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doogyrev
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by doogyrev » 28 Dec 2010 12:26

Hi Maddie

Thank you for your comments and a list of alternatives is a great idea.

I made a Pro's and Cons of not drinking the other day....I managed about 20 positives and about 4 negatives! Shame I didn't think of that list before having that first drink.

x

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Maddie
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by Maddie » 28 Dec 2010 12:38

Doogyrev

Maybe you could leave the list you made of pros and cons of not drinking somewhere you'll see it regularly. That way it's serves as a useful reminder when those cravings hit.

Maddie X
“Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.”

Marilyn Monroe

tetsmom2
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by tetsmom2 » 28 Dec 2010 13:58

Hard to know where to start. Probably not posted for about 2 months. The business got crazy and I just kind of gave up trying, It was manic, I had bottles everywhere, at home, at work, bedside drawer, work fridge, bottom of boxes of stock, car, bottom of the sack of dog food, f*cking mad. Vodka, wine, effing pint glasses never mind dinky little wine glasses. mad, mad, mad. Working up to 15 hours a day, sometimes more, trying to manage two staff and deal with a barrage of customers blaming me personally for the snow which caused massive postal delays (I run a mail order/internet retail business), of course I personally have ruined everybodys Christmas by items not arriving in time (according to certain customers), how the hell I managed to avoid telling certain customers to eff off i don't know.

Jeez, I have made a *&^%$ of myself. I don't mean dancing on tables or picking up strange blokes or throwing up over people, just that I have spoiled the nice person that I really am underneath the alcohol. I don't hate myself, but I am just so disappointed in myself. I know what I nice, friendly, fun person I am when I don't drink, and I get really withdrawn and pick arguements with my husband over stupid things when I am drunk. We've had some fun times this holiday, but I would have been so much nicer to be with if I'd have stayed sober.

And I've made several dispatch errors that can only be due to the drink - sending out the wrong items to people, sending one of something when they've bought two, sending the wrong colour of something, that kind of thing. And it costs me money, I have to write off the thing I sent wrong, then send the correct one, so I lose money on the sale and am paying extra postage too. What an idiot. It can only be due to the drink, maybe 1% due to the pressure of work, but the rest deffo due to drink.

So come new year I am going to start again. I'm not doing it now, because I don't want to, but I have to eventually, so the end of this week has to be the cuttoff point.

I have got to get my life back together. This season has shown me what a HUGE success my business could be - I've more than doubled my turnover in a year, so the possibilities are HUGE - if I stop drinking.

I need to get back here, to get posting again, for now simply because I need to get my head round why i need to stop etc, but when i do stop I will need all the support I can get, and you guys have been amazing since I've been coming here.

Thanks for listening :) <:)>

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Maddie
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by Maddie » 28 Dec 2010 14:25

Hi tetsmom2 <:)> <:)>

Sorry to hear of your struggle. Stress can be a real bugger sometimes. Maybe you could look into ways of helping you deal with stress in different ways which ultimately means you don't end up drinking to blot the stress out.

It's good that you have a cut off mark in mind though for when you want to start getting a handle of things again. Maybe in the meantime you could try and cut down a little. Maybe if you are drinking, you could either dilute your drink, or maybe alternate with soft drinks just to slow your consumption down a little.

Things will improve tetsmom2, it just takes a little time and some effort. <:)> <:)>

Maddie X
“Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.”

Marilyn Monroe

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Neal
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by Neal » 28 Dec 2010 14:59

tetsmom2 wrote: I have spoiled the nice person that I really am underneath the alcohol... I know what I nice, friendly, fun person I am when I don't drink... I would have been so much nicer to be with if I'd have stayed sober.
tetsmom2 wrote:...I am going to start again. I'm not doing it now, because I don't want to
This is a wee bit incongruous. Why not now?

I've been there many times, with the tomorrow, this week, after my birthday, there's that party... etc. 'so called' reasons. You know what you need to do, and if you can stick to your cut off date fine. But, there's danger in strategies like that - for me, it only set up a precedent for setting other and various possible cut-off dates.

Good luck.

Neal
"...all that road going, and all the people dreaming in the immensity of it... and tonight the stars'll be out, and don't you know that God is Pooh Bear?"

tetsmom2
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by tetsmom2 » 28 Dec 2010 15:30

Hi, neal, I do know what you mean, I think I'm just trying to be honest here about how I feel about stopping. I do need a date tho, it gives me something to work up to, it's just the sort of person I am. I need time to get my head round wehat I am doing and why, and prepare for it, eg make sure I have loads of soft drinks and healthy snacks in, etc.

And hi maddie too, thanks for your words. I know I can do this, i've done it before. The way the business escalated pre Christmas caught me off guard, I had no idea it was going to get that manic.

thanks for caring, guys <:)>

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diamondoll
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by diamondoll » 28 Dec 2010 16:08

Hi Tets <:)>
First of all - RESPECT!!! Brilliant news about your business - especially in a recession! why aren't you proud of yourself girl???
Seriously, know what you mean about the mistakes - I've made silly ones like that too, and you'd think (in my head) I'd been responsible for blowing up half the world, so much have I breated myself. Now, take a "normal" (sober) period, and I make a similar mistake - I curse a bit, call myself a prat, roll my eyes and laugh - how different is that? Needless to say the second response is the only one that makes sense!!!!

You can do this - you have stuggled with the business in the past - I remember your stress over it, and now you can be proud, proud proud :D Hurray (::)
Look at it this way - if you doubled your turnover WITH the disadvantage of drinking, think what you can do sober eh?

Everything has its time, I have every faith in you to do the right thing at that time.
Meantime, have another <:)> and well done you ;)?
Keep posting
Love
Caroline xxxx
A day without wine is a day full of sunshine!

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Neal
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by Neal » 28 Dec 2010 18:29

tetsmom2 wrote: when i do stop I will need all the support I can get
This is certainly the place to get it (when you do). Good luck.

Neal
"...all that road going, and all the people dreaming in the immensity of it... and tonight the stars'll be out, and don't you know that God is Pooh Bear?"

Indigo
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by Indigo » 29 Dec 2010 10:10

I need help please :-( I'm sure it's just that time of the year that's getting to me, but I am struggling so much. I've been sober for a year, but the last couple of weeks have almost seen my downfall. I am the only person I know who doesn't drink and all the festive parties are really starting to take their toll on my strength. More than a few times I've thought seriously about just giving up with the sobriety and starting to drink again.

I've never been a very confident person and the majority of my life I have used drink as a crutch to overcome that (as I'm sure is the case for a lot of people). Since I stopped drinking, my "confidence" has completely gone out the window and I'm even worse than I was before. I find it difficult to talk to people and I hate going out and as a result have lost a lot of my friends. I was at a farewell do last week and spent hours beforehand trying to convince myself that I would be fine and I could do this, but after half an hour in the pub I had a total panic attack and grabbed my coat and ran home. Again last night, I co-hosted a dinner party with my one remaining girl friend. I spent most of the time in the kitchen (of course being co-host was a great excuse), but the rest of the evening I just sat quietly and watched while everyone got nicely tipsy and just seemed to be having the best time. I just feel like such a complete and utter loser. On one hand, I fear having even one drink will send me down that horrible horrible path of alcoholism again. On the other, I'm not coping without it.

I know what advice I'm going to get... Don't do it, it's not worth it. But how do I cope?? Please help me??

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Neal
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by Neal » 29 Dec 2010 10:59

Hi Indigo.
This is my first festive season sober, since records began. I’ve made it through several social events sober and fairly carefree. I am lucky, in that I have had some practice over the preceding months most weekends by going to the football with former drinking buddies.
I have coped with this by putting alcohol out of my mind, as much as possible. I know that might sound a bit lame. Let me explain what I mean: how I have coped. Basically, I have just jumped into conversations, laughs, activities in the way old drunken Neal would have done (though with less slurring, more clarity and greater remembrance of the events of the day). It wasn’t easy at first. I felt awkward, like I was forcing myself to listen and be brave, worrying about my tense grin – but those things passed. Any thoughts about having a drink I mentally binned. I do admit that sometimes I have to force myself to be brave and jump right in. It gets easier, each time.
I do still have to go through the motions – a little – and drink 0,0% ‘beer’ or lots of soft drinks.
This is a tough one though, especially if you do not feel very confident without the consuming crutch of alcohol. At first, I used to rehearse my future history, taking myself off in my mind to the event/match/party and planning how it would be, my strategies, my explanations. The demanding part for me now, is to maintain my interest when drinkers get repetitive – but that is the best way: dig everything, listen fully, respond, focussing only on the person talking or people involved to the exclusion of any thoughts about drinking. People maybe think I’m a little more intense, but I don’t care (and neither do they).
This is such a problem because our culture demands this continuum of corrupting consumption of booze. There are plenty of societies where drinking to the level our culture finds acceptable, indeed, at all, is anathema. Sometimes I focus on that bigger picture: that the problem lies too deep for me to sort out but at least I can sort myself out.
I’d say swallow everything but alcohol – swallow down the insecurity, doubts, cravings and be brave, For me it was a focus thing. Focussing on the moment, rather than what the moment would be like if I joined in the drinking.
That’s my experience, waffled on about. I hope you can sort this. You have done exceptionally well, strong as hell to give up boozing like that. This is beatable for someone with the will and vigour for sober life you have shown.
Good luck
Neal
"...all that road going, and all the people dreaming in the immensity of it... and tonight the stars'll be out, and don't you know that God is Pooh Bear?"

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Bela
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by Bela » 29 Dec 2010 13:22

Indigo, sounds like you are coping better than you realize. (::)
I don't have great tips, except to realize that you don't have to do every event, be picky.
I have found I do better with small groups of people I really like.
I also schedule coffee get togethers to keep up with friends.
Sometimes in larger gatherings I find it is useful to have a stock of conversation starters to draw on, pat phrases that work well in generic situations. You can use those moments sitting alone and being overly inwardly focused to find someone in the room who is also feeling alone and reach out to that person. You can also try to view yourself as "deep and mysterious" rather than a loser. How about it?
Whatever works.

Cravings stop going where they aren't fed.

cj64
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by cj64 » 31 Dec 2010 02:31

Hi Indigo,
It sounds like you may have used alcohol to mask your confidence issues?
Now you are sober it must feel extremely difficult watching everyone else having fun
and seemingly carefree particularly at this time of year.

Are you getting any help with confidence from your GP or counselling/ CBT?

If not it might be worth asking what options you have (CBT is v.good for panic/anxiety attacks).

Getting help at this time of year can be difficult of course but I would recommend "Mood Gym" or "Living life to the full" (both free, you can google them to get a link) websites, they both offer free online computerised CBT which may help in the short term.
Hope this is of some use, Carlos

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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by Dizzy Lizzy » 31 Dec 2010 19:14

please help me i thought i could do this but now im not so sure, maybe tonight is not the best night for me to stop, i thought my partner was gonna support me a little but no, he said he would probably have 3 cans its now gone up to 5 great help huh.
yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery today is a gift because it is a presant.live in the day.

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silvergirl
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by silvergirl » 31 Dec 2010 19:20

ignore him. move to a different room if you can. this IS the best night. definitely. i am sure enough for both of us so stop worrying or wondering about it. can you have a cup of tea? and some chocolate?

sgx
you can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.
~jon kabat-zinn

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Bela
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by Bela » 31 Dec 2010 20:04

You go for it anyway, Lizzie.
This is about you, not him.
Full speed ahead.
Stick with us tonight, lots of peeps on board to provide support. <:)>
Whatever works.

Cravings stop going where they aren't fed.

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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by Dizzy Lizzy » 31 Dec 2010 20:09

well as i have just put on 7 day i have had one drink but no more and i will not have anymore just wish i never done that as now i cant call this day 1 huh. i will be on here a fare bit i reacon cos i really need the support from you all. love lizzy xxx
yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery today is a gift because it is a presant.live in the day.

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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by Dizzy Lizzy » 31 Dec 2010 21:13

hi cowboy, thanks for that i havnt had anymore just that one and i am so not having anymore now, im just drinking shlour, even my partner has stopped for tonight. so you never no maybe 2011 will be good after all.loads of love lizzy xxx
yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery today is a gift because it is a presant.live in the day.

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diamondoll
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by diamondoll » 31 Dec 2010 21:43

one drink is nothing Lizzie - you think about you now, you're doing great!
happy new year chick
love
Caroline <:)> (::)
A day without wine is a day full of sunshine!

maryanne
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by maryanne » 31 Dec 2010 21:55

I think you're a star only to have had one when he's had 5!

Well done for stopping!

This is great night to stop!

Well done you!

(::) ;)? <:)> :D :) ;) :lol:

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Rabbit
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by Rabbit » 31 Dec 2010 22:50

Well done Lizzie, to have one drink and then stop is amazing!

Rabbit <:)> <:)> <:)>
AF 2011 No.53
Where there's a will there's a way.

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