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The Road to Abstinence - Archived

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zelda

Re: The Road to Abstinence

Post by zelda » 22 Aug 2010 15:49

Kitty <:)>
You are the expert on yourself and you have done this with such fabulous success in the past, so I know you can and will be patient and wait for the big wooly knot to slowly unravel.
Am here if you need to talk at all,
Zelda xx

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Tony
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Re: The Road to Abstinence

Post by Tony » 22 Aug 2010 16:22

Hi Ninja,

I can relate to what your friend said – three years, but for me it’s repetition that makes things easier not so much the length of time. A better way of looking at it for me is two, three, four times, so four times could be four years, maybe longer but I dont really think about this any more.

As you well know our game is about breaking associations – this takes time sometimes Xmas, holidays, birthdays, stress stiffners etc etc etc , maybe a long time (if ever)to break some associations and I suppose we are somewhat vulnerable but the more practice you put in the easier it gets, simple as that. Dr Jurds Jungle Juice – cool name, very inviting I’m sure, not for me these days though.

I’ve had and have my moments, I think we all do. The first three months was awful, my first Xmas took a lot of effort. Sometimes I think things like a lager & lime on a hot day at the beach wouldn’t seem like a bad idea but these are only very fleeting moments for me these days and easily brushed aside so I just have a lime & lemonade instead, no problem. Sometimes if I have an argument with the missus I think I could handle a large scotch or ten. Stress – my biggest enemy, stress and alcohol = recipe for disaster for me. I cant avoid stress sometimes but I can avoid alcohol, I have to remember this - always.

Practice makes perfect as they say. Being positive helps the stress. Put the two together, bingo, happy bunny.

tony <:)>
Keep your shield up at ALL times. Keep your promises, reach your small targets.THINK BEFORE YOU DRINK.

European Duvet Diving Champion Nov 2006.
AF 2007,2008,2009,2010,2011,2012,2013,2014 & 2015. Woohoo, it's possible folks.

Denise1973
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Re: The Road to Abstinence

Post by Denise1973 » 22 Aug 2010 17:51

What does EAF mean?

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George
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Re: The Road to Abstinence

Post by George » 22 Aug 2010 17:54

Denise

It's the Evil Alcohol Fairy, she troubles a lot of us <:)>

George
“Now I’m sober and I realize, I didn’t drink to escape the world, I drank to escape myself”
― Phil Volatile, Crushed Black Velvet

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ninja1
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Re: The Road to Abstinence

Post by ninja1 » 22 Aug 2010 21:41

Tony thanks for your reply, I intend to stay that happy bunny for a very long time. Hi Denise. <:)> Zoe these things will pass, be strong mate <:)> Hi George, how's it going mate? Kitty sometimes there are no words, just have a read to get through <:)> Hello Z, I feel your spirit is lifting <:)>
Enjoy life, you're a long time dead. ( for my wife who I deeply love )

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Kitty
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Re: The Road to Abstinence

Post by Kitty » 23 Aug 2010 16:07

Hi everyone,
Thanks Jos <:)>
I just thought I'd say a little bit about what's going on with me.
I always thought that if I started drinking again it would take me a while to get back into the hang of it. I thought I'd probably be drunk after two glasses of wine. Turns out I was wrong. Turns out it's just like riding a bike - once you've learnt how to drink like a lunatic, it seems it stays with you for life.
So basically I've scared myself this time. After just under three months of drinking, I'm finding it harder to stop this time than last time (which then was after more than twenty years of drinking).

I want to help myself at any cost. I want to help myself to not drink, but even more than that I want to help myself to not be unhappy. I know I can stop drinking for a good period of time - I've proved that. But I want to stop and not feel like I'm treading water. That's not to say that the whole time I wasn't drinking was bad. Far from it. I had some great moments of clarity and euphoria. It beat drinking hands down. But it wasn't enough to stop me from going back to it, and it wasn't enough to make me live life properly.

I have been to some AA meetings recently (not something I'd done before). I'm not hear to talk about that particularly, but there is something that I've heard said in these meetings that has stood out, and that's: 'quality not quantity' I may have done two years and 9 months without drinking alcohol - but that's all I'd done. I'd not worked on myself. I'd not taken time to think about my behaviour, and what's good for me and what's not. I pontificated no end about the wonders of sobriety, then smoked huge quantities of weed just to turn my head off. My compulsive addictive behaviour didn't vanish because I wasn't drinking alcohol. The anxiety and fear that comes from daily drinking went away, but the confusion of being me didn't.

I'm hoping that I will get something from these meetings. If I'm honest, I am already. I'm not sure if it'll continue, but I know I owe it to myself not to be too proud or too embarrassed to give it a try.


Thanks for reading,

Kitty XX
"Somebody once said we never know what is enough until we know what's more than enough" Billie Holiday

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Mark.
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Re: The Road to Abstinence

Post by Mark. » 23 Aug 2010 16:45

Hi Kitty,

I just want to thank you for that really honest post. It has really made me think, and I pray that everything goes well with your continuing efforts to "live life properly".

Please forgive the pun, but it was a sobering read, not least because I'd been thinking recently that if I ever did have a drink again, I'd surely be fall-down drunk after the first couple of glasses - even after only two months, my tolerance would surely be horribly low?

That thought kind of scared me a bit; but it's really not anything like as scary - I realise now that I've read your post - as having a drink again and finding it so easy to slip back into old, excessive habits. I know, in my own heart, that sobriety is the only safe option for me, and your words further deepen that conviction.

Anyway, I hope none of this sounds selfish - but I deeply appreciate your candidness, because I would like the memory of your experience to stay with me as a lesson to bear in mind at those times when the EAF sings loudly.

I also think that it's hugely important for us to take heed and remember these sentiments:
Kitty wrote:I'd not worked on myself. I'd not taken time to think about my behaviour, and what's good for me and what's not.
I'm going to take some time now and really think about that.

Thanks again, Kitty, for your honesty and wisdom.

Best of luck and all good wishes for everything,
Mark
Nie chwal dnia przed zachodem słońca.

Tink
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Re: The Road to Abstinence

Post by Tink » 24 Aug 2010 22:39

Well, hope you are all doing OK today? Myself, I am queen of the the road or at least feel pretty good considering the crazy life we got. Enjoy what ya got I suppose and consider it a adventure. That is what I am doing. I found this song and that is why I said queen of the road. Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! :lol: 8-) Have a listen as I been singing it to myself all day. Just stuck in my silly head. Every have that happen? :?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8qgmxPb-ego

See ya later
Tink <:)>
Life is a journey not a destination. Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain.

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Re: The Road to Abstinence

Post by Tink » 26 Aug 2010 01:23

Just seems quiet Zoe, living is loud!!!!!!! Hugs to all, A song to start your day tomorrow......
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=co6WMzDO ... e=artistob

Tink :D 8-) <:)>
Life is a journey not a destination. Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain.

mikey j
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Re: The Road to Abstinence

Post by mikey j » 27 Aug 2010 10:41

Hi everyone,
Everybodys different, just as well hey? lifes more interesting that way, but the common factor with everyone thats caught up in this drink think is that alcohol controls their lives , otherwise wheres the problem? I dont think we are talking one or two glasses too many on a weekend i think youve got to look at it from the angle that thought patterns , actions , routines , behaviour, life in general is built round the need to drink to excess to cope, to deal with life. The bugger of it is that it doesnt really work that well in reality , if it did once again wheres the problem?
I have always been a firm believer recovery from alcohol is a process, it worked for me , so why not ? Theres always a reason, its a symptom of something else, i spent years p ing around the fringes of this thing trying this way that way and whatever, if im honest with myself now i dont think i really wanted to stop at that time, sure drinking was causing me problems because of the effect it had on the people around me but if i got hammered to deal with that then it became their problem not mine because i was too wrapped up in getting plastered to see all that, how does that work?
So back to the process thing , the reasons why we drink, if we can stay sober long enough to straighten the head to identify the triggers its a whole lot easier, otherwise alcohol is the trigger because thats how it works,overwhelming thoughts are just thoughts, sure they are painful at times, fact is that everyone has them, if you cant deal with that one then youre gunna struggle with this,but wherever you are in all this your life doesnt have to be this way , it can be better , quitting drinking is increasing your choices, it gives you the chance to re learn life , to live it without the toxic things that have got you wrapped up in alcohol, it takes effort, if you want to put this thing in the past then you have to be prepared to put as much in to recovery as you did into your life as a drinker. Think about it , theres a lot of planning goes into the life of a p head, even if you hit the gutter, i bet theres one in every graveyard that thought that they could handle this . This you word is significant in all this , its all about you , your problem, never mind the issues its causing others around you, they have a choice in this too, unless they are minors,if you stop for others then its destined to fail, you need to stop because you want you back, i doubt if many of us actually know who we actually are untill we break the hold,i once got asked in therapy what i would have printed on the back of a t shirt as a statement to those that had been in my life , my answer was -- you never really knew me, when i think back now that was me, i didnt know me because i had never found me , it was a duo, me and booze.
Tony, Ninja, you question whether the thoughts ever leave, im not sure they do for good , im not sure to the year how long ago i quit, but its in the region of ten, but i can say as time goes on it doesnt become a choice we give ourselves to deal with life and im sure you will agree it doesnt harm to serve as a grim reminder ,one things for sure i reckon, as long as im around so will pubs and offies be, the only thing is i make the choices now, not the other half of the duo that dominated my life for so long.
You all take care M

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Bela
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Re: The Road to Abstinence

Post by Bela » 27 Aug 2010 16:52

Great post, Mikey J. I really liked this:
. . .the reasons why we drink, if we can stay sober long enough to straighten the head to identify the triggers its a whole lot easier, otherwise alcohol is the trigger because thats how it works,overwhelming thoughts are just thoughts, sure they are painful at times, fact is that everyone has them, if you cant deal with that one then youre gunna struggle with this,but wherever you are in all this your life doesnt have to be this way , it can be better , quitting drinking is increasing your choices,
Who wouldn't want more choices? Well, I do for sure. We sure can't sort anything out properly with drink in the mix. Distance gives perspective. I am only 53 weeks removed, but no way I would be doing better drinking myself to numbness every evening and some days. Thanks for the wise and encouraging words.
Whatever works.

Cravings stop going where they aren't fed.

mikey j
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Re: The Road to Abstinence

Post by mikey j » 27 Aug 2010 17:26

Bela,
53 weeks is a massive achievement , please dont ever discount time away from alcohol ,53 weeks 53 days whatever, i can remember times when i didnt want to go 53 minuites without booze, any time is good, keep things in the positive hey. Youre on the road with over a year under your belt , your choices are now just that, we all make bad ones , only difference is now i dont buy a bottle or three to deal with the consequences of mine, i try to muck myself out in an adult way , yeah right , to the best of my ability, thats re learning for you hey? This thing can be beaten , if it couldnt im convinced i wouldnt be here now, but i reckon we are all worth more to ourselves than that.
Good luck with it all and you take care

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ninja1
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Re: The Road to Abstinence

Post by ninja1 » 27 Aug 2010 22:32

Quick drop in. Bela Did I miss your 1 year, sorry mate. Congratulations. Blonde moment. <:)> Mikey quick question, how come you're on here after 10 years? is it like Tony and I think and doesn't totally disappear from your mind? See ya dudes. Might grab a quick ride after work the suns out yippee!! :D
Enjoy life, you're a long time dead. ( for my wife who I deeply love )

mikey j
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Re: The Road to Abstinence

Post by mikey j » 27 Aug 2010 23:09

Hi Ninja,
The best way i can put it is that we all remember things , we all have history , i cannot remember the last time i had issues that made me think i need a drink to deal with it. Why do i come on B E ? just the way im made, ive been involved with a lot of drinkers down the years , lost a couple of friends to drink too, i care because ive been there and know what its like , my life was turned around by a couple of sentences from someone that cared about me, each and everyone of the peeps that post on BE contribute in one way or another to the recovery of someone, i dont have all the answers for everyone, but insights worth a lot and if one thing i write rings a bell with someone then its all been worthwhile.
Hope it answers your question,
Take care

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Sandy
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Re: The Road to Abstinence

Post by Sandy » 28 Aug 2010 10:45

Thanks Jos
Please keep in mind,no matter how low you are feeling,how miserable you think you are, it is nothing, absolutely nothing,compared to that despair you feel when drinking is controlling your life and you want out.
Stay strong Jos, you know that given time it starts to look sunny every day!
Sandy

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Re: The Road to Abstinence

Post by mikey j » 29 Aug 2010 08:47

Hi Sandy,
Despairs the one hey, for many years i floundered around looking for a way out of this, Drs, counsellors, whatever, i guess part of us is looking for someone to flick the magic switch, its not that easy though, its all about timing in the end, whether we ourselves are ready to do it for us.
I reached a point where i really had had enough, the only thing i had left to lose were my kids, i couldnt lose myself in the true sense because i had never really found me.The interesting thing is as i have looked back over the years is that the things i pushed out of my life through drinking were the things that werent right, what i realise now is that i didnt have the balls to face them head on in an adult world without a skinful of drink , its a painful way of saying no this is not right for me.
I think one of the difficult things to deal with in the early stages is the turmoil of emotions that we have to cope with, theres a major loss in saying bye bye to drink, theres fear of not being able to cope on our own,and theres grief , its like the loss of a friend,its a double edged sword because the loss we are grieving was the friend we relied on to help us deal with these emotions, and now that friend has gone ,that fact alkone needs grieving in its own right to heal the scars, the loss of our lives as we knew it and the start of a new one. I think this is where support is important, the right support eases the transformation it helps to slow the head down and serves as a distraction.
Beating this one on your own is nigh on impossible , because untill you start to unravel it all you cant see why you got there, once you can let go of the belief that alcohol is your best friend and accept that in fact its your worst enemy then it starts to get easier.
Sandy, please dont think this is aimed at you, it was just that i picked up on the word despair.
Take care everyone

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Sandy
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Re: The Road to Abstinence

Post by Sandy » 29 Aug 2010 10:07

Hi Mikey
I think the wrd despair aptly describes how I felt before joining BE, I never thought I could do this,never.
I despaired ( is that the right grammar??) of ever gettiing out of the trap I had put myself and my children in. I despaired aboout my life ahead and I despaired about what my life had become with alcohol in it and how I could cope without alcohol in my life? Double edged sword right enough.
The support I got from BE was and still is quite overwhelming, it's difficult to put it into words but,well one year down the line says it all for me really.
And I am still learning,still being educated by BE members about the whole issues surrounding alcohol and one's own personal psyche. Looking at myself and trying to understand ( through other peoples very generous accounts of their own personal journeys )what got me into that hole of despair in the first place and how I can avoid ever going back to that depth...or anywhere near it.
I think what you and others say is so true for many of us,alcohol is our escape route from life, we took it in vast quantities to try and avoid what horrors life throws at us, things we just cant deal with very well. And you are right, for me anyway, it was not a very adult response and what does it lead to???? just more and more despair.
But for today guys despair is far from my thoughts, I am feeling GOOD!
Good luck to everyone on this road and Mikey as ever thanks for your insight
Sandy

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smudge
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Re: The Road to Abstinence

Post by smudge » 05 Sep 2010 11:32

joanne. wrote:So organic mushrooms on soya and linseed toast for breakfast :D
Are you being punished for something you did in a previous life? :shock: ;)
"I would rather be a non-drinker with the occasional desire to drink, than a drinker with the constant desire to quit."

Learn from other's mistakes, you won't live long enough to make them all by yourself.

I'm not a doctor!

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Re: The Road to Abstinence

Post by Beverley » 05 Sep 2010 11:39

I polished off last night's curry remains for breakfast. Delicious. Feel a bit queasy though. Quite strong. Wrapped in naan bread of course. Yum
Every moment is a gift - that's why it's called the present

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Sandy
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Re: The Road to Abstinence

Post by Sandy » 05 Sep 2010 13:18

Jo
"Those excuses to drink are just excuses to stop living"
really like this
sandy

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