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tetsmom2
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by tetsmom2 » 18 Jan 2011 12:46

Hi Andy, know what you mean about AA, I have lots of reservations too, but when you're desperate it's worth trying anything. I don't have a problem with the religious overtones, or with the fact that they say abstinance is the only way etc. You don't have to agree with everything they say, they are just there to help people make their way to soberiety in whatrever way works best for them. When i used to go, part of it for me was just the fact of committing myself to something practical, and feeling I had to stand up and be counted - I wanted to be able to go to a meeting and say 'I've not had a drink since my last meeting' - or to say I had had a drink, and not be judged. Horses for courses, innit? Whatever works,as you say :)

Todayt I don't feel motivated at all. Just alone and lonely and can't be bothered to get anything done. Just wanna play computer games and mess about till I can go home. Am doing the minimum needed, but there is so much more I could do. A lot of it is depression (on meds and have been for many years), but delpression and alcohol are a bloody awful combi. I am just sat here flicking thro office supplies magazines and playing pc games. Done the minimum, but just got no physical or mental energy to get stuck into the thousand other things which really need doing. Having your own business is ok if you are at the stage where you can have a few staff so you have people to talk to, but I only have one part timer who does two days a week, can't really afford any more than that yet. Sorry, just feeling a bit sorry for myself, and frustrated, cos i really want to do loads of work, but at the same time, I just can't be arsed.

Thank God I have this place to come and talk. Nobody (I hope!) is going to say 'pull yourself together', cos we all know how hard it can be just to get through the day, for whatever reasons. Thanks for listening, guys ;)?

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1sunworshipper
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by 1sunworshipper » 18 Jan 2011 13:26

tetsmon2 lots of <:)> <:)> <:)> you will get there just be kind to yourself as it does take time, take it from one who knows
AF2012 #21 - challenge successfully completed
AF2013 #12 - challenge successfully completed
AF2014 #12 - 11 and a bit months
nothing changes if nothing changes

carolyn
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by carolyn » 18 Jan 2011 14:44

Hi Tetsmon, That is i feel today. So lets hope we can have a positive day tomorrow ;)?
Carolyn

Beverley
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by Beverley » 18 Jan 2011 14:49

What if I said c'mon this is stupid, pull yourself together. Would that help? NO, of course it doesn't. Doctors have said it to me in the past and looked at me with distain.

How many of them realise what it is really like? I do so wish we had more help with counselling in this country, I really do.

We are really all left to find our own way, like through a maze, as we are all at a different level of alcohlism.

Dear Tets (I have watched your struggle) and Love to all, may you find your peace, it's a long road but let's hope we all get there.

Bev x
Every moment is a gift - that's why it's called the present

tetsmom2
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by tetsmom2 » 18 Jan 2011 15:50

Awww thanks guys :oops: Nice words really help :)

What you said, Bev, about having been talked to with distain, I know that very well, not so much with alcohol, but I used to self harm a lot, and, in the early years (maybe 25 years ago), I would go into casualty to get stitched up and they would look at you and talk to you like you were retarded, or evil, or both. Never offer any counselling or positivity, just moan loudly to each other that they hated people who wasted medics time when they needed to treat 'real' cases. Thank goodness there is a lot more understanding about that these days. Same with bullying, I am a product of years of bullying at school, now they have all this anti-bullying awarness etc, I bitterley resent the fact that nobody gave a rats arse about it when i was being tormented. The best I got offered was to change schools - no reprimand for the bullies, of course.

Hey ho, such is life.

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jayelm
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by jayelm » 18 Jan 2011 16:08

Hi tetsmom, I work at home a lot and know what it it like to have work to do but just sit there on the computer, playing games or crosswords or looking at sites and not really knowing why. Sometimes I think I am lazy (got a lot of that as a kid) but I know I am not because when I have to, man can I do a lot!, but there is something that is hazy and just out of my sight that keeps looking over my shoulder and saying things to me that are not exactly positive. (I do not hear voices, I speak metaphorically :? ).

I find it very hard at times to concentrate and maybe it is the EAF waiting for me to succomb to temptation or may it is something else that's there. There is no easy answer to fighting it other than to fight it with whatever you can find that works.

I keep saying that BE helps, at least it helps me, to keep an even keel when I seem to be about to be swept away in some pathetic maudlin atmosphere of denigration and depression.

Other than BE, i am still looking, but figure if I look inside I just might find in me, somewhere, the intestinal fortitude to combat this.

Have a few of these <:)> <:)> <:)> they always help.
Growing older is no excuse for growing up!

Beverley
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by Beverley » 18 Jan 2011 16:34

Hey Tets

I think bullying is such a problem that leads to low self esteem. I suffered from it myself, from my mother and sister. I never had it at school probably because I was such a big strong girl! I do so sympathise with how you must feel. It is so hard to get it into your head that you really are an OK person isn't it?

We are all in here for you and all of us. If only we could bury the bad thoughts, wouldn't that be great. But we can't can we? For me they come at night when I am trying to sleep. When you wake in the early hours is the worst I think. What's that old Mamas and Papas song, The Darkest Hour is before Dawn? So true isn't it?

You are a truly good person and I have watched you trying over the months. My love is with you and just believe you are such a beautiful person and deserve so much. OK?

Bev x
Every moment is a gift - that's why it's called the present

pinkie
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by pinkie » 18 Jan 2011 17:33

Hi Space

I get so annoyed with myself as it only take about 2/3 days without alcohol to feel so much better about myself I start to live and not just exist. I always have food in the house and I do look after my children on drinking days but they know as I am happy but may-be a bit too happy!! Not so the next morning. I have had a good January but still have drank on 6 days I really want to stop. You seem a bit more like a binge drinker whereas I was almost everyday, it has been lovely to read your posts from being so frustrated and desperate for drink ( I would be the same) to being very calm and collected. Well done and hopefully 2011 will be a success for all of us xx

Dizzy Lizzy
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by Dizzy Lizzy » 18 Jan 2011 19:52

welll im fucked now im so sorry please help ne
yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery today is a gift because it is a presant.live in the day.

chicken dipper

Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by chicken dipper » 18 Jan 2011 19:54

Come on Lizzy...get a grip hun <:)>

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bumpydog
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by bumpydog » 18 Jan 2011 20:02

Hey Lizzie

What's up? <:)>
If you have one foot in the past and one foot in the future you end up weeing on today...focus on today!

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Ladybird
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by Ladybird » 18 Jan 2011 21:06

Lizzie.......you there hun?
<:)>
AF2011/24

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1sunworshipper
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by 1sunworshipper » 18 Jan 2011 21:19

Hey Lizzy, not chatted with you for a while and have been thinking about you? Do PM me or phone me, it sounds as though you are in a dark place right now :?: <:)> <:)>
AF2012 #21 - challenge successfully completed
AF2013 #12 - challenge successfully completed
AF2014 #12 - 11 and a bit months
nothing changes if nothing changes

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1sunworshipper
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by 1sunworshipper » 18 Jan 2011 21:39

Hi Everyone I know we all worry about Lizzy. Just to let you know that her good friend alanatsky is supporting her as we speak - so she is not alone. Isn't that just amazing that in our hour of need someone from BE is there - now you wouldn't get that on the NHS would you :!:
AF2012 #21 - challenge successfully completed
AF2013 #12 - challenge successfully completed
AF2014 #12 - 11 and a bit months
nothing changes if nothing changes

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jayelm
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by jayelm » 18 Jan 2011 21:56

Hey Lizzie thinking about you <:)> <:)>
Growing older is no excuse for growing up!

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bumpydog
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by bumpydog » 18 Jan 2011 22:11

1sunworshipper wrote:Hi Everyone I know we all worry about Lizzy. Just to let you know that her good friend alanatsky is supporting her as we speak - so she is not alone. Isn't that just amazing that in our hour of need someone from BE is there - now you wouldn't get that on the NHS would you :!:

No you wouldn't!

Glad she has support.

Take care Lizzy

xxx
If you have one foot in the past and one foot in the future you end up weeing on today...focus on today!

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soberatlast
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by soberatlast » 18 Jan 2011 22:16

Space - not sure quite what to make of your post, but great to see you are so much better, and whatever you do, please don't drink.. <:)> <:)>
Lizzy, come back soon! We are all here for you <:)> <:)> <:)>
"I walk slowly, but I never walk backward." - Abraham Lincoln
AF 2011 #7

Alanatsky
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by Alanatsky » 18 Jan 2011 22:26

Just to let you all know Lizzy is not too good at this moment but she is with har partner who is looking after her, he will get her to bed so she can sleep it off .

Lizzy is having a hard time at the moment but she will come bouncing back.

Lizzy when you read this tomorrow I hope you dont mind me posting on your behalf

Alan

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soberatlast
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by soberatlast » 19 Jan 2011 08:46

Thanks alan.. Lizzy Lizzy - come back soon!! You DO have the strenght within you, I know you do <:)> <:)>
"I walk slowly, but I never walk backward." - Abraham Lincoln
AF 2011 #7

nettii
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by nettii » 19 Jan 2011 12:09

Hi everyone, so many posts to catch up on, I didn't log on yesterday - it was a day of sofa, TV and lots of comfort food and cups of tea.

Lizzie: Hope you are feeling a bit better today. I know you are going through a very tough time at the moment, once that's out of the way you'll be in a better place to fight this.

Ace, thanks for your post. Makes perfect sense. It’s good to hear other people are going on very much the same road. I know complete abstinance is the only way for me. It scares me that I can be so strong yet suddenly crumble for no apparent reason.

There is absolutely no way on this earth that I’m giving up. It was a lapse, not a relapse and I’m back on DAY 2.

I have more to say, but I’ll go over to the road to abstinance thread and leave the SOS now.

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