Is there a Cure for Alcoholism ?
There are those who believe (the alcoholics anonymous crowd mainly) that there is no cure for alcoholism - that if you’re an alcoholic or an addict, then no matter what treatment you go through, you’ll still be an alcoholic or an addict for the rest of your life.
This is not a position which holds much hope for anyone considering treatment or a rehab. The idea that you will always be liable to relapse and descend into alcoholism or addiction again could easily dissuade many people from bothering to make changes at all.
Wouldn’t it be more useful to encourage people and remind them that lasting change is possible. If you can heal the underlying causes of the addiction, then a former alcoholic no longer has such a tendency. Of course they would be prudent to be very respectful and observant of their relationship to alcohol. But people in recovery should not live their lives as a ‘dry-drunk’, believing that they are just one drink away from their previous excesses.
Can a former alcoholic ever drink sensibly again? Some can and some cannot. Abstinence is an option for some, and the only option advocated by AA, but that does not mean it is the only option which works. The cognitive therapy approach advocates self-understanding, but leaves the choice of whether to drink again to the individual.
There is only a cure for alcoholism if the problems that are causing it in the first place are dealt with.
November 27th, 2006 at 6:30 am
The AA way or the highway is a fascist approach. I believe many alcoholics could find a middle path. There is a fine line between abusing and using alcohol. Understanding how to cope with serious problems in your life without alcohol is essential. But vowing never to partake again is ridiculous!
Why should anyone who has abused alcohol imagine the root of their problem is alcohol itself, another option would be to know yourself and find ways to solve your problems wisely.
February 24th, 2007 at 10:51 pm
you seem to critisise AA, but offer no other other way of recovery. Your argument seems shallow and not based in fact. what are you offering?
February 27th, 2007 at 6:03 am
Julie - We’re not necessarily criticising AA, just the rigidity with which they suggest that alcoholism cannot be cured and the view that abstinence is the only possible solution to problems with alcohol. From experience with many clients, that is clearly not the case, many people can learn to approach alcohol more sensibly again. But not everyone of course.
What we’re offering is a more individually tailored solution - where people can develop their own resources to cope with difficulties in life without relying on drinking. We tend to focus on cognitive techniques for this, further explanations of these are available in the following articles -
what is cognitive therapy?
relapse prevention,
how to stop drinking alcohol,
how to cope with alcohol cravings.
March 8th, 2007 at 11:02 am
I agree with you. Instead of telling people that they can’t get away from their addiction to alcohol, why not support them to change their ways? There are various ways to fight alcoholism like cognitive therapy, abstinence, and aa and I think once they know how to deal with their conflicts, they will surely find the best way for them. I have seen a lot of people try alcohol rehabilitation with positive results, so I believe that alcoholics still have hope (as long as we believe in them).
March 14th, 2007 at 9:04 pm
I am an alcoholic. I have not had a drink in nearly eight years. Abstinence is the ONLY way to beat alcoholism. It doesn’t matter how you reach that point, but reach it you must. The idea that you can control or moderate your intake is ridiculous. Why should you want to control or moderate something unless it is already a problem?
Alcoholics - especially once they stop drinking - have a great deal more than hope. Since stopping I have got married, fathered two beautiful sons, resumed a career and written and published a novel (Hotel Veronica, available on Amazon or lulu.com). More importantly not a single day goes by without me feeling what a privilege it is to be alive.
March 15th, 2007 at 12:56 pm
I am an alcoholic, and I go to AA meetings. I tend to agree with David. For me, at least, abstinence works. I feel better now than I ever did when I was drinking. ON THE OTHER HAND, AA doesn’t work for everyone, and some alcoholics can change and control their behavior. More power to them. Whatever works for you, that’s great.
BTW, I think it’s silly to debate whether alcoholism can be “cured.” {Depends on what you mean by “cure.”} My feeling is that AA says alcoholism can’t be cured because believing in that party line helps a lot of people stay sober. If it does, great. If you don’t believe it, try something else like CBT.
Finally, not all AA meetings are the same. Sure, they all refer to the “Big Book” and the 12 steps, but in my meetings at least there’s a strong sense of “take the best and leave the rest.” That is, the message I hear is “Do whatever works for you.”
March 26th, 2007 at 6:25 am
I am an alcoholic that attends AA meetings almost on a daily basis. Although I haven’t drank in almost 6 months and don’t really struggle with any cravings thanks to those meetings I don’t feel AA is really addressing the very core of my problem. At this point I am pursuing CBT to help me deal with my feelings of worthlessness and negative thoughts that the steps, the AA group, the Grapevine, etc., have not been able to help me with. AA is a wonderful program but it seems too many members feel it is the AA way or no way. That could be a dangerous attitude that could prevent newcomers from exploring other options to find what works best for them.
May 5th, 2007 at 5:15 am
I have to agree with David. I’ve tried to quit drinking several times over the last 10 years or so and each time I felt so great that I thought I could re-introduce alcohol into my life with moderation… and each time I ended up back where I was before: drinking a pint of Jack Daniels every single night.
I haven’t had a drink in 6 months now and I’ve made up my mind that I’m never gonna drink again. Don’t do AA meetings or anything like that, but I started keeping a journal a few years ago in which I would write down whatever came to mind with regard to my drinking; both in sober times and while I was drinking. Seems to help a lot when I can go back and read how my attitude changes from drinking/no drinking. Hope this helps!
May 23rd, 2007 at 7:46 pm
Am so glad I stumbled upon this. AA - 29 days sober. I’m won’t see a 30th. Not wishing to be derogatory, it does work… for some. However - nothing will ever work for everyone, and for me - desperately craving a drink, was sitting for 1 1/2 hours thrice a week listening to people talking about alcohol helping? Sorry - no! To me, common sense be dictating!
What saddens me is that the people there were so lovely, but I can only be a part of their lives sober. The first time I am accepted for me. For me the alcoholic. But I’m not…. (!)
It hadn’t occurred to me until today that there might be an alternative. The problem is, like so many people, I’m not prepared to pay by the hour. I have a drink problem, I don’t value myself enough to pay you x per hour!
I have whiteknuckled (one of many cliches I have heard bandied about over the last 4 weeks) since Monday, since my sponsor came to do Step One with me. Left me, without having done Step One, because despite the only thingummyjig for membership being a desire to stop drinking, I’m not ready. Apparently. And no I’m not. If I could wake up and not bother about a drink, I’d gladly not drink again. However, I have never craved a drink in the day. Until now. I have never thought about suicide, nor felt suicidal. Until now. Because when something that is supposed to help (AA) makes you feel worse, implants alcoholic tendencies within you that never existed before (wanting to die, wanting to drink in the day!). I would rather die than feel how I have felt the last few days indefinitely. I told my husband this. He cried. He woke up. He cried again. Can’t do it. Sorry. I have 4 kids. I have to put my sobriety first? No. Not when you have 4 kids. Your kids are your priority.
Yet another cliche. I haven’t been to prison. Yet. I haven’t lost my kids. Yet. Yes, I also haven’t s**gged Jason Donovan yet, nor have I been run over by a bus yet, and at the end of the day , we’re here once. Once.
Why can’t we control it? Illness? I’m sorry. I can’t buy into that. Greed. Want. Hedonism. When I hear that we’re predisposed to it. What if alcohol didn’t exist. Would we be predisposed to TV? Asparagus? Ricky Gervais? Where was my sympathy when I was giving up smoking? I willingly picked up that fag, I willingly picked up that drink. I haven’t willingly shot up yet, but smackheads are frowned upon - even by me! Dirty. Not nice. How dare I.
So me? I’m sat here watching Liverpool in the Champions league final. I have just started on my second bottle of Red. This being because I told my husband I was getting sh*tfaced tonight. He said, whatever it takes. I should be at an AA meeting now. The liberation I feel by not being there, you wouldn’t believe. The maturity I feel that this is my choice. It might not be, please don’t look at me and feel disgust, if I fail - I fail. If I ever reach this elusive rock bottom, AA might work. If I reach the stage of “black out” etc etc etc - it might work. However, I was shamed into AA, even though I entered of my own accord, I have been open minded to the program, and it has served nothing but to make me feel worse. Not in a “worse before better” way either.
I have read an article from the US about a certain branch of the AA there being “cult like”. This is one of the reasons that I have looked further tonight. I actually have been having this chat with my husband today. He wants his wife back. His p*ssed wife to boot, cos she’s a damn sight more fun, loving and dare I say it - FUNCTIONAL than me!
AA is not affiliated with any sect or religious group. NO! It wouldn’t be! It’s a religion all of it’s own! It wouldn’t WANT affiliating! Why would it?
It has it’s own Bible (The Big Book). It’s own Messiah (Bill W.) It’s 10 Commandments (The Steps). It’s own “Doorsteppers” (Twelfth Steppers). It’s own Watchtower (Share). If I dig deeper I’m sure I can find some more comparisons. Just something about it all that’s making me desperately uneasy.
I am relaxed. In the company of the man I love. Semi-pissed. Semi-guilty. Partly conscious.
I will never drink the same again now. Know thy enemy. For that, I will always thank AA, and the wonderful, sober, happy people that shared their misery with me. However that is the key to me. The fact that despite this so-called dealing with the past, and the issues that make you drink, making amends where possible, unless it would cause harm, the whole group runs on dwelling on the past. Go figure.
Thanks for letting me share.
Michelle
June 7th, 2007 at 8:44 am
Michelle,
Your post really struck a chord with me. I too am female and a mother and the biggest thing for me is the shame and guilt about drinking, which, of course, makes me drink in order to not feel like that.
I’ve never tried AA and don’t think I ever would because I know that, although drinking has certainly added to my problems, it’s not the cause of it. Making me feel ashamed of my drinking without addressing what it is that is making me want to not be altogether present in this life seems barbaric to me. It’s like telling people in great pain that it’s the painkillers that are causing the problem. (They might absolutely ADD to the problems but that’s a different matter)
Making people feel ashamed of and focussed on their abuse of ‘pain relief’ would lead to a half-life - a life where you might be sober but still in a lot of pain. Why should anyone want to choose that other than because they’ve been threatened in some way (like your not in prison yet/still got kids analogy)?
To me alcoholism is a symptom, not a disease. The causes for it might be in your past, they might be in your present - I bet they are connected to feeling powerless, guilty, inadequate about something you feel you shouldn’t feel that way about. I also bet you are feeling really tired and worn out about it all. I know I am. And I also bet you have all the reasons in the world to feel like that.
A year ago I got pissed all the time, I was unhappy all the time - now it’s sometime very occasionally - no 12 step program but a real move forward for me.
You are a really brave person posting this here - hope you had a nice evening with your husband, with the wine and all. For me that’s ok - it’s the pain, not the booze. And pain is hard to bear.
So please take care of yourself, you so deserve all that is good.
UDA
June 10th, 2007 at 1:30 pm
Thank you UDA, you hit the nail on the head, and I am glad to find someone else who understands what I am thinking.
Since that night I have drank sporadically, maybe twice a week, and I have drank sensibly, last night for example, even though I had 2 bottles in, I drank one and I went on coke, because I knew that I had had enough, and I knew if I drank any more I would feel awful the next morning. That’s one thing that helps, my liking waking up with a clear head. As I said before I know my enemy now, I know alcohol needs treating with respect. Respect I didn’t allow it before my AA month.
Symptoms, yes yes yes. Only AA make you feel guilty when you try to rationalise your drinking, you’re not allowed to use your problems as “excuses” as they see it, or to feel depressed about your problems, or to justify drinking on your problems. I was like, hang on! I have suffered a great deal in the last 10 years or so. If I want to get p*ssed and miserable about it - I am justified in that! They say, yada yada - get over it, stop dwelling on the past, then sit for 90 minutes daily talking about an alcoholic past! Go figure! However, they’re right, drinking on our issues only exacerbates it, but in the absence of anything else, what do you do?
UDA I am so glad you are beating it in your own way, we all have our own way forward, as I said, I wasn’t being derogatory about AA, it has worked for millions of people worldwide over the years (and I guess will continue to do so). But for me, the pain, physical and mental, weighed up against having a couple of bottles of wine a week….. ? The wine won, I feel fine, life is great, and I am still holding out for Jason Donovan. I’ll pass on prison though…
Take care, and keep smiling, and most of all - thank you for your lovely, supportive post. I half expected checking back here and finding something nasty written in response.
Michelle
June 12th, 2007 at 1:29 pm
Hi Michelle,
Glad you seem to have found a solution that works for you. Black and white thinking (something is either good or bad - no in betweens, no shades of grey) seems to have been part of what’s made me very unhappy. To then have a ‘cure’ that involves such thinking (like AA stuff) seems to be counterproductive. It’s the guilt thing - if I feel guilty, I feel a great need to extinguish that feeling and my way of doing that is by getting blitzed. So, I think most people’s (certainly most women’s) lifes need LESS guilt, not more.
You have to feel that there is a way out, that you are a worthwhile person just for yourself to get out of that guilt spiral. I wonder how many alcoholics feel guilt about what they do to themselves as opposed to what they do to others? How many say/feel: ‘this is so sad, given that I am such a nice person and that I deserve so much more kindness’?
I’m really sorry, though sadly not surprised, that you have found your life very challenging and hope you are taking care of yourself and your needs. Alcohol does seem to exacerbate problems, add to them or cause some new ones but people who feel ok about themselves and the world they live in are unlikely to want to tune out on a regular basis.
I read somewhere that AA can turn a drunk sad/angry/frustrated etc. person into a sober sad/angry/frustrated etc. person. Not sure what the point is in doing that.
Take lots of care of yourself, you’re a worthwhile person trying her best. And please don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it - I put if off for far too long.
uda
July 2nd, 2007 at 12:59 am
As a biologist in the field of drug addiction, I have to disagree with this portrayal of addiction. Despite any disagreement I may have with AA’s approach, abstinence IS the most logical way to deal with alcoholism. And here is why.
When you drink, your liver breaks the alcohol molecules down into a highly toxic chemical called acetaldehyde. In normal people, this poison is broken down right away into vinegar and water. However, in “alcoholics”–that is, in the 10% of the population that you say are “predisposed” to an addiction to alcohol, it is NOT broken down as fast as the alcohol you’re drinking is.
This leads to two things. First, acetaldehyde builds up in the blood stream. It damages your liver and other major organs. If you continue to drink, the cumulative damage can and will kill you. Not to mention all the harm caused by large amounts of alcohol imbibed.
Second, acetaldehyde reacts with several compounds in the brain. The end result is that it morphs into various drug-like substances that act a lot like opiates, or heroin. This creates a neurophysiological addiction.
The changes in your body that cause this addiction never reverse themselves. That is, you can take away the alcohol, and everything is fine. But when you drink again, you are re-starting the addictive pathways. You’re also putting a substance into your body that will damage it, much more so than it would the “average” non-addicted drinker.
On the brighter side… the power of addiction does lessen over time. That means there is hope for people like Michelle, who, only 29 days sober, may feel like they will *always* be craving a drink. If you are always craving a drink, you’re still in a protracted state of withdrawal that tapers of after several months. Your body is still learning to function without alcohol. The damage of many years takes time to heal. You have to keep staying sober for the symptoms to go away.
Think of this as a promise… if you work really hard at at first, it WILL get easier and easier as time goes by.
As to this comment…
>>”I read somewhere that AA can turn a drunk sad/angry/frustrated etc. person into a sober sad/angry/frustrated etc. person. Not sure what the point is in doing that.”
I couldn’t disagree more. It is true, of course, that everything hits the fan in the short-term. However, the angry/sad/frustrated state an alcoholic is in is usually caused, not by personality, but… by alcohol.
That’s right. Addiction to alcohol CAUSES anxiety, depression, nervousness, frustration, etcetera… and offers itself as a cure to the problems it causes. This has a neurological basis. You are dousing yourself with a sedative. Your nerves adapt by getting agitated so you can function despite the sedative. Take alcohol away, and you feel jangled… the immediate cure is to drink.
The poison is the cure is the poison.
The good news is, take the alcohol away permanently, and your body will adapt back. It won’t forget how to be addicted, but it will function fine sober. You won’t always be feeling like crap. Just give yourself some time.
July 9th, 2007 at 6:01 am
Imuneekru - thanks for the info on the biological aspects of alcoholism.
I’d like to point out that although some people may have a genetic predisposition to be unable to break down alcohol in the liver as effectively as others, so for them it may be unwise to drink again, most people do not have this liver deficiency, and as such they may well be able to moderate their drinking successfully.
July 12th, 2007 at 7:53 pm
“It is true, of course, that everything hits the fan in the short-term. However, the angry/sad/frustrated state an alcoholic is in is usually caused, not by personality, but… by alcohol.” [Imuneekru].
While I don’t think any would disagree with the fact that alcohol in itself causes and/or exacerbates negative psychological symptoms, I must say, however, that I find the statement above a little misleading and, written as it is, deeply unhelpful. It appears to imply that the negative emotions experienced by someone with alcohol problems would be virtually eradicated were that alcohol consumption to cease.
Granted, some negative psychological symptoms may be lessened, and in some cases, they may well virtually disappear. Based on my experience, however, I would argue that what is more likely to happen is that some of the symptoms will manifest in a different way unless, as has been suggested both in this post and on this site, the underlying causes of the pattern of behaviour is tackled.
Someone once described to me a metaphor which I think illustrates this point well: Think of a balloon filled with water. If you squeeze it, you might divert the water from one part, but that will cause increased pressure in another area. This follows on from the point Michelle Mon made about the alternatives to excess in one area being replaced by another - “Would we be predisposed to TV? Asparagus?” Well, not in all cases, of course, but undoubtedly some people replace one addiction with another and it stands to reason that this might be explained (again, in some people) by not having tackled the underlying causes of the behaviour. While Imuneekru is clearly highly knowledgeable about the neurophysiology of addiction, it seems to me that he is somewhat lacking in an understanding of the behavioural and emotional aspects of such problems. Perhaps this is not the case, but certainly I feel that the psychology of addictive behaviour did not feature so highly in his analysis as it could have done in order to ensure that his post provided a balanced and comprehensive view of why people misuse drugs and alcohol, and suffer related psychological issues.
In my opinion, one of the most important aspects of recovery is understanding the motivation behind the behaviour.
I doubt anyone would dispute that, for people with alcohol problems of any degree, it would be beneficial, both physically and psychologically, to create distance between themselves and the substance to which they are addicted - in some cases, it may be that a person decides this ought to be permanent. One of the biggest benefits of creating this distance, it seems to me, can be the opportunity it provides to gain some perspective on the nature of the relationship with the substance - confronting, with appropriate support, the real role it plays in the person’s life, and more importantly, starting to think through the reasons why it plays that role and what, if anything, should and could be done to change the nature of that relationship.
Yes, abstinence is the answer for some people. Yes, many people stop drinking and experience increased amounts of physiological and psychological good health as a result. But let’s not be naiive about this. In my view, it’s highly likely that the addictive or destructive behaviour may have something to do with having been “sad/angry/frustrated” in the first place.
July 18th, 2007 at 11:10 pm
Thank you for putting a different angle on things… this disease, condition, illness, situation, whatever we see it as is a mish-mash of many different factors.
With respect Imuneekru, your knowledge of this is obviously … God, what’s the word… you know what I mean. Huge. You have told me things I didn’t know or appreciate about alcoholics. However, you can’t just disagree with a particular portrayal of addiction when it’s a person’s personal account! That’s like disagreeing that I had Chicken Tikka Wraps for tea, I did, whether it conforms with your opinion or not. Everyone is different, and your slant isn’t going to apply to 100% of the people with this problem. Same as AA will not work for 100% of people, same as counselling won’t work for 100% of people.
>>”I read somewhere that AA can turn a drunk sad/angry/frustrated etc. person into a sober sad/angry/frustrated etc. person. Not sure what the point is in doing that.”
“I couldn’t disagree more. It is true, of course, that everything hits the fan in the short-term. However, the angry/sad/frustrated state an alcoholic is in is usually caused, not by personality, but… by alcohol. ”
I’m sorry, I am with UDA and BEA on this one. Hit the nail right on the head. I drink, sorry, drank, because I was/am thoroughly miserable with many aspects of my life. And yes, my drinking is one of those aspects, however, the drinking came about after the problems started. More problems have ensued, kind of like
Problems——-> Drink ——–> More Problems ———> Drink
So, if I sobered up, I still have the same problems, problems that I (for whatever reason) cannot mentally cope with or resolve, so I am still that screwed up person, but instead of being drunk and screwed up, I am now sober and screwed up? Oh, great :I
I know I maybe gave up a bit too soon, but believe me, I couldn’t have coped with it for much longer, I would have been in a mental hospital. I have 4 children, I haven’t the time to go loopy, not unless I can be fitted in between 9 and 11 on alternate Fridays. I could not withdraw indefinitely, when nobody could give me a timescale as to when it would stop. All you can guarantee is that it will lessen. Not good enough for me, sorry, neither is an illness that I can never recover from. Who the hell wants one of those? What’s the point in that, an illness that you can never recover from? Might as well just shoot myself in the head now and be done with it! Sorry, I fail to see the positives in that particular definition of Alcoholism!
I drank for a few weeks, from that night in late May, until the 7th July. I had 3 bottles of wine a week, which is a good improvement on 10. I didn’t enjoy any of them. So, I thought, what’s the point? I wouldn’t repeatedly eat a food I didn’t like, so why do this? So I have stopped for myself, for the right reasons. I have sought external help this time from professionals, because although my AA’s hearts were in the right place, they didn’t have the back up to deal with what was going on in my head, after they stirred up that particular hornet’s nest.
I haven’t had any nasty withdrawals, because, as has been explained to me, I did my withdrawing the last time; because I have only drank small amounts since resuming my drinking career, my last nasty withdrawal “stands” if you like. I haven’t craved alcohol, I have even attended a wedding of my closest family relative last weekend, and I went the whole day on pop. Proud isn’t the word, because this is my choice, I am doing this. It’s not bothering me other than the urge occasionally to go and get a glass of wine, which is habit not need. Six years of opening a bottle of wine at 7.01 pm and I’m like Pavlov’s dog when that clock chimes 7! I have alcohol in the house which is undisturbed, I’m not bothered about it.
I think you are right, bang on, about abstinence being the only way forward, long term, however, I believe that an individual needs to get to a state that they are happy with that choice, and not because they have been guilt tripped into it (as I was in my AA month) or forced into it. I have decided not to drink, it’s a decision I can reverse at any time.
I’m not so naive or arrogant as to think I will never drink again, but if I eradicate or lay to rest the problems that make me drink in the first place, then my personal belief (knowing myself as well as I do) is that I lessen the odds of it happening again. Teach me how to cope with crap when it is thrown at me, and I will deal with it there and then, instead of drinking it away until the next day.
We’re all different, we’ll all have different takes and approaches to the issue at hand, doesn’t make one of us wrong and the other right… I enjoy reading other people’s experiences, especially if I can draw something from it, and thank you again Imuneekru for educating me about factors of this that I hadn’t previously considered.
August 11th, 2007 at 6:04 am
Somewhat unsurprisingly (given that it was my comment that was being disagreed with) I agree with Bea and Michelle Mon rather than with Imuneekru, though I agree that alcohol exacerbates problems rather than solves them in the long run and also creates some new ones. However, it’s the ‘in the long run’ bit that seems to be a real issue. Basically, a bit of alcohol makes you able to express parts of yourself you wouldn’t feel brave enough to express otherwise, a lot of it allows you to not take part in life, to tune out.
To me it seems clear that if you get ‘addicted’ to wanting to be other than you are or not be there at all it’s a problem which isn’t caused by alcohol. Being human means that we have problems and we should be understanding.
August 26th, 2007 at 8:32 am
I would really like to hear people’s opinions about ‘addiction’. A lot of emphasis has been placed on the either physiological (chemicals etc.) or the ‘moral’ or ‘genetic’ (basic weakness in psychological makeup). I think it might be a social problem - people do not ‘fit in’, lead lives or have experiences that are horrendous and unacknowledged. Much better to deny those experiences even if it takes alcohol or drugs than to be a ‘lone ranger’ attacking a social system that’s been based on what?
Can’t believe how radical that is sounding - still if there is no basis for this I’m a sad nutcase and nobody should feel threatened by it, should they?
October 13th, 2007 at 9:54 pm
I have checked back to this regularly, to see if anyone was brave enough to start the ball rolling. I wouldn’t worry than anyone thinks you’re a “sad nutcase” more to the point that probably everyone who reads this has a concise, coherent response (in their heads) but when it comes to writing it concisely and coherently, we’re drooling, rabid, simpletons. We know what we mean deep inside, don’t we?
October 28th, 2007 at 8:16 am
Hi,
I enjoyed reading everyone’s comments.
I keep noting that people presume that AA suggests that alcohol is the cause of all alcoholics problems, but it does not. It states that alcohol is but ‘one’ of the problems, or more correctly, ‘one’ of the symptoms. The whole AA program focuses on treating the individual to help them heal from ‘all’ their problems so they can be emotionally well. Thats the aim anyhow.
How do I know this, well i was a member of AA and NA for just under 10 years. I also went to rehab 10 years ago (one of the top 3 in the world), and it was 12 step focused. I also did years of therapy and ‘alternatives to therapy’/ anne wilson shaef (who is a bit controversial nowadays, but is a very great and wise lady, despite her critics).
Anyhow, my story is that I chose to drink again after 10 years of sobriety. I did this with a lot of consideration, I was also in therapy and still am, and also told my good friends in AA that I had made this decision (which they respected). I wanted to know if all the healing work I had done, meant I could now drink relatively safely.
I have now been drinking for about a year. Most of the time I drink very normally and have one or two drinks and don’t get drunk. Except for about once a month, in a social situation, where I do binge drink. I don’t enjoy the effects of this, especially after the binge. I am still open to returning to AA, except for me it is a little complicated (i’ll talk about that in a sec). At present I am working on a booklet to help me identify my triggers for binge drinking - one of them is definitely anxiety, another is being around ‘unsafe’ or other ‘binge’ drinkers (which means many people who go out to bars/ clubs on a Friday night). In another words, I am learning that certain contexts, people are not good for me to be around. As when I am not around these people or places I drink normally.
AA did not cure my underlying depression (mild-moderate), which I have had most of my life. I also have mild-moderate anxiety (people joke with me that I am an ADD kid at work). I do not have bi-polar, in case anyone thinks I might. Clinically I have been diagnosed with both depression/ anxiety and have recently gone back on SSRI medication to help treat it (along with exercise, which I find very helpful). Basically I have PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder), thats the label anyhow. And alcohol can help it and that is why alcohol is something I have to be watchful about.
The problem for me with AA (not abstinence, but the program) is that I am also ACOA (adult child of an alcoholic), which means I am very co-dependent, so AA focus on helping others isnt what I need, as this is what I do my default. Also AA does not acknowledge (my experience) and respect the need to get different kinds of treatment if you have other mental illnesses. For me, it was often best to exercise if I was anxious, then to go to a meeting. Same with their focus on helping others, well all that helped me do, was turn into a bleeding workaholic. Thats not AA’s fault, just the way that my co-dependent nature interpreted AA suggestions.
So there you are.
For me, the question of whether I can drink or not, is still an experiment. Lately, the results have been more on the side of I cannot. I dont want to binge drink. I dont want to do anything that triggers more depression/ anxiety, as I have enough of this already. And if anyone wants to suggest I didnt work the AA programme well enough, well your wrong. I was a poster boy for AA for many years, did the steps, had a sponsor, had sponsees, went to 4 plus meetings a week, did service etc… I did see AA work for many people, and in terms of keeping me sober it worked very well. It just didnt help treat my underlying issues (which I can tell you from own experience, are a long term process).
However, I shouldn’t paint such a bleak picture. Because like many others I have also healed and grown. I could talk about many things, such as getting a masters degree, starting my own business, being very senior in my field of work, finding my birth mum/family, dealing with sexual abuse issues, dealing with issues of abandonment from having an alcoholic mother and being adopted. These have all been very challenging issues to address, and required a lot of courage. What I am trying to say, is that I am still healing, still growing and still facing up to life journey.
Any ideas of help with anxiety, would be greatly appreciated.
November 12th, 2007 at 5:44 pm
Hi - I have reached the canyon’s edge where I have to admit that I am an alcoholic. I took a number of bottles to the recycling trucks and I was disgusted at how many large bottles of vodka and gin I have drunk within 2 weeks. One Friday, I bought a 2litre bottle of vodka, by the Wednesday, it was done. I drink every night after my partner goes to bed so I find myself wishing she would retire for the evening so I can sit up and drink. She doesnt drink by the way. She must notice but hasnt said anything. Today I have made up my mind to quit. I see a chasm before me, a chasm where vodka used to fill. I am frightened at being sober every night that lies in front of me. Drinking, to me, is like closing my eyes to avoid seeing a horrific picture in front of me. In the nights ahead, I will not be closing my eyes but confronting that horrific picture. I am so scared as I believe to cure the reasons for my problem may mean turning my life as I know it upsidedown. I am at a crossroads, either I face up to it and bite the bullet and roll with the changes or I crumple and kill myself slowly. Thank you for providing this forum by the way.
November 20th, 2007 at 12:35 pm
I have have been drinking forever. I lost husband and about to lose a 5 year old son. The whole little town knows I am a drunk buying 5 liter box of wine daily. I drink in front of my son and lose my temper. My personality changes completely and I am turning into a monster. I hate myself, my ex-husband and the whole world. I am terribly ashamed of myself. My reputation is destroyed permanently. So I drink more and more to avoid pain and terrible shame. Is is possible not to drink and cope?
Marusha
November 20th, 2007 at 8:18 pm
Johnboy, my view on AA was simply from experience of my local AA groups (Wales area), who were pointedly of the opinion that it was ultimately the alcohol that was the cause of every problem we had. We weren’t allowed to have problems, or feel sorry for ourselves, I mean for God’s sake, who doesn’t want to wallow in self pity now and again - drink problem or not? Especially if you’ve been through the mill. I am receiving help from The Alcohol Service at the moment. Wonderful. Drinking minus the guilt I might add (in moderation of course…. lol), doing cognitive stuff. It’s all good. Also suffer from anxiety, and it’s people that make me anxious. Other people and what I need to do to be around them and cope with them (namely get sh*tfaced). The only way I know how to deal with anxiety is to get p*ssed lol. And that - I appreciate - is little or no help.
PM - with this therapy I am having I am crapping myself, and facing issues that I have kept hidden with the help of alcohol for 14, 15, 16 years. It is scary. But like gas - it’s better out than in. Believe me. It does pass. I am a million miles away from the person I was in my first post on here, not even 6 months ago? You find ways to cope, you find things to do - funnily enough, because you’re not asleep on the sofa, with your head stuck by your own drool to a cushion lol. I hope you have been brave enough to ask for help, there’s no shame in it, and the more you ask, and the more honest you are with people, the more respect you get.
Marusha - yes, bless you. As a mother to a mother, get help, please. If your son has to live with his father for the time being, get yourself well in the meantime. You’re in a vicious circle, it doesn’t matter what the rest of the town think, it matters what your son thinks. Nobody else.
I hope everyone is coping in their own way, and moving forward
January 23rd, 2008 at 6:38 am
im 18 senior in high school…..no one warned me i was gunna be hooked on this shit for the rest of my life…..i already crave it everyday, i wish the explained in school that alcohol is a drug u can never not want all the time once ur hooked
February 20th, 2008 at 9:12 pm
Hi There.
I believe that the longer, I stay sober the more I realize that AA worked for me in the beginning because I also believed that I had a allergy to alcohol, and I needed to be around other alcoholics with the same problem. I knew that these people had something I didn’t.That was sanity and control over their life’s. So I figured it would evidentally just rub off on me. I’m proud to say that, that was almost 5 years ago. I don’t goto alot of meetings anymore but You can’t get out of church. I know that ultimately our maker is the one who decides my fate, Thank God it isn’t my addiction that is going to kill me but my maker. Thanks Family for all your support.
God bless all.
March 21st, 2008 at 7:26 pm
I am a alcoholic who drinks every single day and cannot quit. I am in complete mental and physical agony. The last time I was able to quit for any length of time was 14 days, at which point I was so depressed I felt I had a knife right through my heart. I got drunk because I simply could not bear the pain.
Twenty-five years ago, I was addicted to heroin. Ten years ago I was a cocaine addict. I quit both on my own with much struggle. No rehab no meetings, sheer will power. I never dreamed alcohol would be the addiction that would take my life. I did not start drinking until I was nearly 30 since I preferred the high of narcotics, and considered alcohol “uncool” and found the behavior of drunkards embarrassing and ridiculous.
I always had a tendency to drink too much if I did drink. I realize now that was the first sign I am alcoholic. My brain did not tell me “stop” like normal people’s brains do. Normal people start to feel sick from too much alcohol. My brain says, “Drink as much as you can, as fast as you can.”
My life has completely unraveled. I have very few friends, who all know I am an alcoholic and are helpless to stop me. I only drink at night. I hole up in my bedroom and guzzle a bottle of wine or inexpensive California champagne in 10 minutes. I feel great comfort and warmth when the drug starts to kick in. Then I try to get another half bottle in before I pass out.
It takes me hours to get up in the morning. The last several jobs I did I managed to convince them it made more sense for me to start later than everyone else and leave late in the evening to beat traffic. Since I live in Los Angeles, this argument could save hours a day spent in the car, but the real reason is I am a raging alcoholic that wants to get drunk every night, and cannot possibly get into work by 10AM and be fully functional. I cannot drive before noon because the hangovers warp my perception. My nervous system is awry and I drive very fearfully and have to pull over and stop the car frequently. By around 3PM I have calmed down sufficiently and drank enough liver-detoxifying tea to somewhat sane, and capable of operating a motor vehicle.
I cannot live like this anymore. I feel very, very sorry for the 18-year old who posted here who is angry that nobody warned him about the addictive properties of alcohol for those of us who have this reaction to it. It’s so addictive to us it’s truly horrible. I remember sitting in a restaurant with an alcoholic whose entire family had a dreadful history, whose father and grandmother died from alcohol, whose brother had 6 DUI’s, who’d been in AA and fallen off the wagon after 8 years. She was facing a refrigerated case that held inviting bottles of chilled wine and beer. The look on her face was intense, and I could see her fighting the urge to drink. We had to switch places so she could not see the bottles. Another person told me alcoholic aunt cannot sit anywhere near a bar in a restaurant although she’s been sober for years.
Is this how life is to be for us? A constant war trying not to drink? Another alcoholic friend with throbbing liver was told he would die if he did not stop. He drank liver-cleansing teas, and three days later lost all desire for alcohol. He has bottles of the junk in his house, and no desire to drink. How does that happen? I have struggled so long and so hard with this. I am asking anyone in cyberspace for help. I’ve asked God, Jesus, Krishna, Buddha, Allah, Mohammed, Jimi Hendrix and cannot stop drinking.
June 23rd, 2008 at 11:06 pm
Has anyone tried alternative methods to stop drinking, such as Bio-treatment offered by New Ways Clinic? What results?
July 9th, 2008 at 10:08 am
Try us out for 90 days. Some people need a brain wash. cult or no cult it works. Just remember DENIAL