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The Road to Abstinence - Archived

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chriscole
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Re: The Road to Abstinence

Post by chriscole » 12 Jan 2011 09:43

indeed cowboy, youve touched on some of the common thinking errors of cbt .
here is a link which has an example just like you mentioned in the left blue box

http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Cognitive- ... ction.aspx
theres many other sites on cbt, and i think it can be a useful tool in helping many people with how they think and feel, theres also nlp and self hypnosis, but im only at the beginning of researching these for myself
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badcompany
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Re: The Road to Abstinence

Post by badcompany » 12 Jan 2011 13:07

Tony wrote:The opposite of miserable is happy - therefore if I am not miserable, I am happy = true.

I know from my later drinking habits that drinking makes me miserable. I don't want to be miserable, I want to be happy therefore I don't drink.

The opposite of helpful is useless. I know that when I am sober I am helpful and when I am drunk I am more than useless - true.

Deduction = drunkeness will make me miserable and useless: not good, pointless.

It takes a bit of time to 'convince' yourself of these facts but that's how I think about it. Clear cut facts, not too many grey areas is the method that works for me.

tony <:)> <:)>
This is so so very true.

Realising this is the easy part, for me it's just constantly staying aware of it that I need to train myself to do!

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Re: The Road to Abstinence

Post by AceGricer » 12 Jan 2011 19:31

This Road can get very difficult at times as you will all know.I'm finding it very hard to stay away from alcohol at the moment. I have had a major league problem in my personal life. I had assumed that I would be living permanently in New Zealand by the end of the year and that, Having researched the matter both when in that country and here in the UK I appeared to be fully eligible to join my son who wishes to sponsor me and can easily afford to do so. What we have both underestimated is the stringency of the medical requirements. I have not a chance of passing the medical.If the totality of diagnosed conditions has the potential to incur $25,000 in costs to the NZ Health Service over 4 years I can't get a visa. This applies to me without doubt.There are two other sub clauses which also exclude me.I will not therefore be applying.
These applications are expensive costing around £1200 and it would be money wasted to proceed.
I don't need this.I absolutely don't. I really wanted to emigrate permanently much as I like Cornwall.
Of course what I feel like doing is drinking large quantities of wine. That would not ,I know, solve a single thing.
But the temptation abounds.I expect that I will feel like drinking alcohol for some days to come.I've gone 11 days without.It helps me to be here with you all and I swear I'll make every effort to stay with you and not drink alcohol.
There have been a lot of posts which looked at the problem in a carefully thought through manner.Helpful. I have made an in depth study of this problem over the last 15 months.Just sitting here trying to remain sober simply on will power won't suffice. What I'm going to do is open the file I have built up and work carefully through it. It's all about coping strategies, motivations, health issues, analysis and aetiology etc.
I am closing with the simple statement that I want to abstain and intend to do so no matter how I feel over the coming few days.
Neil

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Re: The Road to Abstinence

Post by silvergirl » 12 Jan 2011 20:24

i'm so sorry to hear your plans maybe can't proceed as you'd like them neil. that sucks. i thoroughly approve of your staying sober no matter what happens plan though, it's a goodun.

best wishes to you,
sgx
you can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.
~jon kabat-zinn

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chriscole
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Re: The Road to Abstinence

Post by chriscole » 12 Jan 2011 20:56

wow ace, that bad news sucks so bad i feel for you man, ive always wanted to leave this wretched country , (you might not feel the same) but its too late for me, dream has gone too. and the drink does what it does best and tries to delude you into thinking its a great idea. i hope you keep your cool, youll thank yourself in the morning
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AceGricer
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Re: The Road to Abstinence

Post by AceGricer » 12 Jan 2011 21:18

Thanks both.I don't feel too bad. Watching two episodes of Dr. Who. A real intellectual.No alcohol.Just tea.
The Daleks are threatening to exterminate folk as I type this.
Regards
Neil

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chriscole
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Re: The Road to Abstinence

Post by chriscole » 12 Jan 2011 21:24

thats good ace, not sure about dr who though, have you tried 'curb your enthusiasm'?
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AceGricer
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Re: The Road to Abstinence

Post by AceGricer » 13 Jan 2011 07:31

Thanks Cowboy.Thankfully I feel OK this morning. I'm giving a Welfare presentation at a meeting in Plymouth this morning and I'm fully focussed on that.There's no way I'm lapsing back into boozing. This time is where I reckon on sorting this out once and for all.
Ace

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Re: The Road to Abstinence

Post by AceGricer » 13 Jan 2011 08:16

SB - That's really nice what you wrote - thankyou.
Neil

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Re: The Road to Abstinence

Post by thewho » 13 Jan 2011 10:00

neil

so sorry to hear about the news. How galling to have made the decision after much delibarating.... I guess you'll still be able to get a visa to visit for extended periods of time each year? I know that's not the same as moving permantly, but.... I hope the presentation goes ok!

thewho

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Re: The Road to Abstinence

Post by 64Turtles » 13 Jan 2011 13:06

Ace ,
Thanks for sharing this dilemma as my heart goes out to you and it is one of the scenerio's of having the rug pulled out from under you. Just when you thought he ducks were in a row. I have had a bad couple days as well and no finger pointing to a direct source but more the accumulation of several put together. Some of my own making(consequences) and most are just life banging away without cause to check in with this KING ducky. I am still ambivilant about the day as I get ready to leave for work but I am sticking to a few known facts:

1) Making my brain irritated by alcohol will not make my decision making better - only worse.

2) By not drinking I increase my chances of pissing my ex-wife off with the fact I am still breathing, because I am not drinking(she is one of my points of contention if you hadn't noticed)

3) I have so many options that may not be the best scenerio which would be my first pick but there are some viable options that will do in this 'pinch' called life.

Keep a clear goal of one day ,one hour, one minute at the time and you can do this deal. Pick the next best option and you still win.............Thanks for sharing the struggle as it has helped me as well to know I am not the only one having it ruff at the moment <:)>
“Just remember - when you think all is lost, the future remains”

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Re: The Road to Abstinence

Post by AceGricer » 13 Jan 2011 13:54

Turtles - Thank you for what you said.We'll get through this bad patch we're both experiencing.I know we are both serious about quitting totally.Yes we've got to keep going with this.
I want to say to everyone who has posted here and PM'd me how much I appreciate all of your helpful support.
Re New Zealand now that I'm in a better frame of mind I have the matter in perspective. In our summer their winter there are some very reasonable fares available and last June my return ticket with Air NZ was £760 all in. And the Tripple 7 was comfortable.
I have hunted around for cheap flights and happily have been able to go over for the last three years.
My son has been over to see me twice in the last four years so the situation isn't dire as regards seeing each other.The other thing is that UK passport holders get an automatic 6 month entry stamp when they turn up at NZ immigration. I will have a good look at going for that instead of the 5 weeks I usually do.
A pleasant and helpful PM I have just been reading suggested that 6 months NZ and 6 months Cornwall could be the pattern for the future. I'm renting so that is certainly feasible.My son is about to buy a decent sized house on the North Island and will have plenty of
room for me. I will be very welcome there but I wouldn't want to crowd him and his partner so I would envisage from time to time taking off to the South Island where I have made friends and know some affordable nice places to stay.
Well things are looking up.I had a good morning in Plymouth at a meeting in connection with my voluntary work.
A pleasant lunch and feeling OK.No intention at all of drinking alcohol.
You have all been a huge help to me these last two days.You're terrific every one of you.
Neil

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Re: The Road to Abstinence

Post by Bela » 13 Jan 2011 14:03

Neil, great reading that things are looking up.
It's amazing what a bit of support, and a bit of passage of time, can do for our outlook.
I like the way you are envisioning an alternative to black/white all/nothing thinking re NZ. (::)
Whatever works.

Cravings stop going where they aren't fed.

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Re: The Road to Abstinence

Post by AceGricer » 13 Jan 2011 17:15

Always nice to see you on here Bela. Thanks for what you wrote.That's a good point about Black and white perspectives.
Neil

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Re: The Road to Abstinence

Post by AceGricer » 13 Jan 2011 17:24

TheWho
Thanks for getting in touch. The presentation went very well.I'll enjoy a quiet night in tonight.Torrential rain and wind battering this part of the Duchy so I'm really content to take it easy.
Neil

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Re: The Road to Abstinence

Post by thewho » 14 Jan 2011 10:06

neil
no worries! I hope the storm, physical and non physical has now mainly blown itself out! Glad the presentation went well, was it a concern or are you experienced at such things?!? I always think if theres a storm outside it would be great to have a real fire, not that I have ever lived somewhere with a real fire.....

catch up later ace, its good to have you back around a bit!

thewho

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Re: The Road to Abstinence

Post by AceGricer » 14 Jan 2011 13:02

TheWho,
Presentations and public speaking are no problem to me at all, in fact I enjoy these activities.
I'm feeling good. No desire to drink alcohol. Hope everything going OK for you.
Neil

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Re: The Road to Abstinence

Post by thewho » 14 Jan 2011 15:15

neil
Things are ok, mostly!! hope you have a good weekend mate.

thewho

notorious

Re: The Road to Abstinence

Post by notorious » 15 Jan 2011 10:41

Hi All
Been a little while I’ve been on for a browse, and blimey, some great posts and thoughts going on as ever!
I’m still going forward having successfully negotiated the whole Christmas / New Year thing. It’s funny but since that New Year I posted about with the ‘old crowd’ I suddenly seem to have become quite popular again with those who I felt massively let down by. I’ve no idea if this is just because people have realised I’m not dieing of a terminal illness, or terminally miserable through ‘enforced’ (it isn’t) sobriety or what, but I still have very little interest in the endless banal 'upmanship' and everything being about the next party for no particualr reason. Part of me is still pissed off at the lack of support when I needed friends the most, the months of hospital treatment in-patient and out, when no one was to be seen. Maybe I’m being too harsh. Thing is, I don’t think I actually care. I’m kind of being selfish in certain respects. I’ve re-evaluated just who and what’s important, and that scene, that crowd, just isn’t. This feels a bit weird in itself after being so 'integral' to it for so many years to be honest.

The anxiety posts (sorry – I forget who brought it up) resonates with me massively. I found it intolerable after a particularly heavy session. Just a horrible, horrible experience. Once I’d been on it for a week away in hotel land with work for example, I’d be struggling to just get through a ‘normal’ day. It was as if I was scared of everything and everyone. Heart pounding, sweats and shakes, the whole bit. A lot of it was a physical withdrawal of course, but the mental side is equally, if not more so, damaging and difficult to cope with. Every little task that needs doing being seemingly insurmountable and impossible. Everything would seem to tangibly tumble down at once:

“send that email, phone that person, pick that up, take that to there, finish that report, pay that bill, iron those shirts, god you look a state, take it easy don’t panic, no one knows. Oh god, they know. What if I’m still over the limit? Need to drive! Why does he want a meeting, what’s that about? Shit, can I last until payday? Where’s all my money gone? Need to clean flat, need to replace all the booze, oh god, it’s 2’oclock and I haven’t done anything yet, panic, panic, panic…”

Just hell, really. In truth none of things were particularly difficult or much of a problem. Once back in the sanctuary of my own space I’d literally be quaffing those first few vodkas back like water, even though at first it would be like hard work. I’d physically react with acute nausea and sickness, but then, thankfully that would subside and I’d suddenly be feeling ‘great’ again. Great in the sense I didn’t have a care in the world anymore so the cycle starts again.
AceGricer wrote: The Daleks are threatening to exterminate folk as I type this.
Regards
Neil


Ah, yes. Now I may have mentioned this before, but this is my real vice. Never mind the near fatal alcoholism and broken liver. When I come to write my memoirs, “My Doctor Who Hell” will have its very own tome. Maybe there’s some sort of online support group. Since giving up alcohol, and throughout my recovery from the alcoholic liver disease over the last part of last year, the Doctor Who DVD, literature and merchandise collection has grown exponentially. I have to hide it all with the Duran Duran stuff, concealed behind the porn….

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Re: The Road to Abstinence

Post by AceGricer » 15 Jan 2011 11:20

OK I'll put my hands up.I'm a complete Dr Who fan like Notorious. But it gets worse. I like Star Trek as well.
Ace :)

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