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New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

New Members thread, SOS thread, Daily chat and Support, Cutting Down, Abstinence and more.
TrueState
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by TrueState » 15 Apr 2019 19:37

Hi Liz :\:

Just wanted to welcome you. There's lots of support here for whatever you want to achieve and everybody understands so there is no judgement. Someone else will be along soon with some good advice in the meantime have a good read round the threads both old and new posts lots of inspiration and knowledge to be had.

LizM
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by LizM » 15 Apr 2019 19:39

Thank you.
I’m just getting the children sorted for bed but I’m intending on an early night and having a read.
I used a forum to help me stop smoking and found it invaluable.
Speak later
Liz

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SoberBoots
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by SoberBoots » 15 Apr 2019 21:16

LizM wrote:
15 Apr 2019 19:05
Hi hope I’m posting on the correct place.
I’m looking for support in cutting back on my drinking.
I haven’t admitted to anyone that I think I’m drinking too much.
I drink every day and sometimes when my husband is home I do it secretly!!
I think it’s to cover boredom and loneliness (my husband works away and I’m home with 2 children).
I don’t wish to stop completely if I can help it, just to a sensible level and not feeling the need to drink daily.
I’ll keep this short for now. I often have my first drink while making dinner, I’ve resisted this evening.
Liz
Welcome Liz! :\:

You're definitely in the right place! My advice would be to have a break from alcohol for a while. It'll give your liver a rest for one thing, and a chance for your mind as well as your body to heal. I had no idea just how much an effect drinking was having on my mental state until I stopped... You'd have some space to reflect on your relationship woth alcohol, and how you'd like it to be, if you were't putting energy into planning drinking/hiding drinking/actually drinking/recovering from drinking. It's amazing how much time and energy it can take up. You might enjoy reading Catherine Grey the Unexpected Joy of Being Sober, it's a really good read in its own right, and full of advice. As of course is this forum, just spend some time reading around. Catherine Grey, a lot of alcohol sites, and I, all suggest an initial period of 100 days or 3 months if you're up for it - it's long enough to experience some real benefits of being sober, form different habits, and see health improvements without being too overwhelming. If it does sound too scary, there are shorter challenges on here too. Best of luck - I'm always around, so hopefully will get to know you!
The best time to plant a tree was 30 years ago. The second best time is today.
Completed 2018 challenge

LizM
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by LizM » 15 Apr 2019 21:49

Hi SoberBoots,
I think I’ve frightened myself reading some articles about just going cold turkey! My aim was to begin by having a small glass of wine only each day before having an AFD. I have the ‘seven days to drink less book’ by Georgia Foster, which includes hypnosis.
I’ve reached a point were I feel a bit joy less which isn’t good when you’ve got children and feel the only thing that will perk me up is a drink.
I’m planning to go to my GP tomorrow don’t know if I’ll have the courage to admit the full extent of my drinking but plan to get the ball rolling with how fed up I’m feeling and the anxiety I seem to be suffering.
Thank you for the welcome. I’ll be back soon
Liz

Melissand
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Melissand » 17 Apr 2019 10:39

:\: hi! I’m a 43 year old mum of 5! Eldest being 25 and youngest is 3! I’m in love with a man that I cannot be with as he is a drinker too! He got sent to jail for a couple of months because of domestic abuse (drunken threats and smashing my place up) I know a lot of you will be thinking just get rid as you have to think of your children and I do as I haven’t allowed him back in my home since he came out 6 months ago! I see him twice a week at his! So I guess you could say I’m leading a double life which is now taking its toll on me! I drink quite heavily every other day just to try numb these feelings I have! My kids are well cared for by me! Once they are settled in bed out comes the drink 😢 I’m currently hanging bad today and feel very depressed! Please someone give me some advice I can’t go on living like this! It’s not fair on my children! A friend of mine thinks I may have bpd and I’m almost certain I have too x

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DannyD
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by DannyD » 17 Apr 2019 11:08

Hi Melissand, and welcome to BE.

It's really difficult to stand back and look at things that are weighing you down, especially when alcohol is involved. My life has spiralled out of control when I was drinking heavily when my children were at home. Couple that with the shame and guilt I felt. And then not knowing how or where to go to get help.

If you're drinking every other day, could you make it every third day? A day to recover after the hangover day? It would give your body and brain a breathing space.

How about looking at eating proper meals on that third day as well?

I wish you luck. It's very brave to own these feelings and takes courage to write about them.
be selfish in your sobriety.

Melissand
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Melissand » 17 Apr 2019 12:45

DannyD wrote:
17 Apr 2019 11:08
Hi Melissand, and welcome to BE.

It's really difficult to stand back and look at things that are weighing you down, especially when alcohol is involved. My life has spiralled out of control when I was drinking heavily when my children were at home. Couple that with the shame and guilt I felt. And then not knowing how or where to go to get help.

If you're drinking every other day, could you make it every third day? A day to recover after the hangover day? It would give your body and brain a breathing space.

How about looking at eating proper meals on that third day as well?

I wish you luck. It's very brave to own these feelings and takes courage to write about them.
Hi! Thank you so much for replying Danny! Yes I will surely try that and thank you! All the best on your journey x

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SoberBoots
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by SoberBoots » 17 Apr 2019 13:00

Welcome Melissand :\:

So good that you've found this forum <:)> Sounds like you've got a lot going on. Life isn't good quality if you spend too much of it either drunk or hungover, as I know all too well! Also if you find your mood is difficult to manage, it may be BPD and certainly worth asking for an assessment, but if you could get free of the booze you'd find that your emotions would stabilise. Really the recovery process for us addictive drinkers is much the same as therapy for BPD - developing resilence; learning to be calm, relax, live in the moment; learning new coping strategies; connecting actions with consequences.

Why not take a break from alcohol for a bit? There are challenges of various lengths on here, 7 days is a popular starting one. You'd get motivation and support from others doing the same thing. The Easyquit or Drinkaware apps are good too, showing you not just how much you've cut down or abstained, but also money/calories saved, how your health has benefitted, and so on.

If you read back through this thread you'll find loads of tips and recommended reading.
The best time to plant a tree was 30 years ago. The second best time is today.
Completed 2018 challenge

Samanthajones
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Samanthajones » 17 Apr 2019 22:13

Hi Everyone!
I just wanted to introduce myself! I’m so happy to have stumbled across this forum. After reading some of your posts so far, I can tell how helpful this place will be, and how warm and welcome you are to newcomers. I’ve been struggling with daily alcohol use for about 10 years and lately it’s been getting worse.
I do shift work, and continuously go on vodka binges on my days off. My hangovers are debilitating, so it’s been hard to be productive in any area of my life. As soon as my hangover is cured, I find myself back in the liquor store! Starting to feel that I was destined to have a problem with drinking, as alcoholism runs in my family.

It’s good to know there is a group of people out there that have been through similar problems! Thanks for having me here :)
I appreciate you all!

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SoberBoots
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by SoberBoots » 17 Apr 2019 22:20

:\: welcome Samantha! You'll fit right in here! Have you thought what you'd like to achieve? I always think it's good to take a complete break from alcohol - everything looks very different when you've been sober for a while. But there are other approaches to, and a thread on here for pretty much everything!
The best time to plant a tree was 30 years ago. The second best time is today.
Completed 2018 challenge

Samanthajones
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Samanthajones » 17 Apr 2019 22:32

Thanks Soberboots!
That’s a good question- quitting for life sounds like an impossible goal. Although I’ve tried taking a break a few times and have only survived 8 days in a row, taking a break does sound like the best approach.
I’m sure I will have a new perspective once the foggy head clears up!
Looking forward to exploring the threads.

Thanks again!

sji
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by sji » 18 Apr 2019 17:53

I joined this forum a week ago today. I was drinking after having had three days off (which is about my limit). I had been getting seriously worried about the whites of my eyes looking yellow, pains around my torso and itchy skin. My main issues causing me to drink are social anxiety.
The tips etc have helped so much as has admitting my problem and finding the support of other like minded people.
I am currently trying to keep my sober days more than half of my alcohol days. Out of the past 11 days I am pleased to have managed seven alcohol free.
My current strategies have also been tons of exercise and listening to recorded meditation.
Sleeping about eleven hours a night and feeling tired and seriously irritable but much much better than horrendous hangovers.

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SoberBoots
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by SoberBoots » 18 Apr 2019 18:10

That's great to hear!
The best time to plant a tree was 30 years ago. The second best time is today.
Completed 2018 challenge

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free flow
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by free flow » 18 Apr 2019 18:33

Samanthajones and Melissand welcome to BE.

sji it is great to hear you've been able to cut down.

Think of this as taking something from your body that it is used to having, and that it wants and thinks it needs; and it can behave like a little child, throwing a tantrum because it can't have it. It can take patience to teach it how to react to life without this crutch and usually patience is the last thing that comes to mind when the thoughts for just one arrive.

This is a great place for support and help with what you are, and will be, going through and also for what will happen when you are able to get sober for some time. It is a journey to get to sobriety, but end result is well worth any effort required to get there.

I wish you all the best in your quest. \:)/ (::)

J/
The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you really are. - Carl Jung

Iroquois
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Iroquois » 18 Apr 2019 19:08

Hi all Newbies, Samantha, Melissa, SJL,

You have come to the right place to get well, get sober, cut down, and just get a lot of information and a lot of support!

Give the 7 Day Challenge a go, because sticking together is so much easier than going it alone!

Read away everywhere and post and get it all out!

Get some good AF beverages, good nutritious food, and distractions to get you through the withdrawal phase!

Bubble water, soft drinks, coffee, tea, crackers, bananas, cereal, bread for toast, soup, broth, ice cream, juices, anything to give you comfort and sustenance!

Colors, color books, knitting, crocheting, reading, doing puzzles, watching TV, painting, drawing, anything to get your mind off your troubles and alcohol!

Best wishes, Deanna <:)> <:)> <:)>
There isn't enough alcohol in the world to make you happier, calmer, prettier, more clever or less angry.
Only sobriety will help you achieve these attributes.

sji
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by sji » 18 Apr 2019 20:55

Thank you Deanna,
It is a funny old road one minute feeling great next minute cravings and talking myself in and out of drinking. The next in floods of tears and self loathing.

I like the tantruming child example it is very true. How have people coped with facing people who have seen you completely hammered...I have only ever coped by meeting them hammered again!!

Iroquois
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Iroquois » 20 Apr 2019 18:36

Hi all!

No, sji, the feeling that you will have when you meet those folks that have seen you hammered will be one that will make you feel proud and determined. After you have a few sober days, weeks, months, years under your belt and you meet up with one of those people, you will feel really, really good to say: "I am doing really well, thank you, I am a recovering alcoholic, and I feel better than I have for a long, long time!"

I know that is hard to even understand right now, but as you go through the Challenges, starting with the 7 Day Challenge, you will begin to feel so much better, and you will begin to adhere to your NEW habit of sobriety! That is the key! You have to stick with the sobriety until you have formed that new habit, new lifestyle, and then it will become the normal way you feel. If you slip and relapse, that will feel abnormal and not right! As I have read, it takes about 3 weeks to form a new habit in your brain and actions!

So stick to it Newbies, get sober, make that new habit of life sans alcohol, and you will be able to deal with life a whole lot better!

Best wishes, Deanna <:)> <:)> <:)>
There isn't enough alcohol in the world to make you happier, calmer, prettier, more clever or less angry.
Only sobriety will help you achieve these attributes.

Melissand
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Melissand » 23 Apr 2019 12:17

Hi soberboots! Thank you so much for reply! I’m trying my hardest to cut it down and I have! I drink every 3 days now but I’m going to try the 7 day like you suggested! Being on this forum has really helped me a lot! Thank you 💋

Norman
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Norman » 24 Apr 2019 20:37

Hi. I am 46 and have struggled with drinking most of my adult life, on-and-off. About 20 years ago I was heavily alcohol dependent for a while, drinking all day. I remember needing lots of drugs to help me stop. As the years have gone on I have become a regular evening drinker, having anything from a four pack of lager to a bottle of vodka.

I also struggle with eating problems: I am over 28 stones. When I am drunk I binge eat. It is becoming a serious problem for me as it is affecting my mobility and my 5XL clothes are getting too tight!!!

I have underlying mental problems for which I am have seeing (privately) a psychotherapist for the last 5 months. The last psychiatrist I saw (several years ago) said I have a complex personality disorder with features of BPD, complicated by autistic traits. I take citalopram and have no other support but I ring the Samaritans pretty regularly when I am upset or struggling.

I live with my wife who has undiagnosed mental health issues. I love her but she is very hard to live with. There are two teenagers in the house, my daughter is on sertraline for anxiety and is about to fail two out of her 3 A levels. My son has autism and ADHD and has challenging behaviour.

I have two very challenging jobs. So overall the stress on me is REALLY high.

I have told the psychotherapist that drinking is the only thing that makes me feel normal. When I am not tipsy I feel anxious, self-conscious and I have lots of anger issues, my mind works overtime.

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DannyD
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by DannyD » 24 Apr 2019 20:51

Hi Norman. Welcome to BE. The first post is always the hardest, facing up to your problems on a forum of complete strangers - who are friends you're about to meet.

It sounds as though you have multiple issues, but you know what they say about eating an elephant? One mouthful at a time.

You're posting on an alcohol site, so I guess that's your first task to try and control? How about giving up for one evening? Can you do that? Instead of drinking, take yourself out for a stroll. These lovely late Spring, early summer evenings will be great for that. About 30 minutes, 15 out, turn, 15 minutes home. Then bed. No tv or electronics - perhaps a book? And start the next morning feeling fresher?

There are lots of different threads. Have a read around and jump in wherever you like.

Good luck.
be selfish in your sobriety.

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