SUPPORT/CHAT/GENERAL - 2008

New Members thread, SOS thread, Daily chat and Support, Cutting Down, Abstinence and more.
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Tessa
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General Chat History FEB/MAR/APR/2008

Post by Tessa »

I did the same....went for a walk to post office. Came back, felt fine, looked at the bottle, ignored it, currently making a creamy red lentil Dhal ?!?! Fortunately I dont have a hangover, hope you feel better soon MDS1 :) I have set my goal for the day at 5p.m., if i last longer then great, if not, then also fine. Just dont want to set the goal too high and keep it doable....
Life is full of Kings and Queens, who blind your eyes then steal your dreams..

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Tessa
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Post by Tessa »

sorry Cherly...forgot to say Hi... :D
Life is full of Kings and Queens, who blind your eyes then steal your dreams..

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Cheryl
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Post by Cheryl »

Well guys Ive taken a leaf from both your books and also been for a walk (to get some more ciggies!),now take a leaf from mine...
Gonna put my advisors hat on here...Its really good that both of you have set goals but I dont think when you have reached the stage that we all have come to that cutting down is enough!
I tried that one many times,and always ended up back to square one...Drink was controlling my life like it is yours so I decided my goal was to pick a day when it truly had to be NO more,the shakes and feeling like I had Flu,were the most hard to cope with,I went 'cold turkey' to which Rosy (wonder where she is) said not to do again cos it is very dangerous,I am fortunate to have a GP who prescribed me tabs to take if I needed to de-tox,and they do help with the withdrawal symptoms....
Have you read Mikes words of wisdom?
Anyway before I take me hat off,It does take willpower,do either of you know why you drink? (I didnt need an excuse!) Can you remember atime when you had fun and functioned as a non drinker? draw on those good times and fight the urge,you can do it, it only takes a couple of days to start to feel normal...and that keeps you going...
Hat off!
Keep posting....

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MDS1
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Post by MDS1 »

Well made it so far, Hope your dahl was good Tessa- All i've managed is some whey protein, and now contemplating a coupla poached eggs on toast. I feel rough as hell, stilly shaky and sporadic shivers.

A bit of cold turkey methinks! Had some kudzu and my usual vitamins. Good luck- thinking of you!
Marcus Duane Stokes with the IQ of One

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Tessa
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Re: Feedback

Post by Tessa »

am still keeping myself busy and have also made it thus far...feels great! I think the poached eggs will be good, the best thing to do is to eat at this point....and drink plenty of water with lemon or tea. keep it up....
My Dahl was very tasty and so easy to do, i have plenty to put in the freezer now :)
Take care....and hope you feel better in a couple of hours...keep posting....
Life is full of Kings and Queens, who blind your eyes then steal your dreams..

Mark
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Post by Mark »

Just like to say a big hello to everyone that has joined this forum. I am sure all of you have been given the inspiration from the Bright Eye site to do something about the "evil" that is controlling our lives.

I have been off work since 7 January after trying to stop (without help) from 2 years of alcohol dependency. On day 7 of being dry my mental state basically went into meltdown - I was terrified of my job, the phone, computer etc and had to come home.

I am now almost 4 weeks dry (with the help of home Detox from my GP) and truly believe I have finally kicked the drink. What is has left me with however is a really, really low mental and emotional state - I have no self-confidence at the moment and low self-esteem. I am told that this is one of the symptoms of coming off alcohol and will get better - I have been gven anti-depressants but, after two weeks on them, I actually feel worse.

Has anyone else experienced these symptoms?

Good luck to you all.

Mark

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MDS1
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Post by MDS1 »

Hi Mark,

Good to see you here. Depression I understand, is most commonplace with recovering heavy habitual drinkers. Excessive alcohol consumption over a long period of time totally alters brain chemistry. The result is that when the booze stops, the brain tries to get back to 'Normal' which means we have to face up to many hidden emotions, that we blank out when drinking.

I am told it gets better with time, how long exactly depends on the individual, however you sound like you are doing great so far... Well done Mark! Keep us all updated on your daily progress.

Regards,

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Tessa
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Post by Tessa »

Welcome to the forum Mark :)
I truly admire you (and all the others....Cherly & Co) for finally kicking it. Your advice...experiences etc are always welcome and helpful to all of us. Most importantly you believe that you have kicked the drink, and at the end of the day, believing in ourselves is one of the most important things we can do.

Firstly, I think you obviously do have self-confidence, because you have been dry for the past 4 weeks, which demonstrates to me that you DO have self-confidence, otherwise you wouldn’t have come this far and secondly because you have joined this forum, which we all know is not an easy step to take. So don’t put yourself down, you are on a good path now and i am sure your self-confidence will gradually get stronger and stronger. This forum will help with that too, it’s a great place and everyone is just so nice and helpful.

I have gone without alcohol before on many occasions, and have to say that it doesn’t have any side effects for me. Either I am just lucky, (for now) or whatever, i don’t know. But it sounds like you could do with some boosts of vitamins, minerals etc. This most definitely can’t hurt. Vitamin C is so important, so an extra boost of that would be good, and plenty of fish which is fantastic for brain cells and it is our brain that suffers a lot when we quit an addiction of any sort. You could even try taking a supplement of Salmon oil which comes in the form of gel based tablets. I take that 3 times a day; it’s good for a lot of things. I don’t live in the UK, but i am sure you can get them from Boots or any health food shop. Things like crosswords help the mind too, mind stimulation is important.

I too have read that low self-esteem is a symptom when coming off alcohol, and there are people here like Cheryl and Mike who can for sure give advice on that part. If the anti-depressants are making you feel worse, can you slowly come off them with the help of your doctor? I went through a year of being depressed, so I do know what this feels like. However, I chose not to go onto any anti-depressants, but that was my choice and I wouldn’t want to force my beliefs on anyone else, just wanted to share my experience without them in case it might help.

I can only say that I felt like I had reached Hell, and I was desperate. I didn’t have any feelings of suicide or the likes, in fact I had very little feelings at all. It was like being in a dark box and not being able to get out. The emptiness was torture, I spent many a day crying and wondering what I had done to deserve this. Life in itself wasn’t that bad, things around me were ok, but it just didn’t matter, I had reached my lowest point. Friends would tell me how they have been on anti-depressants for years, and I was shocked, as I just had never been depressed in my life before, and suddenly so many people around me were admitting to depression.

I was adamant that I would not take any tablets, and that is not because I thought it was wrong that they were choosing that way, or that I was stronger, no, it was because I felt that I wanted to be able to fall back on “me” should it ever happen again. I wanted to be conscious of everything I was going through, the awful things, this sounds a bit sadistic, but it’s not meant that way of course. I knew it was going to be a very long time before I would ever feel better, but I was willing to take this route as it was the one that I knew would work for me. Its all about choice, for some taking anti-depressants works, for others it’s another thing, its a personal thing and nobody can say what is right or wrong.

A year or so later, I was out of it. And here I am saying in other posts that I have no willpower whatsoever, but evidently I do  What helped me were many things. But one very important thing was that I made sure I didn’t let myself go. I got up at 7 religiously, every day, I had my coffee and took my morning shower, without exception, no matter how bad I was feeling. Having this routine will have added to my recovery, and taking care of myself. It was one of the hardest things to stick to. I forced myself to eat properly and healthy. Even if I slipped up and didn’t eat, I still made sure I cooked, I needed routine. It didn’t make me “happy” or un-depressed, if there is such a word! But I felt that it was something that would lead to recovery. People may laugh when I say this, but another thing I did, was go for 15 minutes to a solarium. Our bodies need warmth, equal to the warmth the sun gives us, not central heating. I didn’t do it for beauty reasons, but once in a few weeks I would go 2 times just to get that warmth on my skin. And…..the bit of colour one gets is pretty nice too!! I wrote a lot as well, just like a diary. All this was making way for me along that road, and eventually it paid off. It was by no means easy, and it didn’t happen overnight.

You have already achieved something so great, 4 weeks no alcohol, if you can push yourself a bit further (easier said than done), and find out what little steps you can take to make you feel good about yourself. It’s all about small goals and not pushing ourselves too far, and it’s about what works for us as individuals.

Work on getting your self-esteem back, slowly but surely, and your self-confidence will follow suit.

Sorry guys……sometimes I write too long! Bad habit…..
Life is full of Kings and Queens, who blind your eyes then steal your dreams..

Mark
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Post by Mark »

To MDS1 and Tessa,

A vey, very big thankyou to you both for your kind advice and words.

Tessa - Re the Anti-Depressants, I have stopped taking them as they are making me feel so bad. I fully understand why you chose not to go down that path - my Wife said to me this afternoon that in a way taking AD's is almost like substituting one crutch (the alcohol) for another; how will you ever know when your own body can cope on its own. As you quite rightly say, this is of course not for everyone. However, I am going to attempt to do without them and see how it goes.

Many thanks for the advice on Vitamins - I will stock up!!

Regards to all and I will keep you posted on how things are going.

All the best

Mark

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Tessa
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Post by Tessa »

Mark, I think your wife expressed that perfectly, its exactly what i meant (for me of course) How will you ever know when your own body can cope on its own.
keep strong and keep us posted on how you are doing......
Life is full of Kings and Queens, who blind your eyes then steal your dreams..

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Cheryl
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Post by Cheryl »

Wow Tessa,
And here's me thinking you have no willpower! I can only admire your determination ie I neglected myself, my house, my existence I just lived to drink,I have attempted suicide at my lowest point and totally lost the will to live! However I was not prescribed anti-depressants as it was thought my depression was completely booze 'fueled',and the only way to change my depressive thoughts was to stop drinking.
One thing I feel very important is that we do NOT think rationally when drinking,I would not believe this at the time,I knew better,I am an intelligent woman and who are YOU to tell me what Im thinking and doing is a 'twisted' version of things...
As you quite rightly say the brain chemistry is altered,but in time I'm sure this can be lived with to an acceptable level..
Mark,Hi,
I am very pleased to see another success on here,I too am just into my 5th week of not drinking....
However relapse is common, so use this site as I do as your personal AA,as far as the low self esteem goes I think that if we are basically shy and not 'pushy' for want of a better word then drink gives us that 'edge' to fit in and also be the person we would really like to be,so when we revert back to being a non drinker we once again lose that confidence (does that make sense?) I am a great believer that 'all in good time' will be our prize!
I also agree with Tessa,I really dont think tablets will help if you are feeling worse not better taking them,but dont just stop them,speak to your GP first..
Keep watching and reading the posts,you will soon realise that this 'problem' is now more the 'norm' than not...as more people admit they have to do something to control their lives...
This site is an extremely good way to let out frustrations and experiences that may have previously been supressed,after all its not always easy to 'come clean' to family or friends,and even then they really can't understand why we don't just stop drinking...So keep up the good work,it will still be hard for both of us for a while longer but the longer we continue the more we can help others and the more our lives will be enriched for it ! :D
keep up the good work , Hope you will come back soon....

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Cheryl
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Post by Cheryl »

Ps Hows it going MDS1? getting to the danger time now? Keep up the challenge....Keep your mind busy... Keep talking..

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Tessa
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Post by Tessa »

must be telepathy, i had to go do something after reading your post Cheryl and just came back and thought i must answer and i must ask how MDS1 is doing....How are things MDS1? are you feeling better? I made it until about 6, and my goal was 5, so i am proud of myself, and have to also say that having you guys on this forum really helped.

Cheryl you are right, we do not think rationally when drinking, we think "anything is allowed and ok". and this is the part we hate most probably. The day after anyway, not at the time of course. I think we are all truly admirable on this forum, for many different reasons.... :) I have always felt that no matter what is happening in my life, how down i feel, it takes just 20 minutes to have a shower and put on some clean clothes, and after that we can feel as down as we want, but not before. Because there is a tiny part of my soul that tells me this will help me on my way, even though i told that part to shut up and go away on many occasions, but i did it anyway, as if to say, OK fine, i will do it and you will see it wont get me anywhere. But it did, and i wont ever forget that or tell it to go away!
Life is full of Kings and Queens, who blind your eyes then steal your dreams..

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MDS1
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Post by MDS1 »

Managed to stay clean completely (so far) today.

No booze in house and no money to get any, so a rather enforced sobriety!! I am not really an evening person, I retire early and get up early, so the mornings are the hardest for me....evenings really arn't a problem.

I normally hit the sack after the kids go to bed which is usually well before ten PM. So well done Tessa, lets see what tommorow brings! :D

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Tessa
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Post by Tessa »

thats great MDS1
I am an evening person....so its harder at that time for me, but i am doing ok, i have had only 2 small glasses of wine, really proud of myself.

You sound a little down.......i might be wrong of course, but, if you are....do share.........
take care
Life is full of Kings and Queens, who blind your eyes then steal your dreams..

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Post by sue »

Well done you guys who have managed to stay off the booze...... keep going, you're doing fantastically. After my "slip up" on Saturday I though what the hell and bought another bottle of wine after work yesterday. I've never, ever not finished the bottle once started but did yesterday. Threw the rest down the sink this morning so maybe things are looking up. Well, sober today, I'd like to say forever but come next Saturday night alone with those "noises and creaks" will probably prove too much. It doesn't make it easier that I work in a supermarket on Saturday and am handling wine/spirits all day to the "normal" drinkers............. who knows if they are, I just assume!

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Cheryl
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Post by Cheryl »

And a big pat on the back to you Sue!
So you slipped up,well you at least recognised it and the sink got the last of the bottle not you!
Next weekend try to plan something different to your usual routine,or just listen to music with head phones on so you cant hear the 'noises'...why not join the challenge with MDS1 and Tessa...sure the'd love to have you join them!
you are doing great keep it up....

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Mike
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Re: Feedback

Post by Mike »

Duane,
Hi. You went all day without a drink? Very very well done mate. Now try another day and make it two. We are talking progress. Excellent.
Keep on keeping on, Mike.

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Tessa
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Re: Feedback

Post by Tessa »

Morning all, how is everyone?
Well i feel good this morning...and ready to face the day....not really looking forward to the psychiatrist tonight but i think i should at least try it
Well done Sue...any change in the routine is a plus...I also didnt finish the whole bottle last night, and stayed clear of it the whole day. Baby steps :)
Dont worry about next Saturday....you need to find some distractions, like Cheryl said, music would be a good one. And there is always the forum...i am fairly sure i will be here.
Life is full of Kings and Queens, who blind your eyes then steal your dreams..

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Cheryl
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Re: Feedback

Post by Cheryl »

Morning Tessa,
You are doing really well! I will be waiting with baited breath to see how the 'visit' tonight goes...Good Luck, hope it sheds some light for you...
I'm sure you will let us know....

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