Stages of Change in an Alcohol Problem
As you’re reading this website, then you might be thinking that you need to change your habits around alcohol. This means you’re in a stage called ‘contemplation’.
The Stages of Change model is a well established and useful way of considering different people’s levels of motivation to change their behaviour. This is how it applies to alcoholism:
Stage 1: Pre-contemplation -
Someone who drinks alcohol but doesn’t consider that they have a problem with it, or that they need to do anything about it. Other people around them might disagree however. Occasionally they might regret drinking too much, have an accident perhaps, but they still don’t feel their drinking needs to change.
Stage 2: Contemplation -
Possibly where you are now – you might have realised that your drinking is causing more problems than it’s worth, and that you’re probably drinking too much. You’ve noticed your health is suffering, or your closest relationships have been affected. Maybe your work is not up to scratch because you’re always hungover. But then on occasion you switch back to thinking it’s not such a problem after all, and you get drunk again.
Stage 3: Decision -
You realise that you do need to do something about this, so you decide to seek help, or talk to someone professionally, join a support group, maybe check out AA, or start looking online for some possible tips to cut down your drinking.
Stage 4: Action -
You start to reduce your alcohol consumption, you set yourself limits and you achieve them. You start talking about the problems in your life that might be causing your drinking, maybe to a counsellor or another mental health professional. You might well announce your decision to cut down or quit drinking to your partner or family members.
Stage 5: Maintenance or Relapse -
Your new pattern of drinking is becoming a habit, your alcohol consumption is back to acceptable, healthy levels again. Or maybe you haven’t had a drink for a couple of months, and you’re feeling comfortable with your sobriety. You can feel the benefits of not drinking so much – you’re healthier, happier and functioning better.
There is always a possibility that future circumstances might take a turn for the worse, and you end up drinking again. Maybe you go right back to stage 1, or one of the other stages instead. The important thing is to learn from this process, not to blame yourself for it. If you see this set-back as a ‘failure’, then you’ll just feel more depressed about it. You’ve made a mistake and had a relapse, that’s all, but you can get back to where you were again.
If you think you’re ready to take action about your drink problems, contact us to arrange an online live chat with a professional alcohol counsellor.
I spent 12 years in the contemplation stage, only recently have I moved to the decision stage and inching my way into taking more concrete action. There are so many things in the posts above that I can relate to! It is great to not be alone. Now that I am opening up about my problem to some of my friends, I am noticing that some seem to deny that I have a problem and others hint at the fact that they have suspected that I had a problem for a long time.
I am ready to give up my role as the drunken village idiot – hopefully for good!
i started drinking heavy about 2 years ago after an accident at work which left me needing to have my knee reconstructed. even though im back to work as an operational fire fighter iv found my self hiding bottles of wine down the field before i get home, then walking the dog to the spot so i can sit there alone and drink it. as for some reason i feel to embarrassed to drink in front of the kids. iv also been hiding drink about the house so i can have a sneaky mouthfull of wine when theres no one in the room. after a big binge i feel shaky jumpy and nervous. iv not had a drink for 3 days now and cant keep this up as people have noticed the change in my behaviour how long will this last i just want to be normal again. im still fit and healthy but after drinking 2 bottles of red wine then going for a run next morning to stop the feelings of breathlessness and shaking this cant be good. its the sneaking about i hate most pretending to go for a paper or pretending to get the kids sweets just so i can get a bottle of wine and drink it before i get home does my head in i just want to stop..i also black out iv swam in the sea in winter always on my own. text people ring them and organise things then forget its a nightmare. im watching the clock at work so i can get down the off licsense, its not every day about 3 days a week what stage am i at…
this is such a tragic story, and not dissimilar to mine. Only that was 12 years ago and my life has changed around. I feel for you in that your husband appears to want to continue this lifestyle, unfortunately you are a prisoner to it also, and it will only get worse if you don`t take action. I won`t promise that it won`t be a rough ride, but by turning yourself around may prompt him to do the same. I`m pleased to hear that you are even considering a change, you will find the strength through determination. My life has improved beyond comprehension, and you know, I love life to the full, and I don`t need a drink to be happy. I hope that you get to have that too.
Today I’m going to try again. I’m a binge drinker on weekends, (6-15 beers) and mostly sober during the week, but sometimes the Moday hangover gives me the excuse to drink during the week….say 2-6 beers to make me feel better.
My husband also drinks and smokes pot. This makes it hard as he doesn’t feel a need to help me out when I’ve tried to quite. One time he even said he was trying to sabotage me as I hadn’t drank in 2 weeks. Great support there!
We also have a hot tub and anyone knows that a hot tub requires an alcoholic beverage or 2, or 10 to go with it and make it more of an enjoyable experience. However, I have had many a tubs with out booze, just a glass of water.
I don’t know why I have to drink and its always the 3rd beer that gets me going. Beer is my choice of alcoholic beverage so my beer belly is NICE and round. I make a totally ass of myself when we are out, so I don’t like to go out anymore. I black out all the time, vomit, phone people….generally have lots of guilt the next day, that and my husband reminding my what a terrible wife I am so my self esteem is non existant. My husband tells me he can’t trust me to drink and go out as I might embarrass him. However, he is drinking and fried out of his head from smoking pot. I don’t think this is fair. (I think thats how he deals with his regrets of drinking the next day, pass on the blame to me.)
My relationship with my husband is not great. With our combined drinking problem and his pot smoking it makes me feel like a bad person, that I don’t deserve anything and should be spat on and kicked and left for dead.
We don’t have any children because we drink, but would like a child in the near future. I’m 36 so I have to make that decision soon. (And hope my relationship can make it through this life altering change!)
I want to love myself again, I want to feel happiness all the time, I want self confidence, I want to feel strong and I want my husband to be on board.
All that sadness out of the way…the website looks like a better place to start again. Here is to no more binge drinking or even no more drinking period…the later would be ideal.
Good luck to all!
Hey Jane,
The conflict between you and your husband can be turned around. It’s not going to happen immediately, but if there is any way you can motivate him to want to see a marriage counselor, I would recommend it. My husband and I had two years of utter hell, and now (although we do drink) we are practically having a new beginning and life has changed pace. We too want children, but not while the drinking is still a problem. The pot is a BIG no no and I know what it did to me and my personality when I was younger.
The funny thing about a good counseling service is that you are given the opportunity to rip each other to shreds in a controlled environment, and you actually walk away happier with each other, knowing you are both actively trying to seek help. Everything is brought out in the open and can be dealt with systematically. One tip from me…. Never resort to name calling. Those ‘names’ tend to stick in your memory and can be used as leverage in arguments. You should not be punished endlessly for mistakes. By letting a partner see how you are handling yourself with confidence and dignity on a daily basis over an extended period of time will help them be more confident in you. They may even jump on board to achieve similar results. Youé a trooper Jane, so keep your chin up…Try to believe you can do anything, because you can!! I just know it!
It’s also been one week for me since I had my last drink – and I can relate to what Zuzu said about it seeming like a milestone. Prior to that I can’t remember the last day when I did not have a drink.
I was drinking every day -anything from two to eight drinks. I’d look for excuses to have a drink. I’d look at the clock and think ‘is it too early to have a drink?’ and I’d developed a perchant for drinking secretly so my family and friends would not know. This website has really helped me to think through some strategies for continued sobriety.
My partner still drinks, which is difficult for me as we used to drink together. But I’ve asked him to hide all alcohol in the house and try to not drink in front of me, because I don’t trust myself. It’s like Oscar Wilde said, ‘I can resist anything but temptation’.
I’d gotten to a point where I could drink a lot of alcohol and still not really feel the effects of it – I guess my body has built up a tolerance. But every morning I’d feel sluggish, unfit, and slightly off. I have told my partner, but nobody else, that I think I have a problem with alcohol. It’s embarassing. I don’t want people to think of me in that way and judge me.
I have tried to understand why I drink, what do I get out of it? So far, I think it’s because I want to escape from the everyday – to escape my feelings, my life. And I have a good life – i have a partner, a child, a lovely home, a business, I am studying, I have friends and family. From the outside, my life looks pretty perfect.
I don’t want to damage my body, my mind any longer – I know that alcohol will have been contributing to feelings of depression, but I have not realised until recently just how much of a problem it is.
I want to be around for my child when she is older and I want for her to be able to see me as a role model, and not to think that drinking is the answer. I have to find other ways of feeling good – so simple, yet so hard.
I have read and re-read some of these posts. It seems as though I can relate to alot of them. I have not had a drink in a week. Today seems like a hard milestone for me. My drinking problem, in retrospect, began when I was 15. I then began drinking alone about a year or so ago. My husband, all the while, commenting on the empty bottle of rum or whatever liquor left lying on my desk I could scrounge up. I hate the stumble up the stairs to get to bed at night. Every morning I would say “never again”, then in a day or two it happens again. Drinking quickly and heavily. Recently I have had many blackouts, dangerous and some things I will still be scarred from for life. It is time for me to STOP this slow and subtle thing that has taken over my life. The hard thing is when family, etc deny that you have a problem..
I don’t know where to begin. I have sat at my desk for the last couple of hours reading multiple posts on this fine website. I am thankful to have found you all. Although I realize there are so many people in the same boat as me I still feel alone. I am on only day 3 of no drinks. I’ve tried numerous times before to stop but always got back to the store to buy more and delve in. My husband says if we don’t have it, you won’t drink it. So, sometimes I will even hide it and slip in a few wines or vodka drinks before he will come home. Ultimately, it lands me drinking more because 2 or 3 leads to a fuck it attitude and I don’t care what he thinks at that point. I have drank all my life, since I was about 15. I’m a 46 year old woman now with 3 great kids, great career, husband and home. I really have nothing to complain about. But somehow I landed a drunk. I have major anxiety that started taking over my life after a divorce 5 years ago. I still drank a lot back then in amoung our party/boating crowd. But I wasn’t all that anxious that it would take me over for a day. I think I started drinking heavier when things came to a head after my 17 year marriage began to end. My X was a drinker too. My husband now can control himself unlike me. Our neighbors and some friends have noticed and even commented on my drinking. I’ve broken one too many things, dared to say outlandish stuff and even started to fall down when I was so toasted that my both wouldn’t take anymore. Once on an antidepressant the buzz would come on stronger so I REALLY can’t handle it now. Like many of you on this blog I know I’m an alcoholic. It saddens me because I really enjoy drinking socially. Obviously I can’t be doing that now, maybe never again. It’s TEMPTING though. Today, for some reason, has been much harder than day one and two. I’m looking for excuses to get lunch with a friend or by myself where afternoon cocktails at the pub are totally acceptable. I’ve started that habit last year… having lunch and cocktails by myself in a local pub. They know my face now, which is getting fatter, puffier and uglier. I deal with adult acne and I have a jelly belly going on having gained about 20 lbs in less than 2 years. I know I need to stop this vicious cycle. I read a post that called alcohol evil and the devil. I believe it is too. How can there be so many of us that are facing this illness? I would guess it’s much more than 50% of the population in the states. Well, I will check back. I hope to make it throught this weekend… something I have never done before I don’t think. If I do, perhaps I’ll be in a proud place like a few of you have told about and not want to turn back. I have a friend who drank his whole life then came to a crossroads of almost dying from an illness unrelated to alcohol. But he stopped. Tells me it was the most challenging through week 3. After that he was relieved and couldn’t care less about drinking. To date, after years, he refrains even at big parties. But, he’s a completely different person and some think he’s a dud. He’s thin and healthy now though and never feeling like shit when he wakes up like I do. TO DAY 4! Thank you all.
Robin
I quit drinking about 8 months ago. I’d been feeling guilt over drinking too much for years. I have 3 great kids and a great husband. My dad is a recovering alcoholic and I know how it feels to see a parent drunk each night. I thought I hid it well when I was drinking. But I knew it was still obvious–kids always know. I drank to escape the stress of life. Work, kids, home. Taking care of everyone and everything but myself. At 5 pm each day I’d open the wine. I only drank wine. I always thought I could have a glass or 2 and stop but I found that I would drink more and more as time went on. Finally one night I woke up after drinking heavily. I had a bad fall in the bathroom. No one woke up or heard me fall. In the morning I was covered with severe bruises. I realized that I could have been seriously hurt, hit my head, broke a bone, or even died. My husband or daughter could have been the ones finding me in the morning. That was my turning point. The next morning I quit vowed to quit drinking and would look at the bruises to remind me to keep me going.
At first I wondered how I’d make it through each day. Then I wondered how I would make it through each week then each party, family gathering, and holiday. I made it through Thanksgiving. Then I made it through xmas. I made it through my birthday and through New Year’s Eve. Each event I get through surprises me. I like to drink. I liked to drink. Loved the taste of wine, the ritual of wine, and the lightheaded feel. Didn’t like the later in night slurring my words and passing out before I could put my kids to bed. Didn’t like the example I was setting my kids who are now teenagers. Didn’t like the crushing hangovers. Didn’t like the daily quilt. I want to break the cycle of alcoholism.
When I decided to quit I didn’t put a length of time on it. I have never said it was forever. I just thought I’d quit for now and see how it goes. Now I am surprised to be at 8 months. I feel good. My moods are better. My mind is clearer. I am disappointed that I still carry the drinking belly but have started walking so hopefully that will start to go. It would be nice to see something change outwardly that I can really see. I hope to stay on this road but I’m still not sure I can. Every few weeks the urge will come up. It’s harder to deal with my feelings, worries and relationships without the escape I had become used to.
I’ve known for quite a while that I have a problem with my drinking, but actually getting myself out of the rut is proving to be abit hard.
My partner works away so it has been easy to hide how much I’ve been drinking, but I finally come out and told him now how I feel and what I have been doing, so he is trying to be supportive as much as he can.
I sometimes drink everyday, usually not if i am really hungover and tired.
Usually a 6 pak of beer and bottle of wine, always accompanied by a pack of smokes. I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety / depression and take lexapro.
so over being a hungover crappy mother, I ignore my child when I’m drinking which usually starts early in the afternoon, good luck everyone.
lilmama…your story sounds identical to mine. I’m just wondering how the lexapro mixes with alcohol because my doctor wants me to take it but I’m scared of side effects and can’t stop drinking just yet. If you could let me know I’d really appreciate it!
i have been on a four day binge, i did not drink yesterday, as i woke from my drunken sleep i realised that i had done it again i last had a binge only two weeks ago and they are getting more regular and the quantiy of alcohol has increased and my work has sufferd as i result aswell as my relationship and my health, i have hardly eaten a thing and my guts feel teribble. i have said in the past that i would seek help/support and at the time meant it but never saw it through this time i feel different i know i can no longer keep on living in denial. i rang my boss and told them the truth they were supportive, i rang several support lines all giving sound advice, i contacted AA and a guy came round and spoke with me he did not pressure me into attending meetings he just informed what they are like but more then anything he was humane understanding and and said things that i needed to hear. at the present moment i am not going to take the AA route but it is something i will consider in the future. i am seeing someone for one to one counselling and have set up telephone support. for the first time in many years i am determined to stop torturing myself and reclaim my life. good luck to you all
Hello everyone, i am an ex heavy drinker/binge drinker who decided to give up 7 months ago. i was very depressed and had alienated myself from all my friends….infact since quitting i have learnt alot about myself and my drinking. everyone knew i had a problem but didnt want to say ( infact even if the had of said at the time i wouldnt have listened!) i always thought i knew everything and was a right smart arse…. but alcohol certainly knocked that out of me. seven months ago i was lonely, untrusted and a real pain to be around when i was drinking. friends had stopped inviting me to parties and gathering incase i played up or was rude. i had become a real liability. seven months on i am an active member of AA, it is a great support group for people who want to stop drinking……its full of people that are just like me (and maybe you)….just normal people that want to help out another alcoholic. i used to be embarressed about calling myself an alcoholic but now i am happy to know what i am! i am an alcoholic….i cant control my intake of it when i start drinking…..and i no longer want it to control myself or me life. decision made! i would not change the sparkle i now have in my eye and the lovely comments that i recieve off people that havent seen me since i quit. its amazing how helpfull you can be, to yourself and to others.
if you are feeling like you want to quit but dont know how i would recommend giving AA a go….its not for everyone but what do you have to loose? i used to have the same feeling as others i.e what if there is someone there who knows me? well : they are there for the same reason!! so you are both in the same boat right?
well, all i would say is good luck….life is really good for me without the alcohol. if you are struggling or desperate no one in AA will judge you….trust me, if you think what youve done is bad…..then you would be very suprised to find out youre not the only one!
good luck and god bless!
jay
2 months ago I found this site and it helped me stop drinking- for 3 days.
I was too ashamed to go back to it, till today. I will never go to a AA meeting, or dare let anyone of my friends find this out about me.
I feel like I let the readers here down, and I am embarrassed that others can stop- but not me.
I am a confident, well liked person, but I feel like an 8 year old when it comes to stopping. I cant figure if this site is helping me, or just a sounding board so I can complain, confess my problem, then start over,…
I spent about 2 years contemplating, then I had the decision made for me.
One day at work, about 2 days after a bender i noticed a sharp pain in my abdomen…whenever i would move, the pain would radiate through my back. I left work at lunch time and went home. As soon as i walked in the door i had to rush to the bathroom and spent most of the afternoon crouched over the toilet vomiting non-stop till only bile and blood were dripping out my mouth.
I haven’t felt the benefits of “giving up” yet as i have fucked up my insides so badly (pancreatitis, alcoholic gastritis) that eating is usually associated with nausea, sometimes pain.
I am so angry with myself. For about 7 years, I would buy a bottle of wine on the way home from my high stress job. On the weekend, I would relax with two bottles (white for entree, red for main). For all the “calm” and “peace” the cheap white wine brought me, I now realise that all I have been doing is slowly but surely poisoning myself.
I feel so selfish. My family would be besides themselves with grief if they know how sick i was. So many people lose the ones they love because of some tragedy – car crash, cancer, accident. Me, who has been gifted with life and people who love me, chose to commit slow motion suicide via cheap wine.
I am 39 now – and have the insides of an old wino. All I want is my body to heal so that I can feel “normal” again – whatever that is.
Today is Day 15. I don’t have any cravings. I just want to feel healthy. Today, i think i noticed how blue my eyes were. My eyes seemed whiter, not jaundiced, and pale and lifeless. I think I even saw a sparkle. The thought of that will keep me going 1 more day.
Those still contemplating. Don’t let the decision be made for you.
Glenn,
Well done, you!
“whites of my eyes” – great. Sister is alcoholic – so much remains unsaid to the drinker when it comes to the consequences to those around. That you look so much better will them feel as great as it makes you feel. One look at her and I know how she’s doing, giving me peace – or torment! No-one wants the grief drink brings – it takes hold of everyone who cares. Destroys families – and so often the drinker only sees his own loss.
“Whites of my eyes!”
Im stuck in contemplaton. The bad part is i know i shouldnt buy drink but i cant stop. I find my self going too the place where the beer is in the supermarket even tho in side my head im screaming at myself not to buy any. Im looking out thru my eyes and watching my self put the case of beer into my trolly and i cant do anything about it. I drink probably 12 -18 cans of lager a day. I have breaks of maybe 1 day when i have a particularly bad hangover. Im ashamed of the way i act when im drunk but without drinking i feel like life is unbareable and become extremely depressed. Its only when im hungover that i think about stopping and regret it(obvious??) once the hangover is gone and im feeling well again the cycle starts over again. I think ive always felt like i dont have a problem because its only beer.
Hi anna. Thanks for ur reply. I re- read my entry in march and ended bk on slippery slope of boozing every night and wot tends to happen is i have meltdown when my body and emotional state can’t take it anymore which is wot happened this week. So I’ve not touched wine for 3 days. I read somewhere its beating the ‘witching hour’ at 7pm when I get twitchy for a cool glass of wine. If I overcome that I’m ok- only been 3 days think I’ve so much further to go. I rang alcohol support place locally and I’ve an appointment this week but can’t go cos have big meeting at work (it sounds daft as if anyone knew about this they wld be so gobsmacked as impression of my professionally is so different) hence I’m so alone in this horrendous fearful place they call addition. I stayed in a hotel last nighjt as was doing a course and the temptation to order bottle wine to room so overwhelming. I went for a walk and went into supermkt staring at the cheap bottles of wine as if that wld make it ok cos it was a fiver and not 25 quid from hotel. I didn’t do it. Feel proud. Admire ur AA mtgs. Really do. I’d be scared in case I knew anyone. Pls pls keep in touch x
I went to my first AA meeting this Friday. I haven’t touched a drop since.
I have realised I have been an alcoholic all my life. That is because I am allergic to alcohol. On reflection the number of times I have drunk to excess and blacked out from an early age. The meeting made me reflect on my life and has made me realise I have to do something about it.
I even bought a house when I was smashed! I have realised that drink has only made me make bad choices not good. I am now £30,000 in personal debt, am maxed out on credit cards and much of this to do in some way with drink. Whether that’s buying the drink or buying things when I have been drunk. Clothes, handbags, shoes and houses! I simply couldn’t afford these things.
I am now going to do something with my life. I have not drunk for 3 days, and although agitated feel as though I am starting to take back a bit of control.
The AA meeting was so good. Please go anybody who feels they have a problem. You are not alone.
Anna x
Hi Chrissy
Your drinking sounds just like mine. I cannot even go one day without a drink. It eventually came to a head this Saturday. I cannot remember the last day I didn’t have a drink.
Like you I have had have dreadful states of self-loathing and I have even cut my legs in a cry for help when I was drunk and had an argument with my then boyfriend (I have never lived with anyone as I know my drinking is too important).
The strange thing is that even though all of this I have had a good career, bought 2 gorgeous houses, and have managed to hide this from my family as they see me very much as a ‘career girl’.
Anyway, I have decided to take action. On Saturday night (well, 5.00am in the morning) I emailed AA and they have got straight back to me. I am going to a meeting on Friday night (when I would usually be doing early doors with my girlfriends). Got smashed yesterday, but not had a drink today and I feel horrible. Sweating, hot and cold, I keep hearing my mobile phone even though it’s not going off and I can’t stop eating.
Keep going Chrissie, let me know how you get on and I will let you know how Friday AA goes.
Anna x
Hi y’all. I’ve spent the entire weekend reading these posts. Felt great on fri as the first fri in yrs I didn’t drink. I drink at home – white wine and roll ups but I’ve been contemplating for 2 yrs about cutting down and quitting. I just haven’t managed to do it. I spend most of the day, particularly first thing in the morning 6am when I wake from a hangover thinking how lousy I am as a person and a mother as its only tuesday and I’m hungover again for work and school run. Then comes to 8pm kids in bed and we start all over again. So I only have roughly 4 hrs in the evening when I feel relaxed as I’m drinking the rest of the time I feel hungvoer, self loathing, depressed, jerky movements at work. Overall I hate myself and don’t know how I became this mess. I am keeping on coming bk there as I know now I’m not alone. Haven’t told anyone about this. My family wld be horrified and think I’m lucky to have great job, house, husband but inside I just wanna get my life bk, yearn for snuggly sleep and that first cuppa tea in the morning that tastes lovely cos you’re not hungover. Where did it all go wrong?? Keep trying chrissy x
I have a problem with alcohol. I like many other people can go with out a bit through the week, but boy when work finishes on a Friday I can’t wait to have a drink. Sometimes I can have a “nice” night out and I don’t wake up in the morning wondering how I got home, (thats if I make it home) who have I called on my mobile phone, what text messages have I sent etc…etc… the list goes on and that is the worst of it my lack of memory and the ridiculous things I say and do, I am like a different person
I hate it when people recall things I have done and I have no recollection whatsoever.
I have tried cutting down, or cutting out white wine – that’s a winner every time that stuff in the sense that I turn into a complete nutter, but I just need to stop for a while. I have not had a drink for 4 days now and that is a long time for me. Even when I mentioned above I can go without through the week, I will still normally have a couple here and there. Friday night was especially hard as come 5pm it was like my body is programmed to drink and that was the hardest part.
I have just been out tonight and was with 3 drinkers, 1 I knew very well who was super cool with me not drinking, the other 2 I had just met tonight and they kept saying “go on have a drink” I refused and told them I am to much of a nut case when I drink and I need time out, but they kept saying it, I did not crack though so i am very happy with myself.
It’s very comforting to know I am not the only person going through this. I actually had a nice night tonight but I left first, if booze had been involved i would probably be dancing on some table somewhere now!!
wow- this is a great read for me to see-
im 33 and have seen a marked increase in the amount of alcohol i consume on a weekend night-
i used to be the one in charge of providing a fun night and even went as far to watch out for those consuming too much, but for the past few years, i have been the one to have too much.
i do not drink during the work week but once friday comes, i feel the need to de-stress the overall week and let all hang loose. i am not sure if stress or a lower self-esteem causes it, i just feel that i need to drink in order to be comfortable in a situation
a little bit about me- i am in the healthcare field, make a decent pay, and my separated (mostly beacuse of my drinking) wife is a lawyer-
she does not always understand the actual depression that comes from telling people their loved ones will not do well (what i do everyday at work), and at the same time her overall “job” is based upon tavern contacts and drinks with potential clients-
i have no shut-off valve- i can drink with the rest of them, but i drink too fast and dont realize the onset of complete intoxication- unfortunately i get angry at her about it while intoxicated (never physical) and this has caused issues-
i am easily able to not have another drink, but overall my job and hers will make it an impossibility to not drink- ( i have always thought “never trust someone who doesnt drink”)- i guess i am looking for a way to turn off the faucet once alcohol is in the system- i feel like jay in that i feel like saying “fuck it have another”
any ideas?
When reading these posts I actually realise that drinking has become an epidemic.
My alcohol problems started just before my father past away. i was 29 at the time and hardly ever touched drink. It started as just a few drinks with friends then slowley but surely i started to buy drink for home, got completly comfortable with the routine. Drinking was a release it was fun. now when i get slaughterd all i do is cry or cause unpleasentness. The worst of it is I remember none of this in the morning. What my children and partner think of this is to unbearable to think. Im 34 now and I drink like ive been doing it all my life, the problem is with me there is no happy balance, Its all or nothing.
Its nice to know that im not alone in this little seedy world !!
Sincerely good luck to you all
I have been reading the posts on this website all day long and for the first time in my life i really really understand i have a huge problem. i have tried before to stop but didnt really want to i think. i also do a lot of cocaine even though i feel so shit from doing it i continue doing it almost every week. This has also lead me to drink even more since i am able to stay up for many more hours and drink. The hang overs from these late night are unbeliavable. I have to drink in the afternoons or else i think i will die.
sounds stupid now when i read what i just wrote that i finally understand that i have a huge problem when i have lost all my previous girlfriends because of this and my relationship with my parents is close to nothing. But never underestimate the power of denial…
I have not had a drink for 1 week now. My personal advise on how to stop drinking is to change environment to start with. For example, don´t meet the friends you only drink with, don´t go out to a club or a concert even if you say you will only dance a bit and enjoy the music.
thanks to all of you who make this website possible and good luck!
Have a great wife and 2 kids, own a business which is doing ok but drinking is on top of me, i wait till 8 pm then start hitiing the whiskey, by 10 im smashed, sleep on sofa and wake up wrecked next day, this can happen 5 out of 7 days easy, weekend i start in afternoon sometimes at work , i must spend at least £75.00 per week on booze, im ready to stop but scared ill slip into my old ways, maybe 1 night per week is ok maybe quit complete,……
HI John,
The money issue is one of my biggest motivations to quit the booze. I think I worked it out that my husband and I spent approx $10,000 per annum on alcohol! What a stupid waste of money. I could have an overseas holiday every year, or at least give myself a chance to avoid horrendous medical bills when I finally kill my liver. Good on you for coming on board. I quit for three months a couple of years ago, and I have never felt that alert, motivated and successful since. Time to get back that loving feeling ^_^
Change is always scary…just like admitting you have a problem is scary.
But today I feel like I have joined a winning team. Everyone here has excepted they have a problem and that’s HUGE. I just feel better taking the first step towards putting things right.
I’m like Polly who posted above. I have nothing to complain about in life, so why do I need the booze??
jenny
Jay – what can I say? It’s the first time I’ve been on a website like this because I’ve only just acknowledged that I have a major problem which I need to confront. Reading your post was almost scary – your description of what you’re like is almost a carbon copy of what I’m like. Still, it’s reassuring to know that I’m not unique. It’s not going to be easy but I need to try to sort myself out.
Binge drinking is a funny thing, i can go days without a drink and it doesn’t bother me, not in the slightest.
Then one day some sort of event comes up and i go out and end up getting cained……i don’t stop until i pass out or run out of money, have even been known to spend my cab fare and ditch in a bush, doorway etc.. on occasion.
I know my alcohol limit, i know when i have reached that limit because at the very time i know i should “calm it down” i instead think “fuck it – have another one – am enjoying myself” and from there it is just a slippery slope to talking bollocks, acting like an idiot, risking my own safety with bad judgements, feeling like shit in the morning, being late for anything i had to do the next day and probably pissing off people i care about in the process!!!
Yet i keep doing this, not always to that extreme, but there is always that pattern of drinking that bit too much. Drinking that little bit quicker than anyone else sitting at the table. Finding the “Lunchtime Pint” more of a tease than a cheeky treat.
I am not sure if my drinking is influencing my circle of friends, or visa versa but i know that i now spend more time with the friends “who like a drink” than i do with the friends who do things in moderation.
I think heavy drinkers are a bit like liquid mercury, somehow they always seem to find a way of coming together and finding each other.
I know what i am doing is destructive, unhealthy and, inevitably going to cost me more than money but i just can’t stop once i have started.
They say that the definition of madness is doing the same thing over and over and each time expecting a different result.
Well, i tell myself i am gonna be sensible everytime i go out on the piss…….and everytime it ends up the same way…………….so that must mean i’m F**king Mental!!!
Hey Jay,
I love and respect how raw your comment was. I don’t get daytime cravings, but come midnight…look out! I’ve found myself crashing at 3am and getting out of bed later than the night before. It’s really quite shitty. It’s interesting how you say drinking can lead to other substance abuse, because I only feel like cigs when I drink, and I often smoke to increase the effects of alcohol.
One morning recently, I woke up with an unexplained, pitch black bruise on my leg the size of a saucer! It’s stupid, unexplained rubbish like this that’s making it clearer than ever that I can’t be trusted to stop at one or two beers (or whatever’s in the house). I’ll try to think of others like you and me who are only human, and now found the b@ll5 to do something about it!
Like you Jay I love a good session and fairly often loose control and come over like a drunken knob. Now I have given the whole lot up for 6 months in the past and that was a really productive time in all senses, got good work and was able to charm the fairer sex without coming over as a slobbering idiot. I am definetly going to stay dry now and I think I will say when people ask me ‘why I won’t take a drink?’ “is that I will probably cane your whole wine celler and wee on your carpet!”
I can’t figure out why i binge drink, I have a lot going for me and theres no obvious reason. I can go long periods without a drink and then one day i’ll have a few drinks and then i cant stop often leading to cocaine use as well.
well dont no where to start. i class myself as a heavy drinker everybody has problems just like i have. my drinking has to stop. ive got a lovley home me and my over half, he,s so good to me i have two loving dogs and three cats.
hi polly,
i feel the same. 3 great kids, wonderful husband. life is not always easy but i began drinking wine (and only wine) a few years ago. then it became i was drinking to relieve stress, to feel relaxed, whatever reason i could think of. it is funny though, why only wine? if i have a mixed drink i do not desire another, if i drink wine i can drink glass after glass!
ive been stuck at the contemplation stage for years. I need to move now to take action. im so frightened that i cant imagine a life without a glass of wine. I dont have a sorry tale about how i started drinking. I have happy life great hubby and 2 wonderful kids. Why do I need booze to lift my mood and enjoy life?
I had absolutely no problem at all, to stop drinking!
Simply because, the crap literally hit myself & my late husband with a permenant health problem, called ‘Grand-Mal Seizures’ both in our mid 40′s.
It’s amazing how you can accomplish something when you’re forced to, isn’t it?
There is no ryme or reason what-so-ever to any alcohol caused illness.
It’s basically like a tool of Satan’s, and when he’s, oh lets say bored…..
He remembers, ‘oh ya, that chick Sheila, up in Canada, likes to drink, and I haven’t hit on her lately! Gee…maybe I’ll drop by, and she how’s she’s doing!’
Then BAM………..He strikes again!!!…………….and you can be sure, he leaves with a big grin on his slimy little face.
We as a society, have got to ALL write our Governments, and demand that they take action, to force all Liquor Manufacturers to have large warning labels on all containers & increase the prices. They’ve done that to Cigarette’s, so why not to this muck !!!!????!!!!