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The Road to Abstinence.

New Members thread, SOS thread, Daily chat and Support, Cutting Down, Abstinence and more.
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Leslans
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by Leslans » 14 Nov 2019 19:46

Trojan, BBC5 live podcast Hooked. It’s just up and running. I read about the girls doing the podcast in the Times at the weekend. Funny I had skulked off to bed with the magazine and I opened the page at the piece about their new programme. It’s worth downloading. Funny as well as informative.
"Don't look back, you're not going that way"

Luckychap
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by Luckychap » 14 Nov 2019 19:48

Just saying hi too. Feeling ok but seem to have moved to chocolate. Is there are bright eye support group? (w)

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Trojan
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by Trojan » 14 Nov 2019 19:57

Leslans, thank you! I'm not in the UK, but download is running now ;)?
Au milieu de l'hiver, j'apprenais enfin qu'il y avait en moi un été invincible.
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SoberBoots
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by SoberBoots » 14 Nov 2019 20:38

Luckychap wrote:
14 Nov 2019 19:48
Just saying hi too. Feeling ok but seem to have moved to chocolate. Is there are bright eye support group? (w)
There is, it's called the chocolate challenge!
The best time to plant a tree was 30 years ago. The second best time is today.

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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by ScarletB » 15 Nov 2019 05:22

SB and lucky, what about a pizza challenge? I suppose after completing day 1, pizza at midnight isn’t too much of a worry.

Luckychap
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by Luckychap » 15 Nov 2019 18:50

I like to mix up the wrappers on the celebrations so people get their snickers in a twix!

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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by ScarletB » 16 Nov 2019 05:29

Completed a 2nd day without alcohol. Once again, my appetite is ferocious and I am not craving fruits and veggies. I’m feeling okay though. I hope everyone else had a productive and positive Friday. Best wishes for the weekend.

Rose13
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by Rose13 » 16 Nov 2019 09:35

I really want to do this journey and be alcohol free. I am starting a new job soon and thinking Dry Jan as a start with a real focus on being AF for good. I’ve been struggling in the 7 day thread and I’m not sure this is the right time to go it alone into the alcohol free world . I guess I’m trying but too much temptation all around and I think my OH will do dry Jan and I know it’s worked before. Anyway I just thought I’d post here and get some advice from those abstaining . I really do want yo go on this road and never look back ! I hear the positivity and happiness and fun in the posts that are made by all of those sober for the long term !

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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by BlueElephant » 16 Nov 2019 10:39

Hi Rose

I am new here. I’m starting afresh today and abstaining. It’s been several months since I went a day without a drink but when I did manage almost a week off it was thanks to a book - Alan Carr’s easy way to control alcohol. I would recommend you download the audio version on Audible and listen through your phone/headphones. Soon as he starts explaining the science behind alcohol and what it doesn’t do for you you might find you actually have no desire to drink. If you are not already an audible subscriber you get a month free! I’d say it’s worth a go as you may find it takes your mind right off it.

Good luck whatever you decide to do.

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SoberBoots
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by SoberBoots » 16 Nov 2019 10:52

I’m starting afresh today and abstaining. It’s been several months since I went a day without a drink but when I did manage almost a week off it was thanks to a book - Alan Carr’s easy way to control alcohol.
Haha - I've just recommended you the very same book on the new members thread! I recommend re-reading - I did this, went through it a lot more slowly the second time, exploring and accepting every point, and this time it stuck.
The best time to plant a tree was 30 years ago. The second best time is today.

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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by SoberBoots » 16 Nov 2019 10:58

thinking Dry Jan as a start with a real focus on being AF for good. I’ve been struggling in the 7 day thread and I’m not sure this is the right time to go it alone into the alcohol free world
I can only speak for myself Rose but I always used to be setting dates when I was going to give up for good - Monday, Ist of the month, birthday, new year, significant anniversary. Sometimes I even did, for a few days or weeks, although sometimes I'd had such an excessive final fling that I'd have to continue drinking to manage the withdrawal. You'll be depriving yourself of several weeks of lovely sobriety, and a memorable Christmas, if you don't stop until Jan...
The best time to plant a tree was 30 years ago. The second best time is today.

Rose13
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by Rose13 » 16 Nov 2019 12:22

Hi Sober boots and blue elephant :\:
Thank you !!
I have read the Allen car book and I think a re read is in order along with a few other books I have started but not finished! An audio sounds like a good idea too. I will start today ;)?

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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by Saturn » 16 Nov 2019 19:37

I agree with SoberBoots. I used to set dates when I would stop. I never stuck to them. I think it's just another of the lies addiction makes our brains tell us in order to perpetuate itself while allowing us to feel a sense of false hope. Now I have finally stopped, and I intend it to be for good, there was no planned date. Just an awful drunk night that could have ended up even worse than it did, that the next day finally made me see stopping had to start now, that very second.

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Leslans
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by Leslans » 16 Nov 2019 20:19

Whichever way we choose it’s the road to abstinence. My experience is that deferring your start really just prolongs what is inevitable as far as alcohol is concerned. But it’s your choice Rose and we respect your decision and trust me we will all be here doing our best with you.

Played a little golf today and pottered around. Few ridiculous thoughts, or should I say permission thoughts which I batted away very quickly. My goal is abstinence and I won’t stop until I achieve that. Night peeps <:)>
"Don't look back, you're not going that way"

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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by Trojan » 16 Nov 2019 21:28

Leslans, thanks for the podcast suggestion - I enjoyed listening ;)?

They mentioned that "every rock bottom has a trapdoor", which was something I hadn't heard before, but is what I found to be true. We may think that things are as bad as they can get, but alcohol can always take us lower.

There is a good interview with Craig Ferguson where he says…
“There were many points along the way where I could have gone off that awful train and I didn’t,” he said. “If I would impart one message to the drinking alcoholics now… if you want to stop you can stop now. You don’t have to wait for it to get worse.”
The full interview is here https://www.thefix.com/craig-ferguson-t ... alcoholism

We don’t have to wait for that illusory rock bottom. Instead we can stop participating in the problem right now. With support and commitment we can choose to get into recovery at any time. It’s a rewarding journey, and a life-affirming choice :-)
Au milieu de l'hiver, j'apprenais enfin qu'il y avait en moi un été invincible.
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Action
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by Action » 16 Nov 2019 23:52

Hi Roadies,

Thank you so much for your advice and for sharing your experience Nicky, sorry I haven’t replied sooner. It was very useful.

I have struggled a bit to gain traction the last few days ... 5 and 4 days, now on day 2 ...I have had an interesting and challenging few days. Certain events have acted as a catalyst for giving my life a lot of thought, if that makes sense.

I realise that my drinking has been way of hiding from inevitable truths. Truths which are very hard to accept. I have spent so much time trying to escape what is really the reality of my life (health, my relationships in particular, parents, finances) and so on I have just been going round and round and circles. Going through the motions of life but not living it to it’s best potential. I hit a real low today when thought after thought whacked me in the face. I wanted to cry my eyes out but I couldn’t ...I think if I’d started I wouldn’t have stopped. Funny that reminded me of something a counsellor once told me - that it was okay to let go and to feel ...I wouldn’t break.

It’s dawned on me that the only way I can be true to myself is if I stop drinking, seriously stop drinking. I will never know the real me or the true potential that my life has if I continue on this road. It’s going to be hard but it might be worth it. I had a silly thought that perhaps there wasn’t much point in continuing but instantly I thought was silly. I thought at this point surely the only way is up really.

I’m really scared it won’t improve, especially when I have a lot of things to cope with but there are so many things I’d dearly like to do. If I don’t find the courage to rid myself of my chains and my blindfold then I will never ever know. That too is scary. It’s got to be tragic life if you despise yourself and your tragic life. :shock:

Sorry if that sounds a little bit dramatic. Weddings and divorces will do that to a person. Who knows, maybe just maybe, looking on the bright side, maybe the silver lining to my parents 30+ year recently ended marriage (and all the toxic fallout over the years) will be sobriety for me!

Perhaps I will finally grow the balls to put myself first for once!
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Take a new grip with your tired hands and stand firm on your shaky legs. Mark out a straight path for your feet.

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Topcat
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by Topcat » 17 Nov 2019 07:19

Action wrote:
16 Nov 2019 23:52
I realise that my drinking has been way of hiding from inevitable truths. Truths which are very hard to accept. I have spent so much time trying to escape what is really the reality of my life (health, my relationships in particular, parents, finances) and so on I have just been going round and round and circles. Going through the motions of life but not living it to it’s best potential.
A very moving post Action that rang so true with me and how my relationship with alcohol had become.
Action wrote:
16 Nov 2019 23:52
I’m really scared it won’t improve, especially when I have a lot of things to cope with but there are so many things I’d dearly like to do. If I don’t find the courage to rid myself of my chains and my blindfold then I will never ever know. That too is scary. It’s got to be tragic life if you despise yourself and your tragic life
Could have written that too. Yes, it is scary, but as you say Action, if you don't find the courage to break free, you will never know what lies on the other side - what you could achieve.

It can seem like a mountain to climb when you first set out on the sober road, so it's baby steps until the confidence and sober muscles grow and strengthen sufficiently to tackle the steeper tracks. Not too much planning ahead, just chug along for a while to grow accustomed and enable things to settle (alcohol really puts a huge strain on the body and it takes time to recover).

Stick with it Action <:)>

Hi to all Roadies <:)>
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by Winkler » 17 Nov 2019 08:27

I think the chains and blindfold thing is so apt Action, getting through life but missing the point.
So good to lose something that only ever had it’s self perpetuation as an end result (drinking) and just not have to consider it any more
Good luck, face the demons and don’t look back, remember there is no need to rush at it but opportunities in life will be there! Xx
Truth waits for eyes unclouded by longing - Lao Tzu

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Action
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by Action » 17 Nov 2019 09:30

Thanks TC and Winkler.

My alcoholism stems from developing the wrong coping mechanisms as a younger person. Hiding from disappointment, unspoken emotions... I could say because other, more appropriate support, wasn’t there but then it would be unfair to pass the blame. We all have our battles to face. At the end of the day, what’s gone is gone and I’m in the now (whatever shape it’s in).

Boy this is going to tough. I read in Allen Carr’s book that people with an addiction are actually strong willed, rather than weak willed, because they will go to any lengths, be resourceful, to feed their habit. So I guess I can apply that strong will to turning things around. Baby baby steps.
#38 on 2020 Challenge
Take a new grip with your tired hands and stand firm on your shaky legs. Mark out a straight path for your feet.

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SoberBoots
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by SoberBoots » 17 Nov 2019 09:53

I realise that my drinking has been way of hiding from inevitable truths. Truths which are very hard to accept. I have spent so much time trying to escape what is really the reality of my life (health, my relationships in particular, parents, finances) and so on I have just been going round and round and circles. Going through the motions of life but not living it to it’s best potential. I hit a real low today when thought after thought whacked me in the face. I wanted to cry my eyes out but I couldn’t ...I think if I’d started I wouldn’t have stopped. Funny that reminded me of something a counsellor once told me - that it was okay to let go and to feel ...I wouldn’t break.

It’s dawned on me that the only way I can be true to myself is if I stop drinking, seriously stop drinking. I will never know the real me or the true potential that my life has if I continue on this road. It’s going to be hard but it might be worth it. I had a silly thought that perhaps there wasn’t much point in continuing but instantly I thought was silly. I thought at this point surely the only way is up really.

I’m really scared it won’t improve, especially when I have a lot of things to cope with but there are so many things I’d dearly like to do. If I don’t find the courage to rid myself of my chains and my blindfold then I will never ever know. That too is scary.
That's really insightful Action.

It's a long road - that old cliche about it being a journey not a destination. Even now, well over two years sober, I still notice changes in how I think and cope. And the sober road doesn't pass through rose gardens all the time - if you have problems you'll still have the same problems, and even be able to see them more clearly.

However sober, you open up real connection with life. Sober, you learn different ways to cope and gradually you acquire some self esteem. Sober, you make progress you can see and feel. Drinking, you just go round and round in the same loop.
The best time to plant a tree was 30 years ago. The second best time is today.

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