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jayelm
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by jayelm » 20 Feb 2011 01:42

I am here again, and am not sure why. I thought after last Friday, and the resulting hangover on Saturday I would be able to resist the EAF, yet I succombed today so easily, I should be taken off to Elba and held there infinitum :evil:

I have issues (if you are in the UK the s's sound like s's, and if you are anywhere else in the world they sound like sh's :D ) and feel like shite and am not sure where to go from here.

I do want to quit this, and thought, after quiting the smokes over 10 years ago, that I should be able to do this with a modicum of effort( :oops: )

The problem here is I know what I have to do, and I know what it takes, yet for some reason it doesn't sink in :evil:

I do not have the problems many here have, and yet they seem to be able to do what I have a problem with, and get on with their lives and more power to them \:)/ (::) \:)/ .

I need to get a lot of things off my chest and until I do, I guess maybe I will keep on making an a** of myself.

Sorry to all, I will try to do better in the future:oops:

L/
Growing older is no excuse for growing up!

Denise1973
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by Denise1973 » 20 Feb 2011 04:17

Thank you everyone for your support.

I have spent that long 10 days I worked out. Drinking at night - hangover - drinking next night - and so I eventually felt so ill on Friday but I did eventually get up to tidy the house. I even found an empty bottle stuffed down my couch. I normally store the winebottles in a cupboard in the kitchen that daughter never goes into, hidden at the back behind stuff and when I checked, I was disgusted at the amount of wine bottles I threw in the recycling bin. I was that ashamed that I first took out of the recycling bin loads of tins and other milk bottles etc to cover the wine bottles. Im supposed to be quitting and this is what I go and do. 10 day binge.

I suffered insomnia the first night of not drinking and again tonight but I know throw in some exercise at the gym and that should help sort that.

I felt alot better today.

Thanks everyone again. <:)> ;)?

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Kokoda
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by Kokoda » 20 Feb 2011 04:34

Hi Jayelm,

I think we always see other people's problems as worse than our own, well, I do anyway. I read other people's posts and think 'what am I complaining about'. To put it into perspective, though, everyone is different and each problem affects us differently. To some the problems I have are probably nothing, but to me, they've built up over years and twisted and simmered inside me until I drank to cope with hating myself and my family.

If you've got issues, no matter how small, this is the place to air them. Nobody judges, and you'll probably find that there's someone or a few people on the list who have had the same problems. I've aired quite a few things online that I've never told my family and some I have never told anyone. I know I've only been here a short while, but I feel so welcome and there is so much support, it's definitelly the place to be.

I hope you don't beat yourself up too much and take care of yourself. We're all here to listen if you feel like it.

Hi Denise,

You're not on your own with hiding the bottles. My son discovered I use to hide them in my clothes draws, then I had to find another place. I'm glad I don't have to do that anymore, especially when the garbage truck came and cringed when all I could hear were my bottles hitting the bottom of the truck. It'll get better :)

K <:)>
We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make our world.

http://www.buddhist-temples.com/buddhism-facts/buddhist-quote.html

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1sunworshipper
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by 1sunworshipper » 20 Feb 2011 15:04

I just wanted to say Alan, Linda, Maria, brighteye44, snoopy, LB and Kododa - you really helped me so much you wouldn't believe <:)> <:)> <:)>. I know reading your posts made a huge difference so I thank you all from the bottom of my heart (emotional tears commence).

I went to my sisters and spent the first couple of hours talking things through. She and her husband were amazing. They listened, understood and helped me to rationalise things. Throughout they would have normally cracked open some cans and began drinking but they held back and we just drank tea. Feeling better we then went out to watch a couple of bands in two local pubs. I can report that I found some strength from somewhere god knows where to stick to lime and soda water all night. I had lots of fun listening to some excellent rock music that it completely took my mind of my problems and I didn't give much thought to the wine.

Didn't get much sleep last night starting rumernating again so a friend is on her way over to keep me company. I think I function best when I have people close to me to talk things through rather than go into myself and build my stress levels up.

Sure next week will be a challenge so I will be on BE a lot more next week - can't afford a slip at this stage, only bloomin 8 days to go to reach 2 months.

Jayelm, please you BE to get things off your chest. You can see by me opening up what positive effect it can have. Kokoda is very wise and that post you should read over a couple of times to remind yourself because I totally agree. <:)>

Denise, bottle hiding omg I think we all can relate to that one. It is not just the empties you have to worry about. It can also be remembering all the new bottles that you have hidden around the house. I found a bottle of champagne neatly tucked in some clothes that appeared to have just fallen off the hangers in the bottom of my wardrobe a couple of weeks ago! How embarrasing to have to confess that one to the OH. He will now know not to leave any stone unturned if I ever went back to it. <:)>
AF2012 #21 - challenge successfully completed
AF2013 #12 - challenge successfully completed
AF2014 #12 - 11 and a bit months
nothing changes if nothing changes

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Ladysnoops
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by Ladysnoops » 21 Feb 2011 02:11

Sun, so glad to hear you are doing better.....I knew you could do it \:)/ \:)/

As for me, not so good. Why can't I have an AF weekend :evil: :evil: Seems like I convince myself that I must chill during the weekend and in order to chill, well out comes the booze :cry: Not massive amounts, but still drank. Am very upset with myself....so tired of doing this over and over and over. But will do it over and over and over until I get it right! Please send me positive vibes and hints and suggestions on how to make it through the weekend without booze.....I haven't figured that one out yet. I have had AF weekends, but not many :evil:

Thanks!

Linda
Success is the sum of small efforts repeated day in and day out.

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kateS
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by kateS » 21 Feb 2011 11:56

Great post Zoe. (::)

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Kokoda
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by Kokoda » 21 Feb 2011 13:15

Hi Zoe,

There are so many lessons in your post, I'm glad you wrote it, it makes perfect sense.

Kokoda xx
We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make our world.

http://www.buddhist-temples.com/buddhism-facts/buddhist-quote.html

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dypso
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by dypso » 21 Feb 2011 13:16

Hi brighteye44
Long posts are a problem on many forums
One way around it is to type out your post in wordthen copy and paste to BE. Works for me ;)?
I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day!
Tomorrow's not looking good either.

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Ladysnoops
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by Ladysnoops » 21 Feb 2011 13:49

Wow Zoe, What a tremendous post!! I have tears in my eyes after reading that. The fact that you took the time to help me with such insightful words means tons to me and I'm feeling a bit better about myself <:)> <:)> <:)> It IS really hard not to be disappointed with ourselves isn't it, but you are right, I am still learning and someday all this learning will get me where I want to be (but I want to be there NOW :) ).

Thanks again so much.......I will re-read your post often ;)?

Now I need to jump over to the I will not drink today post and start my day with that positive thought \:)/ \:)/

XOXOXO

Linda
Success is the sum of small efforts repeated day in and day out.

stronggirl
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by stronggirl » 22 Feb 2011 03:19

Hi

I need to share something, though I've only been on this site for a day (!) and feel embarassed about taking up people's time.

3 months ago my husband left me. We have 3 children who are beautiful and who I look after really well.
He left me because of my drinking.

That's the first time I've ever admitted that to anyone.

I drank because he was controlling and violent and I was scared.

Can't write any more.
Philippa
x

stronggirl
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by stronggirl » 22 Feb 2011 03:49

I'm going to try and write a bit more

End of feb, one of my best friends killed herself.

I knew she was depressed, but not that she'd do this. But the guilt is terrible. As well as the loss. I still feel broken.

That's as much as I can say at the moment.
x

Enfin
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by Enfin » 22 Feb 2011 03:59

Hi stronggirl and welcome <:)> ,

I wonder if we're in the same time zone because I'm sitting here at the computer and it just went "bip" to say someone had just posted a new message !

I'm so glad you found BE, you're in safe arms now. I only joined in Jan and have found such wonderful, understanding and non-judgemental support here, it's brought me to tears sometimes. There is nothing that you cannot share and you will be surprised how many people have lived through similar circumstances as you.
So please don't ever feel embarrassed, you've taken the very scary step of reaching out and you are now on the road to recovery from this insidious addiction.

You might have seen there are different threads here - "cutting down", "the road to abstinence", "7 day challenge", so just jump in wherever you feel at home. I'm a divorced mum of 4 kiddies so often post in the "being single/alone & "kids/relationships" threads as well. If you have things that are a little to personal to share on a forum, please don't hesitate to send a personal message to someone you feel comfortable with ok ?

I totally understand what courage it takes to admit that alcohol is causing havoc in our lives - everyone here calls it the EAF (evil alcohol fairy) !. And it's caused a fair amount of damage in my life too !.

So welcome again, read back on some of our stories and post away !
<:)> <:)> Sandy
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. ( Nelson Mandela )

Denise1973
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by Denise1973 » 22 Feb 2011 16:17

Hi Strongirl

You are not alone. My husband also left me for what I had become and alcohol was a contributor. I am currently reading Allen Carrs Guide to control Alcohol. It is a good book and there is a thread on it in BE. In it he says DONT blame yourself, blame the alcohol. It's the alcohols fault.

Do you have someone to speak to regarding your break-up? Are you going through the process as in your name, Strongirl? If you are struggling please let us know so we can help you as much as possible.

Best regards

Denise <:)>

Denise1973
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by Denise1973 » 22 Feb 2011 16:46

Hi Guys

It's only been five days since my last drink and a trigger is already here. Im taking my grown up niece for dinner this evening. First I told myself I would not have a drink. Then I thought I could have just one or two. I have spent the last hour going over the menu...especially the drinks menu.

Then I thought, I need some help. I came on the site and read some posts. Then I remembered how ill I was last week from excessive alcohol consumption. I surely don't want to be there again. So I withdrew enough money to buy us dinner and so I can have two beers and she can have two drinks aswell.

I still had money in my account and I get paid tomorrow but I don't want anymore alcohol than two beers, so, I used the last of the money to pay a bill online early, just so I won't use anymore money than I have.

Do you think this is wise. Am I heading in the right direction or kidding myself? :?

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damson
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by damson » 22 Feb 2011 16:56

Hi Denise, It seems to me that you're feeling quite unsure about this evening.
Its a good plan to only take enough money to buy 2 drinks and I can see where you're coming from.
Are you sure that you really need to have 2 beers? Could you have 2 of something else instead (non-alcoholic I mean) - that way you're in absolutely no danger at all.

Damson

Denise1973
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by Denise1973 » 22 Feb 2011 22:16

I did only have two drinks. I am not sure how to play this whole alcohol situation. One minute I want rid. The next I think I have control.

I do know this. Since my husband left 16 months ago I started drinking in stages where it would last for several days, or rather night after night. Thats where I go wrong and get sick from it.

kenny
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by kenny » 22 Feb 2011 22:24

Hi. Your a stronger person than me Denise, no way could i go out with enough for two drinks. Two drinks and go home that must be hard work mate. I would find myself flat on my face or dead..Thats my problem, two would never be enough. Best way i can stay sober is to not put myself in places with drink. I hope you stay well.......kenny
Open your eyes to a brand new day, not letting yesterday use up today,,ps..love ya liver.

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jayelm
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by jayelm » 23 Feb 2011 02:25

Hi Denise;

I am not sure how to respond but what you did I respect. It is hard when you are not sure whether you want it or not, and then when you think you don't the, EAF (Evil Alcoholic Farae) gets involved and "what the hell do I do?"

What you do is not give in, it ain't easy and it is not what your body may want, but it is what you need.

If you have any doubts, just check out this site and I mean "CHECK IT OUT" because if you want any and I mean ANY reason to not drink, you will find it HERE!!

You are worth more than the EAF, and if my experience is worth anything, you are worth far more that you think you are, otherwise you would not be in the EAF's sights.

You are worth every effort you put into fighting the EAF, and do not ever forget that!

J/
Growing older is no excuse for growing up!

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jayelm
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by jayelm » 23 Feb 2011 02:47

Enfin, have you heard from 64Turtles in the last day or so?

I hope you are doing well, and are working on your new interest? \:)/ (::)

J/
Growing older is no excuse for growing up!

Denise1973
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (NO GENERAL CHAT PLEASE

Post by Denise1973 » 24 Feb 2011 01:37

Hey everyone. Family still here and tonight was a night of dining out, tenpin bowling and movies. I had two drinks but came home to pick up a bottle of wine on the way. On the one hand I am handling it but tbh I am too fragile and sitting on a fence and am very aware of my fragility and that I could fall off the fence to the wrong side soon. If I did fall the bad way, it would be very bad and this is a treturous game the way I see it.

This is a question I have asked myself this week. Is self awareness and will enough to control the EAF. Can I cut back to sensible levels. I am an intelligent woman so why can't I be in control of this? The reason I have asked this is because I have a friend who loves alcohol but can happily just have one drink. My gym instructor says he can either take it or leave it and he thinks ahead because he loves to run with his dog on the weekends etc. However the book I have been reading by Allen Carr is saying that I am never in control and therefore I wonder, could I be????

I am more aware of my pattern that I have previously fallen into and the gradual increase in consumption and why. For that reason I will be going to bed shortly with the satisfaction that I end the binge here and no more for any foreseeable time. I don't want to get sick from alcohol again and for that reason I remember the illness and foresee the effect it may have on me the next day and how it may effect my business and relationships and I am constantly aware of that. Perhaps the book is making me more aware of my dependency. I am not sure yet. I don't want to kid myself. Thats why I tread very carefully. What I do know is that I am more aware of my pattern and habit than ever before. I can see the gradual decline my life has suffered as a result of alcohol. I suppose it is just an insight into my dependency.

I am starting to feel ill though and it aint any booze. It is Nando's chicken. My tummy is running big time.

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