I have always known what he is like but when I got pregnant I changed and only have a couple of glasses of wine on a weekend and go out one every few months.
Hi and thank you so much for taking the time to reply, it means so much, you dont know. I’m sitting here bawling crying I just feel so lonely, I’m too embarressed to tell my family and have only told one close friend. Im really sorry that you’re going through all this with a young child, I can’t imagine how hard it is for you. I know what you mean about the facebook comments, its like a giveaway that all is not right, you must be like me and try to hide it and pretend everything is ok. I dread holidays now, i dread if he has a bad day at work, a good day at work, birthdays. You’re right, all the good things in life are dampened because our partners have a drink problem. We do deserve better & I think we need to remember that happiness comes first, there are always other options, even though they are difficult and will be painful, maybe in the long term, it is for the greater good. thank you so much. I hope you are ok. Sarah
Hi Sarah and Noname
I just wanted to say thank you for posting. I am on the other side of the fence as it where and I am now realising that I have a binge drinking problem. It’s affected all my previous relationships and has started to affect my current one. After a weekend doing the usual (smashed and hungover) my gfriend gave me the ultimatum of getting help or she will walk with her son both of whom I live with. That’s why I joined here yday.
Reading your posts made me cry. I could imagine my girlfriend sat on here typing the same things saying she was thinking about leaving me and not wanting children with me and it broke my heart and made me more determined to sort myself out. It’s Valentines days and I am drinking becks blue but I don’t feel like I am missing out, I am glad I am doing everything I can to make my relationship last.
Thank you again x
I was just looking through the UK Narconon site which is a detox facility which uses L>Ron Hubbards tech in some ways although is not a religious organisation.
I read this paragraph which I think sums up a lot,especially the tale end of it:
“The one distinguishing feature that is present in every theory or philosophy of the causes of, and cures for, addiction is the ability of the drug to dominate the individuals behaviour, regardless of whether physical dependence is also produced by the drug or not.”
This for me really put empahsis on the fact that you can be alcoholic without having to be physically dependent whereby you have to drink 30 beers everyday…it just shows that the drug dominates you every time
Miles
That is a really powerfull post,
I will cope and paste it and read it everytime I wonder should I have this one glass of wine
Thank you!
hi everyone
i am coming to a point in my life where binge drinking is affecting allmost every part of my life, mostly the people i love. i am now willing to say i am an alcoholic but want and need help but i am scared. all of my friends binge drink and i am scared i will loose them if we dont drink together, but its getting to a point where get to the black out stage alot.
it also hit home when rochelle said she wants to hide after she binges because i feel so ashamed,paranoid,guilty,depressed horrible these days i didnt want to do the groceries today in case some one saw me on the weekend.to hear the partner of the alcoholics stories bought tears to my eyes my bf has put up with me for 6 years when he doesnt even drink. this has to be a turning point in my life i dont want to be like this any more.
i have been searching for a site like this for hours im glad i found one, and to hear all your stories makes me feel less alone thanks guys
I am 50 , a binge drinker and an alcoholic.
It was very hard for me to identify as an alcoholic because I didn’t do a lot of the things that “typical” alcoholics do.
Know that I didn’t drink like a “normal” person. Once I had a drink, it was always very hard to control how much I drank for the rest of the night. Sometimes, if I fought really hard to “stay in control”, I’d wind up not getting too drunk.
Can you send me home remedies for stop the binge drinker of alcoholic.
Please help me.
i have been drinking far too much for about a year (well, since i was 16 but i think out of hand in the last year) – on average twice a week of binge drinking, which inevitably also involves smoking (when i usually even hate the smell of smoke), lying about what i have done to people the next day and feeling depressed and full of self-hatred. i, like many of the other people who have posted above, don’t crave alcohol except after i have started drinking, and then i pretty much cannot stop. i agree with miles – i get involved in some kind of fight against alcohol, and the more drunk i become the more i want to drink to prove that i can win over it, but it doesn’t work!
i am writing on this website as a first attempt to try and get real with my situation, which i have very found difficult to come to terms with. i am scared to give up what i falsely believe has become some sort of “emotional crutch” for me. i am 32 yrs old, a court lawyer and teacher at university and everyone thinks i am beautiful, strong and happy. i have no family and live on my own though so i feel i need to keep up that pretence or people will ditch me. i think this pressure adds to the desire to drink to total abandon. the irony is that carrying on like this is what is going to make people ditch me.
after reading your posts, i have made a pact with myself to not have anything alcoholic to drink for the next 2 months. i am confiding in the people who read this and to no-one else. i think i probably need to get some sort of other support too, like a group in my neighbourhood, but this has been the first big step for me and i feel proud.
thank you for your support. vic
I have been reading all the posts after a shouting match with my husband who binge drinks. He drinks every Friday…comes home at 3.30 – 4 in the morning. Sometimes saturday, sunday and monday as well. It has gone on for the last 2.5 years..the time that we have been married. I knew him for a year before that when I didnt live with him and probably didnt know what state he got into. Even when I lived with him, he drank a little and said he would stop. He was born and brought up in the UK and with the drink culture here, its hard to stop..or atleast thats what he tells me.
We have been through everything..he’s been hurt, he’s lost his wallet, he cant remember how much he’s spent. He will spend £50 on a night out but give me a hard time when we buy groceries. I have struggled with him ..I have gone to the pub to pick him up, I have spoken to his friends, I have gone to an AA partners meeting. He comes back completely out of it, with pee running down his jeans and sometimes ends up sleeping in the dining room as he cant climb the stairs to the bedroom. Is it wrong to want to respect your partner in order to have a good marriage? I have tried everything in my power but end up shouting and screaming. He says he will give it up next year but even 2 days ago, he was out from 3.30 in the afternoon till 4.30 the next morning. he says its normal to have fun during Christmas.
I end up shouting and screaming and I dont like myself for it…I am a woman with a good career and loved my life but everything seems so inconsequential due to the unhappiness at home. I spend so much time on my own that its soul destroying. My father used to have one drink a day and he died of a massive heart attack a few years ago…
I am 35, I want to have children and dont have time on my side…but find it hard to believe this man who I am married to for the last 2.5 years..He isnt serious about a family. He manages to keep a job down but goes on these benders ever so often. its only an excuse to get pissed. I want to find my happiness again.. Is leaving him the only solution?? Please help me..please…you are the only ones who can hear me.
Hi! My suggestion would be to PRAY PRAY PRAY! I’m sorry I can not give better advise than that becasue I’m in the same boat per say and haven’t won the good fight yet!! PRAY PRAY PRAY!!!
I’ve read all the comments here and i want to say thank you for making me realise im not along with my problem.
I never coyld admit i had a problem before but most peoples stories are exactly the same as mine
Sober I am polite, kind, affectionate, considerate and fun
Drunk I am loud, obnoxious, tempremental, melancholy and sometimes aggressive – every thing I have done wrong has a common denominator – drink.
I am intellignet, good job, lobely family, nice friends so why is it they can drink and go home maybe stop for a kebab and wake up ok and then I – go off alone drinking more, scoring drugs, putting myslef in increasingly dangerous and dark situations almost like Im seeking nocturnal adventure. I sometimes wonder if Im insane because only an idiot burns himslef yet a month or so later when the shame and self loathing has been tucked away I do it again. I cant count the times I have had to wear a baseball cap just to go to the shops for fear of seeing someone I may have seen on one of my “nightime man mission benders” – I got arrested the other day and decided I need help I have been doing this secret bingeing for much of my adult life and it cant go on – I have had lots great gilrfriends, money, and I sefl destruct or self sabotage all of it for the sake of a lost night out buying drinks for strangers – ultimatly losing my self esteem in the process – its almost like a crazy form of self harming and I wonder if (as it happens every four or five weeks) whether its some kind of depression which results in me drinking to oblivion. This site is great I realise I am not alone nor am I a bad person I simply cannot drink like everyone else – any comments or feedback would be greatly appreciated – its time I took control of this terrible secret life – love to all
i can identify with you
its so weird. i do that vanishing trick and often just go off on my own and keep drinking. i don’t know what causes it and i end up feeling guilty/down. i worry i will lose my friends. its very difficult – one extra drink can send my too far one minute i am fine and then i cant remember things and have ended up in stupid situations talking to stranger and not knowing how i got home.
it is very self destructive but i never intend to do this.
i am a quiet person and friendly but feel i ruin this by drinking and being a binger.
i do wonder if it is an underlying problem psychologically or just that i cannot drink and am a type of alcoholic.
it only happen sometimes but after i almost wish i was dead as there is such a feeling of dread and not having any memory. it is a bit of horror to deal with.
” whether its some kind of depression which results in me drinking to oblivion. ”
i do wonder if depression could be a part of this.
i dont think i can control it – its so difficult being around drink and friends who drink all the time – but they never make idiots of themselves or blackout.
i hope to make positive steps now.
thank you x
No matter what anyone says, a binge drinker is the same as an alcoholic, they’re both dependant on alcohol and both destroy the lives of those around them. ‘m married to a binge drinker. . . if i’d known i wouldn’t have married her. I used to enjoy the odd social drink but not now. Now i hate alcohol and don’t want anything to do with anyone who drinks. I never relax .
I stayed with my partner for 20 years he always liked the drink but as he has got older he drinks with a bad crowd of other local idiots in our local club, they like getting him drunk so im in a relationship with him and 4 single men middle aged and above. he has really changed his alcohol has caused him to crash the car in the middle of the streeet, slowly i am ashamed to live in the village now its heart breaking i was so happy with the simple life, but drink is a shameful existence with him as when he is back from the pub he shouts and torments me i find it hard to stay quite and the neighbours hear the shouting, i cringe i do a professional job i am trapped I am saving to emigrate and one day i hope i can make an escape from this turmoil i love him or slowly start to feel disgusted by him now your feelings change and I never thought i would say that i lost all hope to help him now and must move on, i would say please i was young told i was attractive lady, from the nights of tears i look old get out while you can dont stay now love is worth the years of heartache wondering if they are out drinking got killed on the way home how nice drunk they will be or will they be a monster its a terrible existence and my reward for wanting him to have a happy decent simple life and all the beauty it offers but i hope god will be my guide
I can identify. Here I am at 1am trying to find ways to help both my partner and myself. For the first time in two years I dont feel alone. I have come to hate alcohol in a way I never thought was possible. I am often refered to as the fun police as I become filled with anxiety when my partner drinks and complain about his constant binge drinking. I am really glad I found this site, perhaps it will help me find the strength I need to get through this.
My mother is a binge drinker and has got herself into some terrible states, injuring herself, makeing a fool of herself at family or friends parties or worse weddings, urinating herself, takeing her clothes off in front of famiy and friends, comeing onto others partners including my own and my sisters, being late or abscent from work and when she does go she has to run to the toilet to vomit. She also blacks out and doesn’t remember what she has said or done or denys it all together, the list is endless. I have had a new boyfriend for almost a year now and i cant introduce them as im soo ashamed that she will embarass me in front of him and his family. Myself and my sister lost our father last year who also liked a drink and caused us abuse through it, all our lives. It feels like were loseing our mother too. I am doing my best to make a good life for me and my daughter by going to college and working and she just tells me to get off my pedastil and that im above myself. The real reason is i don’t want to be like her. We have given up with her and dont know what else to do. Please can someone make her realise she is ruining her life and family. She has two beautiful granchildren and they have seen her binge drinking and have also been affected by it. Im at the end of my teather. Please can you send me some info to make her realise. Thanks for listening
Hey all,
It has been most helpful to read everyone’s comments. I am also a binge drinker. I started when I was 12 and am now 28. Even at 12 I would drink until I passed out, get caught, grounded and then a few months later do it all over again.
I’ve been struggling with my boyfriend and many friends not taking my problem seriously. A lot of my friends binge drink, so it’s become very normalized. I’ve known deep down that my drinking is out of control for a long time, but have never wanted to stop drinking all together.
I quit for 6 months when I was 21, but then started again and after another 6 months was blacking out again. I am almost always the last up at the party (till 6 or 7 am) and I reach a point where all I care about is getting more liquor. The party itself is just a backdrop. I’m from Canada where closing time is usually 2 or 3, but I lived in Berlin last year and many of the bars stayed open all night, so I would stay until I noticed the sun was up.
I often blackout and put myself in dangerous situations, passing out on the subway, walking home alone late at night, hitch hiking, going home with strangers with the promise of more partying…The scariest moment I’ve had was this Christmas holiday, I woke up puking. Thankfully I was on my side, but if I hadn’t been I could of died.
Like many others, by the sounds of it, I’ve been chasing the dream of being a social drinker for the last 16 years and it’s time I admitted, I’m not and will never be a social drinker.
I’m going to call up an addictions counselor this week. I don’t care for AA because, though it claims not to, there are often strong religious undertones at AA and it makes me uncomfortable. Also, I live in a small city and worry I would run into clients. Yikes, thanks for listening. Let me know if anyone’s got some quitting stories, could be encouraging.
I’m 20 and this site sounds all too familiar. I can got months without getting drunk, have some drinks here and there and be fine. But out of nowhere I just blackout for the night. I wake up feeling dizzy and very lost and out of control. Since I’ve never been arrested, or have ever had a DUI, I think I’m just fine. I feel too young to be having this kind of problem…I hope I don’t do this for the rest of my life….
My friends sometimes call me Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. When I’m sober I’m a very easy going and polite person. Everyone knows me as the sweet girl. If everyone who hasn’t met my dark side saw what I was like when I binge drink, they would be horrified. Whenever I’m blackout drunk, it’s always scary waking up to what I turned into the night before. I really want to stop doing this. I know a lot of people my age (early 20s) drink, but I don’t think it’s normal what I’m doing.
Melissa
I am very much the same. By day I am a professional, career and family orientated person who puts people before himself. By night (usually, hence the name) when I drink I go the total opposite. I put myself first, forget about my family, responsibilities, career… as long as I am out getting smashed I don’t care what happens.
In the morning I wake up hoping I made it back home without anything bad happening, wondering how much money I have wasted.
I am hoping I have now finally seen the light after being given an ultimatum by the girl of my dreams that I have to get help. That’s why I am here. I can’t control myself when I start so I am going for total sobriety, day 4 so far and all good. Weekends and main events are my downfall but I’m hopefull.
I would recommend joining the forum and posting in the new comers, there’s loads of help, advice and support.
Best of luck
Ste
hi,
I’m also 20. In the Uk it’s totally expected to be out getting drunk most nights of the week at university. However I’ve suffered bouts of paranoia about social situations, and felt drinking eases the anxiety, however I quickly get so drunk I dont remember anything the next day. I too consider myself friendly, kind and a little witty when sober but become aggressive, obnoxious and a danger physically to myself when drunk and vulnerable to others. I’ve injured myself on a number of occasions and there were a few months where I was drinking so heavily on nights out I had to make myself throw up every night so I could keep drinking. Ive always felt that I can cope with it, as I can stop for periods of time, and in my peer group it’s seen as normal. However I keep failing at school- I do well when I work, but my attendance counts against me from hangovers / still being drunk. I’ve kept people waiting countless times- appointments- cancelling dinner parties, and now I’ve started to realize the reason friends are either drunk friendships or those ive had from school. Ones in between seem to dissappear after a few months. I’m harming my relationship with my partner by getting drunk and acting ‘schizophrenic’ towards our relationship- going jekyl and hyde on him when im drunk, saying I dont want to be in a relationship.
When I have my first drink it eases my self esteem, makes me feel confident, comfortable, more relaxed but very quickly it turns into selfishness and egotistic behaviour and such depression or embarassment/regret the next day.
However my boyfriend and I always have a lot of fun drinking together, I would miss that. I would miss the hysterical things that seem to happen to us when drinking.
He seems to bingedrink rather than be consistant… goes on nights where he doesnt remember. He lost his coat and got thrown in broken glass then kicked out of a club.. rang me in tears and he didnt know why… we are in a long distance relationship and it stresses me out that this happens, but I know I am no better, calling him at night saying I dont think we should be together because it’s too difficult. Neither of us have cheated getting drunk, (to my knowledge he hasnt ) so is it a problem? Are we just being slightly rowdy students? Am I just over-conscious of it because I know that both our mothers are in AA…
Am I overreacting?
I have always been baffled as to why I binge drinking and yet still go back to it again and again once the hangover has passed on and today after doing that cycle for 23 years I think I have finally solved what for me has been a great mystery.
I now believe that I have been experiencing depression and yet as an individual have not recognised it as such.
In fact I mean I may even have perceived depression as good old fashioned boredom.
Now that I can see this and realise that I have been going out and getting wasted not because I am bored but actually depressed and never recognised it,I believe I am ready to stop all together.
It was very important to me that I realised why this was happening and kept on doing so and never did any answers fit until today.
Depression is a part of life,everyone experiences it,in fact it is probably a key component to being in existence.
My mistake was a serious one and I have dealt with depression in a very extreme way and that was to get drunk,that has got to be like throwing petrol on a fire when you as a person are covered in it too.
I am perplexed that I have never seen this before but I guess recognising depression is probably like addiction anyway in terms of denials etc.
I think I can finally move on from this torture and personal hell now.
I wish you all understanding with this phenomena as I truly suspect that is the only way out.
I found myself at this site because I was researching the link to alcoholism and depression, and I’ve just spent the past hour or so reading through all the comments here – and from a binge drinker’s perspective, agreeing with most of them.
Miles, what you said about depression really hit home, and I’m glad for you that you have been able to realise this and wish you well in the release from the cycle, and hope that your depression is manageable.
Last October, I ended up going to see my GP because I am suffering from depression – I have been for a number of years, and although there have been events in my life that have triggered episodes (death of a parent / divorce), I realised I have always lived in its shadow and now want to do something about it. I was diagnosed with moderate clinical depression, I refused medication and have been put on the waiting list for talking therapies. I’m still waiting,… and have been binging more and more frequently – probably, having read your story, as a way to cope with the depression while I wait for the therapy to be sorted. (And isn’t it ironic that we seek solace with something that is a depressant!)
I think the biggest thing, as you said, is about recognition: recognising that you are depressed, recognising that you are a binge drinker – both (for me) have taken a huge amount of courage to do due to the stigmas/judgements attached.
I wish you, and everyone else here, well. And thank you all for your honesty and openness.
Its going well actually.
Since stopping drinking I have come up against a severe wall of just being irritable, angry and generally really p****d off with what s**t I have to deal with in life and as far as progressing in life I actually have made no progress whatsoever and am quite baffled by it but what is impotant is I have no made it worse by going out and getting smashed and then making everything 1000′s worse so that in itself is a holiday as anyone who binges knows.
Also what I will say is that I go to the gym every day and although this does noy empower me to confront and handle lifes issues like a god I do however find myself feeling better off mentally for doing the exercise, brain chemistry and all that….so although I am still totally p****d off with my life’s problems, I am standing and facing it rather than trying to drink it away.
Thank you all so much for your stories you have shared. You are very inspiring to me. Someone made a great comment, “to control your addiction you have to abstain”. I believe this. Sometimes I felt like I could go out with some of my friends and just drink one, but I would end up drinking to much and feeling guilty the next day like I had been bad or done something wrong. Even if I drank just a little I woud feel guilty. When I drink I feel good in the moment but the next few days I feel so guilty and bad about how much I drank. I want to get out of this horrible life and start anew. You have all inspired me. Thank you so much
I’m the same as a lot of others on here. My usual way is maybe go a week, 2 at most without drink then wallop, 2 days of constant drinking with a little nap to break it up a little. Then comes the overwhelming feeling of anxiety and intense panic attacks. I’m at the point now where I’m starting to lie to doctors for the supply of valium for after the weekend. But I’ve been of the drink before and I’m gonna go foe another attempt. Reading that there are others who feel the same shame and guilt doesn’t make me feel so isolated so I’ll bookmark the site and keep checking in to update and read how others are getting on.
Take care.
hi guys,its kinda hard to know where to go from here me and my fieance keep going over the same conversations everytime i have my relapeses its always the same i start off maybe having a beer and it turns into maybe 5 days of solid drinking without a sleep and after its all done i get sleep paralisys where i wake constaintly unable to move i have a big black out for the time i am drinking,and always saying im going to ether stop drinking and give up ,ive known ive had a big problem with binge drinking for at least 5 years and somtimes have done terrible things like hit my ex partner who was also pregnet with my son,but the truth is im a really sweet guy when im not bingeing and i know i need help ,but i dont even know really where to start and im sick of telling myself i can do it alone because after 5 years of doing the same thing and never stopping for longer than 6 months i just want to stop ruining my life over and over after i do so well for the times inbetween ,this last time was for 4 days untill i ran out of money it makes me feel helpless and i loose all respect for myself,i love my feiance very very much and i dont want to loose her like ive lost all my past relationships,if anyone has any suggestions that may help i would be very greatful ,even to just understand why i binge the way i do would help me so much ,thanks
Reading these comments has meant so much to me i have been binge drinking heavily since i was 14 i am now 25 and its affected every area of my life at some point. Its like being two different people i hate it but cant seem to control it.
I have tried talking to my family today but they dont seem to understand, i felt ever so stupid for even thinking i might have a problem but after reading all these comments it has made me feel like i am not alone or stupid. I have long standing depression and a bad past i use alcohol as a coping mechanism. My boyfriend of 2.5 years has put up with so much and really wants me to get help but i didnt think i had a problem untill very recently.
I think our culture is very alcohol orientated and i now see it as being an unhealthy attitude towards alcohol its part of every social situation with my friends and family so its always there and considered acceptable im so glad everybody on here has shared their experiences as its helped me alot thankyou and good luck to you all
well ive been binging for 10 years now, and i gave up 4 bout 7 months and was feeling great but then i went on holiday with my mates and what do ya no, i started drinking again and getting blood wasted.. i told myself when i got home i would quit again but so far not good… i was diagnosed with depression a few months ago, so drinking is not an option anymore, so ive decided that today im not goin to drink anymore.. im just upsetting the people i love….n its hard cuz all my mated drink, and theres not one that doesent… i hope it goes good from me, cuz i feel really weird paranoid, and scetched out… good luck guys…
Hi,
I’m a binge drinker who was convinced I was an alcoholic because I knew what I was doing wasn’t normal. I’m grateful for this website because it’s finally confirming what I suspected. I just want to let the girlfriends and boyfriends of alcoholics know that they are really good people for sticking it out with someone who is a self-destructive binge drinker. One word of advice, though – I’ve noticed that when someone criticizes my drinking while I’m drinking, it just makes it worse. When I feel someone is judging me while I’m drinking, it just makes me want to keep drinking to prove to them that I can handle it. Shame doesn’t work. I think one thing that helps is just to give the person some attention and try to distract them from drinking. Maybe suggest going for a walk or go to a different bar – anything to separate them from the alcohol. When you are drunk, you are very open to suggestion, but don’t make it obvious – alcoholics are very sensitive to people’s tactics to try to get them to quite drinking.
Hi guys – your comments have been so useful, thank you.
Mine is a very similar story…36 years old, binge drinking the majority of weekends for the last 8 years or so. I’ll start after work on a Friday (after a pub lunch) and keep on going…not unusual for me to not get to bed ’til late Saturday afternoon – steady drinking the entire time…if I’m really going for it I’ll be up at midnight again and drink through to Sunday morning…and sometimes all Sunday too. Maybe I’ll stay home the whole time…or maybe I’ll go for adventures, which usually result in being kicked out of whatever pub/club/bar/dive/cinema/restaurant I find myself in. In recent months I’ve lost my iPhone, cash card and shopping bags full of clothes I’d bought online and had delivered to work…I was also kicked out of a church one morning after sitting up all night with a bottle JD.
Not surprisingly, Mondays aint pretty. I actually have a very successful, well paid job and nobody suspects whatsoever…apart from one guy who’s just the same…I’m warm, considerate, funny, smart, attractive, chilled out…when I’m sober…mostly I don’t turn bad when I’m drunk, which is something…though I can get snarky…and I’ve been awful when I’ve gone online…I avoid serious relationships because…well…I feel a bit broken and don’t wanna drag anyone else in.
During the week I live a very clean and healthy life and am generally happy, until it gets to lunch time on a Friday again and I’m feeling pretty good and my mouth starts watering and I think “hmmmmm, I fancy a pint…but I really, really need to just have a chilled one this weekend”.
On a Monday and Tuesday I’ll be full of regret, disgust, amazement…terrible anxiety…very down…unproductive and vowing to sort myself out…all of this is forgotten by the time the weekend rolls around and I do exactly the same thing all over again.
Anyway…nice to meet you all
Reading all the stories like mine has really helped get things in context – you think it’s just you, don’t you…and don’t quite know if it’s just a habit because you’re bored and lonely…or if you’re an alcoholic (as my dad was)…or what on earth is going on and why cant I just enjoy a pint or two like everyone else.
The good news is that I was getting some astonishing cravings earlier…started looking online for information, found this place and haven’t caved in and ran off to buy a skip full of booze. This weekend I aint drinking.
I hope you’re all well, wherever and whoever you are…
Xx
One thing that I find mad about the whole thing…when I have a pub lunch and few pints on a Friday – at no point do I think or plan to spend the entire weekend drinking. After work if I just go home..or even to the pub…I think “right, I’ll have a few beers and that’s me lot, there’s stuff I wanna do tomorrow”. After a few I think “well, I’m feeling great…nice and chilled…pretty sober…I think I’ll have a few more” – and it’s that thought that I’ll be thinking the entire weekend…or as least as much of the weekend that I still posses any kind of ability actually think.
If I don’t have any I’m fine until Friday rolls around and the cravings start…but if I have so much as a drop…that’ll be it.
I’ve realised that for me – there just is no concept of a few pints or glasses of wine…I can say it, I can think it, I can really mean it…but it just won’t work out that way.
I’ve wondered if I should find an AA or something in my area….
Xx
David, I’m pretty sure that I may have to stop drinking all together. At first it will be difficult. I believe I can do this on my own and if I’m not able to then I am going to visit my local AA for support. I’m 53 and my wife of 22 years does not drink. This will make it easier to stop the social drinking and occassional binge drinking. I’ve finally realized that I can’t be a social drinker without episodes of binge drinking. I’m done. Only way to live my life. Others may be fine with a beer or two. Not me. It hurts but it has to be done.
If I were you, check into your local AA and give it a try. Possibly you could use what they have to offer. I have not done this but I have a personallity that will help me go cold turkey for today, tomorrow and forever. The many post on this web site are all exactly what a “binge alcoholic” is. I honestly believe that social drinking can not be a part of my life anymore without an understanding that if I choose to drink socially, I am choosing to be a “binge alcoholic”.
Good luck to you and to all that have shared on this site. It is encouraging and I feel supported by many I don’t even know. Thank you all. Tim