The First 7 Days

[Mitch12]

You're sounding alot stronger past couple of days, glad you had a good evening.

[Mitch12]

grr still can't see it
A pooch of your own will do you the world of good, a definitely a fantastic reward for your hard work.
Agree, I woork best when the sun is out. One of the reasons I have horses and dogs as I am forced to go out everyday. Gonna get my head down for a bit, headache looming
Take care, have a good day x

[Twinkle]

Morning everyone! Day 4 for me. Haven't read through all the posts since yesterday but will do later, I'm really not awake had an awful night with my teenager being really sick all night from 12pm to 6:30am have hardly slept! So obviously can't concentrate in much at mo. Soooo glad I got through my bad wobble yesterday or it would've been horrendous having to clear the mess up at least 9 times through the night bless him! well got to go and try and focus on getting the little ones up and dressed to get my daughter to nursery.

Hope everyones ok lots of love to you all xxx

[wystan]

Morning all day 3. Tired but nothing unusual. Ok night.Alex hope you managed to get through the night. Sorry disturbed night Mitch, but still hanging in...

[Jake.]

Morning all, day 1 for me. Haven't really slept, looking forward to bed tonight x

[wystan]

Morning Jay! Do you have to work today? I wish naps were an acceptable part of work life.

[alex68]

Morning everyone!

I made it through the night ! Hellish sleep (not helped by noisy neighbours - don't they know an alcoholic is trying to get through the night?) - when I did nod off it was back to violent nightmares. Why does that happen I wonder?

Jay, day 1 for you today, take one step at a time. That's what I am going to do.

Mitch and Mills1 - you both posted during the night so I guess that you had a shit night's sleep as well. I was tempted to log on but I forced myself to lay in the dark in the hope that I would sleep.

Buckyst, Lisa38, Twinkle, Missnico - hope you are all doing better. Glad Lisa your arm is healing after what happened the other day. You have done so well after that to get to day 4 ! Your post my have been last night, so maybe its day 5?

Wystan - welcome to day three. That's when I caved and gave in to temptation so I am determined to get back there and get past it. It's always after day three and the sleepless nights that I go "fuck it" and get wasted. I can't though, 5 more nights then I have to get up for my new contract job. I can't be hungover, I can't be skaking or stressed. I am realistic, this is a long road and I am hardly going to feel good as new by Monday, but if I let the AF back in, I won't be able to perform and frankly I think I am on my last chance in this town for working. My rent is due in 4 weeks and I need the money from this job to pay for it. Booze has stripped me of so much, mostly in the last 6 years. I am close to just giving up sometimes altogether, so it really is vital I get to Monday - and beyond.....

Going to fix myself something to eat. Not hungry but know I need to keep up with this to keep sugar levels balanced. Aside from exhaustion not too many others symptoms, but it's only day 2 (again).

Alexandra
xxxxxx

[wystan]

Really encouraging to hear, Alexandra - perhaps you should print or write that out and stick it everywhere!

I think nightmares come from same place as anxiety - alcohol fucks with the reward system in the brain - release of dopamine and serotonin making you feel good, but then lack of these things making you feel equal and opposite bad. Also if you drink you don't dream properly and dreaming is where you store memories and work through "problems." So if you suddenly enter REM state very deeply the dreams will be stronger (same with sleep deprivation any other way)

Useful science here: http://www.scienceinafrica.co.za/2001/d ... drinks.htm

And whatever we've done to ourselves, we can't be worse than Buster Keaton. In 1933, he married the woman who nursed him in an institution and had no memory of it afterwards.

[sian]

Good afternoon everyone, it's day 2 for me.
Glad everyone got through the night AF! Twinkle I hope you will be sick free tonight! Good to see Wystan, Alex, Jay, Mitch, Lisa and MIlls still here, you are all doing great!
Missnico - stick around here, we enjoy your company and support.
It's another gorgeous sunny day here - a bit too warm for running though. Set off at 9.30, got to just over 5 miles and then stopped. Feeling quite good, although a bit tired. I also have a bizarre, massive craving for fruit

[wystan]

as long as it's not fermented, fruit sounds good. although I once drank an entire carton of grape juice and gave myself the collywobbles.

[alex68]

Sian - well done, we're both on day two.

Kep - you out there, if I remember rightly you are on day two as well - how are you going, did you get through last night?

I find day 3 the worst for me, so am resolute I am going to get past tonight and then make it past my EAF day three wobble day.

It doesn't help that I am just sitting around waiting for my contract job to start Monday. After a while my mind starts to say "well, you could get drunk if you wanted to, you still have a few days left..." That's what booze does, always tricking you into waiting for tomorrow.

I checked my bank account this morning. Have spent £150 in the last week on booze and fags (I always smoke 3 times what I normally have when boozing). How can I justify such stupidity when I am unemployed and in debt? Then I get drunk to block out the stress - but of course the problem doesn't go away, it just gets worse

It's just a perpetuating cycle of doom, this booze lark.

Keep going peeps, everyone staying focused and positive is helping me along this hard journey. So thanks

xxx

[Jake.]

i do have work today, so sleepy time will have to wait til later

Fruit is awesome, ive just had 3 pieces and a flapjack for lunch, gives me lots of energy . Nothing worse than stodge for me, especially when hanging

X

[Mills1]

Hi all,
Just got in from school and feeling exhausted. Could murder a drink and the AF is definitely calling. Going to order some food to try and make myself better. Hope you are all ok. Xxx

[kep]

Hi all

Yes still here and was ok last night. Can feel the stress building up now though. Need to go and do something to unwind. Have just finished work so have an hour until school pick up.

I drink to relieve stress mainly. Wine in the evenings is my downfall. But I think the drink makes me more anxious the next day, then I don't deal with things that come up very well and so I drink again because I've mucked something or other up or embarrassed myself. If I can get out of the cycle, life would be so much better.

Hope you manage to stay strong Alex and all the others out there. I know what you mean about the money - it's just such a waste. Spending all my spare cash and time on drink has left me a shadow of a person. I don't have any hobbies, hardly any friends , I look terrible and it's a miracle I've held onto my job up to now. It's all got to stop and now is the time.

Best of luck for rest of today everybody.

[wystan]

a lot of sadness and some hope in your post, Kep. Sounds like you've still got something to build on. Is there one good friend you can be honest with - or one you had who you can get in touch with and ask for help if you're determined to pick yourself up again? People are kind as a rule. S/he might even feel a bit honoured.

[Catarina]

Hello, everyone! Sorry I hand around so much, but I really relate to all that you write, and it keeps me more focused and positive. Alexandra, my situation is so like yours... Well, you can make it!
I loved your post, Kep, even if you feel distressed, it is so honest and straightforward. You will, without doubt, make it this time. We will stick together and, in the meanwhile, you probably will have found a person or people you didn´t know you could talk to. I pushed away my closest friends, because all I cared about was drinking, preferably on my own, since I hate the alcoholic label... If I can´t be friends with them anymore, well, I´ll have to get out there eventually and make new ones. For the moment I am quite blessed to have two sisters supporting me. Stand strong, yes?
A big hug to all here and hope we all stay AF today.
Catarina

[Migs]

hi this is day 3 for me.

its more forced than anything else as i broke my jaw in 2 places on sunday night after a huge weekend binge. however id do feel lke i never want to drink again.

i am sitting at home in pain and im alone - my latest gf left me before this weekend because of my drinking.

i just want to stop for good as this problem is going to kill me one day.

[wystan]

That's awful, Migs. So many heart-rending stories here! I must say last time around I would have probably wiped my brow but I just feel for you guys and I know I am capable of doing any and all things I read here. No I didn't drink every day, lose job, friends, stuff... but it's certainly in me to.

[Migs]

That's awful, Migs. So many heart-rending stories here! I must say last time around I would have probably wiped my brow but I just feel for you guys and I know I am capable of doing any and all things I read here. No I didn't drink every day, lose job, friends, stuff... but it's certainly in me to.

thanks wystan.

i dont drink every day either but i have reaaly bad binges, which often result in loss, personal injury or violence.

its happened all my life but in the past year i have blackouts almost every time i drink. i knew something bad would eventually happen and so it has. i just need to quit drinking as it has literally ruined my life.

i am looking for some divine intervention or something but i havent had that. im worried i will go back to it and the next time i just won't wake up.

[alex68]

Afternoon everyone. Just been for a 2 and a half hour walk, man it's hot in London today. Was starting to get quite anxious and thinking of ways that "drinking would be ok tonight, wouldn't it, job start still 6 days away?" It's irrational thinking and I know it's the booze and the habitual nature of my drinking causing it.

Csousa - I hear you. Some friends have given up altogether on me - not because of the drinking per se 'cos I still think I successfully hide it (how dumb is that?) but because of the irrational behaviour when I am drinking. I almost always drink to excess alone - I don't want people to see me in that state, drinking myself into oblivion every night. Drinking is a lonely addiction, especially when you start hiding bottles, which I did do when I stayed with my sister earlier in the year.

Kep, you just sound so down. I feel for you. You and me and Sian - any others I forgot, we all need to get to day three tomorrow so stay strong. We can do it. I think in the short term, let's just all work together to get to the next day. Each day we will feel better. Anyone having any day two symptoms they are struggling with, mine is just shocking anxiety and knowing I won't sleep again tonight?

Migs, oh god, what happened? Really hope that you are ok. I broke my arm last Feb - I was home alone drinking as usual and slipped when I got off the couch I was that drunk. And I slept with it broken until the next day as I was so drunk the pain didn't kick in till then

Everyone else, going into day 4 and beyond - good luck. I don't know how many of you are readers out there but I have found getting into a good novel has helped me a little as a distraction. My devil is day 3, which is tomorrow (ie don't make it to day 4) - ugh.

Mills, food make you feel better and keep you from drinking? Hope so

A
xx