The Road to Abstinence.

New Members thread, SOS thread, Daily chat and Support, Cutting Down, Abstinence and more.
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seamus54
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by seamus54 »

Happy New Year Roadies! Thanks for all of the insights and support during 2021. It was a good year on my recovery road. I'm not perfect but SO much better than when I started. The themes I remember are the motivation coming from my family and friends who tell me they are proud of me and joy of waking up in the morning with a clear head and the energy to tackle the whole day. Your sharing posts have been so helpful in keeping me on the road to recovery, at least so that if i lapse, I don't screw up my relationships too badly, though I hate to break the trust I have been banking, And now i can I can self correct which i couldn't before.

The holiday has been spent with adult kids and twin grand kids. Almost drama free , only issue is with a sister in law,who will just have to move on but can't. It was relaxing and fun, especially to be present to play with my little kids. After they all leave, I will need to be careful, since, like Cowboy, after the fun , I'll feel a letdown, which used to be a trigger for my malaptive drinking behavior. I think the joy of playing with little kids boosts dopamine. Is that a physical fact? At any rate, I'll keep busy with fun activities to boost my good feelings.

Take care all and I'll join you for a clean 2022!

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Pink Panther
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by Pink Panther »

Button <:)> brilliant post and it seems you have come such a long way...I truly wish you so much luck.

Londoner :\: Well done on your decision making as it is obviously the right thing for you right now. Good luck.

Well done to everyone on here...I’m so naturally tired right now and off to read....you should all be really proud and I truly hope some of you embark on this new chapter and never look back. All that is required is to stay sober today, tomorrow brings new things.

There may or may not be struggles, I guess it depends where we are all at. Feeling proud of myself right now and already reaping the benefits of relief from this trap especially on a spiritual and mental front \:)/ <:)>
Love yourself and be proud of the steps you take to overcome addiction....peace is at the tip of our fingers <:)>

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Trojan
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by Trojan »

Happy New Year to all the Roadies. Wishing everyone a year of positivity, courage and growth :-)
Au milieu de l'hiver, j'apprenais enfin qu'il y avait en moi un été invincible.
#99 on the 2022 Challenge

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Button36
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by Button36 »

Hi everyone :\:
Thank you Pink for your lovely words,
sorry to hear about the relationship Londoner but good to hear that you are putting yourself first, as we often don’t and it definitely helps in the process of sobriety. I’ve recently left a job with good career prospects but the stress was ridiculous and I know where that would take me.
I’ve just finished and submitted a massive piece of uni work the deadline was today, It felt like a massive achievement as I didn’t think I’d get it done with the amount I’ve worked over Xmas and I couldn’t seem to find the motivation.Feels good to tick something else of the list.
I’m looking forward to a lie in tomorrow, hope you are all good this evening
#23 on the 2021 challenge
It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop.

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Pink Panther
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by Pink Panther »

Well done Button that’s fabulous \:)/ <:)>

Hope everyone is well and enjoying the positive vibes on here \:)/

Wheres our Chirpy ? Hope you are ok out there <:)>

Sending love to all <:)>
Love yourself and be proud of the steps you take to overcome addiction....peace is at the tip of our fingers <:)>

Chirpy
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by Chirpy »

Hello roadies
Happy new year and hope everyone is well.
Reading away but just hunkering down on the sunny side of the world for now.
A lot of things combusted near the end of last year and 2022 is going to be a big challenge for sure but ultimately a good one.
I just want to send love and light and apologies for not being very present over the last couple of months.
Chirpy
She could never go back and make some of the details pretty. All she could do is move forward and make the whole beautiful- Terri St.Cloud

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LucyLucyLu
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by LucyLucyLu »

Hi to all the roadies... so good to read how strong you all are despite temptations and seasonal stresses and relationship issues. I have all of the above but have remained sober too. Nearly 9 months now and despite fleeting (and perhaps inevitable) thoughts I have not come close to acting on them. I'm in turmoil this week... so much to resolve in various areas of my life, but still not tempted to drink as I know that would make things 100% worse. This time last year I would have "hidden" in a bottle at far less stress.

Wishing you all well,

Mouse
x

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Cowboy
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by Cowboy »

Mouse and Chirpy! Two of my favorite people in these here parts !

It's so good to hear from both of you. It's a pretty cruel world out there these days but we are all in it together. I have seen some huge examples of human kindness and that makes me feel good about us all and gives me hope. Hoping the best for you two in a sober and healthy 2022. I am at two weeks since my last drink but can say with honesty that in the past 3 months have drank less than a handful of times. One offs that just serve to demonstrate I don't want to be in THAT drinking place anymore.
Recovery is giving up one thing for everything. Addiction is giving up everything for one thing.

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Pink Panther
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by Pink Panther »

Chirpy and Lucy <:)> great to hear you are both doing well.

Cowboy good to see you pal :\:

Well I made the decision last year (feels great saying that) that alcohol would no longer be any part of my life. I am already making some decisions in my life to cement this, not because I feel there will be temptation but simply because it may be doing things I no longer wish to do. Part of this lifestyle change for me is about following your gut and internal desires of the type of life you wish to lead and not trying to fit everywhere with everyone......I will pick and choose the things I want to and remove general pressure in certain areas.

I am still loving my job as it fits for now and the education choices I made last year was one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself and I have met lots of new people and made some really good friends too. I had also embarked on a health education program rather than diets which I ditched and I have lost the vast majority of my weight without much effort or feeling deprived, just healthy choices and lovely food choices when eating out. Accepting what things were causing me harm was the first thing to overcome.....then I realised that alcohol was still that little gremlin that for whatever reason, I didn’t let go of.

Well now I have, I feel I have turned a huge corner once again and can really concentrate some more on my health changes and my general overall well-being. We are like computers really and need to be handled with some care and anything we put in our bodies, can affect our physical and mental well-being.

This has been a long journey for me but I really feel I have finally started to cement some really good changes and whilst I went back to alcohol on and off over the last decade, I still had a lot of sober periods and feel beating myself up for the drinking times won’t help at all as I cannot change that now.

What I can do is work to ensure I never go back down any temptation again, I have the mindset, the tools, the motivation, the knowledge, the reasons, the desire.....the realisation that alcohol does nothing for me whatsoever. With that in mind, there is no reason to pick up again. This is truly going to be my year to beat this addiction for good and not give any headspace to what is essentially a poison.

<:)> <:)> <:)>
Love yourself and be proud of the steps you take to overcome addiction....peace is at the tip of our fingers <:)>

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Pink Panther
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by Pink Panther »

Morning everyone :\: hope you are all ok.

Having made the firm decision and acceptance around alcohol.....there is no discussion for me about cravings, counting days etc..... all useful meanderings and tools but been there, got the T-shirt and it was finally time for picking up the baton again and moving it to my next post without looking back.

I feel comfortable with that decision and I also feel that I continue to learn so much as I navigate life and what makes me feel content and at peace. Alcohol does not provide anything to my life and probably never has if I was to analyse everything. No time and no point looking back and I am so pleased that I feel I have reached this point, no more dipping toes into those murky waters, the waters that I already knew so well and were never going to clear.

Everyone here should be so proud of themselves for tackling this and wanting a better life than anything that can be found at the bottle of a bottle or the likes.

Had a wonderful day out yesterday but had too much coffee and sugar so feeling very tired this morning...must crack on.

Enjoy the rest of January folks \:)/ <:)>
Love yourself and be proud of the steps you take to overcome addiction....peace is at the tip of our fingers <:)>

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Mudbucker
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by Mudbucker »

Great stuff, Pink.

For all the unaddressed issues stopping has exposed, I have stopped. As you say, I know those murky waters so well. They will never clear, and I will never find anything new within them.
Last edited by Mudbucker on 16 Jan 2022 14:20, edited 1 time in total.
The regret after drinking is worse than the desire before.

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seamus54
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by seamus54 »

Thanks for the inspiration Pink! It's been quiet hers, no news is good news, I hope all the Roadies are having a peaceful and happy January.

na
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by na »

Hi 👋
Yes Pink I agree, for me having a confirmed decision to never drink again makes it less of a battle with myself. It’s been 5 months now and it’s getting easier. The cravings are less intense and I’m not experiencing as many triggers. Stress is still a big one and celebrations but I exploring other ways to manage stress and I’ve been drinking non alcohol beers and cocktails so I don’t feel as awkward in parties. Is there a stress management thread on here?
Na x
Change is always possible - anytime, at any moment

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Cowboy
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by Cowboy »

Well friends. Drank for some reason yesterday. Made it through the Christmas and New Years season without a drop. Went to a football party on Sunday - not a drop. Yesterday nothing going on - nothing. But drank lots of drops. Enough to feel pretty crappy this morning physically of course but also guilty, angry with myself, disappointed and all those other feelings that go along with a relapse. I could rationalize and say well it's only been 3 times I have gotten drunk over the last 3 months but that is just pure rationalization. The point is I don't want to drink anymore and I keep sabotaging myself and I can't seem to pinpoint why. I've had so many drinking desires, so many triggers the past month and ignored them all. That was until yesterday. What came over me? Just a voice that says why not? I know all the responses to that why not. All the sensible and reasonable responses anyways. But there is no sense to this. At least not that I can see.

So after seeing a post from our lovely and talented swordgirl I have purchased a book that may help me get to the bottom of this. Avoiding Relapse - Catching Your Inner Con by Lynne Namka. I have a shelf of books on reaching and maintaining sobriety and I have read them all. Some more than once. Just have to keep pushing through is all. There is way to the other side and I intend to find it.

Thanks for listening. Cowboy.
Recovery is giving up one thing for everything. Addiction is giving up everything for one thing.

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Jake.
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by Jake. »

Awe cowboy! Great to see you. I’m sorry it’s not in better circumstances x

Trina
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by Trina »

Hi Cowboy,
Sent you a PM - hope you are feeling OK today.
Trina
Just because the monkey is off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town -- George Carlin

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Cowboy
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by Cowboy »

Thanks Jake and Trina.

Jake. Although the circumstances are less than ideal I'm back at sobriety right away rather than letting drinking get the best of me and going on a binge. That's progress for me.

Hey Trina. Good to see you posting. Thanks for the concern and the pm.

Move forward - always. Nothing to see back there as I have heard many times in these parts.
Recovery is giving up one thing for everything. Addiction is giving up everything for one thing.

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seamus54
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by seamus54 »

Hi Cowboy . We're here for you and I certainly can relate. When I lapse (which after 18 months on the road, I seem to do about every three months) I look for a root cause. I'm fine in social triggers, but when I can be alone, bang! Almost always the same as you said - just a voice that says "Why not? I control my life and I don't want anyone telling me I can't do something." Now I'm thinking , maybe my reason is wasn't feeling 100% in control. Which is unrealistic , given I'm part of a family and community in general. I should be happy with being in control of what's important, not absolutely everything. Well, thanks for making me think.

You may have heard this too, It's a small comfort that there's a difference between a lapse ( one day) and a relapse ( return to old behaviors for weeks). You haven't gone overboard . A little guilt can be good motivation for me. And you sound positive to look forward. The windshield looking ahead is large and the rear view mirror is small for a reason.

I hope this helps and keep in touch!

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Pink Panther
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by Pink Panther »

Mudbucker, Seamus :\: great to see you and thanks.

Mudbucker - I hope you remain sober, it is enlightening once we realise our situation and what went before, whilst I don't have regrets as such as they are a waste of energy, I wouldn't wish to go back to some of the darker places (so called fun at the time) drinking took me to for anything.

na :\: fanbloodytastic you well done and I hope you keep up the good work with your sobriety.

CB - As Seamus says, were here for you, for each other. There is a mutual understanding of this addiction and nobody in my opinion would sit there saying 'there he/she goes again' no matter how many times and that is because we all get it and have all been there and could be again one day, who knows.

I truly started to turn around those days where I felt deflated as the sober days really started to outweigh them and you have many sober days and its great you are straight back on the horse so to speak. This addiction will never ever go away, I know that and its so easy once we feel better or our organs stop aching to think its a great idea and how easy is it that the pain is no longer at the forefront, that is how the brain and addiction works as we know so well and that is the stumbling block. This is where motivation and desire comes in but motivation won't last long with just thinking about avoiding a hangover and how good that may feel. It needs to be about much more than that, everything that sobriety benefits us with and we all know that with time, comes new horizons, less temptation and well just plain old common sense.

Put it down to a glitch on your journey and dust off as you have, proud of you buddy as always <:)>

I bought myself a star chart for 2022, basically a wall planner so I can see my stars adding up with no breaks. I can see at a glance what the year looks like and although this isnt counting days, it is building momentum and time as I know that the further down the line we get, the harder it is to give up your sobriety. I only intend on doing this to get a full year behind me and I hope I continue with this. Its nice already seeing 18 stars (plus NYE) sober, visuals work well on this dodgy brain and well I guess I am a bit like a child so it works well for me :lol:

Been organising and painting at home, bit of a spring cleanse and declutter (despise clutter) so the house is looking its best or it will be ready for the summer season and whatever that brings. I am also job hunting, decided now I am almost finished my adult education, its time to get myself out there and look for a longer term role again.

Many of us have rebuilt our lives since joining BE, added years to our lives and opened up to learning and self exploration. For that, we should all be very proud. The only way to stop the self berating, self deflation and repetition of the hideous consequences of drinking are to not drink, simple........ not so simple but definitely doable when the time is right.

We all have it within us to turn our backs on feeding this addiction, nurture it and treat the addiction with kid gloves and respect. Basically not fuel or feed it and we don't ever have to suffer the consequences again. That is my hope and absolute desire. <:)>

Hi to everyone else :\:
Love yourself and be proud of the steps you take to overcome addiction....peace is at the tip of our fingers <:)>

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Cowboy
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by Cowboy »

Thanks Pink Panther and everyone else.

Well folks my oldest daughter is a staunch anti-vaxer. She is of the opinion that nobody can tell her what she can put in her body and is very angry about it. Kind of militant actually. She believes that she is standing up for her rights and is quite adamant about it. It's breaking my heart and creating a rift between us. I think she is actually becoming quite delusional. Her words around "standing up for her rights" and "taking action" make me feel like she thinks she is some sort of crusader. That she is glorifying her position. Like protesting the Vietnam war or something. She is no Mandela, Gandhi, Martin Luther King,

It's a vaccine for crying out loud. Nothing less nothing more. She can't work anymore because she won't take the vaccine. She is living off the same government that she is being critical of and doesn't see it. She is so smart and I don't understand why there is this hole in her reasoning. She is in the minority and I think she kind of likes it in some sort of twisted way. Creating drama where there is no drama in my opinion. It makes me angry, sad, confused, guilty and brings about so many other feelings. How did I go wrong in raising her in the first place. The anger makes me want to put her in her place. To say what's really on my mind. But what will that do? It will further distance us. We both profess our love for each other but inside ... well ... it's tough. Of course drinking won't help any way whatsoever

There is a part of me that wants to tell her exactly how I feel but that will above all hurt her. I told her when she first told me about her position that I thought she was being selfish. That didn't go over too well. She cried ... alot. Anyways I just wanted to vent a bit. Put it down on paper. I know that this to shall pass but it is for me the worst part of this pandemic and I guess I should feel relieved about that in a way - but I don't.

Cowboy.
Recovery is giving up one thing for everything. Addiction is giving up everything for one thing.

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