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Old SOS - Archived

New Members thread, SOS thread, Daily chat and Support, Cutting Down, Abstinence and more.
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Alex
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help asap

Post by Alex » 22 Feb 2008 14:04

SOS .... Hi everyone....so glad I found this forum and site in general. I woke up this morning after consuming 2 bottles of pino grigio, feeling rotten, guilty that yet again I had gone out to the local Cost Cutter to purchase a second bottle!!!! WHY oh WHY. So at 10 am when I should have been up at 0800 to take my gorgeous puppies out...I was huddled up under the duvet, with no doubt a swollen blotchy face and uncertainty whether I had actually watched Master Chef.

I have been getting more and more dependent since Xmas, I have put on weight and am disinterested in even the most basic of things there is a pile of ironing and my poor husband is getting seriously worried. I am a Nurse so am well aware of the dangers BUT....cant seem to do anything. THAT is why I am so glad to find you all out there...what a relief!!!. Even at the moment I am panicking as my brother has rung and he has just got back from skiing and that always means meeting up and drinking vast amounts....and I haven't got my hubby around as he is in Scotland.

Would so value someone giving me some advice. :cry:

Rocky
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help asap

Post by Rocky » 22 Feb 2008 14:51

Welcome Alex:
Your in the right place, just a bit quiet @ moment, good on yer for posting takes some courage i know, (1st pat on the back), explain to brother, some kind of alcohol free meeting only if your ready cos its all about you, sure it will work out, stick around. R

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Tessa
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help asap

Post by Tessa » 22 Feb 2008 15:10

Hi Alex
I wrote back to you on your other post in the Relationships section. Hang in there, and stick with us, as you can see a lot of us have the same problem, so just take it step by step. I am doing hour by hour at the moment, thanks to Auntie Cheryls suggestion and it working so far :D Some of us here are finding we are setting our goals too high, or setting unrealistic goals, and are now changing them to be more doable. So dont panic, and keep reading our posts, as you will see you are not alone.

If you feel you would like to stay off the wine tonight, try and chat here on the forum, there is always someone around, I will be here this evening, working, so feel free to post whenever you like. If you think no booze tonight is too much to deal with right now, then try like me to do it hour by hour and have your glass of wine at 7 or 8 if you can. I find the later i start the less i drink. Maybe try reducing it by a bit each evening?
talk soon
Tessa
Life is full of Kings and Queens, who blind your eyes then steal your dreams..

Rocky
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Post by Rocky » 22 Feb 2008 15:22

Yes i find that drinking later lessens the amount, i also will be around tonight, i am also working but will av time for any1, its record busting time
will the 61 registered please stand up

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Cheryl
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help asap

Post by Cheryl » 22 Feb 2008 16:42

Hi Alex,
Welcome,I have a different thought on your situation,I really think that as your hubby is away and your brother is due a visit,then this is the wrong time to be thinking of stopping/cutting down...
You say you are a nurse,are you still working? If so do you do nights or lates? That may be the best time to first take the plunge,I think the working hours and stress of nursing (and drs!) is the main cause of excess drinking...
So,I wont say anymore till you get back here and confirm or not if you are still practising....
If not then I'll have to go back to the drawing board...so to speak!
Hope to chat later...

Alex
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help asap

Post by Alex » 22 Feb 2008 17:04

To all of you who have replied can't remember all your names yet....but wow as they say in Master chef :o You have given me hope and love today....sorry if that sounds sickly. I was too anxious to go to AA as would be worried that I might somehow be recognised and wasn't sure whether I could handle it as I attended something similiar when I had serious problems with my mum....and I thought I had betrayed her by exposing something so private....This is a wonderful network and I feel I am getting to know you all already.

Did put my brother off...as I just didn't feel like seeing him the way I look at the moment...he was disappointed.

Thanks guys x

Alex
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Post by Alex » 22 Feb 2008 17:36

Hi Cheryl

I work commissioning/assessing/reviewing all the home care for the vulnerable adults/elderly and young disabled of our local borough in addition do what is called duty which is dealing with any crisis to any of our clients or families, which can be a sudden death, major mobility problems, GP's not doing what they should and the hospitals discharging poor patients home when they are still poorly. ..I use my clinical skills constantly in decision making but peole being people, often they are over expecting in what can be provided so we deal with some very disatisfied families!!!. and take a lot of abuse.

In addition we have a manager who is constantly pushing us to do that bit more, take on extra duties etc!! I only work 3 days but sometimes I am so mentally tired I feel I have to have wine... I am still registered as a Nurse and A midwife...so I also battle with the problem of feeling I am losing all my valuable skills and this conflict causes a certain sense of disquiet. I think I never seem to encounter anything which is happy or positive. However I have lovely friends at work and its easy to get to....AND very close to 3 major supermarkets...one of which my husband walks through on his way to meet me....when I feel I have had a bad day I text him so he can buy usually 2 botlles of wine.... :oops: then if thats not bad enough I may go out and buy 1-2 more. God I don't think I have been so honest and open in such a long time....It is great to unburden oneself. I have to really cut down drastically as I feel so lousy and tired all the time. Thankyou Cheryl for listening to all this xxxx

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Cheryl
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Post by Cheryl » 22 Feb 2008 19:21

Hi Alex'
Thankyou for being so honest,Isnt it awful how a job that should be so satisfying and worthwile becomes a 'nightmare',I think an awful lot of people on here can identify with the stress of work being their major downfall as far as drink is concerned...
Its an 'easy' option to unwind and for a short time 'eases' the feelings we have,but the same situation is still there when we go back the next day!So the cycle starts...Its making the decision to change, that is the brave thing to do...
You will find that on here we all support and help one another to whatever level you feel comfortable,and the first step you have taken...
Perhaps on reflection putting your brother on hold was a wise thing to do,now you need to think about how you are going to cut down...

As Its only been since Xmas that you have noticed this becoming a problem,fingers crossed you have caught it in time!I dont need to tell you of all the dangers and risks and life changing reasons to stop,so I wont!!!
You need support and a gentle push to move you in the right direction,and I think that you really need to enlist hubby's help,and NOT ask him to buy you drinks,
perhaps you could start by halving your consumption,try the hour by hour method,give yourself a time limit to stop drinking,ie instead of 4 hrs make it 3...
Anything to initially break the normal habit and routine that you follow...
This is NOT easy as anyone will tell you,but it can be achieved and the end result is so satisfying,YOU feel better, LOOK better and more importantly have the ability again to 'handle' everyday problems and chores..
Start tomorrow...get up in a determined mood,set yourself a goal,dont make it too hard at the beginning,and certainly dont get disheartened if you fail at first
It is common to feel that this is toooo hard and whats the point,trust me there is a point and a much happier and healthier person at the end of it!!
So hope to hear from you soon,
Auntie..

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Anna
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Post by Anna » 22 Feb 2008 19:41

Hi Alex,

Welcome to the forum. I really hope it will help.

Its quite strange to read your post about your work. I have just spent the day writing letter after letter to try and get rehab for my husband who suffered a stroke two years ago. I've also had to struggle to get my daughter a statement and a place at a special school( she has CP) I've got a stinking headache and i'm just so fed up with having to fight for absolutely everything. Really frustrating and
I understand entirely where you say: 'I never seem to encounter anything which is happy or positive.'

It seems this system is really really draining for both those trying to get the help and those trying to provide it.
As a carer, I have tended to view a day as a bit like a stretch of water which I have to somehow swim across...sometimes its ok and sometimes I feel as though I can hardly get through the current. I've tended to think of 6 pm as the 'beach' on the far shore. I pour myself some wine and then a whole load more while doing supper and bedtime etc. Somewhere along the way I lost my 'off' button....

I think the point at which i got here was when I had just had enough of the mornings feeling terrible, of passing out rather than going to bed, of neglecting myself whilst trying to look after everyone else. to be honest, I would like a glass of wine now but i've done something which means I can't just have one, I always go too far.

I think this is day 10 now and I've felt so much better( bar the horrible ups and downs of days 4 and 5 and the letter writing today.)
I really do feel for you. You are doing an incredibly difficult and emotionally harrowing job without the money available to deliver what people, in stressful circumstances themselves,really need.
I do hope you will find some help here, I certainly have. I spent ages reading through people's posts. It might help with the difficult task of giving up/cutting down. there are a lot of us in the same boat. at the moment I tell myself that although I feel cr@p, if I drink I'll only feel worse tomorrow.

Sorry about going on with my own tale of woe! I really wish you all the best.

Anna.x

p.s. I've launched a broadside at the Chief Exec and head of Provisions....would never ever give people 'at the coal face' a hard time....you're doing a great job in the most difficult of circumstances.Bless you.

Julie Mac
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Post by Julie Mac » 22 Feb 2008 19:42

This has to be the best thread I have found - and it couldn't have come at a better time. I am desperately trying to knock my 2 bottles of wine a day habit on the head. This decision was finally put into action after having suffered 3 seizures and putting my poor boyfrind thru hell a few weeks ago. I've had good days and bad days, and have developed a related condition called peripheral neuropathy (does anyone else have this??) and the pain is horrific in my feet and legs. This just makes me want a drink more - to block it all out - which just makes the pain worse - a vicious circle! :( I also have the MOST unsympathetic GP which I need to change - like I want to be feeling like this!?!?!?

Am on a real downer this eve and just want to cry all the time (or have a drink but that is a big no-no) I feel like there is no light at the end of the tunnel and getting so frustrated! Feel a bit better having typed all this tho!!!

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Cheryl
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Post by Cheryl » 22 Feb 2008 19:56

Hi Julie Mac'
Welcome to the 'funny farm'
Glad to have you here (well not glad exactly but pleased you found us)...
I am beginning to feel that Wine should be banned,at one time it was Vodka that was everybodys downfall now it seems to be wine!
I dont know any of your circumstances,but we all have an honesty policy,where anything goes,and you need not be afraid of saying anything!
So do you want to stop or just cut down your drinking? It seems as though you want to or have stopped already,is it a distraction you need? The tearful feelings you are experiencing are normal,unpleasant but normal...so keep posting and we will all try to help...

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Anna
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Post by Anna » 22 Feb 2008 20:10

Hi Julie Mac..

De-tox is just horrible. i don't really know but maybe you should be phasing the alcohol out. I did a bit of time with a can of Guinness which I think probably helped (by accident rather than planning it).

Anyway, why not get your pyjamas on, a hot water bottle, a nice cup of tea and some warm socks.
Try not to worry about things just give yourself a hug...you'll be ok its just very hard to start with.
Take care,
Anna.x

Alex
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Post by Alex » 22 Feb 2008 20:26

Dear Anna, was sorry to hear of the struggles that you have had....and I know exactly what you are facing....you need practical and rehab support definitely. Have you a GP who can refer you to a team that is called either Hospital Prevention or Intermediate Care, these teams consist of nurses, carers, physios and occupational therapists and together they look at each individual holistically. In addition if your husband is under 60 he should have a Social worker involved in Physical Disabilities who can get the correct benefits and Funding from The Independent Living Foundation. If he is over 60 he comes under Older Persons Services and he could have a care package and also respite support for yourself.n ( he could also receive this if he was younger) .

I don't know what services are like in your area...you must feel so exhausted and daunted and not sure where to turn....its no wonder 7-11 as I call it ! ( how about that for denial!) is so easy to blot out the sadness, pain and fear of the future. I also look after my dad who is very frail and falls frequently....I am ashamed to say that I have been called out by him when he has fallen and driven over to him after cosuming maybe 2 bottles of wine. My poor husband fears for me constantly. God even as I type this I fel myself cringing at my irresponsible behaviour. :x

I do hope this advice does help...maybe it was meant to be that I plucked up the courage today...at long last. Maybe I can bring my experiences from my job and life to help others. Take Care Alex xx

Julie Mac
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help asap

Post by Julie Mac » 22 Feb 2008 20:26

Hi Cheryl!

I am SO glad I found you all! To help you understand my situation, my drinking background started when I tried being "clever" at about 16, as I always looked older for my age so suddenly became the popular kid as I got us all served in the pub! That was the beginning of a downhill slope as I was in fact quite shy and a few drinks always sorted that out..... In the last 10 years (I'm 38 now) I worked in the city - with all the drinking I could manage - it's a scary culture when you look at it with a sober head on! So I was pretty much going out for lunch and the next thing I knew I'd be either passed out on the last train home or trying to find a cab that would take me as I'd missed the train!!! Add to that a good 35 years of ever increasing depression I've been a ticking time bomb!!

If I'm honest I guess I thought all the bad stuff related to such heavy drinking would never happen to me - but here I am - shaking, crying, in severe pain wishing I had more will power! As even feeling pants I want to taste that glass of wine!!!

I've just started counselling as I've finally realised blocking emotions with a drink is no fix - and I'm killing myself and that thought freaks me out - esp as I have 2 lovely black lab puppies that need me!! (oh and the b/f!!!)

I have been feeling so alone as no matter how thoughtful my friends have been - they don't really understand. I am so sorry to read some peoples stories - and so impressed at the efforts everyone is going to - it gives me renewed hope (and I am in serious need of that just now!)

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Cheryl
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Post by Cheryl » 22 Feb 2008 20:29

Julie Mac'I have just re read your posting,
Anna is right (she has a wicked sense of humour,but is now a non drinker,like myself) and speaks a lot of sense,De-tox IS awful,and with your newly diagnosed condition must be very hard..
I have to say though that sometimes we expect 'miracles' from our dr's,When we are to blame for our own health problems,I dont mean to sound harsh,but your condition has probably been caused by your drinking,and maybe your Gp just needs to know that you are making the effort to change..
I am pretty sure that if you can stop drinking then your symptoms will lessen to a more managable state,I used to get really bad leg cramps,now completely gone!
Do you smoke aswell?
Im not going to preach about that cos Im the worlds worse!
Just wondered...Anyway if you have stopped,how long has it been?Are you in the early stages of withdrawal?
Think you really should relax now,and as Anna said get ready for bed and have an early night,you probably wont sleep too well,another side effect of early withdrawal,but stick with it,it does get easier and I promise that there is light at the end of the tunnel!

Julie Mac
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help asap

Post by Julie Mac » 22 Feb 2008 20:45

Hi Anna,

Thanks so much for your reply - I think you are right - I should have phased out rather than gone cold turkey - then maybe this peripheral neuropathy malarky thing would not have kicked in! But I guess it's too late now so drugs, tea, pizza and PJ's is looking like plan A for this evening.

That and researching a new surgery to find a GP that doesn't look down his nose at me or refuse to see me and refer me to the nurse! (no offense to nurses they do a wonderful job - my doc could take some major bedside manner lessons from the nurses at my surgery!!!) but it's still a GP I need to get strong enough pain killers pre-scribed!! Am getting very bored with night-time TV as I can't sleep it hurts so much!!!

Anyway - very pleased to chat to you - feel like I have a proper support net work now!

Thank You!
x

Julie Mac
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Post by Julie Mac » 22 Feb 2008 20:55

Hi Again Cheryl!

Nope - never smoked - it's only ever been the booze. Triggered by a childhood of abuse - hense the counselling - felt better after just the first session so have high hopes I can get my ass heading in the right direction at last!!

I stopped 6 weeks ago - but have had 2 "stupid" evenings - the last one being last thursday night which made me very mad at myself! But still determined to keep trying!

As to my GP - I honestly don't expect miracles as I am clued up enough to realise it is largely self-inflicted! BUT - I also expect a little support in helping me "face my demons" - I don't think that is too much to ask! (not after all the taxes I've paid over the years!!!!)

But you are right - time for PJ's and a cuppa then bed.

Thanks for the chat!
x

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Cheryl
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help asap

Post by Cheryl » 22 Feb 2008 21:07

Julie Mac'
You are right about the friends and family,they really dont understand!
Its only when you are in this horrible position that you CAN understand,and unfortunately GP's (is he an older one?) are not trained to deal with this...(mine told me to go to church and watch the daily God programme on telly!)
He may think that medication for your pain is not going to work whilst you are still drinking,(I presume he knows) so you need to prove to him that you are trying and go back and see him again when you are feeling better..
The councelling will help,just be honest with them and yourself..
You still have not said how long you have stopped,from your posting it must be very recently,I know you will feel better in yourself soon,the next hurdle is staying that way!
But we are here! knights in shining armour! And we will try to help!
Till then chin up,dig deep and just remember you are not alone!
Sorry our posts crossed!

Alex
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help asap

Post by Alex » 22 Feb 2008 21:40

My background to alcohol abuse.....My mum and I shared a house together for many reasons but mostly because her family decided to sell the house she was renting from them from under her feet, my parents divorced when I was 16 and I stayed to look after my dad..I felt such a lot of guilt for my poor mum who had been abandoned that we bought together. My brother and I did not know what triggered her alcohol abuse and she started to drink heavily I would find bottles of wine and vodka hidden in drawers, then she would lock me out unintentionally I think...so I couldn't get into my own house...that would leave me to crazy emotional outbursts and would end up in tears staying at my brother's. All very rocky and turbulent. She died shortly after that of advanced breast cancer..so maybe her drinking was an attempt to deny the disease. I began drinking when I looked after her at home...I would sit and watch her life slowly ebb away and I just couldnt handle it. For a few years I kept a lid on it and drank very little, then had a Stroke which affected my vision and I lost my driving licence and my midwifery job...and I started to feel why me? and I became angry as I had always done so much for others. At the time I made a new friend who was a very heavy drinker and we would get legless together. Eventually my dog introduced me to the man I would later marry we got engaged very quickly but I was always anxious and scared it would not work....so the drinking increased as he loves alchol also.At present we live in a tiny cottage that needs lots of work we are in debt up to our eye balls and I think we are beginning to resent each other....If I was truely to be honest I would say that I feel an anger towards him for not making things better....how selfish is that?

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Anna
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help asap

Post by Anna » 22 Feb 2008 21:58

Blimey Alex,I didn't mean to get you back to work...I think I'm supposed to be helpful on the SOS thread, not add my problems to other peoples'. really sorry. I think we do have all the things in place from a care point of veiw( well 5 hours per week anyway)...its really the rehab that's been non-existent. ( Mark is 49 now)

How are you feeling now. Cheryl's described me as a 'non-drinker' which is lovely really but its very early days. I think it takes quite a long time from realising there's a problem to feeling that its something which you can control and the worst bit is at first when your brain and habits are at you to just reach for the corkscrew. I've been posting on here for a while and it certainly hasn't been a smooth ride.

Maybe if you can't sleep it could be quite good to look back at some of the posts. I find it makes the whole thing easier when you can see that people are going through much the same thing. Some of its really funny...and some bits are pretty incoherent but its great as a place to come back to and just try again if it goes a bit wrong.

Julie Mac...hope you feel better and that the shakes subside. At least its Saturday tomorrow. I'm sure you'll find a better GP. Word of mouth is usually best. Kind of worried about the seizures though...Is anyone with you?
Night night,
Anna.x

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