Online Alcohol Therapy |  Do you need professional help? |  Alcoholism & Recovery Articles |  Self Help Resources

Old SOS - Archived

New Members thread, SOS thread, Daily chat and Support, Cutting Down, Abstinence and more.
User avatar
Bela
Posts: 6376
Joined: 15 Nov 2008 23:53
Last Drink Date: 23 Aug 2009
Location: midwest U.S.
Contact:

Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by Bela » 13 Jan 2011 14:14

Sometimes when I have to face a difficult situation such as you are walking into Space, I envision a protective shield around me and the words, glares, whatever, bouncing or sliding off me. My protective shield lets in enough, but not too much. A bit of silly imagery perhaps, but it may help a bit. <:)>
Whatever works.

Cravings stop going where they aren't fed.

User avatar
london bloke
Posts: 1244
Joined: 26 Jul 2010 11:25
Contact:

Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by london bloke » 13 Jan 2011 15:20

Great idea Bela. Just great.
Alcohol = Anxiety: I have suffered for years.
Sobriety = Freedom: I have tasted freedom, and I want it more.

User avatar
TommyFT
Posts: 212
Joined: 21 Jun 2010 14:21
Last Drink Date: 23 Dec 2010
Contact:

Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by TommyFT » 13 Jan 2011 21:30

Best of luck Space!
Alcohol ALWAYS makes things worse, NEVER better

User avatar
Ladysnoops
Posts: 8101
Joined: 26 Nov 2010 20:05
Last Drink Date: 08 Apr 2012
Location: US
Contact:

Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by Ladysnoops » 13 Jan 2011 22:33

You sound much, much better Space (::) (::) You are going down a bumpy road, but you are still going down the "right" road so don't stop now. Sounds like your wife is gaining some confidence in your sobriety and I'm sure that means a lot to you. Keep up the great work (::) (::) (::)

<:)> <:)> <:)> Linda
Success is the sum of small efforts repeated day in and day out.

User avatar
diamondoll
Posts: 690
Joined: 05 May 2009 10:49
Last Drink Date: 26 Jul 2010
Contact:

Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by diamondoll » 13 Jan 2011 22:48

EXCELLENT! Space - you are getting your life back - hooray! (::) (::)

You know your long post earlier - about how it all went crazy? could almost have been me - especially the bits about "controlled" drinking, lack of cravings etc. Its almost as if you (and me) have 2 drinking patterns ( a counsellor once pointed this out to me).
Trouble is... which one is is it going to be on a given occasion?? I've learned the hard way - don't risk it. give it the push completely, then you don't have to agonise or worry.

You know what they say - without the lows we cannot appreciate the highs. Your walks with the dog will be doubly precious now! ;)? You'll enjoy them so much more - and feel good that you are getting back into balance.

I agree with everyone else about the extended family thing - close family need to be treated with the truth, the rest of them, respectfully and kindly, can safely be kept at arm's length. You have RIGHTS - never forget it. I let anger scupper my recovery - how bloody dare they etc etc - but in the middle of a screaming withdrawal nightmare I couldn't stand up for myself, and needed all the help I could get - pathetically grateful for the smallest of kind words etc. So, yes, you "done wrong" but nobody is dead, you are not a bad person, you made some mistakes.

The rest of your life starts NOW. Grab with both hands!!! Can't tell you how relieved I have felt when I reached that morning when my thoughts were "Oh thank God, its gone, I'm OK, I can do this now"

stay strong mate and bloody well done for getting through it.
love Caroline <:)> <:)>
A day without wine is a day full of sunshine!

User avatar
Sheila
Posts: 16804
Joined: 09 Jan 2009 16:09
Last Drink Date: 16 Aug 2018
First Sober Date: 17 Aug 2018
Location: Sussex UK
Contact:

Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by Sheila » 14 Jan 2011 06:39

Caroline....great post and one that many others will take lots from <:)>

Space .... There's nothing we can do about yesterday, tomorrow isn't here yet, we can only make the very best of today <:)>
#4 on the 2020 Challenge
I will not drink again no matter what.

tetsmom2
Posts: 92
Joined: 31 Aug 2010 22:27
Last Drink Date: 20 Mar 2011
Location: West Yorkshire
Contact:

Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by tetsmom2 » 14 Jan 2011 12:09

Hi guys, today is day two for me. The last couple of weeks have been horrible, horrible enough to stop drinking so I guess every down side has an up. I have felt so ill yest and today, sick, weak, light headed, just so ill. Didn't eat much at all yest and only well enough to pick today and sip water constantly, and the last couple of nights I have had horrible, disturbed sleep - really heavy, intense, woke up drenched in sweat, had awful dreams last night about the world imploding and people turning evil and turning on each other, really horror movie stuff. I tend to think of it as the poison working its way out of me, mentally as well as physically. Spent more time in the bathroom than any other room in the house. I am so angry with myself for letting myself get so bad with drink. I don't feel sorry for myself, just really angry and I hate myself for being so weak.

I am so tired today, I suppose I know it's just the effects of stopping drinking. I wish I could just go home and sleep, but I can't leave till after 3pm when I have my postal collection (I have a mail order business).

I have taken my 2 dogs to work yesterday and today, they have been so well behaved and they are such a comfort to me, as well as a distraction from how lousy I feel. It's like having a couple of live teddy bears around :)

Tomorrow night I am meeting with a couple of friends for a 'belated Xmas party', as one of them, and older lady, was ill over xmas. I haven't decided how to handle the alcohol issue, right now I think it's important to just focus on not drinking right this minute and let tomorrow trake care of itself.

I have an appointment at my doc's at the end of the month to see if i need referring to a psychologist or orther sort of counsellor, as I know I have underlying emotional issues which MUST be dealt with if I am going to stay sober.

Anyway, better get back to work. I just needed to make contact here. Thanks for listening.

nettii
Posts: 219
Joined: 21 Jan 2010 09:22
Last Drink Date: 17 Jan 2011
Contact:

Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by nettii » 14 Jan 2011 12:32

Hi Tetsmom

Do you think you could manage to go today without a drink? It might just bring a bit of 'clarity'. I know all too well what's it's like to be deep in the depths of alcohol and it's like a merry go round that's making you sick. You just need to get off it for a while, even if you then get back on it you will gain a bit of strength in that 1 day.

I've read your posts before and have always been amazed how you manage to work so hard even when you're drinking. I run my own busines too and I just let it go when I drink, bills don't get paid, everything just goes. I'm envious of you for that. And you know what? That shows to me that you have a great strength inside you. You have a lot of fight. You just have to find a way to channel that in to your sobriety, no doubt you can do it.

Can you bring your doctors appointment forward? This is a definite emergency.

Don't think about the party. Think about the here and now.

<:)> <:)>

User avatar
Mark.
Posts: 23279
Joined: 15 Jun 2010 11:58
Location: Uri Geller's barbecue
Contact:

Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by Mark. » 14 Jan 2011 12:37

Good to hear from you, Tetsmom,

Good luck with today - and also with tomorrow night, however you choose to handle it.

I don't know if this will help, but maybe you should try to feel more angry with the alcohol than with yourself? Hate the booze, not yourself. It might just strengthen your determination not to give into it again?

I agree with Nettii that it might be worth seeing if you could bring forward the doctor's appointment, if that were possible?

But I'm glad the dogs are giving you some good company while you're at work. :)

Take care, and keep sipping that water!
Mark
Nie chwal dnia przed zachodem słońca.

tetsmom2
Posts: 92
Joined: 31 Aug 2010 22:27
Last Drink Date: 20 Mar 2011
Location: West Yorkshire
Contact:

Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by tetsmom2 » 14 Jan 2011 12:54

Hi both, thanks for your nice words :)

Mark, I think you have a point about being angry with the alcohol rather than myself...but at the end of the day, it's an inanimate object, it isn't forcing itself down my neck, I am choosing to pick it up...hmmm maybe I'll try to get back to shouting at the EAF, telling (or rather, shouting at) her to eff off actually used to help at points of stress.

Sorry I didn't explain the doc's thing properly, I have already actually been to my doc, and she has made me this appt to see the person they have at the surgery who is basically a gateway to all the various services available to me, and she is only at the surgery each Monday, and 27th Jan is the earliest appt I could get. So it won't come any quicker, but it is already 14th today, so the time will pass fairly quickly I hope.

Netti, sorry, my ramblings obviously didn't say clearly I am actually on day two of soberiety, that's why I feel so ill. But I'd rather feel ill from soberiety than from drink!!! Thank you for the support, it makes me feel good to know someone has followed my posts a bit, that's hard to do if you're struggling yourself. Don't get me wrong, my business does go down the toilet to a degree when I drink, I only do the bare minimum when there is much more I should be doing to really get it going etc.

Thanks both ofr all your encouragfement, dunno what I'd do without BE. <:)>

nettii
Posts: 219
Joined: 21 Jan 2010 09:22
Last Drink Date: 17 Jan 2011
Contact:

Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by nettii » 14 Jan 2011 13:08

Hi, sorry I missed the day 2 bit. But that's GREAT. I know you feel like absolute shit, but it will pass.

I can see tomorrow night is more of an issue as you've aready gone through a lot of withdrawal. If it was me I'd cancel any situation that could risk my sobriety. In the early days I wouldn't even leave the house. I'd fake illness, anything to get out of it. Only you can make the decision as to what's right for you though.

<:)>

tetsmom2
Posts: 92
Joined: 31 Aug 2010 22:27
Last Drink Date: 20 Mar 2011
Location: West Yorkshire
Contact:

Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by tetsmom2 » 14 Jan 2011 15:36

Well I've got thro all my essential work stuff for today, technically I could go home now, but I'm feeling a bit better so I'll stay a while. The get-together tomorrow night, it's not a party as you would know it, it's just three old farts getting together for a laugh and a catch-up. these are my only two girlfriends here really, one around my age and the other 70-odd, but you'd never know it, and they love me to bits, as I love them, so they will have no issue whether I drink or not. It's down to me really. I know what you mean about having gone thro so much withdrawal, I am really not keen on going backwards...but we'll see what happens. I also know what you mean about backing out of any tempting situation, but, like I say, this is not a wild nightclub kind of thing, we are only meeting at one of our homes, and I have so few friends that I am not turning down a chance to meet with them. I'll just play it by ear on the night.

User avatar
soberatlast
Posts: 439
Joined: 22 May 2010 22:12
Last Drink Date: 31 Dec 2010
Location: UK
Contact:

Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by soberatlast » 14 Jan 2011 18:44

Space, I'm glad they let you out :lol: !! Brill if you can enjoy it, and not use it to want to go back to the booze. Very proud of you <:)> , keep it up!

Tetsmom - well done for gettign to day 2! I also think that you should try to not hate yourself, as to beat this thing we actually need to learn to love ourselves instead.. people who love and value and look after themselves don't do things to make themselves: ill; poor; embarrassed etc etc!! So be done with the hating, and instead start to think about not drinking as a way of finally looking after little old you properly - you deserve it!! <:)>
"I walk slowly, but I never walk backward." - Abraham Lincoln
AF 2011 #7

User avatar
1sunworshipper
Posts: 2930
Joined: 28 Dec 2010 22:35
Location: Not where I long to be
Contact:

Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by 1sunworshipper » 15 Jan 2011 14:53

Hi Tetsmom, you should see that from when Space first posted to his post on here to you he has come a very long way in such a short space of time and you can too so try to always look for the positives. In the meantime I would try not to put yourself in situtations which could tempt you when you appear to be so fragile so temporarily avoid social engagements if you can. When I decided to stop drinking beginning of Dec, I took a long hard look at myself to try and figure out what the triggers were. One significant trigger was my business which I set up 2 1/2 years ago. I made the difficult decision of putting it up for sale and seeing if fate would find a buyer for it. To my amazement within 8 hours of advertising it on-line, I had found a buyer and agreed a sale end Dec which is going through the lawyers at the moment so I am hoping to complete and be free of it in mid Feb. Not something I wanted to do as I have worked so hard to build my business but I recognised that by far I owe it to me and my family that health and happiness should come before money.

I wish you and Space well on your journey to sobriety. Keep posting we are all here for you <:)> <:)>
AF2012 #21 - challenge successfully completed
AF2013 #12 - challenge successfully completed
AF2014 #12 - 11 and a bit months
nothing changes if nothing changes

Denise1973
Posts: 53
Joined: 22 Aug 2010 12:44
Last Drink Date: 17 Feb 2011
Location: UK
Contact:

Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by Denise1973 » 15 Jan 2011 19:04

Im not sure what to do? I tried giving up in August last year and have a break. It didnt last long and the units I was consuming were creaping up to the point my consumption of alcohol was even worse than before.

Over the festive season after feeling very ill with it all both physically and mentally started searching for the motivating factors for me to give it up.

I am about to start a business. It would be off the ground already had I not drank so much last month. Nevertheless I am getting there positively.

The rock bottom point for me was last weekend. The dreams I have been having have been horrible. Dreaming of Armageddon (not the first time). I knew I needed to put it on its head. So I did. I went to bed and woke up everyday feeling positive etc. Come three days later after a stressful day I went out for dinner and had two drinks. Which turned into another two bottles of wine later on. Woke up still feeling under the influence. Went to a meeting and signed a very important contract. Done. Well maintained. Then went to the pub, had three pints of lager. Went home and drank another bottle of wine along with a bottle of bucks fizz.

Woke up yesterday saying to myself that I don't want to feel like this anymore and was enjoying being clear headed and getting on with what I should be doing at the beginning of last week. So carried on with my to do list getting back on track.

Now my friends from my old place of work want to see me on Monday in the pub for a bevey. (Its never one) I said I don't want to drink. I don't want to go to the "Hoggshead" I suggested that we go to a coffee shop and drink coffee, explaining that I don't want to drink. It became clear that it will not happen because they just suggested a different pub on the same street. They don't understand that I don't want the temptation. I am worried that it will end up being another two evenings of drink, hang over and another further day of recovery.

The other option is drinking rules. That I do have a drink or two etc but have a clear line of where to stop. Or is that the EAF talking in my ear?

User avatar
Mark.
Posts: 23279
Joined: 15 Jun 2010 11:58
Location: Uri Geller's barbecue
Contact:

Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by Mark. » 15 Jan 2011 19:39

The "rules" idea sounds like the EAF, Denise.... If you could truly be confident of sticking to a pre-set limit it would solve the problem. However, it doesn't sound as though you've been able to do that on other occasions recently? You just have to be VERY truthful with yourself about that idea before you take that risk (ie. bear in mind how the first few drinks have suckered you before into carrying on to a level you'd promised yourself you wouldn't reach).

As for the Monday meet-up, you've had the guts to admit to your friends that you don't want to drink, so it's a shame they still want to go to a pub. Is there any way you could suggest that you meet in a nearby cafe first for your get-together, leaving them (but not you) time enough to continue to the pub afterwards? That way, they get to both see you and get their drinking? Maybe you could have an excuse for not being able to stay later than a certain time...?

You sound so desperate to avoid drinking to excess again that I would consider making some excuse not to go at all if a) they insist on meeting in a pub, and b) you think you will find that too tempting.

Whatever you decide, look after you, not them.

Best wishes, and good luck with the new business!
Mark
Last edited by Mark. on 15 Jan 2011 19:42, edited 1 time in total.
Nie chwal dnia przed zachodem słońca.

User avatar
soberatlast
Posts: 439
Joined: 22 May 2010 22:12
Last Drink Date: 31 Dec 2010
Location: UK
Contact:

Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by soberatlast » 15 Jan 2011 19:40

Hi Denise! Tought times, sending you lots of <:)>
To answer your last question about whether you can have just 2, or whether that is the EAF talking, I think you only need to re-read your own post to answer that one!!!! Every time you have a couple (of drinks) it turns into a couple (of bottles!). Am I right or am I right?
Stick to your guns, tell them you dont want to set foot in a pub right now, and you will either meet them for coffee, or it will have to wait. Time to put yourself first girl ;) <:)>
"I walk slowly, but I never walk backward." - Abraham Lincoln
AF 2011 #7

Denise1973
Posts: 53
Joined: 22 Aug 2010 12:44
Last Drink Date: 17 Feb 2011
Location: UK
Contact:

Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by Denise1973 » 15 Jan 2011 20:31

Thanks, will do.

You two have both expressed what I know I should do. The thought of having just two or three drinks scares me so why have the first.

Before I read your posts I did some searching on the site. Going to the pub will definately be a trigger I want to avoid.

These girls are young only 23. Im 37. When I was their age I proberbly wouldn't have understood either.

AceGricer
Posts: 455
Joined: 24 Sep 2009 17:16
Location: Cornwall
Contact:

Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by AceGricer » 15 Jan 2011 20:43

Denise
I honestly think you will be better off not going in the pub at present if it will get in the way of stopping drinking.I've been trying to abstain permanently on and off for the last 15 or so months.It's a problem when we attend events and are expected to consume alcohol.If we don't want to drink that is our decision.In fact I notice not everybody drinks at these gatherings.
Like yourself I usually get the taste after a couple of glasses of wine at a social and then it's stop off time at Lidl's on the way back.This time I'm hoping to stop for good.When necessary in any situation
I just come out with it and tell people I won't be drinking.I answer the ensuing questions by telling them the truth. I do actually have a couple of medical issues which are reason enough not to drink, not that this has always stopped me. I throw in the fact that I have problem with binge drinking. I try and do it gently but if anyone in any situation gets silly about me not drinking with them I just tell them to find a way to handle their grief.
Friendship implies a concern for mutual welfare.I lost a few friends last time when I stopped for a long time and frankly I couldn't care less.Such so called friends I can do without.The friends I have now are on my side as friends should be.
You will get off to a better start with your new business if you can get on top of the drink problem and I do wish you well with that.
Take Care
Ace

Denise1973
Posts: 53
Joined: 22 Aug 2010 12:44
Last Drink Date: 17 Feb 2011
Location: UK
Contact:

Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by Denise1973 » 15 Jan 2011 21:20

Thanks for your honesty and encouragement.

Locked