Just want to share.

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smudge
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Re: Just want to share.

Post by smudge »

I have always struggled, online and off, trying to describe to other people what difference giving up drinking has made to my physical and mental health. I've come up with an analogy that works for me and just thought others might like to think about it too. :)

When I was still drinking I was like a cheap car, built in 1970 (this is NOT my year of birth by the way!), badly maintained but just about manages to move at 5 mph in first gear. Higher gears are not possible. Any pressure on the accelerator makes the engine scream a bit then stall.

After 6 months sobriety I had moved into a slightly newer car, built in about 1980, still can't go above first gear, but the engine is slightly better maintained in this car and it can move at 10 mph without the engine screaming or stalling. Any requirement to go at 15 mph still has the same effect though - screaming and then a stall.

After a year of sobriety I'm in a 1990 car, slightly better maintained, quieter engine, still running in first gear most of the time, but brief spurts in second gear have been known to happen. Long bursts in second gear will make the engine scream and then stall though.

Now, after 18 months or so, I feel as though I'm still in the 1990 car but some much-needed maintenance has meant I am in second gear most of the time. Normal speed is about 20 mph. I do have a tendency to run out of fuel a lot though.

If I look back on my expectations when I first gave up drinking I expected to be in a brand-new Mercedes after the first month. Oh dear... :roll:
"I would rather be a non-drinker with the occasional desire to drink, than a drinker with the constant desire to quit."

Learn from other's mistakes, you won't live long enough to make them all by yourself.

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George
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Re: Just want to share.

Post by George »

Good one Smudge, there is a lot that is alike to me there as well (although I still don't have an M.O.T yet). You've done well though, 18 months is a grand length of time, looks like you'll stride on comfortably now and tomorrow you'll be in third and blowing the horn too ;)?
“Now I’m sober and I realize, I didn’t drink to escape the world, I drank to escape myself”
― Phil Volatile, Crushed Black Velvet

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Ladysnoops
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Re: Just want to share.

Post by Ladysnoops »

Great analogy Smudge ;)? Kind of goes along with the sentiment that life does NOT become perfect when we give up the booze. It becomes better in small doses, but we still have maintenance and break-downs along the way. If we don't lose patience with our quest for sobriety, we may be driving a Rolls Royce some day :D, but I'll settle for any vehicle as long as it keeps me safe and comfortable...like sobriety does ;)?

Linda
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RetroCat
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Re: Just want to share.

Post by RetroCat »

This evening on the Radio 4 comedy show 'I've Never Seen Star Wars' Marcus Brigstocke, Frank Skinner and the chef Johnnie Mountain discovered that they're all alcoholics. It was very funny and fantastic to hear them being so open. It's about 14 minutes in and you can listen to it here:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b0 ... k_Skinner/
Last edited by RetroCat on 27 Oct 2011 06:30, edited 1 time in total.

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pandora321
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Re: Just want to share.

Post by pandora321 »

hee hee very good... And is how it should be... No shame ! Love it! I've got to admit I've never been a big fan of Mr Skinner... But i thought that was wonderful... Really like the way they proudly revealed the length of their sobrietry... Good Stuff ;)?
Have faith in your own recovery....

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you're worth it
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Re: Just want to share.

Post by you're worth it »

Thanks for the radio clip. Excellent. If only we could all be so honest - there are so many of out here! If there wasn't such a stigma attached to it I'm sure it would help.
Here's to a good day everyone.

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silvergirl
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Re: Just want to share.

Post by silvergirl »

Thanks for the link retrocat. I skipped to the middle, then put the slider back to the start and listened to the whole thing. Vey enjoyable.

I've had quite a good day today, despite receiving a gas bill for an astronomical amount. I addressed a situation which was causing me some stress, and think I have come to a workable compromise. It meant admitting that i had perhaps bitten off more than i could chew at the moment but it was better to admit that at this stage than to carry on with my head in the sand until the situation couldn't so easily be retrieved. I felt a little bit like an adult. Although it is partly because of my off and on boozing over the past few months that the situation is what it is - not entirely, there's been other stuff going on too, but it certainly contributed - which does not make me feel particularly adult. Ho hum. Before I arranged the meeting to sort it out, I had bathed, straightened my hair and looked out some decentish clothes, all fairly simple things but which would probably have been beyond me if I was drinking. That kind of shocks me a wee bit, how easy it is to not care about myself in a myriad of ways when I drink, but it's true.

sgx
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KraftyKat
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Re: Just want to share.

Post by KraftyKat »

Well done SG - sounds very grown up to me (::)
One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.
Nancy Astor

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Madmax
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Re: Just want to share.

Post by Madmax »

Hi all,
Just wanted to share my experience of my recent holiday with you all. I went on an all inclusive holiday. About 20% in the group of 39 were seriously drunk [equal numbers of men and women] all the time. Women outnumbered men 3:1. The rest were sensible drinkers. I kept away from the poison. In order not to be antisocial, I did do some wine and brandy tasting. Unlike the rest of them, I just tasted it and spat it out followed by water and cheese before the next sample. I was able to concentrate and give my opinion on the taste, unlike some in the group who were there to get drunk!!! It was good fun.
I then realised that the people who come on forums like this are just the tip of the iceberg - the good people who want to change. There are far too many people out there, who drink like a fish and are not even aware that they have a problem. Some were at it from early morning to late at night. There was this drunk guy who was trying to talk with his mouth full and half the food was leaking out of his mouth and he was not even aware of it. One or two of them had started becoming smelly and were told in no uncertain terms to go and wash up.
Many of them could not understand, how anyone can go on holiday and not be drunk!!! I enjoyed my holiday in full control of my senses. I would recommend a sober holiday any day.
Quite on the contrary, I saw a number of Germans, Japanese and French and none of them were doing anything more than sipping a glass of wine or brandy and always with food. Not guzzling it down like binge-drinkers.

Grendelslip

Re: Just want to share.

Post by Grendelslip »

Madmax

That strikes a chord. When I were a lad (I'm 55 now) we used to go to the pub, clubbing, whatever with the intention of having a good time. Yes, sometimes we drank far too much, but that was never the intention.

It dismays me when I hear today's teens/twenty-somethings talking abour their next outing and say things like 'I'm gonna get bladdered tonight'. ?????? Guess I'm getting old. Even when on a bender I've never said that to myself - I just needed another drink.

Dave The Bewildered

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Madmax
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Re: Just want to share.

Post by Madmax »

Dave,
I think that is what the government and the medical profession is fighting against - a culture of binge drinking, which soon becomes a habit and eventually leads to addiction. I understand this culture is unique to Britain and maybe Scandinavia, but not so in France and Italy.

cj64
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Re: Just want to share.

Post by cj64 »

Three years today I have been sober and will never go back to my old ways. I was massively unhappy and had issues from my childhood that I had to keep under the surface and alcohol did this very well, so well that I drank for 27 yrs and worked in an industry that treats people like s*** (catering), which made life worse.

Now I'm 47 and a full time counselling/ psychotherapy student in the final year of my BA; to fully qualify I have to continue onto a postgraduate diploma course at a cost of nearly £6,000 over 2 more years. this would have been impossible to even dream of 4 yrs ago and part of me still can't take it all in.

I never want to forget what I and others have been, or are going through, and my dissertation title is: how do clients rate the efficacy of psychological therapies?

I intend to work with people who have difficulties with addictions of various sorts when I eventually become a therapist although I work in a voluntary capacity with all kinds of psychological distressed people at the moment.

I don't want to appear as big headed so I would like to explain that before I stopped drinking I visited this site a few times, my health eventually suffered in an obvious fashion (Mallory Weiss tear of the oesophagus) and I had a simple choice: IF I stopped bleeding I might live if I stopped drinking, if I carried on I would probably die the next time I bled.

It was Hobson's choice really but I honestly don't know if i would have made it if I hadn't of visited this site, although I didn't have the confidence to join at the time, just looking at the posts and knowing I wasn't alone when I felt weak was a huge help.

This place is precious and so are all on here and at the risk of throwing in a cliché if I can do it then it is possible for anyone to do it!

Carl xxx

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silvergirl
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Re: Just want to share.

Post by silvergirl »

Zoinks! Huge congratulations on your three years sober, and good luck with your dissertation carlos. That deserves a dancing smilie at the very least! \:)/

Very best wishes,
Sgx
you can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.
~jon kabat-zinn

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Madmax
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Re: Just want to share.

Post by Madmax »

Carlos,
That is a remarkable achievement. Well done. It gives me hope for the future. ;)?
Have you in this three year period, ever had minor transgressions, or had a drink or two socially??

cj64
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Re: Just want to share.

Post by cj64 »

Madmax wrote:Carlos,
That is a remarkable achievement. Well done. It gives me hope for the future. ;)?
Have you in this three year period, ever had minor transgressions, or had a drink or two socially??
I can honestly say that I haven't transgressed though in previous "attempts" I have lapsed and relapsed.
I go to pubs, bars and restaurants regularly (even the student union!) and I am not the least bit tempted to drink, I really have zero interest in it's affects now and I believe that the therapy I had once I had stopped drinking helped me enormously.

Thank you silvergirl, much apprerciated ;)?

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Madmax
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Re: Just want to share.

Post by Madmax »

Carlos,
Perhaps details of the therapy you have had might help some of the people who are struggling to be AF, on this forum. Was it a Cognitive-Behavioural therapy?

cj64
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Re: Just want to share.

Post by cj64 »

Madmax wrote:Carlos,
Perhaps details of the therapy you have had might help some of the people who are struggling to be AF, on this forum. Was it a Cognitive-Behavioural therapy?
I had integrative Therapy through a local charity here in York and this was followed up with CBT through the NHS later.

Both were elective in their way and I guess the timing was right for me; CBT as a first option would not have worked well for me as it's too directive for my personality but it works very well for many people so given the option I would say give it a try :)

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linda6666
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Re: Just want to share.

Post by linda6666 »

always be yourself.jpg
always be yourself.jpg (40.9 KiB) Viewed 1293 times
Just like to share this with you all, if you think about it, it really DOES make sense..Only one person you can be really ;)? ;)? ;)? [/b]People who drank/drink find it hard not to dwell on the past, and it says Everything happens for a reason, maybe just now you might find it hard to get your head around this :? But given time you will see the strength that you once thought you did not have, you gain heaps of respect from your loved ones who have seen you fight this thing off, and it opens a WHOLE new world for you.The world really is YOUR OYSTER when you believe in yourself. Forget those who DON'T believe, those that REALLY matter will still be around when you are sober and happy....GOOD LUCK ALL, i am sure you will ALL grow from this in your own time <:)> <:)>
I Have a Guardian Angel in heaven... I call him DADDY BEAR. I AM NOW 10 YEARS DRY AND LOVING IT,SO PROUD OF ME ;-)
We are all given a 2nd chance every day, it's just we don't usually take them . I TOOK MINE :\:

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Ladysnoops
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Re: Just want to share.

Post by Ladysnoops »

Where is everyone? No one is sharing lately. :? I'll share because I've been thinking a lot about this. Were it not for Bright Eyes, I would probably be divorced, my job would possibly be gone if not at least in jeopardy, my health would be in danger, my family would be ashamed of me, need I go on? I felt so lost in my addiction before I found Bright Eyes because I was too proud to reach out to others and admit I had a problem. Now most of my close family members know I have a problem and although they do not say much, they are supportive and loving. I am starting to understand myself so much better and actually starting to like myself :D .

Thanks to all of you who have helped me get here! <:)> My intention is to help others as well and I hope I have done that in some way. Can't always get away from the day to day grind and log on to Bright Eyes, but I try and get on as much as I can because it helps me tremendously and because I want to help others.

<:)> <:)> <:)> s to all my terrific Bright Eyes friends....too many to name so I won't even try.....

We are a great team!

Linda
Success is the sum of small efforts repeated day in and day out.

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silvergirl
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Re: Just want to share.

Post by silvergirl »

aw, hugs to you too linda. <:)> <:)>

i, too, am grateful i found bright eye when i did. being treated on here with respect by other people has enabled me to treat myself with more kindness and compassion than previously. which is officially 'a good thing'.

fanks you guys. :D <:)>

sgx
you can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.
~jon kabat-zinn

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