KEEPING IN TOUCH ON THE FORUM

New Members thread, SOS thread, Daily chat and Support, Cutting Down, Abstinence and more.
User avatar
Bupster
Posts: 1289
Joined: 24 Aug 2008 15:29
Location: Near London
Contact:

Re: KEEPING IN TOUCH ON FORUM

Post by Bupster »

Hi there, caraveljet,

I wasn't going to reply, but I thought I'd just add to what Mike said about being honest. When we're drinking, we tie ourselves up in knots of dishonesty, and even when we realise we have to alter the way we're behaving, we're in such complex knots that it all seems terribly difficult. Actually, once you've done it, it seems terribly straightforward and you wonder why you tied yourself in so many knots.

Are you really saying that you're going to carry on drinking, even though you don't want to, because if you stop it would be admitting that you were wrong?

You're a bit stuffed if that's the case. As Mike says, nobody else really cares. If they're not really big drinkers, they're not really interested in what you're drinking, and if they are big drinkers, they're only interested in what you drink in that it gives them permission to drink more. The question lies with you. Were you wrong, all these years, when you told everyone you were fine and fought every bit of evidence that you weren't? If you were, and you've woken up to it, and you're ready to make the change, then you can tell other people anything you like. If I were you, I'd tell them that you're stopping for a bit to give yourself a rest ahead of Christmas. Everyone will understand that. The only people who will resent you will be the ones who can't stop.

Or are you trying still to tell yourself that you weren't wrong, that you had it all under control all the time? I've gone from drinking every night to drinking every now and then, in a fairly controlled way. It's taken me ages to get here, but now I can go to a pub and drink, or not drink, and nobody cares either way - quite often including me. I didn't have it under control before, I was quite often out of control. I can admit that now; I had to, as I wanted to be in control and you can't go from one place to another unless you know where each place is.

If you're down to 36 units a week I expect that you'd be fully able to make that last jump. It sounds like you're already able to have nights off. Presumably nobody starts ringing your doorbell to find out why? If you think people are watching how much you're drinking, the only realistic reason is that they worry that you'll be out of control and are relieved to find out that you're not. Don't resent people for caring about you - and it's you that they care about, not the drink. Nobody will put you under pressure for cutting down or stopping unless they are fully-fledged, in-denial problem drinkers. All the pressure and knots are inside you, and if you want, you can just cut them free. Tell the truth, see what happens. What's the worst thing that could?

Hope you do well, you sound so close to mastering this thing.

All the very best,
Bupster xx
Do not wait; the time will never be "just right." Start where you stand, and work with whatever tools you may have at your command, and better tools will be found as you go along. George Herbert

User avatar
Cheryl
Posts: 526
Joined: 02 Feb 2008 09:22
Contact:

Re: KEEPING IN TOUCH ON FORUM

Post by Cheryl »

Hi everyone who knows me!
Just thought Id pop by and let you know Im doing fine,Im still having a drink on occasions and still keeping to the limit!
I did have one 'blip' but as soon as I realised things were maybe 'slipping' I got back on the wagon,found my self control and regained my 'normality'
I am keeping as busy as I can find things to do,and my new 'venture' is taking off....
I will call again,with an update,and till then I hope you are all well and keeping 'positive'!
thinking of you all..... Aunty Cheryl xx

User avatar
hamster
Posts: 1915
Joined: 21 Oct 2008 16:19
Last Drink Date: 02 Nov 2010
Contact:

Re: KEEPING IN TOUCH ON FORUM

Post by hamster »

Hi Cheryl <:)> :D
Good to see you again 8-) . I have pm'dyou.

Hammy
xx
AF2011 number 10

User avatar
Anna
Posts: 1036
Joined: 01 Feb 2008 18:05
Contact:

Re: KEEPING IN TOUCH ON FORUM

Post by Anna »

Excellent news Cheryl,

Lovely to hear from you and that all is OK!

<:)>
Anna.xx

User avatar
Bupster
Posts: 1289
Joined: 24 Aug 2008 15:29
Location: Near London
Contact:

Re: KEEPING IN TOUCH ON FORUM

Post by Bupster »

Hi, all,

Just a short note to say that BT have accidentally cut off my broadband for all sorts of muppety reasons related to my ex moving out and trying to move my old phone number to his new address. Having shouted at both BT and him for a couple of hours, (but not drinking :D), I'll get new shiny broadband in a week's time (in theory) but in the meantime I'm surfing the interwebnet through the miracle of plugging my mobile into my laptop and trying to ignore the high-pitched shrieking of my bank account. This is sloooow so I will probably get too frustrated to post as often as I do normally.

Pleased that I didn't think twice about drinking, though. I considered it, then thought, naah, how could it help?

Anyway, just to say I haven't vanished into a bottle or anywhere else, just don't really believe that this works so am typing very gingerly in case my phone explodes.

Cheers,
Bupster
Do not wait; the time will never be "just right." Start where you stand, and work with whatever tools you may have at your command, and better tools will be found as you go along. George Herbert

User avatar
Kitty
Posts: 1688
Joined: 16 Jul 2008 10:58
Last Drink Date: 01 Jan 2011
Location: The Rooms
Contact:

Re: KEEPING IN TOUCH ON FORUM

Post by Kitty »

Hi Bupster,
Sorry to hear about your frustrations - how annoying it must be that your ex is still managing to cause you hassle. Sounds like you're in control of the situation though and well done for not reaching for that bottle.
I'm off work with a bad back and am laid up in bed, it was nice yesterday to just laze about but now I'm getting fed up with it. How's the ankle by the way? Did I read that you were able to start back at work?

Kitty X
"Somebody once said we never know what is enough until we know what's more than enough" Billie Holiday

User avatar
Bupster
Posts: 1289
Joined: 24 Aug 2008 15:29
Location: Near London
Contact:

Re: KEEPING IN TOUCH ON FORUM

Post by Bupster »

Hi, Kitty,

Yes, I am managing to get back into work a couple of afternoons a week, but the rest of the time I'm working from home, which is why losing broadband was so frustrating. I was exhausted last night after coming back from London as well, and was virtually in tears after realising it wasn't just a short-term glitch but a Thing that I had to Deal With. Also, as you said, frustrating that the ex is still managing to bollox things up.

On the back of a decent nights' sleep though, I realise that it's largely just one of those things, and I half expected it to happen, and even before I went to sleep last night I'd worked out what I needed to do to deal with it, what my plan b was, and that I'd feel much better about things in the morning. And so it transpired. Instead I actually felt a bit sorry for the ex. He must feel like a constant failure at the moment, and he knows his failure with the relationship is related to the amount he drinks, but he's in no place to do anything about it. That's not to say he's forgiven for any of the awfulness, just that it's hard to hate someone or even maintain your incandescent fury (shame, saves on the gas bill) when you've sorted your immediate problem and can once again see the other person's humanity. He's agreed to pay whatever amount Orange charge me for this in the meantime, anyway. Now if I can only get him to tell me how to reset the boiler, I'm laughing. Maybe his cheque will even clear.

Must go now and do some work!

All the best,
Bupster
Do not wait; the time will never be "just right." Start where you stand, and work with whatever tools you may have at your command, and better tools will be found as you go along. George Herbert

User avatar
Bupster
Posts: 1289
Joined: 24 Aug 2008 15:29
Location: Near London
Contact:

Re: KEEPING IN TOUCH ON FORUM

Post by Bupster »

I know, but I have no choice, I need it for work. I dread to think what my bill's going to be like.

In the meantime, he's texted me to tell me that my decision to get a new phone number and internet access for my account at my flat that he chose to leave is going to make him bankrupt, as apparently BT are now being arses about transferring the old number (that he uses for business) to his new flat. I was feeling really bad about all this, except that he could have rung them himself last night, but went to the pub instead, and is now making himself into the helpless victim and me the evil ogre, when all I've done is put my own interests first for a change. I still feel really bad, but don't know what I'm supposed to do. I gave him the chance to try to sort it out, he's had weeks if not months. BT have ballsed this up, not me. I've just renumbered my flat so I can use a phone and the internet without spending the earth. It may mean his business is a bit stuffed but what else could I have done, other than living in limbo waiting for someone notoriously careless and unreliable to look after me?

Gah. This is way off topic, I'm sorry, I needed the rant.
Do not wait; the time will never be "just right." Start where you stand, and work with whatever tools you may have at your command, and better tools will be found as you go along. George Herbert

User avatar
queenie
Posts: 1020
Joined: 23 May 2008 04:21
Location: sussex, uk

Re: KEEPING IN TOUCH ON FORUM

Post by queenie »

oh crikey - i have a horrible feeling this phone number thing may have been my idea....
how many therapists does it take to change a light bulb? only one, but the light bulb has to really want to change...

User avatar
themolesmother
Posts: 281
Joined: 29 Aug 2008 08:17
Location: France
Contact:

Re: KEEPING IN TOUCH ON FORUM

Post by themolesmother »

Hi Bupster,

Sorry to hear the hopeless ex is still causing trouble for you. As you say, though, it's not your problem. He is a grown man and it's up to him to sort it out. He's had plenty of time to do so, after all. You have only acted to protect your interests.

Thinking of you.

Love,

MM
The journey of a thousand miles begins with but a single step

User avatar
Anna
Posts: 1036
Joined: 01 Feb 2008 18:05
Contact:

Re: KEEPING IN TOUCH ON FORUM

Post by Anna »

Mornin' Fiendy,

Hope the course is going OK.
Missed you!

Anna.xx

User avatar
Lush
Posts: 1597
Joined: 17 Sep 2008 16:13
Location: Oop North, England, UK, The World.
Contact:

Re: KEEPING IN TOUCH ON FORUM

Post by Lush »

Hiya Fiendy, hope the coursework's going ok and I'm so glad everything's good on the booze front. <:)>

Not seen much of Auntie Jan lately, have I missed something?

Susie
xx
"I love the English language, it has a certain je ne sais qoi".

User avatar
queenie
Posts: 1020
Joined: 23 May 2008 04:21
Location: sussex, uk

Re: KEEPING IN TOUCH ON FORUM

Post by queenie »

hi fiendy

glad it is going well. miss your posts but the studies do need to come first!

Q
how many therapists does it take to change a light bulb? only one, but the light bulb has to really want to change...

User avatar
patty
Posts: 827
Joined: 18 May 2008 14:04
Last Drink Date: 01 Dec 2017
Location: The Peak District, Derbyshire
Contact:

Re: KEEPING IN TOUCH ON FORUM

Post by patty »

Hi Fiend,

so glad you are doing ok,

Love patty xx <:)>

User avatar
hamster
Posts: 1915
Joined: 21 Oct 2008 16:19
Last Drink Date: 02 Nov 2010
Contact:

Re: KEEPING IN TOUCH ON FORUM

Post by hamster »

Good for you fiendy <:)> <:)> but Ill miss you <:)>
AF2011 number 10

sue
Posts: 1036
Joined: 02 Feb 2008 20:34
Last Drink Date: 10 Jul 2011
Location: Berkshire
Contact:

Re: KEEPING IN TOUCH ON FORUM

Post by sue »

Hi Fiend, my studies have lapsed a bit recently but I know how much work you need to put in. Best wishes and hope it goes well for you.
Sue xx

User avatar
Housemartin
Posts: 72
Joined: 25 Aug 2008 16:31
Location: UK
Contact:

Re: KEEPING IN TOUCH ON FORUM

Post by Housemartin »

Hi Fiendy,

it sounds like the coursework is keeping you in the zone - congratulations - don't forget to keep fit though in your somewhat unusual fitness suite -the odd torture or quick drowing should keep you on form!
“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”

C F
Posts: 448
Joined: 14 Aug 2008 15:52
Location: Norfolk
Contact:

Re: KEEPING IN TOUCH ON FORUM

Post by C F »

Hi Fiend

Glad you are ok. I have to limit my time online due to work commitments and mother duties, so I know what you mean.

Good luck with the coursework Image

I was thinking today, and apologies if I have missed something, is byron ok? Ive not seen her around
Image

User avatar
Bupster
Posts: 1289
Joined: 24 Aug 2008 15:29
Location: Near London
Contact:

Re: KEEPING IN TOUCH ON FORUM

Post by Bupster »

Hey, CF,

I think Byron's fine, but backed off from the forum for a while for personal reasons.

Cheers,
Bupster
Do not wait; the time will never be "just right." Start where you stand, and work with whatever tools you may have at your command, and better tools will be found as you go along. George Herbert

sue
Posts: 1036
Joined: 02 Feb 2008 20:34
Last Drink Date: 10 Jul 2011
Location: Berkshire
Contact:

Re: KEEPING IN TOUCH ON FORUM

Post by sue »

Anyone heard how Sean (Notorious) is getting on. He was quite unwell the last time he posted. Hope he's made a recovery.
Sue x

Post Reply