Many people with an alcohol problem are drinking as a way of dealing with boredom. They’ve got nothing exciting or interesting to do, so they drink instead, and that keeps them entertained.
Watching TV for hours is boring and uninspiring, but if you have a drink then it becomes more tolerable.
So, is your life too dull? If you weren’t drinking so much, what would you be doing with your spare time instead?
If you have difficulty answering that question, then here’s the first problem you need to solve before you can move forward.
When i wake up in the morning I always say, no drink today, and genuinely have no urge to drink, throughout the day I feel the same, happy to work away and still no urge to drink, but as soon as 5pm comes, I get the urge. I usually stopped by an off-license and grabbed a couple of craft beers, I didn’t see anything wrong with a couple of beers after work while relaxing, I really enjoyed it. Later I had started picking up 4 beers after work, then I was picking up a bottle of wine after work. This has been going on for 3 years
I’ve piled on weight, I have no energy, and I think that its like a crutch for me now, I drink because I associate it with a nice relaxing wind down from the day, even though I don’t enjoy it anymore. Yet I still have this almost uncontrollable urge to do it. I have to keep telling myself no, but then think ” well a couple won’t hurt” then I have to jump back in and say NO again! I mean it shouldn’t be like that, its not healthy. It is amazing the amount of excuses I try to come up with to convince myself to pick up a few beers.
I looked at my bank statement and the most frequent purchase i was making was in an off-license. I recently took some bottles to the recycling bank and was completely ashamed of the amount i had to get rid of. The really shameful thing is that I’ve been hiding my drinking from my partner who I only get to see 3 days of the week, and don’t drink at all when with her, I also hide it from my friends and family, if they knew how much I was drinking, it would one of the most shameful things for me. I’ve been spending about €50 – €60 per week just on alcohol which is utterly shameful.
I haven’t had anything for the last week and feel much better, I have more energy and motivation, and I feel proud of myself, and the extra money is noticeable, but I know its going to be a hard habit to break because its almost programed into my head now… grab some booze after work to wind down. I really need to find a better way to relax after work.
Have you listened to Rachel Hart’s podcast? Your comments are so insightful in that you know this is a habit based on patterns of thinking. Rachel is a “life coach: and she has some super insightful ways to help your BRAIN curb the desire to drink while removing the shame and moral value wrapped around it all. Good luck.
I totally understand where u r coming from. I do the same thing. I haven’t gained weight but I do spend more on wine than food.
At 69, after a lifetime of being a successful artist, entrepreneur, business person, I really have lost my motivation. How to turn it around…. I just don’t know. It’s true. Find something you want to try out- sports, cooking, books. There are so many lonely pp longing to connect. My personality is of an isolationist. so I am stuck. Connecting is over the wall. Just can’t get myself there.
Im so closed off and never want to talk. When I drink Im actually fun and can talk and open up. I want to stop drinking but I know Ill be boring to myself and everyone around me and live a boring dull life. What can I do? I dont like marijuana, only alcohol.
I don’t want to admit I’m an alcoholic but 8 drink most nights to beat the boredom more so the loneliness. When I wake I tell myself to do something active but 8 end up in the same perdiciment
Totally understand. We both need more self esteem and confidence to get involved with s-o-m-e-thing. I try to push myself but can’t seem to change. Keep it together. Be ‘out of the box’ with urself.
Am married In Austria,being a house wife is boring for me since when I was in Africa i used to be independent and outgoing,so I had alot of friends.. now being a house wife and having a none outgoing husband makes me bored and all I do is watch movie ..signed up for a gym but again he doesn’t like going everyday (and hen don’t like when I go alone)which makes me drink each day we don’t go coz am bored.. drinking when bored and watching movies atleast makes me feel better… really wonna try stop it since don’t want to be an alcoholic (which I hope am not♀ï¸)…am 28yrs old and got much ahead of me.
Well how do you work this one out? Have a wonderful marriage, two wonderful daughters but still need a drink nearly every evening. I think its something psychological from my childhood.
I find it isn’t doing any favours to me…
I’m take care of my partner 24 hours a day so
it is an instant hit for sore muscle, relaxation…etc
but this summer…I putting on weight….and am feeling the come down from it….
im so bored of an evening ,, my partner ,lives away ,, in another part of uk,, we met online and see one another every few weeks , when im alone i need to fill the time ,, im a online gamer but still missing somthing ,,i went through a realy bad time ,and drank myself stupid ,then on the verge of suicide i turned it all around ,, but bordem , is not my friend i did stop drinking ,went to gym and so on ,felt great ,, but slowly living on my own demon drink is creeping back on me ,i no i shouldnt but it fill the gap when im alone ,, im like two face from batman , should i or should i not ,, doing my head in,
Im a single mum, I work full time, when my son goes to bed I drink at first to relax then more for boredom because I have no one to talk to
So totally in your world. Started when my son was 7.Now he’s 32/ Me: single mom , business owner, talking all day. I needed to chill evenings and weekends. Reality is I have no family and never really developed many local friends. I feel ur pain.
i drink because i am bored too.i live alone and have no family or really friends so when i go out to the bars and i drink and binge drink i have bar friends. i meet lots of people probably like me. the problem with the binge drinking is that i am blacking out and waking up with someone in my bed naked that i dont remember picking up- not good- it happens a lot. so no more vodka for me it dont agree with me. today i started drinking beer. i only have had one and i dont want anymore. but i am bored…
Anonymous, I completely understand where you are coming from. I’m married but we feed off each other. I’m 49 and really bored that I just rely on soda Vodka. I wan’t to stop I’ve been doing this for 14 years. I have a 9 yr old I know he deserves better. I want to get out of the rut I’m in and make my time useful and meaningful.
Yep know the feeling, alcohol certainly helps me with my loneliness and boredom and I love it!, But all I keep reading is Alcohol is the new smoking and how now theyve found out it directly causes all soughts of nasty cancers!, I dont mind dying its a pointless dull life anyway but I dont want to die in abstract pain caused by something I was taking to avoid another kind of pain!, seems to me damned if you do damned if you don’t!
I know exactly how you feel. I’m so sick of it. The funny thing, it dulls it but your still alone and bored.
Yup Tottally relate to that…. Work work work then weekend comes booze booze booze
25 years doing it
John I relate to you too. I’m sorry you are going through this too. Life is much more than the bottle. I believe I lost my way and I’m totally bored
A bored friends group text or club whatever sounds like a great idea. Does anybody want to? It doesnt hurt to try.
I think Blake or anyone on this post should skype or FaceTime together even while drinking just to talk and be social. When I was in my 20s my friend in Colorado would get a 6 pack and I would also and wed œgo out long distance talking on the phone as if we were at a bar it was fun. Wed read trivial per suit cards to each other or better the ones from the worst case scenario board game. It was fun just put them on speaker. Or wed call each other and watch the same dvd movie not even barely talking but it was like she was there. Or at least keep texting each other. I am the same way but my family or friends dont know. I dont even want to be with my friends theyre too judgmental. Saying theyre worried that I dont have a job and I like to binge drink -I do but dont get drunk with one a bottle but two.
I come home to an empty house, nothing in my life and I’m emotionally numb. Drinking is all I talk about, it’s what I look forward to when I get home. I don’t drink soda, tea just beer, coffee and water. I’m heading vastly down the road of alcholosism and I flirt with her more often then I care to admit. I went a week sober due to illness last year and for the last 3 years only went sober 3 weeks total. What’s the cure for happiness or how to find it?
Im alone and i drink alot but work hard too. I cant answer the question what would i do if i wasnt. Just not sure if im an alcoholic so need advice
Many people want an answer to that question, but the truth is that there’s a spectrum of problems with alcohol, with many points along the way from having no problem at all, to having occasional mild problems, to regular mild problems, to regular serious problems, then being diagnosed as an alcoholic. In short, you might benefit from making changes, even if you’re not at the extreme end of the scale.
I am a 50 year old male, straight, have a graduate degree and professional license, have money but don’t work right now, have been told by both men and women, “You are a ‘sweet, quite good looking guy, smart, funny and witty, respectful, interesting” blah blah blah… I left the workforce in 2010 to care for my parents in declining health. I loved them with a ferocity few people seem to understand. Despite my belief that if I just worked harder, thought smarter, and devoted literally 24 hours a day running dad’s company, doing ALL shopping, cooking, cleaning, to caring for ALL of their ADL’s (both were in hospital beds in home hospice X 3 years until I had to place them together in the same room at a”high end” facility) and my numerous intense WARS with MD’s, treatment teams, hospital staff, and ER docs…they both died anyway 33 days from each other—they never left each other’s side X 54 years. I was executor of both their estates and my brother (who never came home once/lifted a finger to help me) whom I never had ANY conflict with since I was 10 went crazy on me over money/inheritance despite my absolute transparency and ensuring he got 1/2 the value of the estates. He became so abusive and awful I had to terminate my relationship with him 1 year ago.
I never thought I would be utterly and completely alone living with my cat in Midtown, Houston, Tx at 50. I KNOW BETTER THAN TO REPETITIVELY START DRINKING DAILY AT 3-4pm AND KEEP DOING SO DESPITE HORRIBLE HANGOVERS AND CLOSING THE BARS NIGHTLY! However, I am so lonely, isolated, and broken that I CAN NOT STAY HOME alone anymore. I used to have lots of friends but I can’t seem to motivate ANYONE to come over, go do something healthy, hang out with me, much less talk to me!
I now have an idea what it feels like to be a Lepper.
So I drink until I “feel up to getting out” so I can go drink more (a lot!) and at least be around others despite rarely talking to anyone. I think I am killing myself…slowly.
It’s the loss and trauma I experienced (the last 2 years of my parent’s lives were BAD for me as I watched them die helplessly) and repeated failure to help them that contributes to my loneliness. This will come off narcissistic but: I AM THE LONELIEST PERSON ON PLANET EARTH. I can’t break the DAILY drinking pattern that starts at home alone playing with my cat starting around 4pm then escalates at pool halls, bars, anywhere that serves alcohol and has games to play like shuffle board, darts, bean bag toss, etc because I just want to meet SOMEONE I can have relaxed conversation with but no one ever wants to play with me (Christ I feel like a child saying this). I have not engaged in quality conversation with a sane, reasonably intelligent, non A-Hole/jerk NEAR MY AGE in years!!
I don’t have ANYONE to talk to or spend time with EVER. So I drink. Even my cat seems anxious and clings to me when I start drinking around 4pm (what I call my “restless hour”) and doesn’t want me to leave. I feel like such a whining baby saying all this!! Why can’t I just “do what I need to do to get this reversed/man up and stop drinking/get support or help/join something that will help me meet people?” Because I CAN’T do it.
No melodrama here but I can’t do this much longer. What is there to live for? My family is gone. My old friends are gone/living their own lives. I am broken. If something serious happened to me who’s going to help me? Who’s going to love me? No one… I am a good person. A nice person. I have a lot to offer…heard all that a million times but I can’t “convert” that into action steps that will actually help reduce my loneliness and alcohol abuse.
Most days I feel like, “It’s already over” so why fight?
Can anyone relate? It’s 2pm and I am not cleaned up or even out of bed. Why try? I have no one I can visit, talk to (without having to pay for it…psychology/counseling), or do anything with and see no evidence that anything will change in the future.
Sorry for whining and thanks for reading this. Suggestions requested.
Blake
Hiya Blake,
I am in bed at the moment and it is 6.30 UK time contemplating heading out to work in heavy snow. I was rummaging around the net trying to self educate my self about the situation I find my self in.
I too cared for my step dad and mum for past 3 years and lost my step dad a year ago. I still care daily for my mum. What gets me about your story is I find my self starting to drink at the same time of day out of boredom although I have friends a career and a son .. Just go into my own world and have been doing this for quite some time just wasting my life I know I am .
I haven’t got a solution or suggestion for you I am writing to say. You are not alone and that you are intelligent enough to realise that what you are doing experiencing is born out of stress and bereavement ..
I felt compelled to write to you and now late for work Blake. You have to talk to somebody and at least try to get help I sense you are a beautiful person for all that you done in caring for your parents .
Big HUG sent from the UK
Luv
Mx
Hi Blake,
Its been nearly a month since your post so I hope youre feeling better. I am truly sorry for the loss of your parents. I cant imagine how hard that was for you since their passings were so close together. I know how hard it is to feel alone in the world. I feel the same way. Im between jobs now (worked for a pharma company for 20 years, left for a different position which was not a good fit and am living on my savings until I find my calling). Please dont give up. You will find friends and a soulmate. I feel as if youre a good person having taken care of your parents. You are worthy of much love!
Blake,
Im 48…relate totally!! You’re not alone in this crappy darkness.
Can talk offline more. DEWBLANCO@GMAIL.COM
Blake,
I think you are in need of some motivation. When I need motivation I sometimes say a prayer and sometimes this works for me. Just to get up, to go for that walk, to do the next thing, to place “one foot in front of the other”, to keep going.
gonna be honest, if you can, replace the alcohol with weed…youll sleep to alleviate boredom, youll eat more which will help, and overall its a lot less harmful, alcohol is a depressant the more you drink the worse itll get, try to switch to weed, at least it wont kill ya. and hey maybe youll meet others who like to smoke!
Blake Williams, I read your comments and can identify with everything you said. When my Mum was diagnosed with cancer and I spent hours in hospital I got home and had no one to talk to apart from my daughter. She was as distraught as me and we both drank. My Mum has passed now but with everything that needed sorting out and my partner leaving I have carried on. I’m fine till about 5 pm then cant stand not having something. Not even sure if its alcohol I need but thats all I have now.
I dont know you, but hang in there.
Blake I totally relate. I have a start time -4pm. I am 69. All my friends, who do not drink at all & r in their 30’s & 50’s don’t relate to this side of me. I retired, then went back to work as a sub teacher- a totally flip from the career I had. I come home emotionally drained and still lonely. That’s the silent killer: isolation. I am creative and athletic. Yet, doing both, still doesn’t result in evening company. Everyone has family. So true what they say, ” Family is everything.” Ya, I get it now. Find your passion. Step out of ur comfort zone. Try to fill more of ur day in order to come home tired
Life is boring and pointless. At least alcohol gives it some spark.
Yes I agreeeeee
I feel that way too.. always drink when am.bored
I got fired from a great job for no good reason! It’s been a month and just waiting to start my new job!
I’m so bored and have no desire to even clean! My routine is having wine to take the edge off my anxiety and boredom
Blake you sound like the loveliest person. I’m sad for your little cat. Sounds like he or she misses you when you go out every night. I know this might not help but I feel like you should date. My kind belong in pairs and i get the feeling you’re the same.
Yes and yes. It’s a good thing to be bored with alcohol, I think.
I can totally relate!
Where are you two?…. I feel the same… Maybe we could form a ‘bored friends club’ ?
boredom is why I binge drink after a boring week I look for ward to a drink and forget about my boring life. I have no friends I am 48 nothing outside interest me at all. had relationships i am bored and lonely
I feel the same way!
Ditto!
47 ” same here. Hugs <3
i am in the same boat but i am age 57. i been binge drinking on weekends or days off for the last 7 years. it concerns me because i am blacking out. today i switched to beer. i only had one beer but to be honest i want to get the hell out of this house. i am off work tommorrow but i dont really want to drink so i dont know what to do. .. so i go to a bar perhaps and order a coke or club soda with a lime and pretend i am drinking . not sure but i am bored