How to stay sober when all your friends are drinking
One of the biggest difficulties people face when they’re trying to stop drinking is what to do when other people are drinking alcohol around them.
The temptation to have a drink yourself is one aspect of it – “they can do it, so why can’t I?” Seeing them getting merry, and desperately wanting a taste too. How are you supposed to resist the urge?
The other aspect is, you begin to realise your drunk friends are actually quite tiresome, their sense of humour doesn’t quite match yours anymore, you feel left behind. Suddenly you’re the odd one out, when you’ve been so used to being part of the crowd, one of the party. This can feel very isolating if you’re the only one who’s not drinking.
Then of course there’s the concerned advice from your inebriated companions:
- “what’s wrong with you?”,
- “go on, just one won’t hurt…”,
- “don’t be such a _____ ” (insert a likely derogatory label).
This makes it even harder, and what should be a fun evening can turn into an endurance test.
This all depends on the company you’re with of course, if you’re just with your family or your partner in a restaurant then obviously the pressure won’t be so awkward, but pubs, bars and clubs with your old ‘drinking buddies’ will take some getting used to.
What really helps here is to enlist an ally – a close friend (or your partner perhaps), who’s not that bothered about drinking either and is prepared to be sober for a night to keep you company. That way you won’t feel quite so different, and you’ll have somebody who’s on your level, someone you can chat to comfortably (make sure you sit next to them of course). You won’t need to do this forever, but just until you get used to not drinking when your friends are.
It’s day 9 of my 30 days of giving up alcohol, but I think I’ve been kidding myself that all I need to do to make things right is to give up for a month. Reading everyone’s stories on here has been a real eye opener and I think I may just need to try and carry on with sobriety for as long as possible. I’ve spent the last 18-years either drinking, taking drugs or both, but have in most cases been able to carry on with a professional life. I’ve got to admit that I really enjoy relaxing at night with a bottle of wine and a couple of large glasses of rum, or maybe it’s just the addict inside that’s telling me I enjoy it. Waking up with a thick head had become normal and dealing with it had become easier with every passing year. This is the longest I’ve abstained from any kind of substance since being a teenager and I’m waking up every morning feeling rather proud of myself. I mark my calender with ‘AFD’ (Alcohol Free Day) and count them all up, just to make sure they are all still there. The weekend will bring a new obstacle as it’s my wife’s 30th brithday bash with about 40 odd mad drinkers coming together for a night of drunken fun. I’ve made the decision to drive and also taken advice from some of you about just getting involved and acting a little drunk. I’m shy and find it very easy to just blend into the background and observe to madness. The shyness is probably why I’ve always enjoyed drinking alone and have never seen a problem with being drunk in your own company. To me being drunk is being drunk whether in company or not, it’s just that if you’re alone, then their’s no one to look on as you take that stumble up the stairs, dribble down the chin or nod out for 30 seconds. I’ve contemplated going to AA, there’s a meeting locally on Monday night’s but I feel a bit of a fraud as I’ve been able to lead my normal life whilst drinking, abusing prescription and for periods of time, illegal drugs. Could anyone give me some advice on this please? Another concern is that my wife is a drinker and seems to becoming rather bored with my sobriety. Our whole relationship has been whilst drinking and it’s worrying that I’ll give in to internal pressure to start drinking again.
neal, i know what u mean my hubby and me got into the bad habit of drinking together before long it every night, he does nt binge like me tho so i ve asked him to stop, to support me i don t mean forever just until i feel more in control of myself but hopefully we will both benefit .
anyway this is day 1
so wish me luck
and i send luck to all out there doing the same
tee
Hi Everyone, I am a 36 yearold man. I have just returned from a 4 day stag do, i am to be the best man. I have finaly decided to stop the drinking due to blackouts, bedwetting i just want to stop as i feel it is ruining my life. my freind is getting married in a few weeks and i am sitting here crying that i wont be able to have a glass of champaine for the toast…. I am like a lot of people here who who can have the odd drink in the house however special occaisions are not only embarassing for me but also my wife and kids,
Goodbye drink forever!!
Hi People,
Great to read everyones posts on here. It makes me feel a bit less of a freak to realise that there are others out there going through exactly what I am. I am on day 1 of trying to quit having known for some years that I have a problem and having woken up this morning with another frightening hangover, feeling mortified about all the conversation I had yesterday on the phone. I can quite easily not have a drink at all but as soon as I do decide to treat myself to a wee drink I lose all control and have to drink until I blackout. I have no idea why this is but it is destroying my life. Drink is damaging all my relationships, my work and is making me thoroughly depressed. I have been drinking heavily for the last 20 years and feel really sad to think of what irreversible damage I must have done to my loved ones, organs, brain and looks! All my friends enjoy a drink or two but don’t seem to have to get completely wasted. I feel totally abnormal.
Hi guys. These posts have been great to read – thank you. I’ve been a weekend binger for the better part of 20 years. To add it up like that is scary in itself. I often wonder what life would’ve been like had I quit 15 years ago when I realized I had a problem. It is obviously a very strong addiction if I’ve known for 15 years without quitting. I’ve blacked out for years now and just today woke up and looked for my purse, relieved to find I didn’t lose my phone or wallet. Then I looked at my phone to see if I texted anyone in my drunkeness. There’s been a couple of people in my life who have commented lately and that doesn’t usually happen. I’ve also started drinking alone at night, which I’ve managed to stay away from up till now. It’s getting harder and harder to have just one drink; it used to be after 3 that I wanted more, now it’s after only one. Every time I consider quitting I mentally go through my social calendar to see if there’s anything good coming up that I’ll want to drink for. A while back I was ill and couldn’t drink for a while – I was so productive during this time! I’m almost 40 now and fear I won’t have a baby in the next few years if I’m an active drunk, or I will just end up meeting another alcoholic. I think I’ll go to AA because part of the reason I drink is to have that sense of camraderie and community, even though the social stigma of being named an Alcoholic can be tricky sometimes. I wish everyone on here good luck and thanks again for sharing.
Hello everybody!
I’d just like to say that you’re all absolutely amazing. I was feeling at a loss today because I really want to stop drinking but just cannot figure out a way that can keep my willpower going. I just typed in ‘how to stay sober’ on google and it came up with this page, and I have to say what a Godsend!
I am still recovering from a stupid weekend where I got ridiculously drunk, only to be told by my friends the next morning that I had paid some guys 10p to throw me chicken balls they had ordered from a chinese restaurant. I was catching them and eating them like some kind of dog – it’s funny but there is absolutely no dignity remaining in that situation!!
This is the sort of thing that alcohol makes me do – I last year I decided to go t-total for a month after waking up in a hedge at 9pm on the same day I had turned up to college still drunk from the night before, only to have the teacher slam the door in my face.
I managed to last for the month and I felt amazing – my skin was really clear, I had boundless amounts of energy and my mood swings were non-existent. Ooh, just writing that makes me want to ban all the alcohol in the world!
Anyway, I had lasted for the month but then I took a holiday to Magaluf and of course, everything went pear shaped for the next 8 months or so. I admit I had lots of fun, but once again I degraded myself in all the ways you can imagine. Like many of you lovely people, I began to realise that a lot of the time I was only drinking because other people were drinking. What’s worse is that the alcohol often led to drugs, which I would never have even CONSIDERED taking when sober!
By May this year, I decided enough was enough (again), so I declared to everyone that I was going t-total for life. I was still determined to go out just like I did before, this time minus the drink. There were good times and bad times. I realised how much people spit when they talk when they are drunk, and how much people smell. I saved myself from getting off with endless regrets, and I also saved my dignity many times. I found that I could have fun as well though. I’m an outgoing person, so I often don’t need drink to talk to people. I realised that when you need drink to talk to someone, perhaps you shouldn’t be talking to them.
Anyway, I’m not preaching here because as you know this second bout of ‘no drink’ only lasted 2 months. I went on holiday to Zante in Greece with a group of girls who truly only seem to care about two things: appearance and alcohol. I was really only friends with them from being drunk, and we’d booked the holiday when I’d been into partying.
I was determined to stay off the booze for that holiday but the peer pressure from these girls was immense. They were horrible, saying things to people we met like ‘Katie’s weird because she doesn’t drink’. I managed to stay sober for a week on this holiday but by the second week of the pressure and the nastiness/ lack of things in common with these girls I got absolutely wasted. It was my 18th birthday too so I thought it’d be ok to ‘celebrate it like everyone else does’. The girls were still pretty mean to me (probably because I spent all that time being different). They even shouted at me one night for being too drunk! So perhaps you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t!
I don’t know.
But since that hoiday I’ve been back on the ol’ vodka. Until yesterday, when I began to get inklings that I should stop. I need help here, because this weekend I move away to go to uni.I don’t want to drink, I really don’t. But I don’t know how I’m going to cope. I don’t want people to think I’m boring/ weird. I used to not care about what people think but those girls really brought my confidence down! Also, whilst 95% of me doesn’t want to drink there’s about 5% of me that still wants to!
I’m thinking, why do I even care? But I can’t help it. Argh, this is major. I’m just off to the doctors to get something for my bad skin, which has only got bad since I started drinking ALCOHOL again! Tut tut, honestly, I’m going to read through all of your kind advice again, print it off and stick it on my wall at uni because I cannot go on flipping between drinking and not drinking!! Thank you!
hi there everyone, i would also like to say this website is amazing, so much support,advice and understanding. i am a heavy drinker 23 yrs now with two children whom i love dearly, i have had 2 dettox, 2 different counsellors, and have been attending a support group now for 3 years, but i am still drinking every day. there might be the odd day i dont because phsically my body has had enough. i have taken antabuse on 4 occassions and at my longest lasted 4 months without drink. the question i keep asking myself and i am sure you all do is why??????? why cant we stop? my father was an alcoholic to and my mum is a heavy drinker, so i have grown up with it all my life, but i feel absolutly powerfull over this addiction, so any comments would be great. many thaks Donna.
For me it was a series of events with my girlfriend which has lead me to my 2nd attempt at quitting permanently – the first time I lasted 8 months after quitting alcohol, cigarettes and pot. Thias time I am determined and my willpower is stronger than ever, but even so I feel very much alone and there is no guarantee that the things i have ruined in my life (pretty myuch everything – debt, lost friends, lost love of my life) can be rectified in time.
My girlfriend and I were out drinking – we hammered it pretty hard – and met a guy and his girlfriend, we got chatting, they seemed ok and towards closing time we grabbed a few more bottles of bubbly and they invited us back to their place, which wasnt far from mine anyway, i really wanted to just go home with my girl that night but i succumbed to peer pressure. We were blind, got back to theirs and chatted until the early hours when my girlfriend said she was going to crash on their couch while we watched a movie. I said “cool” and was blissfully unawares and at ease. Basically, I fell asleep watching the movie, the guys girlfriend went to bed – and then the guy raped my girlfriend with his fingers while I slept in front of her. After a whole bunch of horrible, horrible nights (i didn’t find out until we got home in the early hours) we drank continuously until now, in that time we have both become extremely frustrated because I can’t think of anything to bring back her honour, apart from straight out killing him, we’ve been to the cops, nothing. The wost thing is that i drink excessively and blackout but am still on my feet and talking – aqnd the things i have said, sometimes screamed at her in those times of extreme, brutal drunken frustration will go with me to my grave – i am four days sober, and i will never drink again, but she still drinks continuously and regularly, thinks she is worthless and unlovable, she has been gang raped on more than one occasion before i knew her and it kills me to think that she thinks about those times… I’m sorry, this might not be the best forum on which to spew this stuff, but my mind has caved in and i am starting from the rubble with not much sunlight before me, i am in debt up to my eyeballs from having spent all my earnings on drink and it is a miracle that i have not lost both my jobs – I missed a whole day a month ago because i fractured my hand after punching a tree several times and waking up with a swolled hand and no memories. Im inspired by all of you guys stories, i’m just shit scared – not of relapsing or how i’m going to handle sobriety, i’m standing on the brink of the abyss and the realisation that i have/will lose everything i care about.
I have now lost count of the number of blackouts I have had as a result of binge drinking. The thing is with me it might happen once every 3-6 months, but when it does the shame is dreadful. I am risking my relationship with my husband and think I have already lost friends because of it. I have driven drunk (although not for years), cheated, fallen asleep on trains and woken up miles away, lost phones, injured myself, wet myself, wet beds, gone missing for hours with no explanation of where I have been, etc. Completely humiliating. This is not ME. I am a nice, considerate, normal, hard working, professional person. I know I have a problem with drink and have discussed it with people but everyone just says ‘stop yourself after a couple’. What they don’t understand is I can’t! That IS my problem. I have decided to stop for good, today.
I’ve lost everything to drinking, I have no friends and i’m embarrassed to go around my family. i’ve been sober most of the summer and fall. now i’ve been sober for 3 weeks and i plan on staying sober through the holidays. I hate seeing old friends, i hate the stigma i feel when i’m around people that know me only as a drunk. I hate when people ask me questions about my drinking, if i have or if i haven’t been, it makes me feel like drinking i don’t know why.
Hello Whoops
Well done on 3 weeks sober. I dont really think anyone would see you as a drunk unless you were drunk. There is pride to be had in not drinking and being one of the few at a party that talks any sense. Some might ask and question you about your drinking because they are questioning there own drinking. Problem drinking is rife and secretive.
There is a main forum – this is not it but messages are left here. Within the alcohol suport forum you will meet many that you can relate to and are on the same journey. There are links to it all over this site. There is only non judgmental support there and good conversation ofcourse
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Do have a look – It may help with keeping the resolve going – especially over the holidays.
Good luck
Julie
Hi Guys,
I hit rock bottom 2 weeks ago when I was out at an awards night in a very posh hotel with 2 work colleagues. There was free wine at the table up until 11pm and even tho I started drinking water with my wine when I felt myself getting drunk that didn’t last long. To cut a long story short, I can only remember up until approx midnight even though apparently I was there until 5am?? During this time I was told I kissed a random guy and had an arguement with a lady which ended up in tears after she caught me with her very expensive coat on me. I woke up Friday morning late for work in bed with a guy I never set eyes on before and do not remember meeting the night before. As if thing couldn’t get any worse, I discovered I had no bag with me therefore no phone, money or keys to my house! U can only imagine the guilt, embarressment and self loathing I felt all that weekend 
I knew this had to stop… I have tried many times over the last 15 yrs to cut down and have even tried changing drinks but to no avail, it’s all or nothing with me. Unlike others I never drink during the week and can go 2 weeks without drinking and feel OK about it but when I do drink I REALLY make up for it!!
I have eventually after years of binging and those dreaded blackouts decided to stop drinking for Good
It’s only been 14 days but I feel a million times better for it, have tonnes of energy and am completely hyper!! What’s there to miss, the blackouts? the thumping hangover? the lost wallet/phone? the self pity? the self loathing? I am actually for the first time in 30 yrs looking forward to this wend not because I’m going out on the rip but I’m sooo looking forward to another hangover/blackout-free weekend
I have my xmas party next week and am looking forward to remembering the whole night, the only thing I am a bit wary of is the peer pressure but I ahve explained my stance on drinking to one of my colleagues who is also a good friend and he has promised to back me up when I tell people I would rather not drink
Best of luck to all of you guys, things are only gonna get better
X
Wow…
I’ve read through all these replies and I can’t believe there are people who experience alcoholism the same way I do… I stopped drinking today for the first time in months. I’m sort of a binge drinker but I spread it out over the span of weeks so it’s not a shitload of booze in one sitting… What I mean is I drink everyday. Something, at least a six pack but usually a dozen or so… When I do drink more (around payday, typically) I usually buy rye and some beer chasers and get legless. I have trouble controlling my drinking and have gotten into some extremely humiliating situations, I am 31 and have two kids… I am also a single father with split custody. My kids are my life and all I want to to be healthy so I can be around as they grow up. I feel like shit all day and night until I start drinking. This has happened three or four times in my life where for a period of months I would basically drink in this same manner. But I’ve been drinking almost a year now like this and I’ve gained weight and lost alot of my self worth. But this morning I awoke to some sort of energy and it’s helped thru day one of not drinking. Thanks for listening (and sharing).
A lot of these stories are really inspiring. I have been a binge drinker for the past 6 years. It started in High School and never really seemed to be a noticeable problem until I moved back from a six month exchange program in Scotland when I was 20. That’s where I really got a taste for hard partying. Upon returning, my parents were worried when they would routinely smell alcohol the next morning when I moved back. They expressed their concern to the point of crying, yet it has never made a difference. There have been countless blackouts, sleeping with girls from the bar, saying/doing things I regret in front of loved ones, nearly losing my job(s), driving drunk, ticketed for open liquor, taking drugs I wouldn’t normally do…the list goes on. Over the past few years, I have noticed my tolerance increase to the point where it will take me roughly 12+ beers to get drunk. I’m also noticing that i’m not always drinking to get obliterated, but having a six pack or liquor equivalent after work almost every day. I have almost drank every day for the last 6 months or so. Aside from the genetic fact of my grandfather being an alcoholic, I have no idea why I drink. I never really had any traumatic events in my life that would contribute to this kindof abuse. I was raised in a loving family and was involved in sports, academics and art. Especially art. This was what I wanted to do since I was a child. After having experienced success in art school, people will ask me what I’m working on or what shows I have coming up. I always feel as though I have to lie to save face and make it seem like I’ve been busy painting, when I really know that I’ve been pissing most of my time away with booze. This has all been festering for a while now and it’s finally hit me with the realization that most of my income goes to cigarettes and alcohol, I haven’t had a serious relationship in three years despite the fact that I’m smart and (still) good-looking, I’m risking my health! I think it’s time to stop for good. This has been my first day of sobriety and hopefully I can keep going.
I all….
I completely understand and feel exactly the same in most of your cases. I suffer from an addictive personality and also believe I ‘lack’ a certain gene in my brain because I will crave a drink when I’m happy/sad anything…I can’t drink like the majority however. I can’t have just 1 drink or 3 I will drink to oblivion and that’s it….
I’m nearly 30 now and managed to keep down most of my jobs, bought a house, boyfriend, car…However I know that I will loose everything if I carry on. I don’t drink everyday, but that’s only because I get terrible hangovers and I drive my car.
I always dread going out or in social situations (incl family ones) because of my drinking and because I know I cant say no and I know something bad will happen. I have some family members who have problems with alcohol and depression, however there older than me and seem to ‘control’ it better, or hide it better I don’t know.
My partner died when I was 21 and this caused my drinking to get much much worse….Actually I hardly drank prior to him dying (that was 8 years ago now)….I mean I was a teenage binge drinker, however nothing to the extent I’m at now….Which is so humiliating seeing as I’m nearly 30. I’ve been thrown out of pubs/clubs, wet myself, woke up with cuts bruises/burns, my clothes are ripped or damaged in some way, argued or embarrassed myself in front of work colleagues (well everyone actually!!), I’ve argued (get pretty aggressive sometimes), had one night stands (prior to 3 years ago as I’m with my partner now). I have however kissed a couple of men that I cant recall at all (been told from a so called friend). This is devastating to me as I love my man, and would never do this whilst sober. Also I have no friends….To look at me you wouldn’t even guess because I’m told am very attractive, intelligent, funny, etc etc..It’s a damn shame that this demon gets the better of me because it holds me back every day…I’m a great person when I’m not drunk. I’m very sensitive and feel deeply about most things and I think this is also a factor in my drinking to ‘oblivion’….to numb me…I do anjoy getting drunk but actually being drunk is not pleasant at all.
What I need is to get some willpower from deep within me.. I refuse to talk to a councillor/psychiatrist because I feel that I know what there thinking and that they can’t help me. I know I’m the only one who can help myself….just writing these words down has helped actually…Thanks for listening.
Hey ton5679
Hi, sounds like you have had a hard time with alcohol and you sound like me!!!I have recently quit drinking for the second time, first time was 2 years ago for 8 months, was the best thing I ever did, and thought that I could control it but ofcourse I couldn’t, and now I have a choice about what path to take in life, I see it split in two ahead of me. One is with booze and all the crap that comes with it, without my fiance, and the other without booze and all the good that that can bring. I am not sure that a ” lack of willpower” is what is causing your problems, and I am sorry but I really think seeing a councellor may help you, I know that I am seeing a councellor because to tell you the truth, I am not sure I can do this without help! The loss of your partner has really hurt you and I think that you should try a councellor, because they can help you and you dont know what they are thinking!good luck with it all!!!!!!
Wow, What an amazing forum, I just typed ‘how to stay sober’ in google and its been so amazing to read that my experiences are not isolated. There have been SO many people I relate to, I have been to AA meetings before and have found the whole experience quite depressing as people seem to whinge on about how they hit rock bottem and that every day is such a struggle, why does life have to be a struggle? and just havnt been able to relate as most of the drinkers were hardlined, drink a bottle of vodka a night kind, where as im a binge drinker in the weekends like most of the people on this site.
I have promised myself over and over that I will never drink again after numerous blackouts where I have committed crimes against myself – having unprotected sex with strangers, losing all my moral standards becoming someone else altogether. The amount of times people have commented that its like I have split personality with alcohol has become common place.
But yes the social pressures, not so much from ‘others’ as such, but my inability to relax in social situations. The pressure I face of not being able to just be myself when sober is just so frustrating that I just give in and take that first drink.
I am so used to being centre of attention and total party animal with alcohol but all to often I take it too far by which stage most people have gone home an only a couple of people will in their drunken state know about it. My friends laugh about my black out antics but the amount of tears I have shed from finding out what ive done is just horrible.
I went to the doctor last month begging for some pill which would make me sick If I consumed alcohol and he wouldn’t give it to me as he didn’t believe my situation was serious enough.
How many more times do I have sleep with strangers, wake up with migraine like hangovers which have me bed ridden for an entire weekend, wasting my precious life in recovery mode and having anxiety fuelled days where I question my sense of self.
I am into my 6th day without alcohol, its Friday and the weekend is gearing up.
I know I just have to stay away from my triggers – particularly niteclubs which is hard because I love to dance and im a dj also.
The djing part is easy as its my rule not to drink when I play but I have tried going clubbing and find it near impossible to dance – dancing is where I really let go and is a total expression for me, I lose myself in it.
I know I drink to relax, so I have tried everything from yoga to meditation to being a gym freak, even tried religion to solve my problems.
I am now 32 yet I look and behave like a 22 year old. People are shocked when they find out my age.
I know I just am a big kid and I don’t want to grow up, I don’t want to confine myself to ‘acting my age’ the question here is how do I have fun being a big kid and be relaxed SOBER???
Oh the other thing is that I get stuck in my head a lot, over analyse and not live in the moment, booze stops the mind chatter and I live very much in the moment until I drink too much and miss hours of ‘moments’. Its all so painfully ironic that something so sweet initially just stings so viciously in the end.
Thank you all for your posts, its so reassuring im not alone in with this.
I love coming back to this site – just as a pure leveller! It makes me realise that all human beings a flawed. I cannot tell you enough that it is so difficult to find any kind of balance with the booze. After 8 months of being off the demon stuff – I still am unsure as to my relationship with it. However reading some of these stories has made me realise that it really is the right thing to be doing.
Isn’t it interesting how we all have the same re-occuring stories – generally horrific to us and done in blackout?
I suggest anyone who really wants to quit to read the allen carr book. Like many of you I am a professional person who completely managed to hold down a job and really if I am honest – never has felt comfortable with the term Alcoholic. I just have the ability to become a total idiot when drinking and that really does not sit well with me.
This giving up thing is hard but is also very do-able! It is fair to say that I have lost some ‘friends’ who really I have discovered were only mates through boozing. When I look at them now I realise that they werent as solid friends as I thought they were. My true mates are of course around – as yours will be! My dignity has returned and I cannot tell how strong that feels!
I guess I’m so conscious that I need to also remember where I was – ie; the worst times – waking up with that desperately dry mouth and blurred hazy vision, looking down at my wet pants and smashed up hands having my girlfriend tell me that I have ruined yet another wedding!! (you know the script) Even writing this makes me sink!
So what I am saying is – yes it can be done – but never feel like you have cracked it – just try to keep some perspective and reflect on the great things you have achieved in quitting this terrible drug – but also keep a memory in your mind as to where you have been.
Just don’t ever get all virtuous – as I have done recently – because I feel as if that can open the door to you believing that you can drink again – and so the cycle returns!
Good luck to you all – x
hello you all, this is week 6 of no drinkin, and its GOOD! Time is an amazing thing and I already feel so far away from who I was before! Its so doable, to quit, you just have to stop drinking and wait for soberness! Obviously its not all a barrell of laughs but I feel good and my fiance is in heaven! Anyone thinking about sobriety should defanitely give it a go, because if I can do it, so can you. Trust me.
I’m two days into my latest ‘drying out’ and want it to be permanent this time.
I have come to the conclusion my love affair with alcohol has to stop. I’ve decided to divorce it after 23 years of binge drinking. During that time I’ve had the odd month off it but the love affair was too strong. I’ve lost count of the number of blackouts and embarrasing situations I’ve got into and the things I’ve said to people and the trust I’ve lost. I knew it was time to stop when my partner told me the love I have has to be for them and not alcohol or they are leaving me. I am full of trepidation as I know this is going to be one of the hardest things I have had to do in my life but I also know I have no real choice unless I want to end up sad and alone and drunk!
Hi all,
Well the last time I wrote on here was last December when I was contemplating giving up the drink…I have since not stopped and continued to drink, in fact I have since been in a cell and fined £80 for being drunk whilst out with my sister clubbing (this was sunday morning, yesterday). I have no idea what I did and actually woke up in a cell and couldnt remember how I got there….This is no surprise to me and actually i seen it was coming to me.
In January I started College again part-time, whilst working full-time to keep me busy, but I just fitted my ‘drinking’ around this. I would eventually like to complete my degree and get a job i enjoy, rather than something to pay the bills and pass the time.
Anyway my partner has really had enough of me and I don’t blame him at all. I had to beg him to stay yesterday. I am totally disgusted in myself and feel sick to my stomach that I embarrassed myself like that…
SO I have decided to do it once and for all. I cant carry on like this anymore. I am going to stop drinking because I just can’t be this way anymore.
I am most scared of is social situations and being bored without drinking, but if I can create diversions and concentrate on more positive things in my life, like my boyfriend and my dogs and I can do this.
I am actually having to stop myself from crying again because I just feel so bad and ashamed. I must stop beating myself up about it thou and just be confident I know.
Thanks for listening.
HI
I been going through the same thing I’m turning 30 years old and having trouble with binge drinking on the weekend, but i just ended up in the hospital for this just the weekend pass, belive me your not alone and it is hard , but just think of what you gain and not loose if you give up. that is what i remind my self so far. it hasnt been a week yet but i plan i taking up a hobbie. It would be great to keep in touch; we can support one another! Please take care of your self because if you don’t no one will. And is worth loosing everything you love and work so hard for… keep safe and happy!
Hi Terra,
Thanks for your comments….
Yeah your right in that nothing is worth the cost of your relationships with people and harming yourself with the drink !
I am really struggling not to drink and it is very difficult to keep focused on whats important when the craving kicks in.
I have found myself this week at a loss and found the feelings of boredom creep into my mind several times a day, espcially in the evening…I then loose sight at the mad things that have happened to me whilst drinking (i.e. last sat night) and how that i convince myself and think ‘do i really have a problem’? The thing is I really hope I can remain strong for myself as I think I deserve it. I’m not a dependant person who relies on drinking to function in the morning….Im drinking in the evening, most evening’s and on the weekend. That cannot be good for my body as I am very petite and my organs surely won’t be able to take that amount in several years time…I havent had a drink since sat and I can honestly say I feel healthier visually (my eyes are lovely and white, skin is fresh, hair is great) However my mental state of mind is seriously at odds….the chatter i have at the end of the day when I’m looking to relax is normally met by a bottle of wine…however I know that if I do drink it will cause me to want more and then 1 bottle in the week will end up 2, then 3 then 4….
I don’t know what classes someone an alchoholic…I just know that I use the drink as an emotional crutch and that stops me from dealing with my emotions…I think this is wrong because it stops you from exploring who you are and what makes you tick…Also i think their are issues from years ago that i havent dealt with and maybe used wine as a brick wall that stops me from dealing with them.
Anyway I’m rabbiting on now, so i will sign off for now.
Take care…
Hi, just wondering how its going. There hasnt been a post in a while. Im currently at the same crossroads you were talking about. Ive been here many times and something always draws me back into drinking. I know I drink too much but I seem to handle my life ok untill once every month or so I go off the deep end. The last time recently I drank continuously from one eavning, all night, all the next day and untill bartime. Needless to say I was hammered. I never hurt anyone physicaly but I say things and act like a fool. Things I regret.
I tend to drink during highs and lows. Its a cycle that I cant seem to kick. Ive been drinking like this for about 13 years. Im going to do it this time. Im done.
I saw a man before my bender, he was about 40 or 50 looking, stumbling drunk and fell on me. Then like the fool I am I go that very night and get more hammered than ive been in months, maybe years. I saw the same man laying on the sidewalk today almost unconciouse. There were people all around and then a ambulance came and picked him up. Im getting older, I dont want that to be me. Tired of being a clown, Im done being a fool.
I hope you are all doing well, I would like to hear your progress.
……hey gang………..I quit a few days ago…..woo hoo!…..quitting is easy…….it’s “staying quit” that’s what I wrestle with. I like getting loaded…..but at 48 the hangovers are worse and last longer…….it’s just not as much fun…….the core reason is something I want to address and maybe you could comment………………..It’s about “losing time”……..being hungover 2 or 3 days a week. Being half present much of the time is bothering me real bad. As it is…….the time seems to go by quicker the older I get. I feel at a crossroads. Turning 48 a couple of weeks ago. It’s like being in a relationship that you oneday wakeup and realize is not going anywhere…………..I’ve enjoyed my relationship with alcolol for the most part…….but the thrill just isn’t there……and I’m looking for something more. The whole AA thing kinda isn’t the route I’m thinking about going. The “bereavement for an old friend ” is what I’m thinking. Or kind of a divorce. Do you get me? Of course getting help is the next step……….but I really want to examine this on my own. Since ultimately it will be me that ends this relationship. “when you’re gone……stay gone”………..it works with women……
………THE TIME THING………….does it cime back?………or is there still the sense of loss?……I know……awful big subject!………….so maybe someone onths could comment!…………and yes if this doesn’t work I will get help…….I’m not too proud for that……..I’m pretty confident about this. …………..you be good…………………..t
………AMUNITION…..I am a binge drinker too. I have a few bits of info that WORK FOR ME………I’m a sales rep……and after a long day of phone calls and driving…..I want to come down….my amo……….if I can take 10 minutes and calm down……..helps 90% of the tome……….if hungry….I’m more prone (carb craving) If I’m geeked up on coffee and cigarettes(uppers)……then I’m more wound up and feel more of a need to come down. I call this “Elvis Syndrome” uppers in the morning…….downers in the evening……I quit for 4 years 17 years ago. I threw the whole family out……..Cafeine, Alcohol ,Nicateine………..this worked for 4 years………..yes I realized that I was a drug addict…..”the legal drugs”………NOT having the 1st drink is the whole thing……..and anthing that can be done to help that along is AMO…..all the best…………..t
What have I done?
Driving away B for alcoholism when I am truly the alcoholic?
Shameful. Dispairing.
Denial—>Anger—>Bargaining—>Depression—>ACCEPTANCE
As my brother said, thank God it was only a phone…you stopped before the next binge left you dead.
THANK YOU KUUBLER ROSS, SD AND OTHERS FOR YOUR CONTRIBUTION TO THIS CHAT. I AM TRULY SORRY FOR HURTING YOU, AND IM SURE IT APPLIES TO THOSE THAT HAVE FELT BETRAYED BY MY ALCOHOLISM.
Okay,
I didn’t know if there was a bunch of sign in mess to post a comment. awesome, it is not. I just got out of rehab a couple of days ago that was a non 12 step one. Which by the way, have never worked for me. I always go out of those meetings feeling worse. Frankly, my life is a mess and it is so so overwhelming. It is only because EVERYTHING went to shit while I went on a 6 month bender/relapse. I have been to rehab twice before this time. For some reason, this tempt of sobriety is harder than ever before, but I can and will do it. It is like I am between a rock and a hard place. A.A. meetings everyone is so pathetic, hard on themselves, and carries this image about themselves for the rest of their lives. I just dont want to do that. Trust me, I tried. I feel like someone on chemo. What I mean by that is that I wish that I had hair, but I would die with it. It is the same with alcohol. I want it so so bad, but I know if I had it, I would loose my life sooner or later. This disease sucks. Thanks for listening.
hello. i guess its the most dificult thing to say, when u kno u hav a problem am ur brains all scrambled. i am dealing with the shakes, lieing to everyone i kno an not employed. i really want to be a better person an see my way into a better life. any inspiration would help please.