Online Alcohol Therapy

Coping with cravings is the key to tackling alcoholism. If you can manage to not give in to your cravings, or you can adapt so that you don’t get so many cravings in the first place, then there is no more addiction is there?

How you view your own cravings will determine how much power they have over you. If you believe that a craving won’t naturally go away once it has started, or if you think that the only way to deal with a craving is to drink, then of course you will be fairly powerless over them. This is the cognitive component of your addiction.

Making yourself aware of what things in your life tend to give you cravings, and therefore how you might avoid those situations, becomes a vital skill. For those ‘triggers’ that you can’t avoid, you can learn how to deal with them differently.

Lets say there are four types of cravings:

• a reaction to withdrawal symptoms
• escaping from unpleasant feelings (boredom, depression, anxiety etc.)
• a response to a learnt association (people, places etc)
• enhancing a positive mood

Each type requires a different approach to deal with it. And each person’s approach will be unique to them.

There are six recognised methods for dealing with cravings when they occur:

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“Many of us spend our whole lives running from feelings with the mistaken belief that you cannot bear the pain. But you have already borne the pain. What you have not done is feel all that you are beyond that pain.”

Kahlil Gibran

Is there a genetic component to addiction? It would seem so – the genes for excessive alcohol consumption have been identified.

But how any genetic predisposition can be distinguished from the more behavioural, learnt element is virtually impossible – and when it comes to individual people trying to break out of their addiction, the distinction tells us nothing much of any use.

“Your father was an alcoholic, so unfortunately you inherited that genetic trait.”

“Oh great news, so how does that help me to stop drinking?”

If substances have been used from an early age, then this often becomes the preferred way of coping with difficult feelings. Obviously, we learn most of these skills from our parents, our siblings or our friends as we grow up. So if these people were not themselves dealing with their emotions very effectively, then that is likely to be what we learnt also.

Thus addiction is passed from generation to generation via learning, not just biology.

Not everyone who has addiction problems decides (or needs) to be abstinent. But for those that do, a problem often expressed is – what about all my friends?

Of course, over years of drinking or using, people build up social circles and friendships which are often based partially on drinking or using. So what are people supposed to do with those friendships? How can an alcoholic continue to socialise with their friends when those people are still drinking? Especially when that person probably needs a lot of social support during the change process.

Letting go of old friends is something that most people just don’t want to do, and even if they don’t remove them from their lives, many addicts are worried that their friends won’t like them so much any more – they won’t think they are quite so much fun. Making new friends is just not that simple.

Unfortunately this is not a problem with an easy solution. Unless you want to give AA or NA meetings a try?

This is a decision which many alcoholics struggle with, and some try both approaches at different times. It is of course tempting for anyone who drinks alcohol problematically, to think that they can just regain control and drink more sensibly. And of course this is possible, but it is also very difficult. But then achieving total abstinence is not exactly easy either.

Realistically, there is no way of knowing if you are able to change your addiction into healthier patterns of use, or if you must become abstinent, the only way to know this is to find out. Many people go around this cycle many times – achieving a certain time of abstinence, then trying to drink socially or sensibly again, only for this to spiral out of control back into alcoholism. But there are those who do successfully manage their addiction and achieve healthier patterns of drinking.

The 12-step (AA or NA) philosophy is unequivocal on the matter – “abstinence is the only way”, but more modern approaches are adapting to the fact that there are other options. Similarly, if you are trying to achieve abstinence and you slip, or relapse, then the 12-step crowd would have you believe that you’ve failed, and that you need to start again from the beginning (back to step 1). But of course this just increases a person’s sense of shame and failure, which can itself make even more drinking or using a possibility.

It would seem far healthier to look at relapses as an opportunity to learn from mistakes, and try to do things differently next time.

For most people with alcohol problems, they often have a number of unresolved difficulties with life generally.

Excessive drinking is often a symptom of other problems. Some of these may be minor of course, like an aversion to being bored, or a lack of confidence socially, or just a limited variety of ways to relax.

Some people have more deep-rooted problems behind their addictions – like anxiety, depression, lack of self-esteem etc. These can all be addressed with cognitive counselling techniques however.

Then there are many people with more serious mental health problems who end up having difficulties with alcohol. ‘Self-Medicating’ they call it in the medical profession. Basically, if life is unbearable and beyond your ability to cope with it, then people will try anything to feel better, even if it’s only for a few hours. And never mind what happens later.

Say what you like about alcohol, but one thing’s for sure – it can certainly take your mind off things if you’re feeling distressed. So if you’ve been trying to live with bipolar disorder or schizophrenia for years and nothing the medical profession has suggested has really helped that much, it’s no surprise when people turn to the bottle.

However, once that ‘self-medication’ turns into dependency, then the situation can spiral out of control. And this is where it becomes more difficult to help people solve their addiction issues. It’s not impossible of course, it just takes more work and perhaps a little more motivation.

The 12-step (AA, NA) philosophy includes a tricky concept for some, the idea of a “Higher Power”.

If people have developed a problem such that they cannot control their own use of alcohol or drugs, so that they are in effect disempowered by their addiction, what effect might it have to suggest to them that they should believe in the ability of a “Higher Power” to help them overcome their problems?

Is it not more useful to suggest, and encourage them to believe in their own power again? From this they can work at ways to develop that inner power, so that they have the ability to take back control of their own actions and lives.

Many alcoholics are already deeply ashamed of their actions, their self-esteem is in shreds. Rebuilding that confidence in the Self is vital. Not to the point of arrogance or self-centredness obviously, because those extremes are themselves often at the root of many addiction problems. Achieving a balanced personality is the goal.

Beating addiction is not a process of being told what to do differently, or learning the tricks that you were possibly lacking, those secrets which people without an addiction surely must have. No, it doesn’t work like that.

Overcoming addiction is more to do with learning about yourself, learning how you tick, what beliefs you hold, some of which you might not even be aware of, which contribute to your problems.

Most of our behaviours are very automatic, we do things without thinking too deeply about the consequences, most of the time. We are animals, just like the rest of nature, and we respond in the same way they do. Like Pavlov’s famous dogs – if you show us something that we’ve seen before, we often respond to it in a pre-programmed or learnt way. If you smell some lovely fresh food being cooked, you’ll start to produce saliva. You will also probably think certain thoughts as a result, again often automatically (though they might not FEEL automatic). Some of these thoughts are so subtle and you have them so often, you might not even notice them.

With addiction the initial event can be anything – being bored, feeling lonely, angry, disappointed, frustrated, tired. From that thought you might think something like “I can’t stand feelings like this, I must change this feeling”. Again, this thought might not be a loud one in your head, its just a way of dealing with the world and your feelings that has become automatic.

So, in a situation like this, you’ll find something to get rid of this unpleasant feeling you’ve got – “I know what will change my mood, a drink…” or some cocaine, or whatever your problem is with (whereas someone without addiction problems might choose to accept that feeling for a while, or find a less destructive way to change the feeling).

So, to change your addictive habits, you firstly need to understand fully how they work, what you are doing to sustain them. Then you can slowly relearn some healthier ways to deal with life, with your unpleasant feelings.