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July General Support and Chat

New Members thread, SOS thread, Daily chat and Support, Cutting Down, Abstinence and more.
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zarajenkin
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Re: July General Support and Chat

Post by zarajenkin » 27 Jul 2011 16:33

Good luck Denise! <:)> I am sure this is going to work for you. You sound so determined.

Like you I have the 7-10pm window which I can find it very hard to get through if there is any 'excuse' - good or bad to drink. It is difficult for me to just 'be' at these times.

Just wrote a lot on 'Just want to share' as I am aware that my drinking is getting worse recently and I am seriously risking completely making a mess of my life and my family's life.

I may look into trying antabuse - I imagine that you take the pill in the morning when you are happy to make that decision and it means that by the time you want to drink in the evening you no longer have the choice.

Sending you lots of support for today. <:)>

Zara

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faith2be
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Re: July General Support and Chat

Post by faith2be » 27 Jul 2011 16:34

CU has T and Toast in tum and is feeling better.
Tom, thanks - Yup, love that too. Cravings etc - I didn't act!! \:)/

I shall now log off for a while, finish some work correspondence, and then go outside in the nice fresh air, get my rod, dig up some worms, ask them if they wouldn't mind being eaten by a fish, and then ask the fish if it wouldn't mind being eaten by me....

****do not read further if you're feeling delicate or squeamish*****************

Please, folks, don't judge, or don't say poor fish, unless you never eat or use any animal products!
I have changed my attitude over the last while. I don't buy commercially-produced meat, and I don't eat farmed fish. What I eat, I shoot/catch myself (well, OH does most of the shooting, but I recently got my rifle licence - and boy does that demand sobriety!!!), and I can honestly say that meat from an animal taken while it's happily snoozing under a tree, and doesnt even know what hit it is totally different than what comes out of those horrible meat vans. You know, all the moo'ing and skittering and stress hormones... And fish, well. Fish eat other fish.

I didn't eat meat at all for about 15 years (precisely because of the mass-production of it all). Now I do, and its almost only from the wild (ok, mostly, I won't refuse if a meal is offered by someone else), and only within sustainable flock limits. I use all I can of whatever is caught, and do feel I respect the offering made. I'm open for all preferences, but personally, I'm glad I now live where I do, and the distance from nature to plate is very short, and very hands-on. In the UK, when I return, I get this feeling everyone is so detached from nature. You have to go out to visit it. National parks. Zoos. Bird-world etc. And food comes all plastic-packaged with all the harsh reality taken out of it. I have wild nature all around me and I love it. All I need to do is step out the back door, and there is a mountain, and out the front door, and there is the sea.

A good incentive to kick this stupid booze, it spoils everything.
Once more, sorry for this incessant rambling....

Beebee
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Re: July General Support and Chat

Post by Beebee » 27 Jul 2011 16:38

Not sure if you're around Come undone?? Anyway glad you enjoyed the tea, I'm about to make another one, I like to drink the stuff alllllll day long!
Hey Denise, good for you, welcome to freedom from the blooming stuff! I had been trying to control for 4 years, with various degrees of success and failure, am much happier now not drinking at all! (Didn't think I would ever write those words 3 months ago :lol: )
Hello \:)/ to everyone else
Beebee x

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faith2be
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Re: July General Support and Chat

Post by faith2be » 27 Jul 2011 16:45

Tom ;)?
I'm off now - fancy coming fishing? CU digs out spare rod.
You bring the T thermos :-)

Bye all, thanks a million. Without you guys, I'd have had a skinful already.
<:)> <:)> <:)>
Definition of recovery:
1) "a return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength"
2) "the action or process of regaining possession or control of something stolen or lost"

Day
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Re: July General Support and Chat

Post by Day » 27 Jul 2011 17:52

Tom, have you considered a DRO? Citizens advice Bureaux are quite up on them , can give useful advice and they get rid of all debt. Likely of course to affect yr credit but mebbe the giff gaff PAYG option is not a bad one. It can't be the best thing to prioritise yr mobile over beans on the table and shoes on yr feet. Your call, of course.
Keeping on keeping off

Denise1973
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Re: July General Support and Chat

Post by Denise1973 » 27 Jul 2011 18:00

Tom

If you have issues with debt I can help you by steering you in the right direction. Peoples situations are different so having specialised knowledge is where you should get advice. It's what I do for a living.

CAB is relyant upon who you come across on the day, their individual specialised knowledge and how much they are willing to help.

There are also other free services that would do a more specific job than CAB. I can guide you in the right direction.

PM me if you are interested.

Day
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Re: July General Support and Chat

Post by Day » 27 Jul 2011 18:01

CU, loved yr bit about yr hunting. You're right that the uk is so domesticated in most parts there is no wilderness left. Not so of course in parts of the north, in Wales, and in Scotland but the SE is v overcrowded. Having said that, I get a lot of venison and rabbit caught on local estates and forestry land from the local butcher. And I completely agree, the taste is superb. It's not expensive either. We have a deer problem as no natural predators so venison, if not bought from wait rose, is cheaper than beef. A rabbit at £4 will feed my gang in a stew, that's far cheaper than some oven ready additive packed, nutrition free stuff. You won't get this stuff in tesco of course, but the older high St butchers work out far cheaper in my experience.
Keeping on keeping off

Denise1973
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Re: July General Support and Chat

Post by Denise1973 » 27 Jul 2011 18:10

zarajenkin wrote:Good luck Denise! <:)> I am sure this is going to work for you. You sound so determined.

Like you I have the 7-10pm window which I can find it very hard to get through if there is any 'excuse' - good or bad to drink. It is difficult for me to just 'be' at these times.

Just wrote a lot on 'Just want to share' as I am aware that my drinking is getting worse recently and I am seriously risking completely making a mess of my life and my family's life.

I may look into trying antabuse - I imagine that you take the pill in the morning when you are happy to make that decision and it means that by the time you want to drink in the evening you no longer have the choice.

Sending you lots of support for today. <:)>

Zara
Hi Zara

Thanks for the kind words. Regarding the pill, they would normally start you off with 800mg per day which is four tablets and then you taper off over a six to twelve month period until you feel that you can come off the pill without falling into old habits and where you are mentally equiped to deal with situations. By that time the triggers would have apparently dissapeared because of the length of time of abstinence and associated counselling.

I chose to only take 200mg per day. I would proberbly only take 400-600mg per week because I am so scared stiff of the thought of having alcohol even two weeks after having a tablet that it seems like the perfect abstinent solution for me. I know that in my mind, if I was ever to drink (which I don't think about right now) I would have to have it out of my system for several weeks.

You have to be careful about the alcohol in everything. Avoid food with alcohol, deoderant (Nivea is alcohol free) mouthwash, hand sanitizer etc.

Good luck

Denise1973
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Re: July General Support and Chat

Post by Denise1973 » 27 Jul 2011 18:16

Day wrote:Tom, have you considered a DRO? Citizens advice Bureaux are quite up on them , can give useful advice and they get rid of all debt. Likely of course to affect yr credit but mebbe the giff gaff PAYG option is not a bad one. It can't be the best thing to prioritise yr mobile over beans on the table and shoes on yr feet. Your call, of course.
DRO can't be done for the amount of debt he has.

Day
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Re: July General Support and Chat

Post by Day » 27 Jul 2011 18:18

Tom, was chatting with a friend who is an Insolvency Practitioner, and of course doing very well currently out of most other people's financial woes, and he mentioned a loophole which has not yet been closed. Student debt of course survives bankruptcy/DROs. But if you have access to any credit and pay off part or all of your student loan with that, then go bankrupt/DRO...well that's another issue... I am fully expecting that loophole to close as the fees rise.

Denise is absolutely right, there are great advisers out there. Just do NOT pay anyone. There are a lot of a*#$holes making money out of your debt. Some are deeply unscrupulous about the charges you face and don't reveal them early on. I've not come across a really good national free outfit, have been disappointed with a couple of the referrals I've heard of, so would be interested in that info myself Denise, as my knowledge is restricted to my geographical area.
Keeping on keeping off

Laura-ANewStart

Re: July General Support and Chat

Post by Laura-ANewStart » 27 Jul 2011 18:34

[quote="]
Denise1973 wrote:Tom


What an embarrassing mess at 37 years of age.
Tom i'm not in a great way tonight but wanted to say you arent a mess you are doing great and trying to sort out the afteraffects of alcohol, you can only do your best and offer what you have. Dont beat yourself up x

Day
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Re: July General Support and Chat

Post by Day » 27 Jul 2011 18:59

Tom, you'll sort it.

And you know, you are actually more secure than many others. You may think I'm nuts to say that but I think I remember you have an assured tenancy from a housing association. It is far more secure than any AST from a private landlord at a much lower rent, also far more difficult to lose in possession action than any mortgaged property. So apart from those lucky rare souls who own their own spot on earth outright, you have a secure home. That is an extremely good basis to get and stay sober on. You don't want to know about the debt ( mortgage) I've got. No other debts thank goodness, but not many can pay the mortgage for long if redundancy or a big red bus hits.

If you ever need any advice about possession issues, let me know btw, that's an area I know more than I wish I did about!
Keeping on keeping off

Denise1973
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Re: July General Support and Chat

Post by Denise1973 » 27 Jul 2011 19:02

Beebee and Tom, thanks for the encouragement. Well done the pair of you.

Beebee, how did you manage to kick the habit for the past 3 months?

You too Tom?

Denise1973
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Re: July General Support and Chat

Post by Denise1973 » 27 Jul 2011 19:09

Tom

PM me with your number and I will do a full financial health check and steer you in the right direction.

I think I should have re-written what I wrote re CAB. I don't like the CAB. I also don't particularly like CCCS as they are funded by the banks.........so guess which creditor gets their money first? There are other things about different organisations that have their advantages and disadvantages. I will be able to give you some sound direction.

As for your ex girlfriend, there are ways and means of paying her back without anyone knowing. She should not be apart of your debt in their eyes at this time.

Cheers

Day
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Re: July General Support and Chat

Post by Day » 27 Jul 2011 19:34

Thanks Denise. It might be a real help to others to get that info on the board. Obviously not confidential information but the advice providers you 're recommending.

Have a good sober evening all.
Keeping on keeping off

Day
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Re: July General Support and Chat

Post by Day » 27 Jul 2011 19:55

Tom, you have a loooong way to go before you lose your flat on those kind of figures. Your rent officer may make scary noises, but that is very low debt believe me.

For starters, your repayment level is prob too high. I think your benefit entitlement puts you lower, the lowest figure is £3.75 pw towards arrears and the Pcol court fee of £100 should be included in that debt not paid for separately. There is no way any Housing association would get a possession order at that level in my area if they were presenting the lissom groves or similar income/expenditure analysis properly to the court, it isn't affordable.

I think you said there is no possession order. Is that right? If so, seek to reduce yr weekly repayment agreement with yr HA. Think Denise has offered to do an assessment which should be useful evidence re affordability. RSLs are supposed to seek only affordable repayment agreements.

If there is an order, you can apply to the county court to vary it. Am just going to check on whether there is an order or not...
Keeping on keeping off

Day
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Re: July General Support and Chat

Post by Day » 27 Jul 2011 19:58

Nope, can't tell from yr post. Did they just get an order for costs or a suspended possession order?
Keeping on keeping off

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caroline95
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Re: July General Support and Chat

Post by caroline95 » 27 Jul 2011 20:22

Tom, I think it's amazing that you're dealing with so many problems at the same time and still staying sober.I can't add much to the excellent practical advice others have posted, but I can send you one of these <:)> along with my very best wishes.I can also recommend Freecycle, I use it a lot and it's been a godsend.

Denise and Zara - I've been taking Antabuse for 5 weeks now and my only regret is that I didn't do it years ago.800mg seems like a huge dose to me, but I suppose different doctors have their own ideas.I started out on 200mg a day, but now I just take one 200mg tablet every other day.To be honest, I think I'd be fine taking one a week, but don't want to get over-confident too soon.I don't want to become an Antabuse bore, so I'll just say it's worked like a dream for me - I've posted about it on the Cutting Down thread, and there's some useful information on the Prescription Meds thread too, if you're interested.

Day
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Re: July General Support and Chat

Post by Day » 27 Jul 2011 21:03

You're not even at NoSP level.

If an order was made only for costs then the Housing Association would have to start again with the Notice. Then a new court application, with another £100 costs of course, then the SPO, and its only when you breach that you get to eviction stage. And you get to make an application to stay the warrant, by making a fresh agreement with the courts. That's real brinksmanship of course as you have no guarantee that the court will agree to you staying in the property on the basis of a fresh agreement.

Many get £1000s into debt you know, and just about manage to get the District Judge to give them yet another chance. The highest number of successful applications to suspend a warrant of eviction that i've heard of was 19! That's nineteen evictions narrowly avoided in one possession claim.

That is no way to live though. As we said above, this tenancy is a major asset and one you want to look after. And just once in a while the DJ does decide enough is enough. And you as a single man without dependents would get a tougher time.

So the important thing is to keep agreements. Yr landlord won't bother you whilst you do. But they should also agree to reduce agreements when you're struggling...as I set out in a previous message. I'd call them and say you can start paying again from x date. If you continue to struggle to make the payments then ask them to reduce, if you have less money than the agreed amount don't pay nothing but pay what you can.

You are being so honest in tackling all of this Tom, I hope it feels as promising to you as it looks to the rest of us.
Keeping on keeping off

Denise1973
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Re: July General Support and Chat

Post by Denise1973 » 28 Jul 2011 01:47

Regarding posting information regarding debt help, it is a specialised field not a generalised one.

People have different circumstances, different kinds of debt. Each case needs to be looked at in its own merit.

Debts are different. Secured, unsecured, handed over, bought by debt collectors, bailiffs involved, CCJ's, one month behind, several years behind, summons issued etc.

Peoples assets and liabilities are different. Also circumstances, married, seperated, single, dependents, homeless, other expenditure and the list goes on.

Unfortunately asking me to post stuff on the forum is like asking the tax man to tell everyone how much tax is owed without them providing any information.
Last edited by Denise1973 on 28 Jul 2011 02:01, edited 1 time in total.

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