The Road to Abstinence.

New Members thread, SOS thread, Daily chat and Support, Cutting Down, Abstinence and more.
Chirpy
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by Chirpy »

morning roadies

I am really quite excited today. While I was on my little holiday I had a realisation about my parental relationships and as soon as I got home, I booked myself into a therapist who was recommended by a friend. We had our first session yesterday and it was a revelation. I have always kind of accepted my parenting, and been (I think) quite generous about the things they didn't do well. But, I also have probably not really been able or even aware of the deep impact it had on me. I was sitting there doing a bit of a biography and the most basic of issues, being able to totally trust your parents, and lack of it, leads to not trusting yourself or anyone else. Anyway, without going into the nitty gritty, it just popped out of my mouth, that, "well, it makes sense then that my most trusted relationship and best friend, was alcohol". the therapist just looked at me, and I hadn't even told her at that point of the appointment about alcohol issues, and she said, 'yep'. it was such a breakthrough, on so many levels. I also think this is what was really missing my last round of sobriety. This time round, I have been reading some of the posts, especially on this road, and internally fighting the fact that so many of you all talk about the benefits of doing that work, but it just felt too hard, too painful, and I just wanted to get to some sort of stability.I guess in my mind, I fooled myself that I could just be stable and everything would follow. But, this revelation yesterday sounds so minor, but it was so monumental, and if I can do the work to repair and heal that, then I have probably minimised a major reason for a future potential relapse. I actually went to the therapist to ensure I don't replicate parenting that was not optimal on my daughter, but of course that's all about me anyway. I didn't expect such a massive shift in just one session bout the drinking and where I am at.

Anyway, its about a year of sobriety next week, and since I rejoined this wonderful space. I love this road, because despite anniversaries, or dates or milestones, the real key to me, is the time and space away from alcohol, is what gives us space to do other work on ourselves. I am so grateful for this little thread of wisdom, this sanctuary of people who are all at different points, places and thinking ... but there are moments like the one I am in right now, where it all feels so very serendipitous and in-sync.

Anyway, enough waffle from me, I have a hair appointment to get to, and a meeting to join on the computer.

Have a wonderful weekend everyone.

Chirpy
She could never go back and make some of the details pretty. All she could do is move forward and make the whole beautiful- Terri St.Cloud

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Pink Panther
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by Pink Panther »

Thanks Seamus <:)>

Chirpy \:)/ amazing post indeed and so good to read.

I am so pleased for you as I love those little revelation and special moments of realisation, they are priceless.

It’s strange that you mention alcohol and the best friend and I get that, I really do. It doesn’t judge or put us down and was there whenever we needed it. Thank goodness for waking up and seeing the reality of that old ‘friend’ and that actually it was the devil in disguise.

When I properly started on this journey 13 years ago, I hit a point where my past just came crashing to the forefront and all thoughts and feelings overwhelmed me. Our bodies and minds are full of many things and items can be stored away only to surface or resurface and I talked and talked to the good folk here, in AA, and well just to myself as a way of accepting the life I had grown up in. Drinking got way out of control and I just couldn’t find the first step until I searched for help online and feel its pretty much been a life saver in many ways.

I started to embrace my past and feel grateful for being alive and given the chances I have had and to learn to be the best person I could be so I didn’t repeat any history in any form. In doing that, I also put too much pressure on myself to be a perfect person and I then had to learn again about that and how to take a step back. Bottom line is, I love my children with all of my heart and although I am not perfect, I have worked hard to ensure that they are first and foremost while I live and breath and that will never change. 99% of the time, I have succeeded in my goal and dont have any regrets at all with my children (aside from the periods of drinking which was usually when they were in bed anyway) but I dont believe in regrets, only progression if we are not happy with something, mostly I have been sober or at least within a certain limit and certainly few dramas to call upon for most of their lives. One drama or night of very heavy drinking was one too many for me and would cripple me for a very long time.

I also had to learn that in order to put others first, I had to really put myself first and that is probably the bit I found hardest of all but why the heck shouldn’t we?, we should remain our own best friend.

I am so happy to be on this journey, learning, growing, expanding thoughts and feelings and I feel pretty much tip top and I cannot stress enough how leaving a job I was unhappy in, has helped me to see just that, I didn’t realise I was that unhappy in my job until the last few months. The advice for driving to work is to take a different route now and then as this is good for your mental health. This is the same with jobs, they get tiring and sometimes we need a change as we get stuck in our ways and I am looking forward to starting from scratch, a new challenge. I sit here now wondering why it took all of my strength to do that, like it was the end of the world changing jobs and I vowed never to put myself in that position again.
Love yourself and be proud of the steps you take to overcome addiction....peace is at the tip of our fingers <:)>

Chirpy
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by Chirpy »

thank you PP
I am so happy to hear about your new role working well. What a marvellous thing .
Sorry for the brevity, just a late computer check in
<:)>
She could never go back and make some of the details pretty. All she could do is move forward and make the whole beautiful- Terri St.Cloud

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seamus54
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by seamus54 »

Hi Chirpy
THat's very exciting news , on several fronts. First, that your therapist helped, I avoided it for 50 years. Early in my therapy I discussed early childhood experiences and some bad behavior by my dad that I never really discussed, and it led to the conclusion that something bad was happen at any minute, I was subconsciously scanning the horizon for danger. I think this is another example of our primitive brain on the ancient plains ! Ar any rate, it led to anxiety and I found early on that alcohol resolved that anxiety. Presto! I have gotten strong enough now to join a small group via Zoom, which is easier than live groups. It has helped but the initial one on one work (and it is work) with a professional was a game changer for me.

And good to hear that you proud that you are a great parent, as I'm sure you are. Also - a one year anniversary is truly something to celebrate, even if I waffle about "counting days". 365 days is amazing and you are a role model!

Good morning to all other roadies and I hope everyone is feeling good!

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Action
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by Action »

Hi All :\:

TC - you have always been an inspiration to me and I have, from the first day I joined BE, thanks to you I held onto the belief that it is so important to never give up on giving up the drink. I joined BE in 2012 and for the first time in my adult life I am now nearly 8 months sober. My health suffered through my drinking, along with all the other facets of my being, but slowly and surely, little by little, I am regaining bits of myself. :)

Soberboots, Trojan, Fuzzy, Tai, Cowboy, Smithster (my sober twin) Pink ... everyone! Thank you for your support. I think the greatest thing is to be able to give something back and at the moment I am trying to support my mum, who has picked up the sober gauntlet \:)/
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Take a new grip with your tired hands and stand firm on your shaky legs. Mark out a straight path for your feet.

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Topcat
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by Topcat »

Action wrote:
14 May 2021 14:51
I am now nearly 8 months sober. My health suffered through my drinking, along with all the other facets of my being, but slowly and surely, little by little, I am regaining bits of myself.
That's terrific Action - well done lovely (::) <:)>

Some great posts on here again Roadies (::)
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When life kicks sand in your face, build a castle.

Chirpy
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by Chirpy »

Action that’s pretty awesome place to be in. Really happy to hear.

Seamus, thank you, I really appreciate your kind words.
She could never go back and make some of the details pretty. All she could do is move forward and make the whole beautiful- Terri St.Cloud

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Trojan
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by Trojan »

Roadies :\:

Some great reading and thought-provoking posts here as always ;)?

Chirpy, Seamus, thanks for sharing your experiences of counselling to deal with childhood experiences. It’s very encouraging that you both seem to have covered a lot of ground in just a few sessions.

Wonderful stories of growth and change on here. Whether it’s moving on in work life, clarifying thoughts about the past, supporting family, or passing major milestones, the Roadies are really rocking sober life \:)/ \:)/ \:)/
Au milieu de l'hiver, j'apprenais enfin qu'il y avait en moi un été invincible.
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seamus54
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by seamus54 »

Hello roadies ! I have a humorous story to share.
Last evening we went to dinner with a couple who are close friends , yes to a real restaurant , indoors! Staff all masked but we're getting back to a new sort of normal (BTW I'm not crazy about dining out , rather cook out and eat on our back deck!) But I digress. We need to drive to the club and our friends we so excited that I could be the designated driver ! Hah , another bonus for not drinking alcohol. I felt so proud, kinda. I had NA beer with dinner and didn't have urges or a jealous reaction. ANd I realize others can control their drinking but I can't so that's that.

HAve a wonderful evening and Sunday!

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Trojan
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by Trojan »

Chirpy, congratulations on passing the One Year milestone \:)/ :) \:)/
Au milieu de l'hiver, j'apprenais enfin qu'il y avait en moi un été invincible.
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Tai
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by Tai »

Wow Chirpy \:)/ \:)/ \:)/ a whole year sober. How good is that? 365 days of solid decision making has gone into making that happen. I hope you feel fabulous <:)> because you deserve to.

Seamus, my mates love the fact I can ferry them home safely after a night out. It gets tiresome sometimes to be the taxi but on the whole it’s all good.

Hope all our Roadies are doing Ok xx
A little knowledge that acts is worth infinitely more than much knowledge that is idle.
Khalil Gibran

Chirpy
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by Chirpy »

thanks Tai and Trojan! I feel awesome. Its the bundle of everything which is making this so awesome. Clean skin, clear mind, focus on what's happening, being present....Today I walked into daycare drop off and one of the staff, said you look gorgeous, are you going out....and I was just dressed to drop off and come home again, and nothing fancy, but I think my whole being is looking and feeling good. My energy is so positive. I got another pair of celebratory earrings, very fine silver Albatros' ... spreading their wings. I felt it was a nice metaphor!

Seamus, that's awesome, being able to be the sober driver and also your friends acknowledging you not drinking but in a fun way! Isn't it weird you don't drink you realise how much others don't really drink! I enjoy being the sober driver as well! I figure I have a few years of payback!!

Have a great start to the week everyone

Chirpy
She could never go back and make some of the details pretty. All she could do is move forward and make the whole beautiful- Terri St.Cloud

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seamus54
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by seamus54 »

Congrats Chirpy!!!!

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Topcat
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by Topcat »

\:)/ Congratulations to Chirpy - a year sober is marvellous - well done to you \:)/ (::) <:)>
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When life kicks sand in your face, build a castle.

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Mark.
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by Mark. »

Belated congratulations from me too, Chirpy! Very well done!
(::) \:)/ <:)> ;)? <:)> (::) \:)/
"I once thought that growing up *meant* smoking and drinking. It looked so good, but I don't want to die from it."
~ Marianne Faithfull

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Chirpy
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by Chirpy »

thanks guys :)
What a wonderful treat to hear from you all ...feeling very cared for
Chirpy
She could never go back and make some of the details pretty. All she could do is move forward and make the whole beautiful- Terri St.Cloud

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SoberBoots
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by SoberBoots »

Well done Seamus - I too love being the sober driver! So different from the days when I worried myself sick that I was over the limit the next day but didn't avoid the worry by not drinking, obviously, that would have been far too logical!).

Chirpy, huge congratulations! The earrings sound awesome.
The best time to plant a tree was 30 years ago. The second best time is today.

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Action
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by Action »

Congratulations Chirpy, that’s awesome! (::)
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Take a new grip with your tired hands and stand firm on your shaky legs. Mark out a straight path for your feet.

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Cowboy
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by Cowboy »

Late to the party but wanted to add my congratulations to our lovely and talented Kiwi Chirpy. Way to go girl.
The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why. Mark Twain.

Chirpy
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by Chirpy »

thanks Action and my favourite Cowboy! aroha nui as we say down here.
She could never go back and make some of the details pretty. All she could do is move forward and make the whole beautiful- Terri St.Cloud

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