Yes i so agree with this ! And look at all the intellectual and successful people on this forum who have battled to get sober, or are still battling. Strong willed and stubborn, also rigid thinking. It all helps a person succeed in other areas of life, but the downside is that these very traits blind us and feed our addictions....until we see !
Your post was very moving Action, and so relatable. I think when we are coming to the end of our drinking journey we start to see reality, as you are doing, and this is so very hopeful. We can make our best decisions based on utter reality. It hits us like a tonne of bricks, and holds a lot of weight, but it is lifesaving and liberating reality.
Yes it really is ok to let go. I remember doing the same, i felt weak at first crying so much, felt pretty pathetic actually. I had always dampened my emotion with something, mainly alcohol. It wasn't weakness though, because after my crying episodes there always came clarity. After the clarity there always came small bouts of action. Now i could finally see the wood for the trees and the pressure cooker of emotion was released. It was a huge relief and it is no lie that i have gradually grown more confident from letting go and being true to myself. I never broke, that only happened when i drank alcohol or overdosed.Action wrote: ↑16 Nov 2019 23:52I hit a real low today when thought after thought whacked me in the face. I wanted to cry my eyes out but I couldn’t ...I think if I’d started I wouldn’t have stopped. Funny that reminded me of something a counsellor once told me - that it was okay to let go and to feel ...I wouldn’t break.
No need to fear action because you will cope, whether things improve slowly or quickly, you will cope. I know this because we only have to cope with any given situation for one day at a time. Then we sleep on it and have a brand new day feeling refreshed to cope with another day. Then there are the wonderful reprieves where life is going more smoothly and sobriety feels like the gift that it is.
I hope today is good for you, and is filled with hope and optimism. Baby steps as you say, and by putting yourself first.
Lots of love to you and all here,
Love nicky xx