Online Alcoholism & Addiction Counselling

One of the biggest difficulties people face when they’re trying to stop drinking is what to do when other people are drinking alcohol around them.

The temptation to have a drink yourself is one aspect of it - “they can do it, so why can’t I?” Seeing them getting merry, and desperately wanting a taste too. How are you supposed to resist the urge?

The other aspect is, you begin to realise your drunk friends are actually quite tiresome, their sense of humour doesn’t quite match yours anymore, you feel left behind. Suddenly you’re the odd one out, when you’ve been so used to being part of the crowd, one of the party. This can feel very isolating if you’re the only one who’s not drinking.

Then of course there’s the concerned advice from your inebriated companions:

• “what’s wrong with you?”,
• “go on, just one won’t hurt…”,
• “don’t be such a _____ ” (insert a likely derogatory label).

This makes it even harder, and what should be a fun evening can turn into an endurance test.

This all depends on the company you’re with of course, if you’re just with your family or your partner in a restaurant then obviously the pressure won’t be so awkward, but pubs, bars and clubs with your old ‘drinking buddies’ will take some getting used to.

What really helps here is to enlist an ally - a close friend (or your partner perhaps), who’s not that bothered about drinking either and is prepared to be sober for a night to keep you company. That way you won’t feel quite so different, and you’ll have somebody who’s on your level, someone you can chat to comfortably (make sure you sit next to them of course). You won’t need to do this forever, but just until you get used to not drinking when your friends are.

So you’ve stopped drinking, or maybe you’re just not doing it every day now, and you want to know how to prevent yourself from relapsing, or (if you want to keep it simple) how to make sure you don’t drink today.

Relapse prevention requires some planning, specifically -

• what situations might I encounter that are risky for me? (my triggers)
• how might I deal with my feelings differently?
• what behaviour can I do instead?

You need to identify your internal triggers (like boredom, frustration, loneliness, anxiety etc), and your external triggers (like arguments, bars, other people drinking etc.). Can any of these triggers be avoided? If so, plan how to do that. For those that can’t be avoided, you’ve got to learn to deal with them some other way.

So, what do these triggers mean to you? What beliefs do you hold about them that lead you to drink? A few common beliefs might be -

• “drinking helps me relax”,
• “drinking makes me more confident”,
• “everyone else drinks so that makes it all right for me to drink too”.

What thoughts go through your head when you’re exposed to these triggers? You may not even be aware of these thoughts, they’re so habitual, so you’ll have to listen carefully to your internal dialogue here.

Once you’ve got an idea what some of your automatic thoughts are, you need to learn to challenge them. So for example, the next time you’re feeling stressed and you think “a drink would relax me” you might then say to yourself “yes, it does, but it’ll make me even more nervous and stressed tomorrow”.

Relapse prevention is just knowing about your habits

Of course by the time you’ve got to this stage, you’re probably craving a drink, and you’re thinking about how to get some. You might be arguing with yourself - part of you doesn’t want to get wasted again. You’ve told yourself you’re not doing it any more (or today at least). So here’s when you might start looking for permission, to make it ok:

• “just this time won’t hurt”,
• “I’ll be able to hide it, so no-one will know”,
• “I’m not at work tomorrow, so it doesn’t matter if I’m hungover”
• “I can’t cope with this craving, so I might as well just get on with it”

As far as behaviour goes, we’ve already mentioned avoiding triggers, but another option is distracting yourself (look at our earlier article on ‘how to cope with alcohol cravings‘). Other things you might do are more general - make some new friends, find new things to do with your time, get into the habit of some exercise. Most importantly - find some support, people you can talk to about what’s troubling you.

Try going through our worksheet on Relapse Prevention Strategies.

Remember though, a lapse is not a relapse, just because you might make a mistake, try not to think “oh well, I’ve failed, so obviously I’ll never beat this, I might as well just keep drinking…”