The Nine Month Challenge

[girlfromaus]

I'm glad you liked my gift

Sounds like your set up for a while there

[Boris Bike]

Yes, thank you GFA!

I'm getting through things at quite a rate. The American Office episodes are only 20 minutes long.

[pandora321]

Just nipping on to say a big congratulations to Boris and Shelsey on their 8 months AF so proud of you both!

Hope every one is fine, i'm still sober nearly 6 weeks off the cigs, its been a tough time, and my depression is hanging around like a black cloud. But i have faith it will pass and will just keep plodding along the best i can till it buggers off!

Love to you all

Pan xxxx

[Boris Bike]

Lovely to hear from you, Pan.

Hope you can part company with the black dog soon.

[girlfromaus]

Hi Pan

I will send congratulations to you now in case we don't see/have missed you. It's so lovely when you pop in

I'm off to a residential at university this week so have packed a weeks work in to Monday and Tuesday. If I'm not about don't panic I'm just slaving.

Had a massive wobble yesterday. Hubby is away and we had a little tiff on skype. Feel strong again this morning but interesting to see the vulnerability is still there

[Boris Bike]

Yes. Even though this is one of the further progressed challenges I still feel that it's early days for me. I have been tested here and there but perhaps not seriously. I know I'll be vulnerable if something big happens that throws my emotions into a bit of turmoil.

Hope the residential thing is at least fun in part and you meet some clever and interesting bods.

[girlfromaus]

Nice to not have the constant nagging of the early days but it's also harder now to believe it was THAT bad and this really is just how life should be.

[Boris Bike]

Yes. Feel free to skip this if you don't want to hear about my poop.

I got the runs 48 hours ago. It was unpleasant.

When I was drinking I basically had the runs all the time, albeit I could keep it in check with over-the-counter drugs.

So if I start thinking "drinking wasn't that bad, was it?" I think about soiling myself (that never actually happened even when drinking, but it could have easily). It helps to kill the thought.

[you're worth it]

just peeking...

[girlfromaus]

When do you get here YWI?

Thanks Boris I spend my days with people telling me what bits of their bodies are up to so don't worry about upsetting me

Reminds me of a joke...

What do you call it when you pop into a fast food restaurant just to use the toilet? A McShit. What do you call it if someone stops you to ask if your a customer and you say you're going to use the drive through? A McShit with lies!

When I was at my worst which thankfully is many years ago I woke up in my vomit a number of times. Not just yuck but potentially lethal

[girlfromaus]

Just trying to see if I could see dates since updating my phones software. I can only see joining dates. Just over 2 years since I joined BE What amazing changes.

[you're worth it]

[quote="girlfromaus"]When do you get here YWI?

couple of weeks, yet.

Glad to see you doing so well. Pan, hope that old black dog gets chased away again soon.

[Boris Bike]

Ha! I'd heard of a McShit but not one with lies.

Oo-er... I had one of those very realistic drinking dreams last night. I don't recall drinking in it but there was a point where I 'woke up' (still in the dream) and I was looking through these empty bottles but I couldn't quite make out if they were alcohol or not, though they looked like white wine bottles. Then my brother (dead in real life) was taking me to one side and telling me all these horrible things I'd done 'the night before' and I was feeling really awkward and ashamed. It was so vivid at the time and I woke up all flustered and it took me a while to figure out what was real; was thinking "huh!? Don't remember even buying any drink!"

Still, all good.

Have a counselling appointment this morning. Hoping for a bit of inspiration.

[girlfromaus]

Good luck for your session.

I hate drinking dreams. I haven't had many but they sure as hell make you feel wobbly.

Reading ahead with the next thread I have seen many have questioned relationships as they move through these times and I've now found myself joining their ranks. My tiff with hubby has left me really upset and put a lot of questions up about not drinking. We had so much fun with a few drinks at the end of the week and I don't feel myself so settled in social situations now. I've been questioning if our relationship now works.

Part of me feels like withdrawing and not risking getting myself hurt anymore. I felt so sad and lonely today. I thought about drowning it all but thankfully I know that won't achieve anything. I love my husband dearly and hope that these feelings are just because he is away.

Oh well, this to will pass.

Big hugs

[Boris Bike]

I've been questioning if our relationship now works.

Would it help to think of it as still being in a transitional period? If you think about it, 8 months isn't a huge amount of time to be in a relationship which is - in some ways - now a new one.

I'm also wondering if him being away is contributing to being down about the disagreement; maybe if he were with you at the moment you would have just got it all sorted by now but because he's not there it's just whirring around your head with nowhere to go.

Perhaps it would help to write down what you would say to him if you felt ultra-confident just to sort of get it out of your system? I don't know what your social circle is like but I guess this is also the sort of thing people phone their friends to chat about as a way to blow off some of the steam.

[Boris Bike]

Oh! I forgot to talk about my session...

Fact is the problems I have gone there with I have given a huge amount of thought and so I went into counselling with a low expectation that a therapist could solve anything. And that's rather proving to be the case. It's CBT I'm having currently and she has wondered whether I would be better off in a form of counselling where I could talk more about how I feel rather than in a CBT solution-focused environment. But I said I'd prefer to stick with looking at things that can be done rather than just expressing myself.

I've never really bottled anything up so I don't feel the need to just get it all out.

Sadly, though, I think my problems are just there and so we have talked about acceptance and mindfulness.

My homework for this week is to look into mindfulness groups so that I can join one and get better at that.

[girlfromaus]

Sorry Boris. Just a vent. Living in a country that you didn't grow up in reduces your shoulders...

I'm not a bottler either. Perhaps the real problem. I can't have a good rant and get over it.

I suspect coming home to my step sons toe nails on the table threw the balance.

Went to see a CBT at the end of my last marriage. I had already decided it was over so a waste of everyones time.

Do you think a group will help?

[Boris Bike]

I think it will, yes.

I know about mindfulness already and do practice it. But I think some coaching will help. I suspect there will be a lot of guided meditation which I don't think I'll find that useful but it would be good to have the opportunity to ask questions.

Usually I don't relish the idea of mixing with a group of strangers but for this I would actually be quite curious to see who is there and what they're like.

[Boris Bike]

Tsk. I am being silly today. My mind keeps hinting at me that I'm struggling. Not with drink, really, there's no clear and present danger of me reaching for one.

I know what it is... it's that I have had to buy a new telly because the UK TV system is switching to digital. This means that I now have a lot more channels than I used to have with all these unfamiliar programmes to look at. Of course, things being what they are, most new things I look at are simply not for me. So I've been doing a lot of channel hopping which is something I never normally do. Normally I know what I want to watch and just sit and watch it.

Channel hopping is frazzling my brain a bit. Taking in lots of bits and pieces of things and not really being into them. So I'm not bored but I'm not properly engaged either and am getting a little frustrated at times.

But tis all fine. Soon I will be back to normal TV use again once I've adapted.

[girlfromaus]

Ah, human adaptation. Now there's a subject!

Off to uni this morning. I have a 7 hour drive in torrential rain

Seems fortuitous that today is 7 months for me Off to get me some learning with a clear head