How to stop drinking alcohol
Are you trying to decide if you should stop drinking alcohol? Maybe you’ve already tried a few times to just cut down, and drink more sensibly like other people seem to.
Perhaps you’ve had limited success, you manage it for a week or so, but then you start drinking more again, then the blackouts and awful hangovers start, the guilt and the arguments with your partner. Do you finally decide its time to quit? It might be worth a try.
So how do you stop drinking? The first thing to look at is:
Consider your motivation for stopping
Why do you actually want to stop? What are the consequences of your alcohol consumption? Weigh up the pros and cons of your drinking, the costs versus the benefits (write them down here if you like).
- What are the good things about your drinking right now, what does it do for you? This is important to consider, because you need to find other ways to achieve this.
- Then what are the bad things about your drinking? Really dig deep with this – look at your relationships, your health, job, self-esteem, depression etc.
- Next what are the good things you expect to happen when you stop drinking, how will your life be better?
- Finally what are the negative aspects of quitting? What is putting you off the idea? Again, this is important because you will have to find some way to solve these concerns.
You need to be reminding yourself about this list of your motivations every time you think about having a drink. The next stage is to find out:
Are you physically dependent on alcohol?
For the sake of safety, if you are drinking all day from the moment you wake up in order to avoid your hangovers, then you will need some sort of medical supervision to help you through the detox. You might have experienced D.T.s before (the shakes, or Delirium Tremens to be precise), but full scale alcohol withdrawal can be an unpleasant business. Hallucinations, seizures, it can even be fatal. So you should see your doctor before you plan to stop drinking alcohol. They can help you with medication, or even a short stay in hospital to get you over the first week. If the thought of that scares you to death, then you MUST try and cut down a bit before you stop completely.
So you’ve worked out why you want to stop, and if you can stop safely. Now what? You need to:
Develop a plan for how you can avoid those urges to drink.
Read our earlier article on coping with alcohol cravings first. It will give you a few techniques to help you. One thing’s for sure, will-power alone is not enough to stop you from drinking.
You need to work out what are your ‘high-risk’ situations, what are your ‘triggers’ that make you want to drink? Some of these can be avoided, so make plans as to how you can avoid them. For those that clearly can’t be avoided, you have to start thinking about how you can deal with them differently. Make your own relapse prevention strategy.
Now sit back and wait for sobriety.
Ok, so it might not be as easy as all that (of course not), you may well slip and have a drink, you might even relapse in dramatic fashion and wake up in a ditch somewhere. Don’t laugh, it might be you. You haven’t failed, you just let that old habit sneak up and catch you unawares.
This obviously isn’t going to change over night. And realistically, this is where you might need the help of a professional. You will need to replace all that drinking with other activities, which means you need to set yourself some achievable goals.
The same goes for your feelings, learning how you can cope with difficult feelings without alcohol will take some time. Alcohol has been your way of dealing with everything difficult in your life, so you are going to have to find some other ways to cope, basically.
You should regularly review what is working and what’s not, what things are still tripping you up and most importantly, what benefits you are seeing. Remind yourself of your original reasons for wanting to stop drinking alcohol. And of course, if you find that you need some help, try a counselling session.
Maybe I made a mistake in replying to an older post of RB which doesn’t show anymore in the recent posts. Well, you can find it if you want on the older posts.
Hi Moondance, I just read your reply and thank you so much for your kind words. I hope you don’t mind me saying this but I really think, as you have hinted on, that you are going through the right process to eventually give up drinking for good.
You are stubbornly searching every avenue to find a way to control the drink and eventually you will reach the conclusion that you cannot ever do so. The only way to beant the demon is to starve it.
I really think though that you should continue on your path, rather than cutting a corner and taking my word for it, as it’s the kind of thing that you need to do for your own good.
You are totally on the right track though. Of course it’s easy for me to say all this from where I’m sitting, but I have been through it myself and can see it all panning out the same way for you as it did for me.
Keep posting, we need you here.
Sorry, I meant ‘beat’ the demon (although beanting it might also work lol)
Wish I knew what ‘beanting’ means… Anyway RB I know you’re right about me having to cut, no, to quit completely. There are times that I know this and even think I can do it easily, but then there are times that I think what the hell, why should I quit forever, even some of my favorite writers and musicians were drunks or drug addicts and left such great works, even if they died too young. I know this is a very dangerous thought, because I do want to live long (I love life) and with good quality of life. I know I can give a lot to my dear ones, I happen to be one of those giving persons. But it’s so hard for me to stick to the sound decision of quitting, point. That’s why I said earlier, I’m a bad example on this site. I guess you and others (like Aruna) will get tired of me. Because I’m always struggling, and never succeeding. I’m ashamed to post my failures, afraid that I do harm to newbees. Maybe I should stop posting, just following the site, until I can say I did it, I’m now 2 weeks or 2 months clean.
But anyway, it’s my own struggle, and it keeps being true that your comments help me to keep the struggle going. But please be honest about this question: am I doing so bad that it would be better for newbees if I stop posting? Am I demotivating others because of my own weakness?
Of course the question is not only to RB, but to everyone, especially newbees.
But thanks, RoyBoy, for always being there.
I just read an article on motivation and quitting smoking where different sources of motivation where analyzed and linked to results. One of the key conclusions was – think of how you will respond to triggers in advance. I guess RoyBoy wrote smth along similar lines but we just cant emphasize it enough. They say, – If you fail to prepare, prepare to fail… so everyone serious enough about quitting has to draw up a list of triggers and link them with one or several ways of responding.
+ a lovely song and excellent lyrics by Mos Def to brighten your day, well not brighten.. make you think;) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AU0hbjJ6vVE
Hi all,
not sure how to start. I know I need help. I am a evening one bottle wine drinker since 4 years sometimes less sometimes more. I went to Germany to an AA meeting with my brother. He quit and he tried to encourage me. A ex-drinker approached me at the meeting and said.
First alcohol is your friend and holds your hand
Then alcohol puts its arm around you saying: you and me are best buddies
Then alcohol puts its hand around your neck and says: go to the store and buy me because you need me.
From there on it is going downwards if you dont stop…
I think that I am scared to stop. I dont know what to do with this feeling of coming home from work not able to do anything because I am so tired but want to do something enjoyable for myself.
But then again, on my day off I start to drink and think about it early evening or afternoon. I will keep reading and wish all of you luck in this horrible battle
Hi there, one of my pieces of advice was – quit stressful jobs, start freelancing if you can. After all this daily work, drink, sleep routine sucks. This is a radical solution, but just give it a thought. You seem to need to break the cycle.
Hi RoyBoy, in reply to your earlier reply to me, I guess I have to agree, complete abstinence rather than trying to cut down. Uncomfortable thought, but admittedly, realistic.
Anyway, I got through Monday without a drink at all! I’ve also made a start (by arrangement with the bank) to reorganise my finances and also made a start on turning the business around!!
It’s probably a long road ahead, but I’m doing my best to prepare for the journey. The comments on this website are so helpful and supportive. One day at a time and one step at a time eh?
A journey of a 1,000 miles begins with a Single Step after all.
Wishing everyone here a good day, a strong day – just keep going, I’m certainly going to try!
By the way RoyBoy have you given it up successfully? Appears like you have, you seem so supportive to many people on here, it’s great to have people like you – and I’m sure there are others too!
no worries, the discomfort will go away. One crucial thing is also to be able to give your time a new structure… you will find more time but at the same time it is important to fill it with meaningful, nice, enjoyable activities.. take a language course, rediscover an old hobby etc…by the way I found out that table games are quite fun and some of them require you to be sober if you want to be good at them;) it’s fun and it’s a good way to socialize. Give it a try!
Oh the discomfort went away this afternoon, so sorry to say: after three pints……..I already speak Russian ………..
It’s a long hard process and it has taken me many attempts over the years to finally get to the point where I am looking like this might be the attempt that lasts. Saying that, I did slip up a couple of weeks ago, but it was just a blip, there’s no going down the slippery slope this time!
The thing is, some of us take many tried to eventually get there and I can see people on here are at various stages of their process. The big thing is to not give in and to keep on trying until you eventually make it.
Luckily I found this site and have had so much help from the people on here, I’m still not cured 100% but I an feeling very positive about the future. If I can help then it’s a small price to pay, unless of course people tell me I’m not, after which time I’ll leave this place, but I feel I’m helping at the moment so that’s why I’m still here.
Dear lovely Bright Eyed people
I’ve been back 4 days from my holiday. Not sure how to say this. I had a drink every day of my holiday. Either a small beer or glass of wine, some days both. No more, honest. I was determined initially not to but felt so miserable & deprived that all my resolutions just vanished. The only reason I didn’t drink more is that we were on holiday with a couple that hardly drank. If they had been drinkers then I’m sure I would have been knocking it back with the best/worst of them.
But.. I had a lovely time and am not raddled with shame & remorse but am really not wanting to go down that same old path. So I haven’t had a drink since I got home, and am back to day 4 (or day 24 if I ignore the holiday week). I’ve been thinking about what is a normal drinker and think it covers all sorts of spectrums.. but more importantly perhaps what is a problem drinker? I’m sure I will never be a normal drinker, too much history ’round my drinking. Can I ever drink again so it’s never a problem? Again probably not as I’ll always be liable to starting moderately & before I know it there I go again. Can I abstain for a long period of time.. months? years? I just don’t know. But happy that I’m not spending my evenings soaked in alcohol at the moment. It’s not easy but it’s the best choice I have right now.
Angelica
xx
Hi Angelica, It’s just a blip by the sound of it and you have done the most important thing by not giving in and getting straight back on the wagon, so well done for that.
I guess this bring up the ‘triggers’ thing again, where you can try to prepare yourself with different reactions to different triggers. Some situations trigger a greater craving than others, so it’s important to be prepared. Maybe keep that list of reasons why you don’t want to drink in your luggage next time? Saying that, I bet you always intended to leave the booze on holiday, although if I know the demon well, he’ll be convincing you to book another holiday ASAP!!!
One of the many attempts to give up, I tried only drinking when I went out, of course this grew and grew into being back on the booze full time. Anyways, you’re back on the wagon so that’s all that matter eh.
Thanks RoyBoy, you’re a great help.. don’t go!!
Mine was a bit of a blip,blip,blip x7.. but hey.. as long as we keep trying & don’t give up.
I’ve tried it all.. only drink at weekends, only when I’m going out, only if eating out, never at home, never by myself at home etc etc. A few days later something will happen and just a glass or two of wine, no harm, I deserve it etc. We’ve all been there.
Trusting that it gets easier.
A x
I have just read through all these posts whilst consuming a fair few beers. I definitely have a problem with alcohol and I wish to stop. I am too proud to go to the doctors etc so i am determined to go the self-help route. I am 26 years old and feel like alcohol controls my life at times. I am a sporty guyy, and this has gone out the window in recent times. I am letting my family, friends, and girlfriend down at the moment as i know i could give so much more.
Any helpful suggestions out there?
A lonely drinker.
Hi,
A very helpful book I read on this subject, which recently helped me to easily go without booze for seven months, is called “Rational Recovery” and the author is Jack Trimpey.
When I think back on it, the reason I slipped up after the seven months is because of something called “vertigo” (this is something he addresses in the book) and I allowed it to get the better of me.
I will be re-reading the book in the next few days as I get back on track.
All the best to you!
Hi JonnyD
I ahve found it so helpful reading through postings on this site and sharing my experiences. It gives me strength and focus and support.
Good luck
Angelica
xx
After a tough month (which I described earlier) I managed to get a 3 weeks postponement of my deadline for the work I have to deliver. Tonight I made a work plan, which is really very demanding, I can’t afford to spend days with hangover or without positive energy. Even to “earn” the right to do 1,5 hours gymming per day, I have to get up early and be focussed, concentrated and deliver work each day. No way I can do that if I drink.
Right now I don’t know how to do it (so many attempts failed), but I know I HAVE to not drink, even if it’s only for this month. Please give me courage.
Dear Moondance
Please do keep posting on this site. We are all here to try & improve our lives and sometimes it takes a long time to succeed with many attempts and failures, each time learning a bit more. Don’t stop trying. Also please don’t be so hard on yourself. You are obviously very driven as well as being a very loving and caring person. Take some some to relax too and be kind to yourself.
I have also thought about the way that so many brilliant and creative people have drug and alcohol problems. Often pain and suffering drive such creativity and not happiness and contentment. And the alcohol fuels the creativity & numbs the pain. As I get older I just want more contentment and was finding the highs were inevitably followed by lows that just get worse. I love(d) drinking to excess with that warm feeling of abandon and that I am so much more outgoing but never want to wake up again feeling embarrassed by my behaviour, with the hangovers which last longer, the fears about my health, functioning badly at work and the feelings of shame and disgust. Now I enjoy waking up feeling just good.
So get through each day and keep posting. We’re here for you.
Angelica
xx
Courage to you Moondance. I have been in that space and it isn’t easy. I got through everything then as is my trigger, drink post-stress and waste precious ‘me’ time! You can do it.
This site is fab. I stopped drinking 6 days ago and whenever i feel a bit overwhelmed i read this and it inspires me. Have never done this well before or been so determined. i am aware that this is the easy bit but what has helped me is when ‘happy hour’ comes around ( for me 5-7pm) and the addict rears its ugly head i keep thinking about how good i have felt all day and the consequences of 1 drink. Good luck to everyone. Hang on in there cos we know deep down its worth it. What has also helped me is to keep it simple and don’t over ananlyse things at this early stage. I am so glad to have started this and will be gentle to myself over the next few days, banishing thoughts of guilt, shame and lost years. Beth
Hi Beth,
Just want to say all the best to you! This site has also been a godsend for me in not feeling so alone in my challenge to live a sober life.
C.
Hi. I am new on this great site. Just reading about your “happy hour” syndrome, but mine seems to go from 4 – 7pm, and I find it SO hard to beat. I am on day 1 AGAIN of giving it up. Only seem to ever manage 4 days and then back to the wine drinking, and probably more than normal because I have had 4 days off!
I think the giving up completely is the only answer, but at the moment life without drinking seems very daunting. I feel so great when I stop for 4 or even 2 days. Just need to hold on to that good feeling when I crave a drink.
Why is it so hard? Does it get easier??
Hi Ellie
So far I am finding it easier than previous attempts to stop not just because of all the support here (which has been incredible) but because when I usually stop it’s just for a month (and a miserable month too). This time I am just stopping and trying to enjoy each day sober with all the joy and positive things that brings rather than feeling deprived. At times it has been so easy to say no when other people around me are drinking & I haven’t minded at all, even enjoyed being the sober one. Other times it has been really really hard. So much so that I slipped on holiday. Advance planning helps most of the time. Being tired stressed and alone is also a difficult time for me. I’m fully aware lots of challenges ahead and trying to stay positive and remember all the reasons not to drink.
I’m sure Royboy & the other oldies will tell you that it gets easier as time goes on. At least I hope so.
Good luck to you in your own personal struggle.
Angelica (day 6 or 26?)
xx
In reply to Moondance, please understand that although some of us look successfull on this site (which of course is good), it has taken some of us many attempts and many years of trying every single scenario to eventually get to this point. You are simply going through the same process, but because your experience is being played out here, it is a great help to others.
I have tried controlling my relationship with alcohol by using various methods such as:
. Only drinking at the weekend
. Limiting my intake to a beer per night
. Buying the low alcohol stuff
. Buying the cheap stuff
. Only drinking when I go out, or when I have friends round
. Exercising to make myself feel that I was couteracting the effects
. Only drinking when I had certain meals, like “I’m having steak so I must have red wine to go with it”
My attitude was “I will not be beaten” and “I will control the booze”, but the truth is you can only win if you actually stop completely. I was never in control, the demon always had me over a barrel. I eventually realised that I will always be his bitch, which was very hard to take considering how stubborn I am.
Your experiences are invaluable to others, as you are basically highlighting all of the pitfulls, struggles etc that others can expect to come across. I hope this makes sense?
Regarding the famous people in life that die early; They become more famous becuase they died young, not necessarily due to alcohol/drugs though. Although some people produced fantastic works under the influence of alcohol/drug, they didn’t live to enjoy it, we did, so it’s great for us, but not for them! Check out this list:
http://health.howstuffworks.com/diseases-conditions/death-dying/59-famous-people-who-died-before-age-40.htm
something to think about eh…
Hi all, I am at this moment trying to give up alcohol, but not doing too well. I would like to say that 8 years ago I gave up smoking and had, as Arunas said earlier, strange dreams where I would wake up and think I had smoked, this soon passed, and it was always a relief to wake up and realise it was all a dream.
I have been having the odd alcho free days but it really gets me down when I wake up knowing that it was the same old thing the night before. Always in those early hours I swear that this is it and I’m not doing it anymore but come 5pm there I am filling the glass. I don’t even know why I keep doing it, how can I promise myself everyday and then every time just go back to doing the same thing.
Dear Angelica, Juliet and above all ever present RoyBoy.
I am literally moved to tears for your continuing support to me, the always failing lady. As I said yesterday, I made a tough work plan for the rest of the month and really have to stick to it, and can’t do that if I still drink. But hey, I bought booze again and am still drinking. This way I’m going nowhere except down the drain… I don’t understand why I’m doing this to myself, when every morning I wake up so determined that I don’t want to drink anymore. So now I made a new plan: tomorrow I’ll ask my love if I can live the whole month at his place, working there. That way he will control me and stimulate me to work (what he’s now trying to do by phone). He has a bad addiction problem himself, but it’s very different from mine, so I’m confident it will not affect me.
It won’t be easy, because I like my simple place (full of light! I love the light…) much more than his big house. But for the sake of my work (which includes not drinking) I could do this, if he accepts me to stay there. I expect he will, knowing about my alc problem plus the work pressure. I’m lucky to have the sweetest man imaginable as my love.
So, although it’s true that every step on the way depends on me myself and my own choices, it may help to put myself in a situation where I just can’t drink (one advantage: my drink is wine, he gets sick from wine so wo’nt ever have it in the house). Wish me luck.
And btw forgot to say: RoyBoy I love you again, for outlining all the tricks you went through yourself, before getting to the superb state of freedom you achieved. Even though this state is sometimes attacked by our familiar enemy, you know it well enough to be able to combat it. Though everybody is equally important on this site, right now you are really my walking stick, my crutch.
I’ll keep you all posted, and good luck to all. Sorry that right now I’m not in a position to support individual newbees, I pray that day will come.
Thank you, I’m blushing now.
I have receive a lot of help and support here, so it’s good for me to pay something back. That’s why this is such a good place to be.
We’re a good bunch of people when you think about it…I feel a screenplay coming on lol.
That’s a great idea RB!
But not for today (in my case). Had a serious conversation with my love, after his counselling session. Conclusion: not a good idea for me to go & stay at his place now that I have to work so hard. We have to face our battles individually, to be able to create a fertile base from both sides on which a positive relationship can grow.
So I finished the last bits of alc I still had at home and from tomorrow I’m seriously going on the zero line. Right now I’m not even scared, just look forward to be free. Though of course I know it’s not just that easy, but now I have a very strong motivation: I want this relationship to work. When he’s going into detox next month, he shouldn’t come back to a woman who’s still dependent. And I for myself just need to be sober to be able to finish my assignment. I’ve been through all the traps, I know them and I’m not going to fall into them again. I’m going to prove to myself that I’m that strong lady that I always thought I was.
So darlings, pray for me and believe in me. I’ll keep u posted.
I visit this site and others like it almost every time I wake up hungover or never went to bed. I’ve been trying to quit for over a decade. The most sobriety I ever accomplished was 2.5 months. Why is this thing so impossible. Frustration does not even come close to covering it. I pray often about it but still the same result. God please help me. I’m a functioning alcoholic which just prolongs my pain. Royboy. . .you are superman to me right now. Thanks for all the helpful posts. They make me feel better. Gosh I wish I could fix this thing.
Just remember Paul that you can pray to God, Allah or whoever, but you remain the master of your own destiny and only you can make the choices present to you.
Good luck, My thoughts are with you, be strong and keep posting mate.
can a doctor give u tablets to help u no think of drink
No Steven.. nothing’s that easy! I think that there are tablets to help if you are a really seriously heavy drinker to help stop having fits & really bad withdrawal. I don’t know enough about it though. You’d have to see a doctor about that.
Good luck
Angelica
Brought me to tears reading the posts on here, I have been drinking since I was a teenager (am 41 now) I hate it, sat here now with a glass of wine and have 2 more bottles next to me, I hate the taste, the smell, the expense,the arguements it causes, the blackouts and the cuts and bruises I have from falling over when I am drunk, why do I put myself through this, I wake up every morning saying this is the day I am going to stop and know that that walk past the local shop on my way home from work and the cravings are going to beat me.
I have a very supportive fella he works with children with learning disabilities so has the patience of a saint (he needs it with me) but he is worried sick about my health, my mum phones me every night to see if I am drunk and cries down the phone saying I am making her ill worrying about me and she shouldn’t be burying her child and feels this is going to happen, she lives round the corner frm me and now when I buy wine I walk the long way home so I don’t have to go past her window and she sees me with it. I have had 3 detoxes and each time I just go back to the drinking. I am getting worried about my health as well now as am having several symptoms of heavy drinking, my ex husband was a physical and mental abuser, I left him over 2 years ago and still go over again and again what I went through with him, I just wish I could take my brain out to stop it thinking, I just want it all to end and get on with my new life with my lovely fella, sorry this is so long it just rolls off my tongue when I get started!!
check this… aint in similar???
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2LgrGHWSy6k&feature=related
Oh yes! From what I’ve read on here, definitely a very good bunch of people. Perhaps we should all get together and drink the local out of orange juice and lemonade………..sorry, at the beginning of this week I thought I was doing well, but all I want to do now, is go out and have a ………. when does the bubble burst?
go out and have a ……run, walk, swim, cycle?
No, I went out for a few drinks instead. I’m just so disappointed with myself, no work will be done today now. Try again I guess…
I don’t know when the bubble bursts, but hopefully on here we can get support, I went to aa meetings and didn’t like their way at all, I am shy and don’t enjoy saying my name and I am an alcoholic or their special hand holding chant at the end
I took in everything they said and knew we were all going through the same thing but can’t do contact at all, maybe they should give a choice as to whether you want to do the last bit
Merrylegs
I wish I could tell you how to do this or that there was an easy way. All I can say is that by logging on to this site several times a day it has got me sober for longer and less painfully than any of my previous attempts, when I ‘ve felt so much on my own. Keep posting and holding on to all the support that there is here.
Strength to you
Angelica
xx
thank you angelica, I am trying, but find any excuse to drink, yes I have had a hard life but I also have a good one if I can control the drink, I don’t want to lose simon through dwelling on my past x
Angelica & Jenm, oh how I wish I had your number of days alcohol free. I can’t make it past day 2. Of course day 1 feeling like yuk, day 2 feeling like drinking again. Never really drank until 4 years ago. Gotta stop though. I’ll keep trying. I need some suggestions on the 5-7 o’clock cravings. Thanks.
Hi Annie,
I never got much past day 2-4 either until I found Bright Eye. I got on here so many times during the day to read and/or post those first few weeks. It gave me strength and hope. Get the alcohol out of the house is my other suggestion! The temptation is so strong for a while and until you start to understand the cravings and get through the detox part it is too much of a temptation to have it around. I cleaned alot and tried to stay really busy during that wine alarm period of 5-7. I didn’t think I would ever say I have been sober a whole month but once you get the momentum going it gets a little easier. Be prepared to crave sweets and food in general! That does go away. Best of luck and keep posting! Just think how good you will feel in the morning!
Hi Annie
Keep going. Sometimes when it all gets too much I just get into bed & curl up into a ball & weep & wail! Only so long you can keep that up & the feelings tend to pass!!
Whatever you try, cleaning, exercise, wailing.. venetually the bad feelings & longing for the wine do pass.
A x
I have been fighting drinking for years! I drink once a week and I can drink 3 bottles of red wine… Im type 2 diabetic so I trying! but this site is a big help! Trying to quit drinking is harder than anything in this world… it’s a real head trip!
the thing is at least you don’t do it every day so the willpower is there, just keep trying
This is my day 1. I’m optimistic.
I’m optimistic too xx
Dear Moondance
You can do it! Think good positive thoughts.
Friday evening approaching fast. We often go out for a cheap bite to eat and a few glasses of wine (++) on a friday & I just found myself starting down that train of thought… what’s the point of going? I will be miserable if I can’t have a few glasses of wine.. imagine how lovely it would be.. maybe just one (or two) glasses wouldn’t hurt, I’ve been so good all week….
So now I am trying to imagine going & having a lovely long refreshing glass of lime & soda (or two or three with lots of ice), how great it will be just to be there, how strong & proud and happy I will feel (not at all miserable), how great I’ll feel tomorrow morning when I wake up & the sun is shining (i hope) & I’m full of energy & ready for a fabulous saturday, instead of crawling out of bed feeling sick with a headache.
Frank Sinatra might have said ‘I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day’ but I’ve had enough of waking up feeling total s*** and standing in the shower wondering why I did it and saying never again.
Have a fabulous weekend all you Bright Eyed People
Angelica
xx
good luck moondance x
Hi Moondance
Good luck to you! Keep posting whatever – and so will I. We can beat this thing. Concentrate on getting that work done and how great you will feel when you’ve accomplished it!
Good luck!
Mary Anne x
and I’m not so optimistic
Welcome Merrylegs, your on the path!
hope so…thanks
PS Dear Admin
why do my comments sometimes need moderation & sometimes not?
Good question, it’s all automated, and how the programme works is not my area really.
whatever the reason thank you so much for maintaining such a fantastic site which has helped so many people, including me. You are wonderful.
Angelica
xx
Thanks, the feedback is much appreciated.
Me again
Here’s an interesting list:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_teetotalers
Ax
Interesting list Angelica. I was surprised about Adlof Hitler. What a waste of sobriety.
My computer has been down for a few days and I feel like I have missed so much. Welcome back Angelica. Put your blips x7 behind you and keep going! You have the strength to do this. Sometimes I read your posts and wonder if we are long lost twins!! lol
Moondance, I can’t tell you how many times I have tried to quit. I had to laugh at Royboys list-tried all those and then some. I’ll only drink a spritzer. I’ll only drink a light rum drink, only on the weekend, only when I am out(found lots of reasons to go out!!) etc.. I just did all that before I found this site. Please keep posting. I BELIEVE IN YOU!! XX
I apologize for the random brain dump that is about to happen
Feeling a wee bit emotional today. I hope I don’t come across as the annoyingly peppy cheerleader but this is kind of how I see things these days. I keep having this mental image of a long, black line. On one side is the life consumed by alcohol, grey and blurry and filled with unsolvable problems. The other side is life, simple and sunny. Not perfect but bright and clear and touchable. I can’t walk with one foot on either side of the line, for me it doesn’t work that way. I am an immensely easy going person who sees all sides of people and situations. But there is no gray when it comes to alcohol. I have to pick which side of the line I want to be on. I have only been on one side of the line for the last 23+ years. I am now on the other side of the line and I want to jump up and down, cheering and screaming and begging those that are trying so hard to join me! It hasn’t been easy and every week seems to be a little different. But the clear head, the creative energy, loss of weight/bloating etc. are so shocking and wonderful to me that I don’t ever want to cross that line again. I honestly didn’t know what it was like to not feel like crap, to not hate myself everyday. Why did it take me so long? Rosie, you are right. 40 days was a good turning point. I am not saying the problems go away, in fact I see some coming to a head because I am no longer dulling my senses to make them go away, because they don’t. But I am so much better prepared to deal with them now and can actually take care of them so they do go away or get resolved and the feeling of accomplishment that comes from that is amazing. I know I keep saying this and I am going to again…DON’T STOP TRYING! Because it will happen. Every single one of us wouldn’t be on this site if we didn’t want to cross that line. So when you go to have that next drink and don’t really want to, picture me and all your friends here jumping up and down and cheering you on to sobriety and a much, much better life.
xx to all.
What an incredible post!
It is difficult to imagine after years of booze hazed life just how incredibly good normality can feel. There is really no grey area when it comes to alcohol but getting to the point of coming to terms with that is terrifying…. but as you have found out Oh My Lord- it is worth it. The triggers of stress, work, money,relationships are all still there but instead of expecting alcohol to numb them- it only added to them, dulled the ability to deal with them and fed a totally unnecessary feeling of worthlessness and hopelesness- Not exactly a helpful recipie!
In any moment of temptation I will visualise you holding me back from crossing that line….thank you x
I want to jump up and down on your side of the line!
Thank you, it’s a great visualization.
Mary Anne x
I know Jenm, I so often really closely identify with what you say! That is what is so totally brilliant about this site. I have never felt I could go to AA or accessed any of the specialist alcohol services, and any counsellors that I have seen haven’t been much help with the alcohol side of things. But here I feel that I am not alone and any time I am feeling that it is all too hard on my own then here you all are! My very own totally private support group. Whenever I need you and hopefully occasionally helping you too.
Love you all
Angelica
xx
That’s a brilliant post JenM and I’m jumping right beside you!
what you say is true but I don’t have any friends, my ex husband took them away, one by one they saw what was going on and chose not to come round, but somehow I know he will of convinced them since then that I was the bad person and I can’t take the rejection, stockport police said I had the strongest case ever and it made me strong enough to go through the court case, I was hid behind screens because I didn’t want to see him. I went to the court and his solicitor came to me and said he would plead guilty if I said he pushed me and it was an accident.. I said that is not what happened and he still got away with it because I was drunk when I made the police phone call… hello??? try dealing with both physical and mental abuse and not drink, then finally get the strength to phone the police and this country lets you down!
Hi Merrylegs, You have had a rough go of it. I think it took alot of courage to stand up to your ex and take him to court even if it didn’t turn out the way you wanted or should have. I agree, it is harder to stop when you have a lot of strees in your life. But if you really want to, and I think you do, you will stop. It is a process and doesn’t happen overnight. You will have that bubble burst moment. Just don’t stop trying. You seem to have an inner strength, probably more than you realize, and it will get you through this tough time. Keep posting. We are all here to support each other. xxxx
thank you jenm, I did have a rough time but I can see that the way I am now is affecting my relationship with Simon and god knows how I will cope if I lose him, I am desperate to stop but even now am thinking Simon is working until half eleven tonight and I am just going to be sat here in these 4 walls bored stiff…get some wine and it will knock me out until he comes home, don’t want to be like this forever
Wow that’s so unfair. It’s easy to feel really angry when life is so unfair. But, awful as it all was, it’s in the past now. You have a new life, a super guy and a chance to put it all behind you and start over. Don’t let your ex continue to have a hold on you. Let him go with good riddance and concentrate on building a better future. Don’t go for the wine tonight! Get a film or book, cook yourself something delish, clean the place from top to toe or read all the posts here over and over . . .
Good luck
Mary Anne x
Thank you mary anne, it is true, I do need to let go…I am so much better off without him, have the house and the car but not my life anymore, drinking at the moment because have had an arguement with simon as all I do is drink and not much housework, he said I have him under the thumb and having come from a relationship where I was completely controlled it really hurt, he tidys up simply because I don’t as have no energy from not eating and just drinking…I wish I had a magic wand to make my body not crave alcohol, it numbs for a while but then you sober up and hey….it’s all there again, groundhog day!! I will just try again tomorrow, thank you also royboy it is hard because I was so confined in my last relationship, I daren’t do anything at all and now I have this man who lets me be me and I just find it such a change and don’t actually know how to be me anymore, am trying though, went to my art class this morning (nearlly didn’t as had wine left over) really pleased with myself for choosing art and not wine but come home and here I go again….wine!!!
Have a great weekend everyone! On Monday I want to retun and reply with good news. So that’s another reason for the message.
(Only around 5:00pm here in California)
I did it, 4 days and counting. . Even with a bad cold which I usually use as an excuse. Telling myself after all many cold meds have alcohol. Thanks for that inspirational post Mary Anne.
Jenm too
Good job Andy!! Hope you feel better!
Hi guys, ive been craving alcohol since i was a teenager and drinking all the time, i finally ssaid thats enough last year and since then been battling wit trying to be sober. il go a few days then cave in to my cravings. i hate it its horrible, i always feel like i need the drink to function and its scary i knida belive now if i stop il lose my job and my life its CRAZY!! i need to stop and from tommorow im done. im waking up tommorow a new man.
peace daz xx
p.s you guys are great people and great motivation for me to do this
Good luck Darren, keep posting your progress! MA
How’s it going Darren? You CAN do it!
xx
It is a crazy rollercoaster ride when you are trying to stop! Don’t give up! It is so nice to wake up sober and feel the sense of accomplishment you get when you don’t drink. It beats the heck out of spending the day hungover and mad at yourself. The negative talk we all do in our minds is as damaging as the alcohol to our bodies. When you stop drinking your body and your mind are so relieved and grateful! Keep posting
Hi to everyone and especially RoyBoy – you really are inspirational and I admire you for your continued support of us strugglers. I haven’t posted for a while but have been following the threads and your words have really helped me.
When I’ve gone back to wine again after a sober spell I have always felt a complete failure, seeing it as part of a ‘process’ is really helpful. I was falling apart a while ago and am still inclined to focus on what needs to be done or hasn’t happened and I just took stock of a lot of positive things. For one I’m actually in a much better position than many of you here and my heart goes out to those who have a lot more ‘reason’ to drink than I do.
Following recent threads here I’ve done a lot of thinking and have come to realize that I have to approach this differently. I realize that I don’t actually want to stop right now. I don’t want to be drunk with the associated hangovers, guilt trips and lost time (either getting the booze, being drunk, being hungover or disposing of the ‘evidence’ etc, etc) but I don’t actually want to stop completely for ever right now.
And there lies the problem!
Very deep down somewhere I think, after a few months of sobriety, I’ll be able to have an occasional social drink – but I also know I’m kidding myself.
I’ve had two booze free periods of about 4 weeks this year with a couple of one week spells in between. And I’ve gone back to the wine with different excuses each time. I’m thinking that I don’t want to stop completely as I really do enjoy a nice relaxed chilled glass of wine. The irony is I don’t remember when I last did that (well, yes it was June with friends). Mostly I guzzle warm plonk secretly and don’t enjoy it at all! Well I also enjoy a nice chilled glass of sparkly water so I know what I must do!
When I gave up smoking 20+ years ago I wanted to stop but I succeeded as my husband stopped smoking and I ‘did it for him’. Somehow it is easier for me to do something for someone else than for myself. Stupid! (I’ve tried to stop drinking ‘for my husband’ then he p*sses me off so I ‘need’ a drink.)
I’m going to try again – I need the time to get work done and I need to feel energetic. One problem on my four week dry spells was that I didn’t get that feel good buzz and even felt hungover a couple of times. Well I’ll just keep trying. It would have been a week today if I hadn’t gone out to buy wine yesterday. No point being cross with myself.
Love and peace – and sobriety! And sorry for all the rambling!
Mary Anne xx
Hi Mary Anne and all
Like you I can’t see it as forever. Too scarey. But no alcohol is right for now. Keep going. I am getting my buzz back (back? where has it been the last few years? It needed alcohol to produce it.. now I bounce round the park walking the dog! It feels great).
A x
Where did my post go please? Is it still being moderated? How long does that take?
Patience please Mary Anne.
Sorry admin but it did seem to take a long time! Many thanks MA
Comments tend to get moderated about twice a day.