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Old SOS - Archived

New Members thread, SOS thread, Daily chat and Support, Cutting Down, Abstinence and more.
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pocoloco
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by pocoloco » 14 Feb 2011 15:27

Hi kingsnoopy

I'm doing better. Saw friends yesterday and told them i was having a hard time so they said i could come over and help them with their house renovation if i was just sat doing nothing at home. Saw boyfriend as well but i was so on edge and not wanting physical contact that i didn't stay the night. Don't know what the future holds for us but at the moment i have a complete block when it comes to the physical side of things :(
Every thing has changed since i gave up drinking and i'm not sure i can be in a relationship at the moment. I feel like i'm with him just for the sake of being with someone.
thanks for the support and looking out for me. it really helps
starry x

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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by tetsmom2 » 14 Feb 2011 15:55

Hi guys, thought I'd drop by. I am hanging on to life at the moment a bit better than I have been. I had my blood test this morning for them to check my liver function before putting me on Antabuse and getting my psychotherapy underway. A funny thing, it's almost like my brain is preparing itself for the upcoming therapy - after verbally abusing my dear hubby last night just before he went out, I suddenly dawned on me why I was abusing him about that particular issue - I am realising that I am how I am because of something from my family's behaviour which was passed onto me unknowingly. It was quite a revelation. I don't want to go into details, but you get the general idea. Maybe there is hope that I can get 'unscrewed' eventually (the opposite of getting screwed up).

Am still drinking, but not as much. Going away on hol with hubby and doggies on Saturday for a week, it will be really nice to have a break, gonna try not to get totally sh*tfaced if I can, cos I do want some quality time with my canine and human family :) Hopeing the Antabuse and therapy will start soon after I get back.

Thank you all for being here. I love, love, love having somewhere to come and just talk - without this place, I know i wopuldnt' be here, I mean on the planet, after how I've felt recently.

OK, back to work - full of cold today, so am gonna finish off the essentials then go home to bed. Take care all ;)?

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Ladysnoops
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by Ladysnoops » 14 Feb 2011 16:05

Starry, Glad you are doing better........one day at a time my dear, one day at a time <:)> <:)> Might be time to take a break from your relationship with the BF and just see how things go.......just a thought.

Tetsmom2, I hope you have a great vacation. Enjoy hubby and the pups :D :D Being a big time dog lover, I have to ask, what kind of dogs do you have? Do you find that your dogs help you keep from drinking at times? I sure do........they are one of my lifelines \:)/ \:)/

Happy Valentine's Day to you two girlfriends <:)> <:)>

Linda
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by tetsmom2 » 14 Feb 2011 17:01

Hey Linda, you just caught me before I go home. We have two dogs, one is a Jack Russell called Milo aks Dinks (short for 'dinky' cos he's so cute), a real sweetie, completely bonkers, likes mountaineering up people, loves cuddles but is also blessed with wild uncontrollable teeth, sometimes if he doesn't want to be picked up he will growl to warn you, and if you don't heed the warning you may find yourself minus a finger ;) He is about 2yo, only had him a few months. The other dog is Tetley (part dog, part sofa, judging by his favourite hobby of sleeping), had him 6 years since he was bout year old, long body, short legs, God knows what his breed is, colouring like an Alsation (brown/black), bit of corgi I think, also bit of Jack Russell maybe. I've never met a softer dog. Thinks he's a person in a fur coat. Lies on his back between us in bed for tummy tickles, you can play with him like a rag doll (or should that be 'rag dog'?!?), he is truly unique.

My doggies are a HUUUUUGE blessing. Tet especially knows when I am feeling ill or low, he won't leave my side, even follows me into the loo and waits with me. They both give me such comfort. If it wasn't for them, I'm not sure I would be here at all.

Space, thanks for your good wishes, that is exactly what I am going to do - enjoy the break, esp from work, it is so pressuresome to have your own business. My part time staff memeber is running it for me, he is brilliant, I have nothing to worry about with him running it, he is belssed with an ability to work hard, and with good old COMMON SENSE!


OK, going home to rest, hope the cold gets better soon. Take care all :)

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Ladysnoops
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by Ladysnoops » 14 Feb 2011 17:57

tetsmom2, Sounds like your two-legged kids might be rescue dogs as well? We have Jack Russel's at the barn where I board my horse and they are super.........big dogs in a little dogs body, heh? :D

All three of mine are rescues. Two purebred Aussie's (Skye and Shiloh) and a purebred Border Collie (Lilly). Skye is 16 years old and still going strong. Shiloh is 11 and just the biggest sweetest bear of a dog........all love to his Mom and Dad, but not crazy about other people (he is very protective of us). Lilly is a one year old terror on wheels :) We are doing agility glasses with her and having a blast \:)/

Love meeting other dog lovers!!! Hope your cold is better soon <:)> <:)> <:)>

Linda

Space, Had not seen any of your posts lately. You doing OK <:)> <:)> Linda
Success is the sum of small efforts repeated day in and day out.

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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by Enfin » 15 Feb 2011 10:03

Hi everyone,

I first posted here on 1st Jan when I made the commitment to myself to make this new year a sober one.
Not sure if I'm allowed to post here again ?

Sorry if I'm not supposed to, but I don't feel I should be writing in the threads I have been tonight because everyone is so positive there and I don't want to bring others down.

I was about to say to myself "f' it, I'll come back here when I've got a better grip on things, but I know if I let go now, I'll never make it back.

I've been a full on alcoholic for 3 decades, average 2 bottles of wine everyday, never feel drunk, just need to keep up the blood alcohol level to avoid withdrawals. I can't seem to get beyond 2 days, the withdrawal is too hard and I need to function for the kids. I'm not allowed to have valium because of my bipolar meds and I always end up caving in and going back to my reliable (enemy) friend who keeps me stable.

When I had a couple of days up I got all cocky and said right, let's attack all those problems I've stuck my head in the sand about and signed myself up for a $9000 roof repair before the ceiling falls on my head. I wasn't even manic but now a week later without sleep the kids have told me I'm talking really fast which is a sure sign.
Thankfully I cut all ties with my drinking buddies otherwise I'd be out gambling and getting s..tfaced right now.

Anyway tonight the dishwasher died (which I only bought last year) and I lost it. Crumbled to the floor and burst out crying - had a "why me" moment and thought to myself "is this the reward I get for trying to do the right thing ? how the hell am I supposed to have the courage to battle this when life keeps throwing me this s**t ?.

So off I ran to seek my comfort. I'm feeling so p**sed of with the world, with myself, got the "its not fair" flag flying high, I want to be rescued, but I refuse to let anyone in. I feel so very stuck. I'm afraid my attempts to get sober will lead me back to a depressive episode . Can anyone relate ? my heads doing me in. Sorry for the rant - but better out than in .

Thanks for listening and take care everyone !
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. ( Nelson Mandela )

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london bloke
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by london bloke » 15 Feb 2011 10:22

Hi Enfin,

Good for you for putting your thoughts on here - its a brave thing to do, but I am sure that alone will be a help. You are so right - better out than in!

I have no experience of bipolar myself - just feel down and lacking self-esteem at times. I've found that this is made worse by alcohol. It really skews my thinking in all the wrong ways.

You ask '
how the hell am I supposed to have the courage to battle this when life keeps throwing me this s**t ?.
Look, it's a tough time you're having right now - no doubt about it! All I would say is

1/ Concentrate on what you have achieved - are you willing to give yourself a hug? <:)>
2/ Achnowlewdge that you've had some tough luck
3/ Continue talking / posting. Everyone needs help Enfin. Everyone. You are not alone.

peace to you
Alcohol = Anxiety: I have suffered for years.
Sobriety = Freedom: I have tasted freedom, and I want it more.

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pocoloco
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by pocoloco » 15 Feb 2011 10:55

Hi Enfin
as you know I have borderline personality disorder which is on the bi-polar spectrum.
I think life throws up hurdles anyway for those who drink and those that don't but when we have a mental health problem things are a 1000 times worse.
london bloke made a good point about giving yourself a hug and concentrate on what you have achieved.
The week i stopped drinking and since i have had major problems with my boyfriend ie no support but i managed to deal with it without getting drunk. However I did explode last week and ended up suicidal so i rang a helpline and got support, i posted here and on another forum- I asked for help.
We are here for you and if stopping drinking sparks a depressive episode we are still here for you. But that possible depression will only be made much worse if you are drinking.
by the way, I was drinking a litre of wine a night for 5 years so instead of going cold turkey i cut down over a peroid of 3 weeks then stopped and didn't suffer the bad withdrawals. maybe this would work for you. And when you next see your pdoc ask about meds that you can take with your bi-polar meds, there are loads out there.
thinking of you <:)>
starry x

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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by jayelm » 15 Feb 2011 12:31

HI Enfin;

Sorry, I don't have any magic words to make everything better, but I have found that there are times when things just can't seem to get worse and then there are times when things do get better. And sometimes it is not always clear which is which.

Try to remember that the EAF will take everything that goes wrong and magnify it to make you break and head for the comfort of drink and it is not easy to fight the temptation cause it feels so good for such a very short while, and then becomes a raging fire of discontent, anger, helplessness confusion and just about every possible negative feeling that a personcan experience.

I found that out big time last Friday and paid the price over the weekend.

You are a wonderful person trying to hide form teh real worlkd, as we all are, and what we have to learn is it is not possible to do .... the real world is still there when we wake up the next day and the day after.

I do find what works for me is teh moment to moment, that just for this moment I will not drink, or not hwatever it is that I must not do, and then go to the next moment.

Sorry,. I am starting to drift I think, but these are for you <:)> <:)> <:)>

J/
Growing older is no excuse for growing up!

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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by soberatlast » 15 Feb 2011 12:48

Hi Enfin, just want to add my <:)> <:)> <:)> for you. I have no advice or wisdom, just wanted to know we are thinking of you and wishing you well. I wondered whether you need more support - it sounds like you are trying to beat this thing all by yourself..
Take care
Sal
x
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caroline95
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by caroline95 » 15 Feb 2011 12:54

Enfin, I'm so sorry to hear you're having such a tough time, it really sucks that all this is happening just when you need things to be running as smoothly as possible.I can't say much that LB, Jayelm and Starry haven't already said in their posts, but they all seem to offer good advice.Most importantly, keep posting, we care about you.I wish I could think of something more useful to say, but I just wanted you to know I'm thinking about you and hope things start looking up soon <:)>

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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by Tam » 15 Feb 2011 13:42

Hi Enfin,

I just wanted to echo my support along with all the other BE'rs that are here for you. It sounds like things are getting tough for you, and its often just when we don't need it that it all seems to build up. About this time last year (when I was pretty bad with my drinking) I ended up having a major flood in my new house (which destroyed a lot of stuff), losing my gran (who was more like a mother), and finding out my daughter was abused by a relative (and the subsequent fall out/court case) all in the space of a few months. So I can really feel where you are coming from at the moment. At times I felt like I was just going to explode - or do something stupid. Often I ended up back at the bottom of a bottle. However I now appreciate, its not the way and the only thing it served to do was make me feel more depressed and unable to cope with what was going on round about me.

You need to try taking it one day at a time, and one disaster at a time (I know that is easier said than done), if you break it all down it doesn't seem like such a big mountain to climb.

Here for you if you ever want to talk, and I hope you start to feel a bit better.

Keep posting, it always helps, and this is exactaly the right thread for things like this.

Take Care
Tam

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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by Ladysnoops » 15 Feb 2011 14:23

Enfin, Can't add much to what all these great folks have already said other than I too care about you and am here for you. Sounds contrite, but I do believe in the old philosophy of just concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other and move on. Don't look back as that will only depress you more and make you want a drink even more. Enfin, we ALL struggle so much with the alcohol thing.......you are SO not alone.......let us hold your hand across the globe and help you with taking those steps to keep moving forward to a better place. Like I said in one of my posts, sure wish there was an off/on switch cause I'd turn that booze switch off so fast it would not know what hit it, but sadly there is no off switch.......just some hard work and desire to make a better life for yourself and those around you. I know you will get there \:)/ \:)/ \:)/

Lots of love and <:)> <:)> to you

Linda
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by Ladysnoops » 15 Feb 2011 14:27

Space, Sounds like you are doing TONS better than several weeks ago \:)/ It is wonderful that you and your wife are having those kinds of talks. They may be difficult to have, but sounds like much needed. Keep up the GREAT WORK (::) (::) (::)

Linda
Success is the sum of small efforts repeated day in and day out.

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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by jayelm » 15 Feb 2011 15:43

Hey Space, great to hear things sound so positive.
Keep it up \:)/ (::) \:)/
Growing older is no excuse for growing up!

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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by Luu » 15 Feb 2011 18:12

Hi all, day 2 and really, really hard now. 7 pm and I can't stop thinking about it. Getting through each hour now. Jeez, I am so thirsty for it. Drinking sparkling water with lemon, herbal tea, coffee and more sugar free red bulls and coke zero - but its not helping. Hoping to get kids to bed about 8pm and go with them and try to read again tonight.....not enjoying this at all. :( :( :( :x :x :x

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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by caroline95 » 15 Feb 2011 18:22

It's not easy Luu, but stick with it and you'll feel so pleased you did when you wake up tomorrow without a hangover.Is it possible to do something that will distract you from dwelling on the idea of drinking?Do you have a treat lined up for later?Whatever it takes to not drink, give it your best shot, and keep posting on here if it helps.Good luck x

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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by Ladysnoops » 15 Feb 2011 18:23

You will get through it Luu! Have faith in yourself and your commitment for a happier healthier life for you and your family. Read, exercise, watch mindless TV, keep posting to BEs, call someone, something to take your mind off the booze. WE ARE HERE FOR YOU <:)> <:)> <:)>

Linda
Success is the sum of small efforts repeated day in and day out.

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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by pocoloco » 15 Feb 2011 18:35

Hi Luu
Hang in there, as the others said, try and distract this evening and before you know it ,it will be bedtime. the first few days are the hardest but it does get easier i promise. you will feel so much better really soon.
thinking of you <:)>
starry x

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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by 1sunworshipper » 15 Feb 2011 20:23

Hi Luu

Distraction, distraction, distraction find something that works for you and take your mind off the drink - it can be done and you will do it stay positive we have all been there and know what you are going through.

Remember your ABC's (Action Brings Change) - learn't that one today from a recovering alcoholic being interviewed this morning on the radio. Point is we all will learn something new every day and how to get through an AF day is what you are going to learn today.

Good luck and keep strong. <:)>
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