Regrouping

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zelda

Re: Regrouping

Post by zelda »

Hello little tee cake!! SO good to see you back!!
Yes this thread is fantastic isn't it? It kind of gives priority to all the successful days, rather than making every slip, no matter how small, become the all important information. I feel like an invisible pressure has been lifted, a pressure I put on myself when I am on a challenge, and then when I 'fail' it feels like a massive mountain of a failure rather than a hitch.
So, I am now concentrating on the successes and this makes me feel good, and then I don't need to drink :D It feels like I have found a little back road to destination Sobriety... and although the road is bumpy, the scenery is just so beautiful and the air is warm and and I just feel good!
So my aims are the same, I have just accepted that I can't have it all as i want it immediately. I am therefore going for more than 330 days sober in this next year (my new year starting on 5th November).
For those of you who love spread sheets and colours, have you tried the site drinkingdiary.com? It is a big diary spreadsheet which calculates for you what colour you should be, from green which is turquoise which is zero alcohol to dark blue (through a big red bit :? ) which is binge. It then gives you and average for the number of days you have entered, it gives you your average for the week, tells you how many binges you have had etc... fabulous!! I recommend it to anyone, and it is great when you get a little line of turquoise ;)?
Have a great day folks,
Every sober day is a gift, a gift that we have worked to achieve, so enjoy every minute
Zelda xx

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Maddie
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Re: Regrouping

Post by Maddie »

Excellent zelda, I shall take a peek at that site shortly. Sounds like a useful resource. ;)?

Welcome back Tee <:)> glad you like the new thread - excellent isn't it!? :D Lot's of positivity being shared which is excellent and keeps those negative depressive thoughts at bay. ;)

Maddie X
“Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.”

Marilyn Monroe

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diamondoll
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Re: Regrouping

Post by diamondoll »

Hi all,
Tee, so good that you did an all inclusive without going overboard - awesome!
Zelda - good to see you too, you are so wise and inspirational.
Tink - bless you as ever, you are so articulate x
Zoe - I;m glad you recognise what i was on about - thought I was going mad there

today? doing work as best I can, trying to stop those infuriating circular cringes/regrets/worries/whatifs/ from getting in the way and clouding my brain. what I wouldn't give for a clear view of the situation! Trouble is, I seem to know an awful lot about the theory, but can't sem to make it happen for me!! Is this a question of "physician, heal thyself" or what?
OK - here's a plan. One hour work, one hour TV, reading or something. I can only try it. I'll let you all know if it helps!
wouldn't it be great if we had magic wands?
Loads of thanks to you all
Caroline <:)> <:)> <:)>
A day without wine is a day full of sunshine!

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George
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Re: Regrouping

Post by George »

Good on you Caroline - don't forget that cup of tea, it cures a million probs ;)?
“Now I’m sober and I realize, I didn’t drink to escape the world, I drank to escape myself”
― Phil Volatile, Crushed Black Velvet

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diamondoll
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Re: Regrouping

Post by diamondoll »

Just started the drinkingdiary Zelda - really easy to use - thanks! (::)
A day without wine is a day full of sunshine!

zelda

Re: Regrouping

Post by zelda »

Ah that's great DD,
we can all now become obsessed with long turquoise lines..... :roll: xx

zelda

Re: Regrouping

Post by zelda »

SB, that is such a great post and made me scream YES,YES, YES!!
I think I too can honestly say that I am not a 'drinker' anymore. I am a binger, as when i do drink, I drink too much, but, thankfully still not as much or at least not more, than I did on a daily basis a year ago.
So many many years, just drinking every evening away and thinking it was just normal to wake up feeling 'heavy and tired' every single morning.
But like you SB I feel like a sober person these days who occasionally gets pissed :D
I feel I have found a spot that I am happy with, because it gives me a possibility in the future to drink if I want to without feeling guilt and failure and self loathing, yet my long periods of sobriety give me positive reinforcement which makes me love not drinking.
Win win me thinks.
Zelda xx

Katja

Re: Regrouping

Post by Katja »

Hi,

I hope you all are enjoying the weekend. I was just reading through the posts here...Zelda mentioned an invisible pressure being lifted...that is a very good point. Even though Im not struggling at the moment I recognize the pressure that the system of threads can create. All the threads are good and are there for a purpose, and I found it really useful and supportive to belong to challenge threads when I started with BE.

However, since I restarted my sober journey and having gone through the feelings of failing myself and my challenge, I needed a new kind of approach to the whole thing. I still aim to stay sober quite a long time, but I don´t want to feel like a total loser if I end up having a glass of wine one evening. I don´t count days or weeks anymore, Im aware of them of course.

I do want to say again, that the challenges from 7 days to 1 year offer a very valuable network of support, as well as other threads, they all are very good indeed.

It is just a question of finding the best way to deal with things, mine may be very different from somebody else´s. Interesting also what SB wrote about how it can change how we see ourselves in relation to alcohol:
Selfish Bitch wrote:In the past year my attitude to drinking has changed a lot.

Last November I thought of myself as a drinker who was on an extended period of abstinence, maybe forever, but inside still a drinker.

This November I realise I think of myself as a sober person who occasionally drinks, and on these occasions likely drink too much.

The difference seems to be I don't berate myself about the drinking times, I accept they might happen, but I know I will return to sobriety - because that is who I am, now.

The way how I see myself has also changed, but I need to stay free from alcohol a bit longer to be able to see better ( :roll: ).

Katja

Katja

Re: Regrouping

Post by Katja »

Im recovering well SB, thanks <:)>

Katja ;)?

ang

Re: Regrouping

Post by ang »

Interesting discussion about the change in the way you view yourself and moving to one of being asober person who drinks occasionally.

I think i am struggling with what it is I want and can do at the moment- i have had many days of not drinking in the last few months but mainly in 6 week blocks . if i do drink then i give myself licence to drink or break it again after a few days. So i know at heart i am still a drinker and will overdo it or revert back to drinking most nights . It is the trying to stop altogether and keeping count that stops me for a period of time.

The thing i hate most about it - is the not being able to go out or go to events because at the moment i don't trust myself - 2 weeks in. I feel i will cave too easily. I want to say i can drink one night a week but not confident I can stick to it. So as you can see i am wavering about my commitment
I have told myself not to drink for 2 weeks till my birthday and then i can for the weekend if i choose to (stops me feeling trapped) by then i will be on week 5 and may feel different.

I would love to get to the place zelda and SB are at and i am really pleased at how well i have done but am feeling despondent i think. need to work out how to go out and not drinki think and then i work out whats really going on .

Anyway i am in and not drinking tonite- just as well as i think the mulled wine at the fireworks would have won

take care
Ang

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Bela
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Re: Regrouping

Post by Bela »

Good for you, Ang. <:)>
It really does get easier to go out and not drink, but for now if you think chances are good that you would, avoidance is smart. Not forever, but but the short-term.

Joanne said something today on another thead that resonated with me . . . . you've got to "love the sober bits." We need to (learn to?) enjoy/cherish/protect the nondrinking days. Whatcha think?
Whatever works.

Cravings stop going where they aren't fed.

zelda

Re: Regrouping

Post by zelda »

Hi Ang,
i just want to say that I don't consider myself a 'drinker' anymore, in as much as I know that I don't drink the majority of the time. However, the idea of drinking 'regularly' in a controlled way is out of the question. So not a drinker, but still somewhere an alcoholic. I have, and will always have a problem with alcohol. I think once we cross the line, it is impossible to go back. Well for most people anyway. So when i drink, i still have deep inside the feeling that 'i shouldn't', which a normal drinker, a social drinker does not have at all, but I just don't feel I need to feel hatred for myself anymore, as I am not on a full time destruction mission. I can reason, and say, ok, so you drank, now get back on that wagon. I will always need to get straight back to sobriety. And at the moment it is that knowledge that if I drink one night i WILL definately get back on the wagon tomorrow which means I don't feel like a 'problem drinker'" anymore. But the line is a fine one.
I am not and never will be able to 'cut down'.. because if I think of drinking on a regular basis, i know I will just increase that to silly levels. It is just a shift in mind set, which means rather than being on a challenge and full of self loathing at having to go back to a 'day one - i failed' point, it is possible to say 'yep, mistake, now get back on course'.
Katja, you said it so well I think, the longer we stay away from alcohol the better we can see clearly. So true. My vision is SO different to the one I had when i started stopping.
I just need to add, that If I went out with my old drinking friends, and they said, come on lets get hammered, my now automatic reaction would be 'get out of here, danger'. So when I do drink, it is always at home, in a safe environment, and never 'in public'.
This is all so complicated, and there are so many levels and subtilities to this thing.
To say it more simply. I feel better these days. :D
Love to all ,
Zelda

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london bloke
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Re: Regrouping

Post by london bloke »

Selfish Bitch wrote:In the past year my attitude to drinking has changed a lot.

Last November I thought of myself as a drinker who was on an extended period of abstinence, maybe forever, but inside still a drinker.

This November I realise I think of myself as a sober person who occasionally drinks, and on these occasions likely drink too much.

The difference seems to be I don't berate myself about the drinking times, I accept they might happen, but I know I will return to sobriety - because that is who I am, now.
Love it - For me, the biggest 'cause' of me drinking too much and too often was that I hated myself for drinking. I want to be in a position where I am happy with being sober, and seeing the world sober, and meeting people sober, and clubbing sober, and partying sober, and flirting sober and being in a pub sober, and cooking sober; but can have a safe level of alcohol in a MINDFUL way.
I wasn’t put on this planet to live up to other peoples expectations – only my own.
Love this too
Alcohol = Anxiety: I have suffered for years.
Sobriety = Freedom: I have tasted freedom, and I want it more.

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Bela
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Re: Regrouping

Post by Bela »

For some of us having a safe level of alcohol in a mindful way is just a huge amount of work and not worth it.
I don't know your history or pattern of drinking London, but be careful what you wish you, so the saying goes.
Sounds to me like the EAF may be niggling a bit. I may be totally offbase, so feel free to tell me to take a hike . . . .
Whatever works.

Cravings stop going where they aren't fed.

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london bloke
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Re: Regrouping

Post by london bloke »

Thanks Bela, I appreciate you taking time to give perspective on my post.

My pattern? I had some rules- never put myself in danger, never spirits,

Drink outside home only (3 or 4 times a week). Very rarely at home.
Drink on my own in pubs sometimes - 'enjoying' varied beers
Leave it so I could walk home comfortably

or at dinner at friends

Drink every time one is offered
Drink water as well / but not instead of wine
Leave it so I can walk to train station, train, home, sometimes 1 more in pub

The problem is that I would not have a 'hangover' very often, I felt below par, and a failure.
That made it more likely to drink the next night, cos I wouldn't feel like exercise or doing much.

Now, on nights where I didn't drink, I would probably not drink the next night. Because I would feel OK.

After 3 months sober I haven't fully sorted out the thought patterns. And thanks Bela for highlighting EAF, you've got point. I appreciate people saying things, rather than keeping silent! I did used to have a big will I / won't I about alcohol. And sometimes would feel I was short-changing myself when I went without.

Having gone out clubbing, 'flirting', posh dinners, receptions with free booze, pubs and not felt i was losing out I have learned a useful lesson. Now, it's a big question - sober forever / invent some new rules to replace my old ones?
Alcohol = Anxiety: I have suffered for years.
Sobriety = Freedom: I have tasted freedom, and I want it more.

Katja

Re: Regrouping

Post by Katja »

Hi All,

I think what Zelda wrote really is the corner stone here:
zelda wrote:"... I think once we cross the line, it is impossible to go back...."Zelda
. So whatever we decide to do, whether it is to stay abstinent or to try to introduce a "controlled way of drinking", we should be aware (and Im sure we all are) that there is always a greater risk for us that one day we slip back to our bad habits..into disaster really.

And the question, should I stay abstinent or can I have a glass of wine and if I can, how long should I stay abstinent first...I don´t know. Is the whole question produced by EAF only? For me it seems that the longer I stay away from alcohol, the more the memories of all the bad things caused by alcohol seem to fade. And soon I will be thinking that "Maby I will be ok with alcohol?". The BIG mistake here, would be to think that I can go back being a "normal" person, before the time I developed problem with alcohol. I truly believe I can never go back that far. At the moment Im staying abstinent, my health situation is a good enough motivation for me not wantig to drink at all, but I know these questions "should or shouldn´t I" will need to be answered at some point...I have no idea what the answer is.

Take care everyone <:)>

Katja

Katja

Re: Regrouping

Post by Katja »

am I kidding myself...the answer is no I shouldn´t... :roll: Katja :oops:

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Re: Regrouping

Post by Tink »

Yep, honesty is the best policy. ;)? <:)> ;) :D For some of us and to be honest most of us being we are here in the first place, there is no such thing as controlled. It controls us. Thus why we came here and decided to take back our lives. Right? :roll: In order to do that we need to find new ways of comforting ourselves, healthy ways as we use the alcohol to do that for us till now. Have to try and find a comfort zone that don't include the alcohol. At least that is how I see it? Not so much failure when we tell ourselves we want to not do something and then do it but learning how to use self control ourselves and that is where the comforting comes in. WE tend to have turned to the alcohol like a passy and sooner or later we have to get ride of it and learn how to find comfort in other ways. Trick is to find healthy ways. Not in food or unhealthy stuff. So what then can we do to find comfort in other ways? For myself it is painting, hiking, spending time with my grandchildren but each of us will find our own. The search for that can be difficult. Especially in the start. Time will help you find them comforts and distance from the old comfort of alcohol. Like takin a passy from a child. It is never easy but with loving kindness, abstinence and patients with ourselves we can do it. <:)>

TInk
Last edited by Tink on 07 Nov 2010 18:35, edited 1 time in total.
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Katja

Re: Regrouping

Post by Katja »

So true Tink! ;)?

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Re: Regrouping

Post by Tink »

Heeeeeee, sorry Katja I thought of some more there and had to add it. Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. :D <:)>

Tink
Life is a journey not a destination. Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain.

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