Staying single/Being alone

[tee]

Good luck Turtles

Hi Dode what's new with you? Congrats on turning green by the way

Love
Tee

[64Turtles]

Of course both genders but I thought guy friends are a given but suppose not,besides guys are easy to handle as just friends. I find the female friends a bit more difficult to keep at just friends. It seems that when you are kind and helpful that positions you to be more than friends so this is more of an exercise in boundries. I'm trying to go very slow so as not to grab a relationship to fast as I have done in the past because it feels good. I would like to have some more control to my emotions when it comes to women. I love you all but unfortunately I can not bring you all home( what a mess that would be eh? ) .

[George]

Thanks Tee

That's really good of you

George

[silvergirl]

ah, okay, i see now, yeah that makes more sense that with the friends of the opposite sex you have to define boundaries more. thanks for explaining! hope it goes well.
sgx

[64Turtles]

Thanks George and SG as I am looking forward to meshing a bit closer with the gurls but life isn't right to try to officially date. I like your blog George. You are gifted with the computers I see. Hope all is well with everyone so far for 2010..... I'll keep you posted on the femme flock expose'

[64Turtles]

Seems to be just friends is not a popular idea with my first person. I think she was trying to find Mr. Right - right now! ! ! There is nothing wrong with that and I shall continue on ........

[silvergirl]

what is your method of meeting them 64turtles?

sgx

[64Turtles]

Hi sg,
I met the one on line as she was near me, we did meet and she was very nice. She was simply on a quest which was very obvious. I have another lady I haven't had a chance to visit with whom I met at a meeting I attended. She seems to be a good friend material as we have talked a couple times. I don't have lots of time with 2 jobs and 2 boys so it is sure to be slow. I have another female friend I have known for a long time and she is nice to visit oocasionally but very loud. I can do loud for short periods only. Any ideas are welcome as I am open.

[zapf]

new here, really like the site. I don´t know how old you are Turtle, but in my exp. as a female who works mostly with men for yrs there is always the question of the "hunt" - its natural. the issue as you say is learning to communicate boundaries very directly, which is something you totally can learn. for me it really helps to not be drunk because when drunk is when accidental sexual activity happens, as well as inappropriate intimacies/revelations that you are later embarrassed with.

As to general topic I am struggling with my long term (30 yr) relationship with alcohol as I am realizing I have used drinking for many years as my way to be alone and content, even when I am in a marriage or relationship. I have this thing of public person vs. private person, it just is very painful to me to reveal myself too much with others - I have a (many times) legitimate fear that what is negative about me will be used against me. So I act one way very deliberately in public and then am myself when alone. Come from a high powered but cruel family and am in similar type career (entertainment) - for ex. one ex-biz-partner found out I was diagnosed bipolar/alky and totally destroyed my credibility even though both situations were being treated. So its not phony fear, its excrutiating to be publicly humiliated. Although ha ha when drinking I have done enough stuff to beg that issue - when very drunk on meds at times I stop caring about what others think and just act like a totally asshole. Guess I have lots of anger too. Glad to be here! pw

[Bela]

Zapf, I can sure relate to the need for privacy/to be alone.
I am not in anything like entertainment but work still puts me out in the world.
Then I need to retreat to myself. I still tend this way, but I am not retreating into a bottle, more like a book or meditation or spending time with my pets who are often better company than people (yes that's my perception). I am in a long term relationship, we sort of comfortably, amiably co-exist. He gives me the space I need. Can't say he's a soul mate, but still we watch out for each other.

[64Turtles]

Hi zapf,
I can see myself in what you both said. I am different in private than public but not because of alcohol so much. I do a service job and being the intelligent, funny, serious, neutral person is required to build relations no doubt. Yes, public humiliation is a huge hill to climb again and again. I am dealing with this as my alcohol took me to jail, had to sale my business, starting over, and seeing old clients and having to be honest (to a point) about what happened to me. Being sober has given me a new boldness because I feel more confident from a lot of soul searching about where I am and where I want to be. My 30 years in the magic bottle was not very eventful until 2 yrs ago, when I had a very big situation come my way. I stopped caring and poured the alcohol on the fire. I still enjoy my alone time but not being lonely. I can be surrounded and be lonely. The pain of reveling youself is curious but no secret as we all have stuff. Pain creates fear for me so I can understand that point. Now the anger is the one that took me to jail as I didn't handle it well at all. Resentment(anger manifest) is a dangerous one as it comes like the wind- out of no where but is always there gnawing away. Welcome and shop around as there is loads here to help with most any problems.
Bela I did what we called roommates with my other half. Didn't work for us even though we stayed together for 16 years. I do like a relationship and want the very close relationship but can settle for less than soul mate as I very rarely see that happen so is holding out for that realistic ???? Maybe I will get lucky on my second try...

[64Turtles]

Up date to my single with no mingle. I have been so engrossed by life and my sons legal problems, there is no time, but I have my sons friend's mom(confused yet) chasing down my alley and barking at my door so much, it is become annoying and a bit maddning. I finally had to say we have to sit and talk. She got it right then and has digressed since (yesterday) but it was a learning lesson for me and glad she is the mom to my sons friend or I'd have probably been less kind. I don't mind the attention but to much is tooooo much. I find that being alone for now doesn't leave me feeling lonely. They are 2 different creatures all together. I think the mom is lonely and sees me as a life raft. I can not and will not let myself divert from my most important tasks- my mental sobriety, my kids , and my life as it stands(as opposed to sitting-haha). Life is very tough with some recent challenges and some that are good but my son has been arrested twice as of this date. Not so much out of control as just youthful arrogance/ignorance. Any woman with good sense wouldn't touch our house with a ten thousand foot pole right at the moment- which is what scares me about the mom aforementioned. Single has become more necessary at this point in time as I feel my attentions shouldn't be diverted at the present since there is evil forces about( not just the EAF) and I need all my wits. Wish me luck...

[joanneL]

Turtles I wish you luck and keep focused

[64Turtles]

Thanks Joanne, I am ok and thanks to you all for being a kind voice in the winds of choatic times as it certainly is this kind of moments a drink would certainly seem acceptable but through you and others that voice of reason stands firm. Many thanks......

[64Turtles]

Update on no date.......I am so busy I have no time to share, so good thing I am single or I may would soon be so anyway............

[joanneL]

Turtles you are a charmer its lucky you live in the US

[64Turtles]

I'm polishing up so if I find the lucky suit case of monies lost by the daft but very rich billionaire Ducky Duck McDucky,so I will be apt to survive among you elegant creatures on the far side of the ocean. I am very much sold on my dream of getting a sailboat and retire to world trotting. Not unattainable but the clock is ticking. Still it is a goal worthy of trying and certainly all you lovelies deserve my best efforts. Yet I suppose I have to figure the plan for getting to you inland sweeties.........hmmm.....off to ponder.......

[hamster]

I'm polishing up so if I find the lucky suit case of monies lost by the daft but very rich billionaire Ducky Duck McDucky,so I will be apt to survive among you elegant creatures on the far side of the ocean. I am very much sold on my dream of getting a sailboat and retire to world trotting. Not unattainable but the clock is ticking. Still it is a goal worthy of trying and certainly all you lovelies deserve my best efforts. Yet I suppose I have to figure the plan for getting to you inland sweeties.........hmmm.....off to ponder.......

Just imagining your face as I walk toward you in a bikini on the desert island you lured us too I hope your boat has turbo jets. You may need them for the retreat

Be careful what you wish for

I found a picture of your boat.

I am clearly there Hey this is the internet...I can be who I want to be.

[Andy]

lol

[tee]

he he you are funny peeps