Comments on: Cutting Down or Giving Up Drinking

By: hopeful

hopeful — Mon, 14 May 2012 08:43:55 +0000

Hi folks,
Just found this site and have been reading through the comments with a mixture of deep hope and also fear.
Have been drinking heavily since my (heavy drinking) sister and my husband had a sexual affair which resulted in my (already dysfunctional) family being finally shattered completely.
I am a professional and have found my ambitions thwarted by my stupid hangover/drinking mistakes on many occasions. Luckily, I avoided losing my driving license (so far) and have managed to keep my house. On 3 occasions I have been reported to Social Services for my drinking, but as I manage to function (God knows how) in terms of holding down a job and feeding/clothing my poor daughter, I have escaped losing custody of her.
I have been drinking at least 2 daily bottles of wine for 10 years. Have lost 3 relationships (2 to 3 years has been the limit they can stand). My looks were certainly better, 10 years of stressful heavy drinking have put a good stone on my figure and my skin (particularly on my face) now has red veins etc. Due to my having ‘enough’ money, I had laser treatment to reduce this, but it is expensive and doesn’t last if you continue to drink.
I cancel so many social invites/opportunities (for both my daughter and her friends and myself) because I know I will be too over the limit to either pick her up or drive myself there. Her friends’ parents are beginning to recognise, so her social circle is drying up too.
I spent a year off work (paid) with anxiety/panic attacks/depression. Received alcohol counselling for a year. I don’t think I was ready for that (have a degree in Psychology, so found it hard to distance myself).
Recently, a friend/brother in law died (he was a heavy drinker, but died of cancer). This has woken me up to how short life can be.
I haven’t had a drink since a week ago.
Doesn’t feel bad at all you know? It was a nice day yesterday. Sun was out, we went for a drive (without worrying about my license). I had ENERGY (not had that in way too long). Got the giggles and had a belly laugh with my daughter (not done that without alcohol). The money in my purse is STILL there??? (can’t remember the last time that happened either). I feel very tired in the evenings and have a hot chocolate, watch a film (and I actually remember what I watched), then I ACTUALLY do go up to my lovely bed. I no longer worry/feel ashamed each morning when my daughter wakes me up from the couch to say she is off to school – I get up (from my bed) and we actually communicate. Have noticed that she doesn’t ask me ‘are you working today?’ – perhaps that fear of coming home to a stinking slobby drunken aggressive ‘mum’ on the couch is beginning to lessen for her?
I REALLY hope that I can do this. Life is infinitely better within just 1 week. Not only for me. I did read a good book by Jason Vale … ‘Kick the drink …easily!’ which stuck in my head (although I read it a month ago) and has helped quite a bit.
Life is for living and have been slowly killing myself for too long.
Other things I am doing right now (which may or may not be helping, but I do anyway) are taking Black Cohosh tablets and Bladderwort.
I haven’t really had nightmares or nightsweats, which may be due to that?
The fear of having a seizure has now gone. It was a real fear as I witnessed it with my sister when she withdrew (but she was a whisky drinker – a litre a day).
I will try and keep you updated if this posting has helped. As yet I am unsure whether I will drink again. I don’t want to be a social leper through not drinking, but at the moment I KNOW for certain I have become one through my drinking and am happier not to drink at all.
Thanks for reading this, would appreciate your comments. Wishing you all the best of luck with your (obvious) struggles too x

By: Torrey

Torrey — Tue, 03 Apr 2012 16:02:49 +0000

I’ve been ‘drinkfree’ for a month.. I’ve slowly watched condensation form on a partial bottle of wine. First time to witness that.. .. more like a scientific experiment.

By: ann-marie

ann-marie — Thu, 01 Mar 2012 13:20:12 +0000

ive been with my parner for 4 years now. hes been dependant on a drink since he was 14 years old and is now 31. he has had a hard life and has tried although i do feel he hasnt tried loads. i am engaged to him and would like another child before i get to past it but i fear that his drinking wont get any better. we did split up for a few months as the way he was with me was terrible and he has been miles better but he still drinks more on the weekends and there becoming where the arguing is worse! i could really do with some advice on how to go about things.. i love him loads but with his drink im not sure wether to throw in the towel or not please help xx

By: dave

dave — Wed, 29 Feb 2012 22:50:56 +0000

hi guys en gals. I have two cans of Stella every night, iv only just started questioning whether I have a problem because of this. every morning i wake up tired and say to myself in the shower that “tnite il not have anything”. sure enough when night comes and the kids are asleep I go to the fridge and grab a can. half of the problem is I like the taste too much, the other half is I think in my mind im telling myself that I won’t sleep if I don’t drink. iv been doing this for two years now. would you consider this as a problem?

By: Mels

Mels — Sun, 26 Feb 2012 23:07:03 +0000

Hi, I’ve drunk heavily for 4 years now since I gave up smoking I substituted one for the other, I rarely go without a drink less than 5 nights a week. I drink at home wine or lager. I hide how much I drink and finish off drinking in my bedroom, waking up with an empty glass and an empty feeling inside. I have a husband children and a job and have now realised through drinking I have alienated myself from these things. I am on day 5 of not drinking at all and I feel like shit , I’ve had headaches and a sore throat bug my sleeping is no worse than when I was drinking. It’s still early days for me but I have realised my relationship with alcohol is not healthy I have known this for ages but never gone more than a couple of days. I’m trying for a month at first and go from there, opportunities to relapse are always going to be there… I’m trying to stag strong and by writing this down is therapy in itself. Wish me luck. X

By: Lynda

Lynda — Tue, 21 Feb 2012 16:47:20 +0000

Claire – Sorry but your husband does have a drinking problem. He also has a more serious one. Denial over it.

I am fifty three and have been an alocohic for forty four years. Yes I started drinking at nine. Both my parents were alcoholics. Therefore, there was always drink in the house and there was very little attention given to what was going on around them as they were always blind drunk.

My partner is too an alocoholic. We are what one would term functioning alcoholics. Not by definition we are in denial, but in terms of holding down jobs and functioning on a day to day basis.

However, more recently, I have lost my job, my driving licence, my daughter and possibly my partner. Next will be the house, no doubt… All because of my drinking.

My partner has lost his driving licence twice and had three failed marriages behind him when I met him eighteen years ago, because of his drinking.

I have tried to give up on a number of occasions. Iv’e tried everything, from councelling to rehab over the years. However living with an alcoholic and trying to give up, when they don’t want to is an impossible task. I have given up for as long as five years, before I met my partner, but was drinking again and heavilly when I met him. I’m not saying its his fault, or my parents, it is mine and I take full resposibility.

Might I suggest you speak to your husband, explain to him this is not the life you had visualised with him for you and the kids. Explain, you will be there to love and support him, however it does need to stop.

You may uncover a reason for his drinking, a route cause he is hiding from. Tell him you love deeply and he can trust you to talk about anything. If he does have something on his chest, he will feel an awful better if he shares it with you.

I can’t say this will help him to stop/cut down in any way. But talking about it is a start.

I wouldn’t want to see him end up like me and his children hating him as mine do me.

I don’t want to come across as a know it all, please don’t think that. Your contribution to thread touched me, as you obviously want to help him. As long as you understand, nobody can help an alcoholic to give up drinking, they need to want to do that for themselves.

Good luck…

By: claire

claire — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 20:53:44 +0000

Advice please. My husband this week has drunk 80 cans of lager ranging from fosters to mainly Stella 4 it averages to 13 cans a night last week he didnt drink for 3 nights the rest of the week he was drunk every night.when I have a go at him (sober) he says ok ok I’ll cut down only drink on weekends this lasts a couple of days and then he has a hard day at work or he’s on holiday or hes stressed and we are back to square one. My kids hate it when he’s drunk. He says he doesn’t have a problem but i am concerned he is doing himself real harm when he drinks he smokes a lot more plus always wants kebabs for his energy levels. He doesnt suffer from hangovers unless it is a big session. Does anyine else think he has a problem?

By: Sally-Anne

Sally-Anne — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 01:48:53 +0000

Try taking up running, it will relax you and also reduces the desire to drink.
For a start I think you need to go just one day without drinking, then you will know you can, and then improve on that.

By: em

em — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 11:27:01 +0000

Hi Emma, I am also 28 and the fitting is a major concern of mine too although my drinking is heavier than yours. Unfortunately 2 bottles of strong white wine are sliding down my throat each night now. I’ve always liked a drink but its just out of hand now. I’ve been admitted to hospital with a panic attack, which I could have sworn was heart failure at the time. The doctor that dealt with me that night nearly fell through the floor when I told her my level of intake. Even after all the promises I made my self in that a&e room I have continued to drink. Problem is I feel terrible when I don’t. My heart races, I talk too fast, my thoughts rush, I sweat. After I drink my wine I usually pass out then wake up about 3am and then can’t get back to sleep as I’m so dehydrated. I just lie there watching the clock go round making myself a load more empty promises in my head of this being the “last time”. Of coarse it never is as I usually feel ok by 10 am and ready for a drink by 3pm. Sorry I’ve gone a bit there!!

By: mark

mark — Sun, 15 Jan 2012 01:26:35 +0000

emma u will be ok as u say u don,t drink for 2 nights a month, fits sometimes occur in chronic alcoholics who suddenly give up after many years of heavy drinking which usualy happens within the first day, if u are really worried see ur gp who will perscribe a course of diazipan i doubt u will need it though just willpower in ur case