How to stop drinking alcohol
Are you trying to decide if you should stop drinking alcohol? Maybe you’ve already tried a few times to just cut down, and drink more sensibly like other people seem to.
Perhaps you’ve had limited success, you manage it for a week or so, but then you start drinking more again, then the blackouts and awful hangovers start, the guilt and the arguments with your partner. Do you finally decide its time to quit? It might be worth a try.
So how do you stop drinking? The first thing to look at is:
Consider your motivation for stopping
Why do you actually want to stop? What are the consequences of your alcohol consumption? Weigh up the pros and cons of your drinking, the costs versus the benefits (write them down here if you like).
- What are the good things about your drinking right now, what does it do for you? This is important to consider, because you need to find other ways to achieve this.
- Then what are the bad things about your drinking? Really dig deep with this – look at your relationships, your health, job, self-esteem, depression etc.
- Next what are the good things you expect to happen when you stop drinking, how will your life be better?
- Finally what are the negative aspects of quitting? What is putting you off the idea? Again, this is important because you will have to find some way to solve these concerns.
You need to be reminding yourself about this list of your motivations every time you think about having a drink. The next stage is to find out:
Are you physically dependent on alcohol?
For the sake of safety, if you are drinking all day from the moment you wake up in order to avoid your hangovers, then you will need some sort of medical supervision to help you through the detox. You might have experienced D.T.s before (the shakes, or Delirium Tremens to be precise), but full scale alcohol withdrawal can be an unpleasant business. Hallucinations, seizures, it can even be fatal. So you should see your doctor before you plan to stop drinking alcohol. They can help you with medication, or even a short stay in hospital to get you over the first week. If the thought of that scares you to death, then you MUST try and cut down a bit before you stop completely.
So you’ve worked out why you want to stop, and if you can stop safely. Now what? You need to:
Develop a plan for how you can avoid those urges to drink.
Read our earlier article on coping with alcohol cravings first. It will give you a few techniques to help you. One thing’s for sure, will-power alone is not enough to stop you from drinking.
You need to work out what are your ‘high-risk’ situations, what are your ‘triggers’ that make you want to drink? Some of these can be avoided, so make plans as to how you can avoid them. For those that clearly can’t be avoided, you have to start thinking about how you can deal with them differently. Make your own relapse prevention strategy.
Now sit back and wait for sobriety.
Ok, so it might not be as easy as all that (of course not), you may well slip and have a drink, you might even relapse in dramatic fashion and wake up in a ditch somewhere. Don’t laugh, it might be you. You haven’t failed, you just let that old habit sneak up and catch you unawares.
This obviously isn’t going to change over night. And realistically, this is where you might need the help of a professional. You will need to replace all that drinking with other activities, which means you need to set yourself some achievable goals.
The same goes for your feelings, learning how you can cope with difficult feelings without alcohol will take some time. Alcohol has been your way of dealing with everything difficult in your life, so you are going to have to find some other ways to cope, basically.
You should regularly review what is working and what’s not, what things are still tripping you up and most importantly, what benefits you are seeing. Remind yourself of your original reasons for wanting to stop drinking alcohol. And of course, if you find that you need some help, try a counselling session.
I came to this site out of chance. I googled “I cannot stop drinking. I need help” and this is where I ended up.
I take some relief in seeing how many are in the same state as I am.
However, I am a 50 year old man. I lost my marriage to drinking (one of the reasons I suppose) consequently I have increased my consumption. In fact, I stayed home from work yet again due to a hangover. I am drinking a glass of wine now.
Drinking has been my companion and faithful unquestioning “friend” for 33 years now. At first we met monthly, then weekly, no it is daily pretty much. She just keeps hanging around. I feel odd pointing this out because many of the contributors to this site are very young.
But I have manage to integrate alcohol into my life. I have a good job, a masters degree in education, I own a home, a car, etc.
I am just so sick of this. Just so sick of this. I feel ashamed that my children have a father like me. I try to hide it from them but I think they know something is not right (they are 7 and 9). I never intended to be like my own dad and I rationalize that since I am not knocking holes in the wall, have a job and a house and am not abusive, a bit goofy, etc. that I am not my Dad. I am a “mellow” imbiber. That’s how I rationalize things in my mind to the extent that I continue on this wasteful path.
But for the past 3-4 months I consume at least 750ml of Chilean wine per day. I miss work… I have no energy, I look dried out, I eat poorly, no ambition, my teeth hurt… all these things until I get a bottle of wine. Then I feel happy and energetic. I can change the world. I am engaged with my kids… or so I feel. I’m a fraud.
I take some inspiration in being able to post to anonymous people about my problem. My shame prevents me from going elsewhere local to get some help.
I am reading your stories and understand that I am not alone with my challenge here in Canada.
My biggest desire is to be able to use alcohol like “normal” people do, e.g. special occasions, celebrations, etc. but when I have one drink a click happens in my head and I need to have more to sustain the feeling I am chasing. My wife noticed that. But she left me anyway. BooHoo. o the one drink option is seriously not an option I guess. It is all or nothing for something I quite like the taste of. Tea? Juice? Oh come on…
I miss having an intact family. We were married almost ten years and I feel bad that my children are going to now grow up in separate homes; that it is my fault – largely.
Thanks for providing a venue to vent. I wish everyone the best over there in the UK. Canada has its share of problems too
Welcome Caribou! Your post sounds like a carbon copy of most of us using this site. It’s a way of airing your inner most thoughts & feelings anonymously. Go back & read old postings & you will realize that you are certainly not alone in this battle of a lifetime! You can conquer taking this poison into your system that makes you feel so & contributes to failures in your life. It is important that you read the information given on brighteyes – then do as it suggest – writing down the advantages & disadvantages of drinking poison. Try this to start with & believe me you will start to feel positive. Then just take one day at a time & keep coming on this site even if to just pour out your feelings. Good luck! Looking forward to Reading how well you will feel.
Thank you Kaza. I wasn’t at all sure if anyone read my post let alone respond.
Can’t say I’ve done this before… it does seem odd but reassuring at the same time. I will take your advice and read through the older posts.
I think the trick for me is to not look to far into the future. It has always been “tomorrow is the last time…” “at the end of the month,” “never when I have the kids,” “Fridays only…” but it never comes to that.
Will power. Will power.
I worry that I might end up like those who do quite for good in that I have to hit rock bottom before I take the right actions. My hunch, though, is this may turn out to be a very good site for the simple reason that it’s for people with problems like mine (that much I’ve gotten myself to admit) who know of what they speak as opposed to “book trained” councilors.
All the best and thanks for the reply.
Cheers
Hey Caribou! I just discovered this site on 1/10 also. I too appreciate the anonymity this provides. You may have read earlier that I am one week sober. I forgot to mention that I also quit smoking cigarettes and marijuana the same day. Caribou, I am a 44 year old man (or child, depending on who you talk to). If you are alcoholic like me and most others here, you may not be able to taper. I’ve tried that many times and more sooner than later I find myself in worse shape than before. Mine is a progressive disease not unlike cancer. It has only been seven days for me, but I have resigned myself to the idea of trying day by day to be comfortable with being uncomfortable temporarily . Please keep corresponding!
Dave Cue,
Thanks for the reply. Wow. You’re dealing with a triple whammy. You are absolutely right about the cigarette connection. And the idea of tapering… I agree that probably won’t work for me either.
My ex used to argue that drinking (constant or continual) was not a disease. She maintained that it was a weakness of character, self-inflicted. Since she experienced a bought of cancer prior to my marrying her I had no leg to stand on in my disagreement. Is it a disease (drinking) or simply a lack of will power?
I could never explain to her how there is a switch in my head that is flipped with a good drink. I could never explain the internal psycho-itch that only a nice bottle of wine could scratch. As someone in another post suggested we have to find substitutes. Why that seems so daunting I cannot explain to myself. I know all the things I should do… but I, unlike you, have yet to make that first foray. Good on you young man
I certainly do not want to spend the remainder of my life wasting money and my health. I have two beautiful kids to raise. I do not want to pass this along to them as their legacy.
Perhaps in just writing out what I have it is good self reflection. (Maybe that’s the real secret of this site!)
I’ll keep reading. I quite like the name of this website “Bright eyes.”
Hey Caribou,,
Alcoholism is indeed a disease. All of the newest studies are showing a definite genetic component. Since the majority of people do not have this disease, it is impossible for them to understand or accept that it is a disease. It’s kindof like people not believing in anomalies such as ufos or ghosts until they experience them themselves.
A genetic component does not mean that alcoholism is a disease. Could you reference those newest studies you mentioned please?
Hi Dave cue, Sorry to interrupt here, see what you think of this web site.
“Alcoholism is not a Disease” here is the link
http://www.addictioninfo.org/articles/447/1/Alcoholism-is-not-a-Disease/Page1.html
Hey Glyn,
The link you posted appears to have two major opposing arguments against the disease model Number one being that the AMA saw $ when it came to it’s conclusion. Iwould argue against that because the disease model was introduced in the 50s or early 60s. IMO this type of opportunistic greed did not rear it’s head in the medical industry until much later. Yes, alcoholism may lay dormant in an individual until he or she begins drinking, but the same could be said about cancer and diabetes. The major cause of cancer is smoking which is deliberate choice. Granted, not all people who develop cancer smoke, therefore they have a genetic predisposition. But honestly, how many adults do you know that have never taken a drink? Very rare right? The vast majority that do will sooner or later find out if they are alcoholic. Also, diabetes is considered a life-long disease and who would argue that people develop it from deliberately ingesting too much sugar over time?
I don’t believe that the disease model of alcoholism is the reason for an increase in alcoholism. Cultural and economic realities, IMO, are more to blame. Like I said in my earlier reply, people react to a diagnosis of a disease very differently. Personally, when I came to the conclusion that my alcoholism is a disease, I was relieved. Much shame was removed. Enough so that I have reached out for help. Just as it is a diabetic’s responsibility to keep their blood sugar levels manageable through insulin shots, it is my responsibility to keep my blood alcohol level at zero through abstinence.
P.S. Google T.I.C.S. and alcoholism.
Glyn,
I meant google THIQ and alcoholism
Lets take diabetes, if you develop symptoms like, constant thirst and dry mouth, the need to urinate more than usual (especially at night). You would go to your doctor and ask him what is wrong with you, your doctor may start by giving you a simple urine test to look for the presence of glucose in your urine, if the glucose in the blood rise above normal, then he would try another test, then if it was the same you would have a good chance of diabetes, If you went to the doctor for alcohol addiction what symptoms are you going to say to him “i keep on falling over when i get drunk” “once i start drinking i cant stop” the doctor cant possibly diagnose you with a test from your blood or urine because there is no test to find this mythical disease, surly the doctor could examine you, take samples of your urine and blood and diagnose this physical diseases. With the miracles of science in genetics, surly they would detect the disease before you ever started to drink alcohol. It is complete nonsense that alcoholism is a physical diseases. What they are saying is there is no such thing as Alcohol Addiction.
O.K. Glyn, see your point. But if I went to a doctor specializing in alcoholism and told him that once I started drinking I couldn’t stop, embarrassed myself continually,was losing everything and yet kept drinking, if he knew about THIQ i’m sure he would check it out. THIQ is a physical abnormality exclusive to alcoholics.
I don’t want to argue about this controversy anymore. I think I’ll stick with the opinion of the majority of qualified health professionals, the AMA and AA.
If alcoholics had a physical abnormality then it wouldn’t take from two to sixty years to become one: you would become one immediatly. With alcoholism your only problem is not to drink alcohol, a physical flaw can only prevent you from doing a physical act, it can’t possibly prevent you from not doing something?
I like your comment about being comfortable with being uncomfortable for a while. If you know there are going to be days that aren’t easy or are uncomfortable and you are taking things one day at a time, it makes it easier to get through those hard moments and enjoy the great feeling that comes afterwards.
admin,
I have been communicating through a playstation 3 and have been unable to post a direct link but one of the many articles youcan google by using key words, “Is alcoholism a disease”? is http//www.bookrags.com/research/alcoholism-genetic-factors-wog/
Wanted you to know that I realize this is still controversial. Probably because there may be a fear that many alcoholics may develop an attitude of defeatism or look for pity from others because they have a disease. The way I look at it, if someone discovers they have a disease and hears that there is a treatment for it they have two options on how to respond initially. One can ask why me and wallow in self pity or they can be proactive. The good news is that with a diagnosis of alcoholism, treatment ( AA or support such as one can get here), doesn’t cost an arm and a leg.
Despite my better judgement I am posting one last comment concerning this subject. Are cancer patients born with cancer? Are people with diabetics born with the disease? The general consensus is a big NO! End of discussion.
Alcohol is a drug, you are addicted to a drug. Just becaues you are addicted to a drug doesn’t make it a disease, the addiction is 5% physical (withdrawal) 95 % metal (believes its a pleasure/crutch)The urge to have the next drink comes from the very first drink, ( alcohol is a depressant a cemical, A drug.) the urge to have the next drink come from a cemical change in the body , that doesn’t make it a disease, it makes it drug addiction. Alcohol is the same as any other drug you can name.Take heroin, would you say that a heroin addict takes heroin because its a disease or he is addicted to a drug, Its the same for alcohol you are addicted to alcohol, you do not have a disease.The only reason people like this disease theory (myth) is because they can blame the disease for all there life been in ruins, lost job, wife left me, ect.. instead they should blame themselves for getting addicted to a drug.
Sorry the word cemical should be chemical.
My fist day went better than expected, spent some time with hubby, watched a film, drank water/tea. Was in bed by 10 pm for once athough I still didn’t get up till 11am? Is it normal to sleep a lot still? Also cut off playing an online computer game (I think addiction is in my nature, all or nothing kind of girl). But much less to worry about ie the game, when am I going to the shop for my wine etc. Woke up hungry for the first time in a long time too. Am sure every night won’t be quite so easy but for now I am happy with the first one. Not sure I want to think about complete abstinence. Would it be wrong to allow those odd social occasions? I 99% only drink at home behind closed doors so the social occasions are few and far between so would it be silly to allow myself one drink in the right venue?
Hi GG last weekend I also went to bed at 10pm and slept until 11.20am, I could’nt believe it as I really thought I would be up early. I think it is our body’s way of trying to recover and get rid, we will probably feel tired for a couple of weeks until the body catches up a bit. Personally, for the last year I have been thinking the same, can I not drink at home and go out drinking once in a while because I actually do not go out a lot, but when you start thinking like that then other thoughts start creeping in like, maybe just drink weekends and social occasions, before you know it you are back to drinking in the week and every other time. I feel different this time giving up as I am looking at the future and visualing me sober at meals etc. where as last year I hated the fact that I may have to give up the booze completely. I just think hopefully that the penny has dropped and I have accepted that abstinenance is the only way.
I had a sobering (excuse the pun) moment yesterday. I found out my brother has diabetes. My dad does too and apparently their lifestyles have significantly contributed to it! I am determined not to go the same was as them!
Anyway it made me think that you get out of you body what you put in and if you are kind to yourself then you will live a far happier life than if you abuse your body. Why do we (humans) do this to ourselves?
I was feeling elated until this morning. I had got through Xmas and New Year without touching a drop. It felt wonderful (although rather weird at times) as everyone else was ‘letting their hair down ” and it all seemed pretty stupid to me. New Year, however, it was great to go for the papers at 9a.m. and be the only person up without a hangover.
Now for the crunch, I woke up 3 day’s ago and found my whole personality was gradually starting to change. Now 3 days on my attention span is that of an anorexic gnat, I’m biting everyones head off and rapidly turning into a female equivalent of Victor Meldrew.
As an alcoholic for over 20 years (binging rather than 24/7) I know this for what it is and I am heading for a massive relapse if I’m not very careful.
Can anyone out there help me get through this? I’d be grateful for any advice I could get. I desperately want to stay off it (to be honest, I don’t even like the stuff) for the sake of my health and sanity (my mental state is pretty fragile after a binge).
Thanks.
Hey Sal! You have been sober longer than me however I have plenty of experience trying to get and stay sober. I can’t remember where, but I’ve read that there is a common syndrome that is the culprit of many relapses that has to do with our recovering brains. Commonly, within a few weeks of sobriety, one can be in a sour, irritable mood. Maybe a good analogy would be how a cut or wound begins to itch more and more the closer it comes to healing. To scratch it, however, will reopen it. Scratching being a metaphor for drinking. I believe it has something to do with the GABA. Hope this helps.
Thanks a lot guys (DaveCue, RoyBoy and Jenm).
Some very helpful advice esp. DaveCue’s explanation of the wound/itch syndrome. Never thought of it like that before, but that is exactly what it’s like. I’m hanging on in there and had a much better day today. I had a good long walk (much better than climbing the walls), lunch with friends (mineral water + lime juice to drink) and a nice trip to the library p.m.
It’s great to be able to communicate with people who actually understand what this ghastly thing is really about. Friends and family (no matter how loving they are) simply do not. My own mother thinks it is just a case of not drinking. She only ever mentions my alcohol consumption when I relapse and then she goes around muttering under her breath “tut, tut, she’s drunk again”. It never occurs to her that it’s an ongoing battle and she, therefore, never enquires how things are going when I’m sober. It’s great to have like minded people to be able to discuss things with and, hopefully, help each other in the process.
I hope things are going well for you and everyone else in the same situation. My own way of fighting off the cravings is exercise, particulary walking (preferably straight passed the off licence) and joining clubs. I find it better to belong to clubs that are not alcohol free as that only turns it into ‘forbidden fruit’ and we all know how sweet that is.
My reason for starting in the 1st place was that old cookie ‘lack of self confidence’ and, as I had to meet clients and socialise on a regular basis, I used to have one beforehand for ‘Dutch courage’. Trouble was, of course, one wasn’t enough and it grew from there (wonder how many people have said exactly the same thing).
No good harping on about the past though. The important time is now and I’ll get through this and out the other side if it kills me. I hope you all do the same.
Best of luck and thanks again for your replies.
This may be answered later on but if you look back on the site one of the “older” contributors posted a link to something called PAWS (I think that was what it was) which goes into that very matter – it makes for very interesting reading and will help your understanding of what is going on and why and that may help. I am rushing now but if someone else hasn’t told you already by now I will look for it later on.
Hi Sal, it sounds like you’re subcosciously trying to convince yourself that a drink will make all of these feelings go away, it is what some of us call the demon. Imagine a little demon in your head who is getting more and more starved from alcohol and will do ANYTHING to get you the have a drink. I certainly went through periods when the demon would wake up with avengence and did come very close to giving in, but the key it to stay strong and eventually kill the little B@stard!
Great job getting through the holidays without drinking! I stopped for almost 80 days back in July-October. I got in some really strange moods and couldn’t understand why my brain felt so out of whack some days. Don posted a link to an article about P.A.W.S. on here a while back. But just google that and do some reading. It helps to understand the changes that your body is going through as it adjusts to not having alcohol in your system. Try to do things you enjoy, or take to your bed if necessary, till you feel better. Be kind to yourself and just know your body is healing.
I am on my first night not drinking. Happened to end up on this site after many others. It feels better knowing more are trying to change than just me. Not sure if I thought this thru tho. I already have a headache, I have a sore tooth, and no drink or ibuprofen in the house. I hope I make it.
Hi Guys,
I’m on day 2, feeling ok and a bit strange as the hazy world I’m usually in seems to be slowly drifting away from me. Have been drinking plenty of water and am going for another long sauna/steam session this evening. Hope all of you are doing ok.
Ben
There is a lot on P.A.W.S if you type in that “and alcohol”. It can make quite depressing reading if you allow it, but it does help to understand. I have copied an extract from one of the sites below. It is not as good as the link Don referred to.
In future could you please just post a link to the material concerned – website writers get upset when you copy their material elsewhere.
Sorry – not very good on stuff like that and would not have the first idea on how to post a link.
Hi guys,
I am motivated reading your comments. I have been drinking for a few years but got noticeably worse since last summer and by Christmas was having around 80 units a week. I am studying for a PhD and worried that I am so addicted to drink I will fail. I admitted I have a problem last week and just gone for assistance. I feel an idiot but at least I know that others struggle too! Good luck everyone. xx
Sorry – not taking over the site – but just wanted to check in!! Well very pleased to have done 7 days and instead of consuming 7 bottles of wine = £35 and around 4900 calories I managed to halve that. I was beginning to feel better already, strong, clear headed, liver pain subsiding. Eating well, exercising. THEN on Monday night had a frightening call from my daughter’s college to say she was missing from her room and they had no idea where she was, they don’t actually DO anything but they let the parents know! I spent the whole night trying to ring and text her – eventually my husband drove out there to try and find her (it is a huge campus) and she was fine. I then had a very long and demanding day of work (on no sleep) and came home stressed to the hilt – so gave in and got a bottle of wine on the way home. I am trying to find something positive in my failures so that I can say “at least I did this differently” and this time instead of buying 2 bottles so that if hubby wanted some he wouldn’t have any of “mine” I offered him a glass so I actually did not polish off the whole lot. I then did finish up with a glass of Baileys though. Anyway I am still pleased with progress and it is funny how having that last night is already making tonight harder to fight the urge but I am going to the gym for a class, then a swim, then a jacuzzi/sauna/steam and supper – then home to bed.
Oh and also had Liver test results – and was very surprised. This time they are:Gamma 42 last year 26 previous year 48. ALT 73 last year 51 previous year 101. Bilirubin 12 last year 21 previous year 27. There were some other readings she rattled off but they were all normal. I am very surprised. I am going to have another test in 3 months to see if I can get them all down to normal.
Hey everyone,
It has been ten days now since I’ve had a drink/smoke/marijuana. Feeling better everyday. Not that it has been easy. Still struggling with the arryhthmias. They sap the energy from me, mainly due to fear. It is like continually waiting for the other shoe to drop. Funny how when I was drinking this never happened. I am not a religious man, however, I do believe there are unseen spiritual forces everywhere. In 1999 my younger brother moved to Las Vegas for a job working with computers. He was unaware that he would be tested for marijuana. He decided to quit drinking, smoking cigarettes and weed all at the same time. He did not sleep for ten days. Reportedly, he was making gestures toward his palms as if he was being crucified. Later, he was found with my Dad’s boyhood 22 rifle by his side, dead. My point is, most people who are alcoholic are unusually sensitive. That is why a lot of us drink so many “spirits”. With sensitivity there is a naturally occurring insight, intuition, and intelligence. Many, including I, believed that ingesting alcohol brought us closer to the “Great Benevolent Spirit of the Universe”. Despite our unusual intelligence, we were being fooled by our deep seated need to communicate on a higher spiritual level. It is a short cut. Unfortunately, this short cut has serious spiritual repercussions despite our best intentions. It is a ruse. As The Who phrased it, I “Won’t get fooled again”. I know this is slightly stream of consciousness, but there is a point to all this. I believe there are “powers and principalities of the air ” that would rather us stay with our vices no matter what. Even if this means paralyzing us with fear to keep us in the dark. We alcoholics are extraordinary creatures who can achieve extraordinary things if we can fight our way through this. What will we own if we can do this!? The opposite of vice. The only positive things we can take from this world: Virtues. I promise I will not go on another rant like this again. I believe I’ve purged it all.
Hello Dave Cue, I had arrhythmia periods for about two weeks during my withdrawal. However, the frequency diminished after the first week. If yours are the the same or increasing, I strongly recommend you seek medical help. As far as the rest of your post, there are some interesting theories, but it is still “you” that must decide when to stop your self-destructive habits.
Good luck,
Don.
Greetings all,
I have my children tonight but nothing to drink. Thinking about it though… Looking forward to tomorrow night as it will be my last night before I have them for the following week. Odd… just writing this out makes me feel bad about looking forward to getting that bottle of wine. Tomorrow is another day. I determine then.
I took Kaza’s advice and started reading through the 1,800 posts! Two things struck me: how what I am dealing with and what I have become is so very ordinary in the context of this site. I had no idea how many there are like me “out there.” If someone could bottle a cure (pardon my terrible pun) to cure our mill stone afflictions they would be rich.
The second thing that caught my attention is the quality of the writing. Almost every post is articulate, well written, good grammar, correct punctuation…quality stuff.
And not one strikes me as a stereotypical loser. You/me have all obtained some measure of success externally (families, loyal spouse, attending church, hanging with friends, earning PhDs. That is an impressive array of individuals.
(Confession: the ones that truly impressed me were the ones that still had their spouse/partners hanging in there with them. That has to be a big help. Bit envious here…)
But when no one is around or a that “feeling, nagging feeling” comes along that simply demands the kind of relief we have collectively learned over time can only be relieved by drinking I have to marvel at the power of a social drug like alcohol.
I’ve tried antidepressants quite late in life. I think they made me want to drink more.
Anyway, I just wanted to share my impressions gleaned from reading a few hundred posts. I know now that I pass you all on the streets and in the halls at work (metaphorically speaking). I just never realized to what extent. No, not doppelgangers, but certainly my twins in many respects.
Hope the above makes some sense. I tend to second guess myself more when sober.
Regards
Hi Caribou
Some interesting postings & ideas from you & other people new to the site (I’m such an old hand now – 5 months and abstinent for about half that time). You say you’re a mellow drunk.. I always thought I was too but my hubby (and amazingly he’s still around) says I can get quite nasty after a few glasses. He doesn’t like the personality change anyway. Interesting as I thought that I was so much more fun, chatty, outgoing.. would I really want to see myself after a bottle of wine?
I am on day 14. Mostly it’s been easier this time round but I felt really tired & irritable last night, wanting to sink into delicious alcoholic oblivion, & bit his head off.. but hey, that’s Ok it’s not me but PAWS (and I’ll be sticking with this excuse for the next 2 years.. should I manage to stay away from temptation that long).
Angelica
.. day 13 not 14.. rats
?? Today is day 13 right? Did you stop on the 1st? Why rats…did you slip up?
see below…posted wrong place
Caribou.. referring back to your post from 10th January.. mellow ‘imbiber’ not drunk, sorry!!
rats as it’s only 13 days not 14.. no slip up yet. Referring to my previous post which didnt appear for a while as it was being moderated.
Keep going Jenm. I feel fine so far but worried about some challenging weekends coming up. Not sure how I’m going to manage. This one I hope will be ok.
Strength to us all
xx
Hi Angelica,
Thanks for the reply. I think you put your finger on it… it’s not what “I” thought I was when drunk. It was the fact I WAS drunk that my wife did not like. The personality change is a personality change even if I was “mellow.” (I only learned about the “mellow” description when after we separated she had told my mother that she sometimes wished I did drink (!?!) because it mellowed me out. So obviously there was something else with me going on…). Talk about mixed messages.
Regardless, no matter how I slice and dice it, drinking was a problem for me and unacceptable to her. So now we are over. And I miss having my “complete” family.
BTW, I have seen pictures of myself the morning after and I always feel embarrassed. I look like a drunk. I might feel fine, but I look terrible. Perhaps I should enlarge one of those pictures if I can find one (I have ripped some up that especially shocked me) as a reminder to get my sh*t together.
BTW, take good car of your husband. He sounds like a good guy.
Hi Caribou
I missed this post.. how are you getting on?
You know I like myself so much more sober & am finding that the times I do drink I can feel my thoughts subtly changing & I don’t like them.. hmmm
My hubby is great.. mostly! But then aren’t we all? We talk & support each other & have a deep affection. It’s important stuff.
Hope things are going well for you. Hang on in there. It’s so tough when relationships break up especially if children are involved. It will get better. Take time for yourself to sort out what’s been going on for you.. a good counsellor can help a lot so that when the next relationship comes along you’ve worked on your ‘baggage’ (we all have it) and are ready to move on from it.
You sound very nice too
Have had zero cravings since my slip up Sat. night. Today is day 12. I feel pretty good, just a little tired. It is amazing how bloated you get when you drink. I just feel thinner not drinking! I had a great therapy session the other day and I am going to try another AA meeting tomorrow. I didn’t make it yesterday or today but I don’t think I am the type to go everyday. Sending strength to everyone! Can you believe the weekend is almost here again? I am ready this time!!
fantastic.. hoping your weekend goes well
xx
Had a good night last night, did my class, had a swim (pool to self with low light – lovely), lounged in the jacuzzi, wallowed in the various steam rooms and thought – this is the way to chill – not drinking a bottle of wine. So why am I halfway through a bottle tonight – BECAUSE – I have had the most awful stressful day at work where I am overwhelmed with my 8 page “to do” list and I feel ill at the thought of it all and i couldn’t go the club tonight as I had home stuff to do – like cleaning, washing etc – yep the other full time job. Still I am cutting down and I am getting there – even one glass less a day is progress.
Hi, it sounds like the demon is well in control there (just a thought).
Angelica,
Two things:
My wife did say that when I drank she did not like the fact that I was “not there” that I was “not present.” I understand completely what she meant. Now…
As for the differentiation between “imbiber” and “drunk” I’d have to say one is the denial form of the of latter. There are as many ways to describe a person who drinks as there is for the Eskimos (Inuit) have names for snow. For me a drunk is a street person, someone who is perpetually inebriated. That is not me nor the vast majority of the people writing to this site. Weekend drunks, perhaps, closet alcoholics… not sure what label to attach nor even if it matters. We are all concerned with not just how much we drink but (as is my case) how drinking is affecting our lives.
We do all seem to have one thing in common; we are all time counters. We count how long we have drank, we count how long it has been a concern, we count how long we have tried to abstain or have abstained. I certainly fit that description. It seems to point to an inherent need to come to terms with the meaning of time or something. Living for the moment vs living in the past vs living for the future vs living in the present.
I want to understand and learn how I can live my life in the present. Once I do I think I can make the adjustments I need to and finally stop watching the clock in front and behind me.
Caribou
You sound very nice.
Hi Caribou, I totally agree and completely relate to you.
On the labelling debate I would simply say that that we all have an issue with Alcohol as alcohol is the common denominator but we all have various issues with it!
I always seem to live in the future or the past but never the here and now! It is something that I am trying to overcome as it seems like I’m wishing my life away, maybe January is not the most positive month of the year though eh
Thank you kindly
I do agree about the time thing.. when we’re trying to stop. Instead of thinking how miserable I am giving up & I can’t wait til the end of the month or wondering how can I give up forever I have found it so much easier just to think about today & now.. just resist for tonight.
But hey, when we’re drinking do we think about tomorrow or next week? How rubbish we’re going to feel in the morning, how difficult it will be to get through the day & what a bad day’s work we’ll be doing? How bad we’ll be looking (will anyone notice & realise?). No we just live for the moment and how soon we can reasonably open that bottle & taste that wine or whatever your favourite ‘poison’ is.
We must learn to love the moment sober. Instead of.. how miserable I will be, what is the most pleasurable thing I can do now without drinking?
It is so hard to start with, but I can only say for me it is getting easier. It is 5.30pm now.. 6 months ago I would have been thinking ‘almost 6pm.. if I open a bottle of wine then hide it he won’t notice when he gets home from work that I’ve already had a glass.. just a small one won’t hurt’ (and the next one). We are going out to our usual friday night haunt tonight. 6 months ago my greatest friday night pleasure was a large glass of white wine there.. then another.. then wanting another but knowing I shouldn’t & that hubby would get really cross but wanting one so much & feeling such conflict.
What a miserable way to carry on!
I have made a cuppa after a busy day at work & I am going to watch some absolute rubbish on TV then have a bath maybe, get ready to out & have a great evening out.. how indulgent, hell, I don’t need a drink to feel good. Honest!!
Have a great weekend all
xx
Jenm 13 days for me also! Feeling good and in control still, lost 5.5lbs last week, been eating healthily and exercising too. Nuts, seeds, avocados, all the good stuff which is partly why I am feeling so good. Keep it up x
Great job Kel! It has been so nice getting through the week without any major cravings. I have had so much herbal tea this week I feel like I am going to float away! Have a great, sober weekend.xx
Well, it’s the weekend again – danger time for me! But I know now to expect cravings, and to work through them rather than give in to them.
And I need to remind myself of the positives. I’m sleeping much better, I’m waking up feeling good, I’ve lost weight without dieting, I can actually remember what I did the night before!!
Jeannie, are you still reading? We haven’t heard from you for a while. Please let us know what’s happening with you, good or bad.
Seeing some posts about counting the days really takes me back to this time last year. I gave up on new years eve, but I only ever intended to make it last until mid-Feb (my sisters 40th). I guess having a goal really made it a lot easier for me to acheive it and I therefore felt no pressure or the daunting thought that I would never have another drink for the rest of my life (although that thought came later!).
It wasn’t until mid-Feb that I thought about extending my goal and that’s when I joined this site, because it felt so daunting at the time that I needed to see if there were like-minded people out there and luckily for me I did! Rosie, Don and then Arunas, followed by many others really gave me the strength to continue and it was the first time I could really relate and feel less alone.
I guess what I am trying to say is pigeon steps were the way forward for me, phrases like ‘Rome wasn’t built in a day’ and ‘a 10,000 mile journey starts with a single step’ etc have been around for ages, but are still very much valid.
Don’t worry about whether to drink next month, the choice is whether to drink right now. Cravings will always pass, it’s not like hunger that gets worse, it’s more like a wound that is healing.
Well put RoyBoy!
Don.
True words indeed RB
Angelica, you can do this! Go back an look at some of your old posts…you always give great suggestions and advice. You have time to make a plan to get through the upcoming weekends. Just don’t let your guard down. Nancy made a comment about putting all our energy and focus on not drinking (or something along those lines
) and I think she is right. It has to be a daily project, the #1 item on our daily to do list. Not an afterthought. Hang in there!xx
Thanks Jenm.. strength to you too.
I am going to worry about the next 2 weekends a few days in advance. This weekend should be ok.. I hope, oh dear mustn’t drop that guard & get caught out. Practice after me.. no mother, I don’t want a G&T thank you, I’m on the wagon for now
xx
Hi Jeanie, how are you doing? Hope you are not trying to cope with this struggle alone now… Please let us know how you are, we are all here to support xx
Hi guys,
Just thought I’d let you know that I’ve got through the hiccup without resorting to the chardonnay and feel much better for it. I even stood in the supermarket looking at the wine bottles like a child in a sweet shop, but I left empty handed. I did it by thinking very seriously about the actual taste of it (which I don’t even like) and it worked a treat. I felt very good about myself and walked home with my head held very high. I’ve had no more cravings since, but I’m certainly not so naive that I think that’s the end of the fight. I know it’s a constant battle and I’m determined to win it.
That’s all for now and I sincerely hope you all out there are beating this thing. The important thing is something my doctor said “if you do relapse don’t think that’s it, and give up the fight. Get straight back on the horse and ride for all you’re worth”.
Bye for now.
Brilliant Sal.. keep at it
Nice one Sal! Every little victory will strengthen your resolve.
Don.
good job Sal!
oh heck had my first wobble earlier this evening. I was driving home from my daughters swimming lesson when alcohol popped into my head and for the first time in nearly 2 weeks I thought it would be nice to have a chilled glass of wine. I got home and my husband was about to pour himself some wine. I told him what I had been thinking. He immediately put the wine away and asked for a cup of tea, this helped me immensely. I spent the next 10 minutes convincing myself of all the reasons why I should not drink and how good I have been feeling. I am glad to say that I stuck to that cup of tea and then herbal teas, had my tea and felt a lot better. Anyway, my husband knows how important it is to me to stop and has not once requested me to stop due to my drinking getting in the way of family life, which is why I am glad he supported me when I got home.
Fantastic Kel.. that is so good. It will make it easier next time to resist.
xx
Gosh well done Sal! I’m impressed that you havnt thought of drink for 2 weeks. I think about it all the time & have a constant battle. Your husband sounds great supporting you so well. My partner although he has cut down loads but still opens a bottle of wine. I might try herbal teas as you have suggested as it’s something different to use as an alternative from wine. Keep up the good work & thanks for the tip x
Fantastic well done. My husband is very supportive and I have explained to him the problems I have but he went to the supermarket on Thursday and brought home 12 bottles of wine. This is terrible for me as if it is in the house it is so easy to give in whereas if I can get home without buying any I will be fine, if a little twitchy sometimes – because to go out and get some involves a long drive which I wouldn’t bother to do. I have a night out at the rugby tonight with a load of hard drinking friends, but will do my best. In normal circumstances I would totally overdo it with them and feel horrible tomorrow but I am really going to try and control it – particularly as I have loads to do tomorrow and want a clear head. I have drank 3 out of 5 days this week which is not good – but it is still better than 5 out of 5 – so I am going to keep working at it.
I love Angelica’s post above in reply to Caribou and totally relate to it. Wise words and I am going to try the one about doing something pleasurable which is not drinking.
Great job Kel! Wow…what great support from your husband. Very nice! Keep it up!
Thank you everyone, have managed the whole weekend yippee! Once again, yesterday evening I and a thought about drinking wine and again I thought to myself that I could not do it as I would undo all my hard work recently plus I had bodyjam to go to this morning with a mate and wanted to turn up fresh and not reeking of booze. I woke up estatic this morning feeling great that I did not give into the demon. Felt great after my exercise and was buzzing around the house all day, been a good day and lots done. Also I notice that I always used to beat myself up when I was in the shower saying to myself that crap I felt and what kind of a life am I leading and will NOT drink tonight! Today I was telling myself how life is great without alcohol and not having a guilty shower where I keep having to tell myself off. Into week 3 now so here goes.
still going strong after 5 days. Hope you are all doing fine.
Well done Ben – you should feel very proud of yourself. Keep up the good work
Many thanks, I see in one of your posts that you visit steam rooms? I have visited sauna and steams rooms for the past 4 out of 5 days and this has occupied my time after work as well as helped me not to drink afterwards as it makes me feel awful. Have found today difficult though but have still managed to not drink, seems to feel a bit easier now but will not get cocky.
You are doing great Ben!
I am soo glad i have found this site.
After reading some of the comments I have realised I am alcoholic. Mainly when I get home from work I can easily drink a whole bottle of wine. I do not have hangover the next day so I will have another bottle and the next day and soo on. I cant seem to stop. My partner does not drink so after I pour a glass i will hide it in cupboard and go back to sip.. It is ridiculous.. Hopefully from now on I will be alcohol free.
Hi, i have just found this website, i have been drinking for many years, but only in the past one and a half, have i been trying to stop, at first i thought i was fine with my drinking, but my problem developed badly upon my partners complete ban, it was then that i started to hide it, and hiding it became easier, i’d make excuses to leave the house, loaf of bread, pint of milk etc… but then the drinking moved from one day, to two etc and they started getting longer and longer, and as i write this i have been sober for today, and started drinking last thursday so nine days of solid spirt drinking, got arested, partner has threw me out, not that i blame her, i have not treated her right
and i fear i have lost it all, all i want is her back, i don’t want to drink, it causes me to miss work, mess up my degree, i’m renavating a car, that due to my alcoholism is taking forever. my drink problem is now sucking up all my money, time and is ruining my life. i drink a bottle of spirts or two, pass out, wake up and do it all over again. i have sought help now and going on a detox, i’m suffering bad today from withdrawal
i want tomorrow to be the first day of the rest of my life, i fear relapsing though.
I have read the posts on this web site with deep compassion for those trying so hard to overcome the habit. that is often all it is a habit. We mostly all know that to break any habit you have to substitute . Tackle a job however small. Eat something. Make a list of what you have to do the next day. Get out and walk if only for ten minutes. And picture your liver,probably overstressed but struggling to keep you going. I always think of the footballer who even continued to drink after was it two liver transplants. He died last year I think. Now he was your true alcoholic. And then there is poor Gazza…that can be the ultimate fate .
Once the worst is over and you no longer even think about a drink the mind will be clearer,you can deal with stress better,you look better,you feel better and you are in control. If with a social group drink tonic water. It could be g & T for all the others know so you are not going to look like a kill joy.
And finally,ask for help. Even if you do not have much religious faith,try asking for strength in the name of Jesus .
Bless you all in your determination.
Hi all. I’m glad that I found this site. It has provided me with encouragement to realize that I’m an alcholic. I’m the wine drinker! I drink a 4 pack of Sutter Home daily. I use to think that it was fine and relaxing for me after a long day at work. But, it’s not fine. My husband isn’t my husband anymore…. I have embarrassed my children who hates to see me drunk…. I have a lack of being able to concentrate. I need help!
I’m frighten because I don’t want to go to a detox center to stay. I have so much going on in my life that I don’t have time to spend a week or two there. Although I feel that its best. So, I’m going to try home remedies, natural herbs, and exercise. I hope this help and if you can share with me your insight, I will appreciate to the highest.
Made it through Friday and Saturday night! Feel sooo much better this Sunday than last Sunday. Have a great fun day planned with friends and I am thankful for feeling well today! Today is day 15.
Excellent Jenm, be proud of yourself – please keep going and don’t give up xx
well done Jenm, you can do it! Isnt it nice to feel in control eh.
thanks! Kel, it is funny what you said about the negative shower conversation in your head…I would do the same thing every day! It is so nice to wake up happy and clear headed! I slept the whole night through last night for the first time in years. Ready for the new week!
Well done to you!!!! I really hope I can get to day 15, I am on day 7 at the moment and day 15 seems a long way away. Keep it up!!!!!
Hey everyone,
Today it has been two weeks since my last drink/smoke/toke. Feeling great.My mood has stabilized. I am riding a positive snowball effect. Each day that goes by without using gives me more resolve. My heart arryhthmias are subsidising with my anxiety. The less anxiety I have the easier abstinence is becoming. Although I know I will constantly have to be on guard, after what Iv’e been through hopefully everyday will get a little easier. Thanks everyone for your continuing support!
Excellent – well done you
Oh so proud of you! You must be feeling so much better. Well done and keep it up!
Well done Dave Cue!! Thank you also for the positive feedback. It really does take a lot of strength and determination, but it really is possible to get through those extremely difficult first few days. As you know now, it certainly does become a little bit easier each day. Keep strong and always take it one day at a time xx