Has alcohol destroyed your self confidence ?
Have you become dependent on alcohol to give you self confidence? Many of our clients say they have no self confidence left because of their drinking. Sometimes they feel so guilty about their behaviour, towards their families for the pain they’ve caused them, for instance.
Eventually you might lose your belief in your own abilities or worth. If you can’t socialize comfortably when you’re sober, if you don’t think you’re entertaining / clever / open enough without having a drink first, then your confidence obviously needs to recover.
When you try to cut down on your drinking, one of the things people often have difficulty with is their lack of confidence in themselves. To rebuild that self esteem again takes time. When you feel good about who you are, then you’re more confident. You need to observe yourself – notice when you are judging yourself negatively or blaming yourself for mistakes you think you’ve made.
Part of this comes down to forgiveness. We all make mistakes, we’re human after all. But forgiving yourself for pain you’ve caused loved ones can be particularly difficult. Very often we are far more forgiving of others than we are of ourselves. Mistakes or failures are just incidents, or certain things you are still learning, try not to see them as evidence of a defective personality – there’s no doubt still plenty of things that make you a valuable person.
The process of rebuilding your self confidence also requires recognizing your ability to deal with difficult feelings or difficult situations without alcohol – you don’t fall apart, it’s just difficult that’s all. If you don’t believe you can cope with life without being drunk, then you won’t.
I am a 40 year old mother of two. My eldest who is 16 doeas not live with me. When he was born I was already an Alcoholic and prefered drink to being a mother. He lives with my mother who was also an alcoholic or as I like to use the term alcohol abuser.
My youngest is four and I nearly lost her 6 weeks ago when things got to an all time low and with a bottle of vodka I took an overdoes of prozac, she was taken off me for 2 weeks and that was the longest 2 weeks of my life.
I stayed at my partners and managed to have 2 weeks without alcohol.My partner or should i say ex partner now mother was one of the reason that I tried to take my own life. she thinks I am not good enough for her son, like most of my life I have felt I wasnt good enough.
When I came home from my partners I was fine for a fews days but then I started feeling lost and alone and once again vodka and port became my best friends.
Thats when things came to ahead with my partner cos I aint a nice person when I have been drinking I think the world is against me and that I dont deserve happiness.
Well the happiness I had I sure lost thats why last friday I took my last drink and vowed I would try to help myself. I know it is going to be hard but every time I think of having a drink I am going to think “PROVE THEM WRONG “.
Its time for me to stop letting people I love down and to start to love myself and realise that deep down I am a nice person.
Tc all
I was doing some research about addiction because I am an alocoholic. This article is dead-on! I was the type to go out on the weekends with friends—get wasted and do things that I wasn’t proud of. Yes, it would lead me to feel ashamed and lowered my self esteem as I was learning that at times I couldn’t control my alochol intake — it was a viscious cycle! It’s true what they say about the fact what you do when you are intoxicated has alot to say about “how” and “why” you are driven to this extreme. My childhood was not a healthy one. There were many negative messages and influences; from my abusive father and alcoholic and addicted mother. So, it’s safe to say that until I came to terms with my addictions and vices, it was the beginning to an extensive healing process and life change. I was smoking cigarettes for 15 years and tried to quit over the years; everytime I drank I would go back. I promised myself I wouldn’t smoke when I drank for the umpteenth time (before I was consciense drinking was a problem) but of course subconsciensely I knew—and broke that promise after being a non-smoker for over a month—excersizing–going to church, rarely drinking and from that my self esteem was improving. When I went on that binge unexpectly at a friends party; threw away my resolve and acted inappropriately, it was my rock bottom. I couldn’t bear to be my false self any longer when under the influence —
and it’s true what they say about getting used to social situations without being drunk. You actually have to feel yourself through the uncomfortableness to get the contentment you naturally are able to feel. I think for so long I thought drinking and social situations went hand in hand that I didnt know any other way. Drinking was a way to escape and act out on my pain I suppose. Now I am attending AA, and made a committment never to drink again—and smoke free 2 months! I know this is a journey—but it’s a blessing to have an opportunity to have the healthy life I always deserved. To actually get to the heart of the matter, solve it… and really live a life sober and have that real inner happiness that you thought you could get when under the influence. We learn that is not what is normal; we want to be so we choose not to drink and face ourselves! Cheers!
I am seriously depressed right now. my sister had to pick me up for work yesterday because I got so drunk. I probably lost my job.
My husband is angry, my sister is angry and I feel like I have no one to talk to.
My self esteem is in the toilet and I fee pysically ill.
Just wanted to talk to someone, But all I have is my computer.
Are there any books related to the topic of rebuilding self esteem after years of alcohol abuse?
Good article. I think we all have our “vices” for coping with a lack of self confidence, whether we do it publicly through drinking or privately like binge eating. Congratulations Gina on figuring things out for yourself and finding a new, healthy way to live your life.
I particularly feel empathy with Theresa – getting drunk at work. This has happened to me before and caused me the most awful feelings. “What did I do?”, “did anyone notice?” – all that sort of thing.
Alcohol has caused me problems with relationships with the people closest to me – I turn into a bit of a beast when I’ve had too much. Not physical but verbal – and I often can’t even remember all the nasty things I’ve said or even where I’ve been.
I’ve now done a home detox – 1 week off work and I was visited every day to make sure I was OK. I haven’t had a drink now for almost 6 weeks – feel great, look a lot different (loads of people have remarked on that without knowing why I look so well) – but I am REALLY having to work at staying sober. Basically, I need to be on my guard ALL the time so as not to relapse. Theresa, I finally asked my employer to help me. I don’t know if that is possible for you but I certainly received a tremendous amount of support. I’ve tried so many times to stop and this is the most “success” I’ve ever had.
Anyway, best wishes to you all and good luck. One day at a time is a really useful way of doing it.
I quit drinking SPECIFICALLY because I knew it had become a confidence crutch. I am a single young man (well 36 now, not that young!) and I literally could not talk to a single young woman if I wasn’t drunk first. Every girl I met was in a bar or club. I never talked to girls on the street, in the grocery store, at the beach, it was all bars and I had to be drunk first. I never set out for this to happen, I just started drinking in College because “it’s fun!” or so I thought. But it creeps up on you over time. Alcohol DOES give you a short-term confidence boost. But the DIRE PRICE you pay is it robs your real confidence long term.
After I quit I was a wreck. I forced myself to go out to bars and social situations and face them SOBER. I had many times when I didn’t know if I could do it, didn’t know if I’d ever be the same. I mean sure I could GO out, but I was now a wall-flower not talking to anyone whereas before I was an outgoing social drunk. I FORCED myself out of my comfort zone, made myself talk to girls I didn’t know totally sober without my booze crutch. Slowly, over the next 2 years I regained my confidence. Night-by-night, bit by bit. Now almost 2 years later I can say I am just as outgoing and confident in social situations stone sober as I ever was drunk! AND I get the bonus of not doing stupid drunk stuff. I have all the lowered inhibitions and none of the poor decision making. It is absolutely worth it. It is the best decision I ever made in my life. If you are ready to quit, understand there WILL be an adjustment period. You WILL have to face your fear of social situations. You won’t even perceive it as fear, you’ll just think you aren’t having as much fun as you used to and you’ll be VERY tempted to go back to drinking. Don’t do it! It’s a dead end road. Take the time to rebuild your confidence! It’s totally worth it.
One last thought… If you’re a single man doing this, you know your dating life is largely dependent on approaching women you don’t know… unless all you ever want to do is date in your social circle. Your dating life WILL take a huge hit. I couldn’t meet girls for the first YEAR. 12 lonely months. That’s BRUTAL. But the first time you hook up with a girl that you met totally sober and attracted via your OWN REAL confidence…. it’s all worth it. You WILL come out stronger on the other side, if you’re willing to rebuild your confidence. I look at it this way, it took 16 years of dependence on alcohol to destroy my confidence, if it takes 2 years to rebuild it, that’s not bad!