Online Alcohol Therapy |  Do you need professional help? |  Alcoholism & Recovery Articles |  Self Help Resources

The Joke Page

New Members thread, SOS thread, Daily chat and Support, Cutting Down, Abstinence and more.
User avatar
Sheila
Posts: 16886
Joined: 09 Jan 2009 16:09
Last Drink Date: 17 Aug 2018
Location: Sussex UK
Contact:

Re: The Joke Page

Post by Sheila » 15 Jun 2020 16:32

:lol: :lol:
#4 on the 2020 Challenge
I will not drink again no matter what.

User avatar
Newt
Posts: 14382
Joined: 25 Jun 2013 12:40
Last Drink Date: 10 Aug 2014
Location: Six foot away from you!
Contact:

Re: The Joke Page

Post by Newt » 16 Jun 2020 11:44

nanas.jpg
nanas.jpg (27.36 KiB) Viewed 532 times
Social distancing since 1966

User avatar
Newt
Posts: 14382
Joined: 25 Jun 2013 12:40
Last Drink Date: 10 Aug 2014
Location: Six foot away from you!
Contact:

Re: The Joke Page

Post by Newt » 23 Jun 2020 12:44

I just got punched in the leg by a massive beetle in the park, mind you, there are some nasty bugs going around at the moment :?
Social distancing since 1966

User avatar
Rachel
Posts: 8254
Joined: 22 Jul 2011 14:54
Last Drink Date: 20 Jul 2012
Location: South East London
Contact:

Re: The Joke Page

Post by Rachel » 24 Jun 2020 14:07

:)
flat earth.jpg
flat earth.jpg (44.87 KiB) Viewed 484 times
Rachel

User avatar
Newt
Posts: 14382
Joined: 25 Jun 2013 12:40
Last Drink Date: 10 Aug 2014
Location: Six foot away from you!
Contact:

Re: The Joke Page

Post by Newt » 24 Jun 2020 14:22

:lol: ;)?



Well it said 120 degrees on the packet but it doesn't look right to me :?


Cooking a pie.jpg
Cooking a pie.jpg (23.73 KiB) Viewed 483 times
Social distancing since 1966

User avatar
Topcat
Posts: 31375
Joined: 15 Apr 2012 19:37
Last Drink Date: 08 May 2011
Location: Topcat Towers
Contact:

Re: The Joke Page

Post by Topcat » 24 Jun 2020 14:24

(::) :lol:
#5 on the 2020 Challenge
When life kicks sand in your face, build a castle.

User avatar
Newt
Posts: 14382
Joined: 25 Jun 2013 12:40
Last Drink Date: 10 Aug 2014
Location: Six foot away from you!
Contact:

Re: The Joke Page

Post by Newt » 27 Jun 2020 08:46

Swimming pools are to re-open from the 4th of July, but due to social distancing, there will be no water in lanes 1, 3 and 5! ;)?
Social distancing since 1966

User avatar
Topcat
Posts: 31375
Joined: 15 Apr 2012 19:37
Last Drink Date: 08 May 2011
Location: Topcat Towers
Contact:

Re: The Joke Page

Post by Topcat » 27 Jun 2020 13:59

(::) :lol:
#5 on the 2020 Challenge
When life kicks sand in your face, build a castle.

User avatar
Newt
Posts: 14382
Joined: 25 Jun 2013 12:40
Last Drink Date: 10 Aug 2014
Location: Six foot away from you!
Contact:

Re: The Joke Page

Post by Newt » 28 Jun 2020 08:06

That daft neighbour of mine has just sent me an invite to her cat's birthday party next Wednesday (w)


She knows fine well my dog's getting married on the same day! :roll:
Social distancing since 1966

User avatar
Topcat
Posts: 31375
Joined: 15 Apr 2012 19:37
Last Drink Date: 08 May 2011
Location: Topcat Towers
Contact:

Re: The Joke Page

Post by Topcat » 28 Jun 2020 18:39

(w)
#5 on the 2020 Challenge
When life kicks sand in your face, build a castle.

User avatar
Newt
Posts: 14382
Joined: 25 Jun 2013 12:40
Last Drink Date: 10 Aug 2014
Location: Six foot away from you!
Contact:

Re: The Joke Page

Post by Newt » 28 Jun 2020 18:40

Thought you'd like it :D
Social distancing since 1966

User avatar
Mark.
Posts: 23504
Joined: 15 Jun 2010 11:58
Location: Uri Geller's barbecue
Contact:

Re: The Joke Page

Post by Mark. » 01 Jul 2020 12:24

:lol: (w)


Not a joke, really - more a trip down memory lane. The crinkly wrapper and nobbly glass bottle! And I swear it tasted even better back then - more 'Lucozadey', somehow. Probably due a much higher sugar/glucose content, I suspect :D

106532440_964312474022789_2115486688788511785_n.jpg
106532440_964312474022789_2115486688788511785_n.jpg (86.61 KiB) Viewed 403 times
Nie chwal dnia przed zachodem słońca.

User avatar
Newt
Posts: 14382
Joined: 25 Jun 2013 12:40
Last Drink Date: 10 Aug 2014
Location: Six foot away from you!
Contact:

Re: The Joke Page

Post by Newt » 01 Jul 2020 15:17

I had a walk into Aldi today, cheap innit, they were even selling shopping carts outside for a pound but as soon as I pushed one out of the carpark the wheels stopped working :roll:


The prices may be competitive but the quality stinks :?
Social distancing since 1966

User avatar
Mark.
Posts: 23504
Joined: 15 Jun 2010 11:58
Location: Uri Geller's barbecue
Contact:

Re: The Joke Page

Post by Mark. » 01 Jul 2020 15:19

:lol: :lol:
Nie chwal dnia przed zachodem słońca.

User avatar
Newt
Posts: 14382
Joined: 25 Jun 2013 12:40
Last Drink Date: 10 Aug 2014
Location: Six foot away from you!
Contact:

Re: The Joke Page

Post by Newt » 04 Jul 2020 11:01

I rang up B&Q earlier to ask how big the queue was today,

They said, "The same size as the B" :roll:
Social distancing since 1966

User avatar
pickles
Posts: 5591
Joined: 15 Oct 2014 08:06
Last Drink Date: 17 Sep 2012
Contact:

Re: The Joke Page

Post by pickles » 04 Jul 2020 11:02

Newt wrote:
04 Jul 2020 11:01
I rang up B&Q earlier to ask how big the queue was today,

They said, "The same size as the B" :roll:


(w)🙂
' Normal ' is just a setting on the washing machine .

User avatar
Topcat
Posts: 31375
Joined: 15 Apr 2012 19:37
Last Drink Date: 08 May 2011
Location: Topcat Towers
Contact:

Re: The Joke Page

Post by Topcat » 04 Jul 2020 12:31

Newts - that's seriously bad (I chuckled though) :lol:
#5 on the 2020 Challenge
When life kicks sand in your face, build a castle.

User avatar
Newt
Posts: 14382
Joined: 25 Jun 2013 12:40
Last Drink Date: 10 Aug 2014
Location: Six foot away from you!
Contact:

Re: The Joke Page

Post by Newt » 04 Jul 2020 14:41

Just had a quick look through the window at Wetherspoons, sod it, bargain bucket at KFC it is then :roll:



Wetherspoons.jpg
Wetherspoons.jpg (45.28 KiB) Viewed 360 times
Social distancing since 1966

User avatar
Newt
Posts: 14382
Joined: 25 Jun 2013 12:40
Last Drink Date: 10 Aug 2014
Location: Six foot away from you!
Contact:

Re: The Joke Page

Post by Newt » 05 Jul 2020 15:32

Brace yourselves ;)


What's made of recycled paper and sounds like a sneeze?

A tissue.


You can relax now :D
Social distancing since 1966

User avatar
Newt
Posts: 14382
Joined: 25 Jun 2013 12:40
Last Drink Date: 10 Aug 2014
Location: Six foot away from you!
Contact:

Re: The Joke Page

Post by Newt » 05 Jul 2020 15:35

Relaxed? Good :D


What is made of leather and sounds like a sneeze?

A shoe



I'm here all night :D
Social distancing since 1966

Post Reply