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July General Support and Chat

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Positive Attitude
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Re: July General Support and Chat

Post by Positive Attitude » 02 Jul 2011 23:15

I just wanted to share ... I have just watched a classic film Days of wine & Roses with Jack Lemmon, oh how it's moved me ... how I could relate ..... it may have been in black and white but it showed the evils of alcohol in glorious technicolour ... defintely worth the £3.50

Kathy xxx

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Re: July General Support and Chat

Post by sscott » 03 Jul 2011 16:50

Hi Kathy,

Go on then, I think i can handle a black and white movie. So have ordered it from amazon today for a whole 43p dearer than you paid!....this better be worth it.

All joking aside, how are you? sounds like we have something in common.

So the sun is shining and my informed decision is to sit inside and 'july general support and chat' It's all part of the plan but christ i was just out for a meal with friends and one of them invites me for a drink later? after i'd explained (as if he doesn't know me) that today is my AF day he teases me and says that they''ll be having some drinks later etc. then I gets outside and my daughter says what a great days sunshine it is 'ideal for beers in the garden!' aaarrrghh!

whhhhhhh! yeh what to do now. ok glass of water then an ice-cream and family walk the-dog-thing. the pull/lure/ache/torture habit of getting fuzzy in the sun must be beaten...cognitive thinking - I'll feel better after having my walk (and a flake and sauce on that ice-cream too to compensate for this dreadful feeling).....mmmmthink I'll mention to me duaghter about the AF thing as she probably doesn't know, i will be back later.

Stuart

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Libelula
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Re: July General Support and Chat

Post by Libelula » 04 Jul 2011 19:43

Not sure where best to post this.... but has anyone heard from Enfin lately?

Enfin, I don't know if you'll read this, but I'm hoping you are doing OK. We're here if you want to talk.

<:)>


L
I want to be the best possible mum to my son.

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Libelula
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Re: July General Support and Chat

Post by Libelula » 04 Jul 2011 22:35

Hi Ragnar, thank you.

No, I haven't yet, I haven't spoken too much with Enfin, but maybe I will in the morning (beginning to fade out now)...

Lib
I want to be the best possible mum to my son.

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Re: July General Support and Chat

Post by Samnearly » 04 Jul 2011 23:35

That film is so sad, and timeless in what is happening to them, even though it looks old fashioned and eek, affected in the acting sometimes... but it takes one to know one apparently and I cried!!
one day at a time....

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Shelsey
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Re: July General Support and Chat

Post by Shelsey » 05 Jul 2011 14:19

Ok this is me asking for masses of support. Have to give up stressful job, move away from controlling landlord and sort out debt. I am going to have to be strong and face a lot of uphill struggles - but drinking to blot it out won't help. Have taken a day out to do my washing and get an early night but tomorrow am going to start making the calls I need to make and be brave - help please!!!! xxxx
Aka STB - new name, still as much trouble!
AF 2012 #32

Friends lost to alcohol:
Michael - 11/09/11 - You were a beautiful person and I will miss you so much

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Shelsey
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Re: July General Support and Chat

Post by Shelsey » 05 Jul 2011 16:21

Ok this is me asking for masses of support. Have to give up stressful job, move away from controlling landlord and sort out debt. I am going to have to be strong and face a lot of uphill struggles - but drinking to blot it out won't help. Have taken a day out to do my washing and get an early night but tomorrow am going to start making the calls I need to make and be brave - help please!!!! xxxx
Aka STB - new name, still as much trouble!
AF 2012 #32

Friends lost to alcohol:
Michael - 11/09/11 - You were a beautiful person and I will miss you so much

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Re: July General Support and Chat

Post by sscott » 05 Jul 2011 18:29

Hi Shelsey,

Giving up a stessful job = you are going to be less stressed by that job.

Controlling landlord will be history = hide a kipper in his house....anywhere!(that even cheers me up!)

You are strong Shelsey, by deciding to tackle these rather than not.

Please keep on the forum instead of having that drink - You know we are here for YOU.

All the Best
Stuart

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Re: July General Support and Chat

Post by Dave.Tusker » 05 Jul 2011 19:35

just something I heard today which struck a chord !!!

DON'T FALL INTO THIS TRAP ;)


"poor me, poor poor me, poor me poor me,,,,, poor me another drink !!!!



Don't ever feel sorry for yourself ,, it will lead to you thinking you deserve a drink..


Stay strong <:)>
Live each day as if it was your last, one day it will be!

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George
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Re: July General Support and Chat

Post by George » 06 Jul 2011 09:52

Well said Dave, good on you ;)?
“Now I’m sober and I realize, I didn’t drink to escape the world, I drank to escape myself”
― Phil Volatile, Crushed Black Velvet

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Shelsey
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Re: July General Support and Chat

Post by Shelsey » 07 Jul 2011 14:37

Why is the sun just beginning to peak through? Why today? There are so many trees but I caught a glimpse of the wood! Have done all my washing, put it away, bought food for a nice dinner (going to cook soon) and just feel there just might be some hope...... BE thank you for being here x
Aka STB - new name, still as much trouble!
AF 2012 #32

Friends lost to alcohol:
Michael - 11/09/11 - You were a beautiful person and I will miss you so much

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Sandy
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Re: July General Support and Chat

Post by Sandy » 09 Jul 2011 16:01

Hi Charlie
i think for others who have no issues with alcohol it is very very difficult to understand those of us who have. Diffficult to understand our needs and lets face it at times very bizarre thought processes :? Just in the same way we cannot or may not understand some people smoking or using drugs or gambling addiction.
If you feel you will get no support from your OH can you try elsewhere, a friend for instance? or use us all here instead, after all we truly undersatnd and can give you as much support as virtually possible?
Sandy

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Charlie75
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Re: July General Support and Chat

Post by Charlie75 » 09 Jul 2011 16:30

Sandy,

Thankyou, I have read many posts on here and am constantly amazed at how much support there is on this site :)

I dont really feel like there is anyone else I wish to confide in right now. I hoped my partner would understand. He kind of did at the beginning. At the start of the year we sat down and discussed my drinking every night. He said he thought a bottle of wine a night (not sharing, just me drinking) was acceptable, it was when I drank more that that it upset him. I explained that if I continued my everyday drinking, it would only get worse and worse and that even when I did only drink 1 bottle a night, to do this everynight was making me ill and I needed to stop. We agreed that I would have dedicated alcohol free nights. He soon got mad at me about this as I liked to go to bed earlier than usual on these nights. I also noticed on the nights I did drink, I drank more and faster than usual. I explained again a new tactic was needed. So we also capped my limit on these nights.

I will hold my hand up and admit I have slipped and over-drunk my limit on many occasions, and have not yet managed a social event without drinking ... but I have also learned that constantly kicking myself over these slips does not help me, it makes me throw my hands in the air and say what the hell! I cant do this! Might aswell drink!

He does not want me to stop drinking altogether, he likes us to share some drinking occasions that we used to enjoy very much. However know, if and when I do slip he gets uncontrollably angry that I have been unable to wave a magic wand and turn myself into a 'social drinker' overnight.

I am still pleased with myself at going from drinking everynight to having 3months worth of alcohol days this year. I am proud of this, and I do consider this trying, but whenever I mention this he just yells some more. Shouts his frustrations at me, detailing each and every slip with venom.

I can understand that he gets frustrated with me yes, and that I now discuss drinking more than I ever did before, but I dont understand how he could tollerate me getting sick everynight and passing out, but he cant tollerate me having a slip-up from time to time. When I was drinking excessively I was angry all the time, I would have temper tantrums and strops. He said I must control my temper or the relationship was over. I have not raised my voice in anger in 8 months. Now he shouts all the time. Shouts at every slip up, then sulks for 3 days.

Sometimes I feel like coming home to these sulks make me want more wine! If he is allowed to lose his temper, I am allowed to drink! But I know thats not true, I make me want more wine, and these are just my internal excuses.

I just want things back the way we were, and am angry that my alcohol abuse is the reason things are now different. His support has been stretched to its limits I guess ... and now that I am trying, my weak 'I am trying harder than ever' voice in drowned out by his overstretched patience.

... just feeling sorry for myself I guess ... but i am not drinking :)

Nikki95

Re: July General Support and Chat

Post by Nikki95 » 09 Jul 2011 19:11

Hi Charlie- hope you are doing better now. I TOTALLY can relate to the problems/frustration with your OH (by the way, what does that stand for?). My husband was also very concerned about my nightly wine drinking- which usually was 2 glasses, but if it was 'free flowing' eg with friends, it was definitely more. He was right.... nightly drinking is too much- it became an addiction and I found myself absolutely needing taht drink at night- even if i didn't necessarily 'feel' like it.
anyhow, my husband doesnt drink much- rarely. we also have a baby so I've decided to really cut back. I do'nt want this to grow out of control ... and need more to feel good. so for me, i was really hte only one who drank.

we've had several fights about my drinking... he also says that it is all i think about. He gets mad because he is AFRAID and that is probably what your OH is showing with the anger. I've really cut wayyyy back and have admitted to the problem. I've also learned to listen to HIM and find out what bothered him about it. I now see that he was Afraid of the future- eg where this would take our family.. our daughter. I think he was also tired of not being heard or understood. I think now that he knows I am aware of the addiction, he is there to support me whatever happens.

It sounds like you guys have talked about it and that is good. But he needs to understand that he can't have it both ways. He can't want you to drink "with him for fun" and then not have problems with it later. That's not fair at all. He needs to support you quitting entirely for a time, until it no longer is a problem (eg. you having too much). then you can see what happens. He should also be willing to stop for your benefit HE needs to understand that it is a weakness taht you have and you need his help in this area. (if he can't or won't stop, then he also has a problem!) That is TRUE LOVE. When you can both put aside your desires and look out for the best interests of the other. That is the only thing that will get you through .. <:)> <:)>

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Sandy
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Re: July General Support and Chat

Post by Sandy » 09 Jul 2011 20:03

Dave I really really like this
by Dave.Tusker » 05 Jul 2011 18:35

just something I heard today which struck a chord !!!

DON'T FALL INTO THIS TRAP


"poor me, poor poor me, poor me poor me,,,,, poor me another drink !!!!


Don't ever feel sorry for yourself ,, it will lead to you thinking you deserve a drink..


Sandy

Dave.Tusker
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Re: July General Support and Chat

Post by Dave.Tusker » 09 Jul 2011 20:09

I do like these little aids to strength!!!!


I'm glad you like it too Sandy

<:)>
Live each day as if it was your last, one day it will be!

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Sandy
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Re: July General Support and Chat

Post by Sandy » 10 Jul 2011 11:13

Charlie
There are many of us exactly like you here on BE.
For some of us,no matter how hard we try, cutting down just isnt an option.
We plan it, work hard at it but constantly fail......this of course is my own experience only...we become completely and utterly obsessed by alcohol.When we can have it, when we cant. How much can we have on our "drinking" days? (or how much can we pour down our throat in that panic when our "drinking" day is coming to an end) For me it was actually all horrible, I drunk double my normal amount on my drinking days and was absolutely miserable on my non drinking days. Instead of feeling in control, I was miserable, disappointed and felt even more in the grasp of booze than I did when I was drinking daily. On my non drinking days I was crabbit and edgy and would go to bed early hating the world and the hand this life had dealt me. So for me (and again this is not how everyone feels) cutting down just didnt work.
So have a think about exactly what you want to do and I emphasis the you here, not your OH.
I am not against him in any way shape or form but there seems to be some mixed messages coming from him but this may just be that he is completely frustrated with you and finds this all too difficult to understand. However I wonder then if he is your best support system at the minute?. There are many of us here who tell no-one of our troubles other then other BE memebers who provide all the support they need...so have a long think about this.
I think you are right any time we achieve away from alcohol is to be treasured but Charlie not every one gets it, not everyone understands what a challenge and ultimate achievement that is, but keep it close, it is all yours so well done.
I smiled when I read the sulking and more wine needed part of your post :? When we have a "problem" with drink we can use every excuse in the world to turn to the bottle. "I am upset" "I am happy", "He/She/IT/ has made me furious"...."It's Monday".."It's raining", "Its not raining"....this is something we have to learn to cope with, a mindset change to get through these times and it can be done look around on BE.
Anyway I have rambled enough.
Why not make a plan.
Your plan,
Charlies plan not your OH's.
The 7 day challenge is always a good place to start...have a good look around this site, there are so many people willing to help and support you, they are a fantastic bunch of people.
I hope there was no aftermath from the BBQ yesterday and you are in a better place today.
Think it all through...you can change this Charlie, YOU can.
sending all my support
Sandy

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Charlie75
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Re: July General Support and Chat

Post by Charlie75 » 10 Jul 2011 23:53

Nikki, thankyou, it was nice to hear someone say that I wasnt totally in the wrong at the exact time I needed it!

Sandy, thankyou so much for your advice, when you first said 'poor me poor me' it kinda stung a little as I didnt think I had ever been the type to be a victim ... but you were right, I was feeling very sorry for myself.

I tried to do a challenge today that my OH never thought I had the balls to do. I did it. For me, and no-one else. When it got hard, I screamed at myself, you have started so much and never seen it through you waster, today you will see the finish line! I did. My partner has shown me a renewed respect as he didnt even dare attempt the challenge, a friend saw me through (I havent had friends for a long time) .... this left me with a fresh view on what I can and cannot achieve.

I have a holiday booked with OH in less than a weeks time, and a very very basic yet functional property sale going through that I thought I may rent out. After the holiday I am doing the 7 day challenge come what may .... I might even choose to go through my rehab alone by living alone (I do not fear this).

Thankyou all for your advice, I will speak with you again soon if I may xxx

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Sandy
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Re: July General Support and Chat

Post by Sandy » 11 Jul 2011 21:56

OH Charlie
I am so sorry if you were stung and thought my quote of Daves post was aimed at you...not my intention, it was not intended for you at all...if anything I was thinking of myself at that time and Daves words hit a spot for me, gave me a bit of a boot up the bum really....
However you seem to have turned a corner since we last spoke and you are sounding so good!
Well done Charlie.
I hope you realise that we are all here for you, to listen to you, encourage you, to listen to you, there will always be someone on BE to stretch out a helping hand so please never feel alone
Hope to hear from you soon
stay strong
Sandy

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faith2be
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Re: July General Support and Chat

Post by faith2be » 13 Jul 2011 09:35

Hi all,
I just wrote a long post and managed to lose my internet connection while submitting. Am too upset and tired to reconstruct it. Basically I just wish this was easier. I know everyone here is struggling, but I never realised how steep a hill I personally would have to climb.
Keep messing up. Have a wonderful (unfortunately still long-distance, and working away long stretches) BF/OH who yesterday discovered my little secret. I can't explain to him properly, and I feel very ashamed. I can't even admit to the half of it, but he gets the gist. He knows me all too well, and is uncomfortably perceptive at times..
It's ok to have a drink, he says, just wait until you're done with the day, and then have a glass or even two - just stop chugging whilst doing stuff around the house.
Right :shock: .
How do I explain the 6pm desperation?
Ok, I keep falling off the 7 day challenge. 7 days is too scary. I shall lower the hurdles, the hour by hour thing.
OH may be available by phone tonight. He was yesterday, we had arranged a skype chat, and I totally blew it :oops: .
I wish I had an off switch after one glass (dont we all?)
And I wish I did not have a self-destruct button (keep doing stupid, stupid things).
Ok, will be back later. probably around 6pm.
Argh.
Wishing all a good day

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