Page 3 of 29

Re: SOS - Post here if you need Help (No General Chat Please

Posted: 04 Jun 2011 16:48
by london bloke
Hi Tetsmom, I remember you very well, and I know life seems a continuous struggle. I can empathise. Alcohol seems the least of my problems sometimes. There seems to be a lot of interlocking, insurmountable problems.
Just lately I have seen that my 'thinking' of the problems is in fact the greatest problem of all. It's actually 'rumination', in that after the 'rumination' the situation is

1/ I have not actually made a decision or made a change
2/ I have not got any new insight
3/ I feel worse

I wonder if you too are ruminating.
tetsmom2 wrote: I come here cos I have no-one else to open up to, and if I post here it helps me work out a way forward for my life.
Obviously, if it helps you 'work out a way forward for your life' that is great. But my hunch is that it doesn't REALLY help - cos it is ruminating. And ruminating becomes worse, and becomes a death spiral. Ask me.

Here's the approach i am TRYING to use. RCA. Rumination Cues Action. After 2 minutes of ruminating I allow it to lead to Action. Can't say i've cracked it, but I offer it as suggestion for what looks like a bad pattern of thinking.

Re: SOS - Post here if you need Help (No General Chat Please

Posted: 04 Jun 2011 18:39
by Shelsey
OK folks, here it is - the thread for posting your SOS when things are going badly, the bottle is calling you, and you need sympathy and support asap from your fellow posters.

We decided we needed this thread to stop cries for help falling by the wayside in the general discussion threads as they unfortunately seem to be doing sometimes.

With posters coming and going at different times immediate replies to messages posted here can't be guaranteed, but the messages will not get lost and as the number of forum members rises, the likelihood of a "sympathetic ear" being around at any one time will increase.

Here's a few EMERGENCY CONTACT NUMBERS just in case there's no-one logged in at the time you post:

NHS Direct - www.nhsdirect.nhs.uk, 0845 4647

NACOA (National Association for Children of Alcoholics) - 0800 358 3456, www.nacoa.org.uk, helpline@nacoa.org.uk

Samaritans - www.samaritans.org, 08457 909090 (ROI 1850 609090), jo@samaritans.org

Alcoholics Anonymous - 0845 769 7555, www.alchoholics-anonymous.org.uk

I hope everyone finds it useful... I'm sure I shall!

Fiendish

xxx

Re: SOS - Post here if you need Help (No General Chat Please

Posted: 05 Jun 2011 05:13
by london bloke
Thats v useful Fiendish.

I know it can be hard to think straight when you're down, anxious or drinking. So good list !

Re: SOS - Post here if you need Help (No General Chat Please

Posted: 05 Jun 2011 19:51
by rubyblue
Hi all -

Having a rough day today, just feeling exhausted and hating myself for all the stupid stuff I've done while under the influence. I've used alcohol as a kind of emotional dampener, it literally helps me quash every bad thought I have and I feel incredible for a while, but then I basically ruin my life and end up cowering in a self hating pit for quite a few days after. What has been getting me down recently has been that I can't seem to make any headway with it at all, every time my binges leave me exactly the same. I'm sore and achy and terrified.

I was looking for something to watch on Channel40d earlier, and found a kind of documentary about a London Hospital where they had a whole episode on alcohol abuse and injury, it really gave me a kick up the backside.. The nurse at the end really hammered something home to me.. I don't want to end up wasting my life on a stupid liquid that robs me of myself. I'm worth so much more, as are we all. Definitely worth a watch.

http://www.channel4.com/programmes/24-h ... od#3192251

This site is saving my life, love and thanks to you all.

Re: SOS - Post here if you need Help (No General Chat Please

Posted: 05 Jun 2011 22:03
by mai
Hi rubyblue <:)> – nice to meet you, sorry it is at a time when you feel low.. As Ragnar has so well put, he has a great way with words doesn't he :) , this is all in the past and you are doing amazingly well \:)/ .. We were only just talking on another thread about the stupid things we have done, and the way alcohol changes us, all the mistakes we have made and the way we beat ourselves up about it.. But we are here, and we are making changes in the right direction.. And you are making the changes to a better happier life.. Thank you for the documentary – I will watch it.. Maybe if you are sore and achy you are coming down with something, or if you were feeling low and watched the documentary is has awoken things in your head that you didn’t want to think about..
Alcohol is an awful addiction, that robs us of our dignity and ruins so much and so many around us, you are doing something about that – so please feel happy and empowered by that (::) .. If there are other things making you feel low, then call someone or pm a friend here on BE and talk if you are not comfortable talking on here ..
As Ragnar said, have an AF treat – maybe something sugary to perk you up..
But please remain on your AF path, and keep talking if you need to, you are definitely worth it girlie <:)> , you are not alone..
Mai
xxx

Re: SOS - Post here if you need Help (No General Chat Please

Posted: 06 Jun 2011 07:12
by Shelsey
Ringgits - lots of vitamin B complex really helps - alcohol starves your body of it angel. Take care and be strong. xxx

Brighteye - the rules of SOS are pretty clear - but also it is not the place for unhelpful posts. If somebody desperate had just come on and read your message - well it wouldn't have encouraged them to stay, now would it? I agree if you have issues contact the mods or pm.

If you are logging on and you feel desperate and lonely we WILL take you seriously - many of us monitor this thread and we are always here - it has saved me and I know others from suicide attempts so do post - you are not on your own and we have all said/done/ thought worse. xx

Re: SOS - Post here if you need Help (No General Chat Please

Posted: 06 Jun 2011 09:53
by tetsmum
Hi guys,

Thanks for the support. I post on this thread because I am in a very bad way emotionally and often come close to harming myself one way or another. I feel justified in using this thread at the moment. Hopefully, soon I will be stable enough to move to a more general thread.

I am planning some changes. I can afford to get a cleaner for one hour a week, which will help. I have somebody to interview for the vacancy at my business after the last guy walked out on me, and this new person seems very suitable.

I am going to restructure the tasks at work and give more responsibility to my current staff member and to the new person. I can do this by comitting myself to work an hour or so each evening to prepare for the next day's work. If I do this, it will free me up during the working day to get on with the things that are important while my staff do the stuff I have prepared for them the night before. I don't mind doing that because I can do it in the comfort of my home, with the telly on and a cuppa by my side, so it's not too much like work.

I was getting myself in a terrible state by what I think londonbloke called 'ruminating'. I was focusing on the bad things too much instead of taking action. I didn't think there was a way forward, but I have found some ways to move forward, as detailed above.

That's all I want to say for now. Thank you again to all the nice people who have sent me messages.

Re: SOS - Post here if you need Help (No General Chat Please

Posted: 06 Jun 2011 16:51
by Enfin
Hi everyone,

It's not really an sos, so ignore me if another call comes through, don't want to abuse this thread, but no one else is awake except for here, and I think I've downloaded enough stuff on every other thread I could tonight !

This post-withdrawal insomnia I would have thought would have dissapated after 3 weeks, but helas not. I'm going crazier than I already am. How much can one cook ?

Seriously though, I get the kids back tomorrow, so the going to sleep at 6am has got to stop. (and no I can't take any drugs, not even herbal 'cause of my bp meds)

Actually I reckon I've turned another tide into a manic episode - my stupid mind is already planning to go gambling tomorrow, which of course will involve a chardonnay - then that's the end for me. One sip and it'll be 3 bottles. Shut up stupid head - can I shoot it please ?

I was supposed to make that call today for my specialist - re: the colonoscopy about my frequent bleeding episodes. I couldn't do it. Stupid as it sounds, I feel like a little girl who is going to get "in trouble" because I've failed to do something about it for the last 3 years. I am truly afraid of his anger at me, and I know already he'll shout at me.

Denial is such a deadly disease isn't it - but I'm a real chicken when people raise their voice. Truth be told, if I don't already have alcoholic diarrhea, I'm shitting myself !

I guess, that's why I'm actually posting, I'm so very very scared to face the truth.

I know the results will be very bad, just like my liver tests are incredibly bad - ok might as well do the lung cancer test too since I've been smoking for 30 yrs.

I honestly hate sobriety sometimes - I'm not ready to face all of this.

Pass me that bottle please...

Re: SOS - Post here if you need Help (No General Chat Please

Posted: 06 Jun 2011 17:40
by london bloke
Enfin

I have ignored stuff for ages. I cringe physically and mentally when i think of it.
Gotta go, so I'll be quick. DO IT - make that call. And afterwards do something nice for yourself to ackowledge it. I ring a Buddhist bowl with a little wooden thing. It helps me focus on the 1 feckin thing I DID DO, not the 1000's of past things I did not do.

I can get crippled by self-hate and disgust at my past. So, forgive me for saying DO IT. then pat yourself on the back, give yourself some credit, feel good about doing it, experience a bit of self-regard.

Re: SOS - Post here if you need Help (No General Chat Please

Posted: 06 Jun 2011 18:16
by Libelula
Hi Enfin,

I've never said hello before, but I've read several of your posts and my heart goes out to you, so just want to send you some big hugs. <:)> <:)>

I had the insomnia thing for about a fortnight - I didn't realise it was an alcohol thing and thought I was suffering from stress. Sleep is so important for good mental health, that it became quite a concern for me.

Try not to go gambling tomorrow, that sounds like a bad trigger point. Stay close to us here....

I can imagine that contacting the specialist tomorrow will be really scary, so just sending you big hugs <:)> We're thinking of you. It will be hard, but the specialist is there to heal you, not to judge - you are maybe projecting this on to him because you are judging yourself... really just try to love yourself and nurture yourself right now, and taking the practical steps you have already identified.

Hugs,

Lib x

Re: SOS - Post here if you need Help (No General Chat Please

Posted: 06 Jun 2011 21:45
by Shelsey
Oh gosh Enfin that is of course an SOS message sweetheart - the bottle won't work trust me, please do see the doctor - it will be one thing less to tackle... I know how hard it is to make calls when you are down, but it is just one call. We will all be there. Take strength you are not alone xxxxxx

Re: SOS - Post here if you need Help (No General Chat Please

Posted: 07 Jun 2011 07:01
by Shelsey
Enfin do keep posting today - I can check via phone at work. Please make that call sweetheart, it really needs to be done, especially with your medical history. I know you can be strong, but the tolls of life can make us feel weak. I know despression makes even lifting the phone hard - ie I completely understand. Make that phone call the one target of your day today. Please try not to drink - it will make things so much worse. I hope you slept okay and remember you are never alone -SOS really means that. Lots of people monitor it, even if they dont post x take strength and make that call! Love Shel xxxxxxx

Re: SOS - Post here if you need Help (No General Chat Please

Posted: 07 Jun 2011 11:10
by mai
Enfin <:)> , you have got a lot of great advice here.. Hey girlie, hope you have managed to get some sleeping in at this stressful time.. As so many have said, stick with it as the real sleep really is so much better than the passing out sh!t we have been used to.. I am only six weeks AF and it has only just kicked in for me, but it is great, and you feel so much better the next day for it!!
RE your tests – girlie the worst thing is the unknown :shock: .. In our alcoholic bubble we just said ‘bah humbug’ to it all and didn’t think of the consequences - but these tests are important and if there is anything wrong the sooner you know the sooner corrective measures can be put in place.. I too have had to bite the bullet and get some done, but at least things can be sorted the quicker they are found..
We are all holding your hand Enfin <:)> ,
Mai
xxx

Re: SOS - Post here if you need Help (No General Chat Please

Posted: 07 Jun 2011 12:55
by Enfin
Wow,
All these replies has brought me to tears - thank you all so much.

I always feel so ashamed and self-pitying after I post my s**t, it takes me all day to dare turn the computer on again. But somehow, bless you all, I feel forgiven.

I honestly wouldn't bug you all if I actually had another adult to talk to, but it's a fact, there is no one. Wasn't as if my ex alcoholic friends ever cared anyway - but I'm in that limbo space before I make new friends, and I'm ever so lonely. Excuse-me.

It's so true, all these things we sweep under the carpet with each glass come to the fore once we 'wake up" and then we feel totally overwhelmed by everything we should have done - especially regarding our health, well for me at least..

I'm totally disgusted with myself that I have been bleeding on and off for 5 yrs and done absolutely nothing about it. If there's a serious problem I only have myself to blame.
How can I possibly look my children in their eyes and say sorry, mummy has cancer.

Well, first things first - I haven't drunk, and despite my fantasy, I haven't gambled either.

I did ring the specialist to book in a colonoscopy and although I have to wait a month or so at least it's done and on my calender. Has anyone else had this procedure ? I'm not looking forward to 3 days of diaarhea before it - but better for the cause than through drinking hey !

Although I went to bed at 4am, I forced myself to get up this morning, so I might go to bed at a reasonable time tonight. I'm so fed up with being in the wrong time zone. For sure, I've felt awful all day, but have resisted giving myself a hard time for not "accomplishing" anything. Kids are happily fed and bathed - that's all that matters.

Ok enough from me - taking up too much space again - sorry ! <:)> <:)>

Re: SOS - Post here if you need Help (No General Chat Please

Posted: 07 Jun 2011 13:16
by mai
I agree with Kazzle, stay strong Enfing <:)> .. Your children are sorted which is of course the important thing, your health too, and you have now made that step.. We all think of the worst, sometimes it isn't as bad as we think.. OH had a colonoscopy.. The night before is obviously unpleasant as' everything' has to be empty, but the proceedure wasn't too bad - you are sedated.. Please remember Enfin, you are not alone, you have sober friends here, people to talk to who understand the pain you are going through and the rough journey it can be at the beginning..
I hope you are proud that you have remained AF through this, it shows just what a strong girlie you are \:)/
Mai
xxx

Re: SOS - Post here if you need Help (No General Chat Please

Posted: 07 Jun 2011 13:22
by Ms Kay
Pleased you booked it enfin.
Sometimes you've just got to hold your breath and jump

X

Re: SOS - Post here if you need Help (No General Chat Please

Posted: 07 Jun 2011 13:45
by london bloke
Great news Enfin!

We are congratulating you for making the call.
Can you focus on what you did, and congratulate yourself ?

i hope you can take a few moments to really feel proud. And it's great that the kids have been looked after too. Rejoice in your actions, please. It will give you strength

BTW - your posts are well-written, very thoughtful and intelligent. I sense that you have a big brain there - please focus your powers on what you are achieving, and what you are capable of.

Re: SOS - Post here if you need Help (No General Chat Please

Posted: 07 Jun 2011 14:27
by Enfin
Thanks everyone for your encouragement,

I do feel good for having made the appointment - now just gotta deal with that impatience a lot of us alcoholics have - the impetious toddler - I want it now ! - and
of wishing it was done yesterday. But there's comfort in knowing I'm not making things worse by continuing drinking.

Mai - I've had this procedure quite a few times, so I'm not worried about that as such, but I guess everyone hates the thought of "going under".

Yes Ragnar - my friends were just drinking buddies so I found out - since I decided on new years day to not go to our club anymore - not one of them has rung me. Blah.

BE - yes I do reckon as a hard core alcoholic, I'm in a good position to hold the hand of those who come after me. Did you see how Mark (jarvisjones) took on my suggestion of a detoxing safely thread - hope to catch some hovering butterflies there.

Thanks Londonbloke - perhaps that brain will resurface and my words be more succint.

I know everyone means well and I really feel your love and support, but I get my defences up easily in regards to my mothering. I regret that I ever mentioned that my kids were well fed - like it might have been read that they aren't normally or something.

Drinking or not, they have always been extremely well fed and cared for and had my utmost attention at all times ok. Just needed to say that.

Well time to feed the other half of my family (6 pets) and an early night for me - enfin !

Re: SOS - Post here if you need Help (No General Chat Please

Posted: 07 Jun 2011 17:21
by mai
Enfin, you are a lovely caring mum, we know your kids are always well cared for and fed.. Sometimes text messages and email, because you can’t hear a ‘tone’ or emotion behind them, can be misconstrue what is being said.. So don’t get worried about the comments, no one is saying anything bad my lovely <:)> ..
I know what you mean about friends, I call them my fair weather friends, around when they need help, but not there when you are breaking - so I don’t have an adult to talk to either.. That is why BE is such a good site, makes you realise that you are not alone..
Sleep well my girlie, you are really doing so well ;)? ..
Mai
xxx

Re: SOS - Post here if you need Help (No General Chat Please

Posted: 07 Jun 2011 19:33
by sls
hi guys, its sarahlou to those who emember me, hope you are all well ;)?

tbh since i was last here things have got a lot lot worse, and now i'm a total mess !!! my eatin disorder has got worse and now been diagnosed with body dismorphic disorder, my drinkin has got worse to cope and now my ex is havin a baby with someone else and i can't handle it, my face is a mess through drink and i'll never be me again its kllin me i'm losin it !!!!!!!!!!!!

sorry but i need help, aquarius, no good , doctor , no good im so lonely and scared i might hurt myself or try to fix my face myself , ihad botox but it made me look worse , the drink is makin it worse , where do i start ??? how can i not think without the drink ? HELP PLEASE

sarah xxx