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The Road to Abstinence.

New Members thread, SOS thread, Daily chat and Support, Cutting Down, Abstinence and more.
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Cowboy
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by Cowboy » 24 Nov 2019 12:48

Way to go Winkler and Soberboots.

While I'm having a good early run here there are and will always be those permission thoughts. Just need to keep yourself busy and, for me, making sure I'm eating regularly really helps. So many times I am having permission thoughts before a meal and I move forward, eat and those permission thoughts dissolve into nothing.

I believe my group of friends now realize that I have a drinking problem addiction. I have stopped so many times saying I am taking a break only to start up again. I'm not sure the "I'm taking a break" is cutting it anymore. But on the other hands - who cares. I'm sober and that is the most important consideration in my life these days. Staying sober needs to be the main focus. So I am. Staying sober.

Have a great AF day roadies. '

Cowboy.
The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why. Mark Twain.

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Winkler
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by Winkler » 24 Nov 2019 21:45

Well done cowboy 🤠 and thanks for your support Soberfun

I’ve noticed how food can help with cravings too - that hungry, angry, lonely, tired has a lot of truth in it eh?

I'm fine within my usual social groups but I’ll be out of my comfort zone in the 2 upcoming ones, within smaller groups in larger gatherings if that makes sense, where people don’t know me so well - tbh dressing up and being with excited loud drinking women isn’t really my thing at any time of year but I’m gonna have to grit my teeth, slap a smile on for them, and pretend to enjoy myself, sigh

I’m much more of a talker than a dancer, it actually bores me rigid but hey ho, gonna have to suck it up for these Occasions. Thank goodness I can drive myself home afterwards tho! I’m not planning to be taxi driver either, done enough of that self effacing rounding people up mother hen thing. If only they knew what a miserable humbug I really am :?
Alcohol is an addictive poison

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Cowboy
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by Cowboy » 25 Nov 2019 19:56

Totally picking up what you are putting down Winkler.

Well friends just a big note of thanks for helping me to snap out of it. Tai, fiz, JJ, TC, Troj, SB et al thank you, thank you , thank you. A solid week of sobriety and it couldn't have come at a better time. Big family trip to Costa Rica for two weeks. Last time I was there in 2017 I was sober the entire time (2 weeks) and its was one of the best trips I ever had. Imagine waking up every morning with no hangover to attend. Just a morning coffee, healthy breakfast and a walk along the beach ... or watching/listening to the toucans and monkeys cavort in the jungle. And I get to do it all over again but this time with my three children and two grandchildren. And with the money I saved not drinking this week I purchased a blender that I plan to take down in my luggage.

That's right folks. It will be yours truly set up at the shack we have rented on the beach with all of those exotic fruits and coconut water at hand - cutting and blending and cutting and blending. Will I ever be a big hit eh? And who needs booze when you have all that exotic fruit and those smoothies I plan on making up for family and friends. Not to mention all the wonderful sea food they have down there. Y

You know - those sober muscles were there all the time under all that fat. Just needed a bit of exercise is all. And I think they remember. Do I sound cocky? I hope not. Time to pick up where I left off in September. Wonder if I still have the keys to the palace that is beyond the one year milestone? Guess time will tell.

Not sure if I will be logging on while I'm away or if I will even want to. Just wanted all my BE friends - you know who you are - to know how much I truly appreciate you standing by with non-judgement support and encouragement. Week 1 is a killer but as the lovely and talented fiz said to me - do the first week, bag it and get on with it. I truly believe I have.

Take care all. Cowboy.
The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why. Mark Twain.

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fiz
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by fiz » 25 Nov 2019 21:02

Aw cowboy, it’s lovely to read that post, you sound determined and positive, you’re back, \:)/ well done you. <:)> <:)>
Have a fantastic holiday with your family, and enjoy those smoothies. ;)?
Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.

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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by martha » 25 Nov 2019 21:12

Fantastic post, Cowboy! Hope you have the best time in Costa Rica 8-)
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Trojan
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by Trojan » 25 Nov 2019 21:37

Cowboy, that sounds like a great experience you have lined up. Enjoy it all :)
Au milieu de l'hiver, j'apprenais enfin qu'il y avait en moi un été invincible.
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Ruby&Tilly
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by Ruby&Tilly » 27 Nov 2019 00:05

So happy for you cowboy, have a great holiday.

Ruby xx
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ScarletB
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by ScarletB » 28 Nov 2019 05:32

Hi everyone. Just a bit to post. I had an awful evening at work. I came home and my OH said, “it’s the holidays. Pour two shots.” And he put on my favorite holiday movie. He had started the festivities after our children were asleep and he was excited for me to be home and us be together for a few days. I caved. We speak regularly about our life and health and parenting and choices for raising our children etc. a month ago we had agreed to take it easy on the alcohol until the holidays. I have had mostly af days for about three weeks. And when I did drink it was very minimal. I mentioned to him I’ve been listening to Annie Grace and I feel this awareness now about how alcohol affects my brain and decision making. He said “do we always have to talk about negative things?” I tried to explain that I feel more empowered now and that’s a positive. Regardless, it was my decision to drink tonight. I don’t feel immense shame I just feel ultra aware that I didn’t really want to and I did anyway. Tomorrow, I hope to be completely in control, at peace.

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Winkler
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by Winkler » 28 Nov 2019 07:35

Hi Scarlett
I can imagine that scenario and that’s a lot of pressure to drink from your OH <:)>
I reckon in time you’ll beat that kind of thing and just say ‘no thanks, you have one’ with a big smile whilst giving yourself a huge pat on the back

I reckon judging his reaction then will be interesting for you - if he spits his dummy out it might be a little bit of a control (as in controlling you) kind of thing to bear in mind! It’s probably just he doesn’t get it, it can be a lonely place building up your resistance and sober muscles can’t it and not a lot of people get it

You can rest assured there will be people that admire you for it and it WILL make you stronger

I’ve been in similar situations a few times now like that, where there’s a lot of expectation and it could go either way. The times I’ve done it I’ve kicked myself and I’ve also felt a bit of an idiot when I’ve protested too much. The way I’m playing it now is pretending as in accepting it and then giving it away later. Don’t know if it will be less of a deal that way but practice makes perfect haha maybe. It’s all on the road isn’t it. Have a good day :)
Alcohol is an addictive poison

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Leslans
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by Leslans » 28 Nov 2019 17:22

Well we do have the silly season upon us and that in itself brings its problems. First of all congratulations to Cowboy, you did better than me when I caved at 12 months. It took me 12 years to get back in the saddle!!!!!! I hasten to add though since my two year stint I’ve not taken as long, only 15 months 😵. Anyway I’m back and this thread is as usual supportive and informative.

I’m out in Spain for a short break, I must admit I’ve not wavered at all. I’ve checked in on here daily somewhere and I found the book The Sober Diaries in my wardrobe which I am re reading which is motivating me as well. It does help that the weather has been glorious so we’ve spent quite a bit of time down on the beach, unseasonably warm for this time of the year.

I’ve got a few things organised over the next few weeks and one thing I’m doing is not get involved in anything I don’t want to do. I’ve had it pretending I’m enjoying myself when people are getting smashed......I don’t need it now or ever. I hate saying this is my final go at this, but it is. I’ve always said it’s a journey but I can’t keep relapsing after long spells of sobriety. I have learned so much now that it’s got to be my time. I have been doing AA but it does get me down that they automatically expect you to be hard liquor drinkers, waiting for the “yets”. My drinking is no worse and no better than that many years ago. I just know I have a problem with binge drinking and tbh I just can’t be bothered battling the wine witch 🧙‍♀️ anymore.

Off out for a meal now.......designated driver again, but that’s ok.
"Don't look back, you're not going that way"

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Winkler
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by Winkler » 29 Nov 2019 07:52

Yeh, I think AA is aimed more for dependent drinkers than us bingers maybe Leslans?
Props we should start hazardous drinkers anonymous instead :)
Yeh, I’m with you on not tolerating being round boring drunks indulging their habit, I’d rather clean my oven
I’m out with friends today and there’s a lunch booked with free bubbly.
I shall not be partaking and it won’t bother me
I won’t be hanging around if they want to start tea time drinking tho, life’s too short to sit around feeling bored! ;)
Alcohol is an addictive poison

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Leslans
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by Leslans » 29 Nov 2019 15:59

Well can you believe it’s been 27 on the beach today. Absolutely fab. Not back here for a while but just got myself some Nordic walking poles to use when we’re back. Another pastime which got sidelined as I opted to go to the Hacienda for wine or gin. Funny wasn’t drinking when I was here in September and did a 22k walk (got a bit lost) and it was breathtaking in them there mountains.

So a very successful trip off to the airport soon :\:
"Don't look back, you're not going that way"

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silvergirl
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by silvergirl » 29 Nov 2019 18:02

Fantastic Leslans, well done! \:)/

Winkler, this:
Winkler wrote:
29 Nov 2019 07:52
I’d rather clean my oven
is just hilarious, perhaps because cleaning my oven isn’t a task I ever do! :lol:

Happy holiday cowboy, hope you have the best time. :D

ScarletB, how are you doing today? <:)>

I’m so glad it’s Friday, and I’m so glad I don’t drink. \:)/

:geek: sgx
you can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.
~jon kabat-zinn

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Winkler
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by Winkler » 30 Nov 2019 10:23

because cleaning my oven isn’t a task I ever do! :lol:

Lol, nor me SG, well, extremely rarely and never very well anyway, although I do occasionally plan to and even buy products to :lol:

So I thought I’d put this down, because it’s part of my ongoing, recovery is the wrong word, commitment to being a non drinker.
There! I thought semantics weren’t important to me but it appears the longer this thing goes on, that they are, because I have been going round the block with this so long and being a non drinker is really important to me. I need it to be real. I’m not a recovering alcoholic but it’s also painful if I try to moderate.

I went out with my friends for the day yesterday as planned. Don’t worry, I stayed AF and was never particularly tempted ;)? They all know I don’t drink.
So there were tastes of alcohol and free glasses offered throughout the day as per a Black Friday shopping in town and Xmas markets. Not a big problem avoiding and I even sourced some for them. I started getting bored with them drinking at lunch time. After that I was surprised how long it took for them to want more to drink (I would have been suggesting it sooner) but well before the end of the evening I was looking for an opportunity to get away without seeming rude. I couldn’t get away earlier and at least we’d ended back in our home town earlier rather than later! These are not particularly heavy drinkers, the conversation did touch on girls who were though, and of course it sounded fun being that way. But we all know about the dark side of drinking that way and yes of course there was also history of and ongoing relationship difficulties, health/appearance and risky behaviour in those heavy drinkers, which we all know/experience.

This is how it will be now, I’m realising. Socialising only lasts as long as there’s drinking going on. I was out for tea with some other friends the day before and everyone left as soon as eating was over, pretty much, as everyone was driving.
Better lower my expectations of ‘going out.’ I just don’t enjoy company for any length of time if it’s based round other people drinking, although I’m happy to hang for a while if people aren’t drinking.

I suppose I already knew, it’s just gonna be important for me to remember when planning stuff cos other people won’t be taking it into account!

I suppose I’m still relatively new into an adult life with no expectation of drinking, even though I’ve had birthdays, holidays and Xmas not drinking before in the last few years. I’ve always just gone along with not drinking when others do. I’ve kind of believed I didn’t like events, company or socialising if I wasn’t drinking but it’s more that I don’t like SOME events, socialising and company without drinking. It is a subtle difference but one that’s really important and mostly down to how much drinking others are going to be doing and over what timescale I will be agreeing to. Life can still be fun without being shitfaced and that’s down to me to manage!
Alcohol is an addictive poison

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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by MikeB » 30 Nov 2019 14:46

Hi all

I’m back here under a different name. Lost password and email access from previous one. I’m Jimi. Anyway, not important in a way :) So I think I need a support group again so I’m here. There is no such suitable group where I live. I relapsed twice this year and it wasn’t good for anyone. I am off it almost two weeks. I drank for 5 days straight before that. Not huge amount but landed me in financial trouble and worried family. The usual. So you might see me around. Hope you doing OK this Saturday <:)> <:)>

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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by martha » 30 Nov 2019 14:58

MikeB wrote:
30 Nov 2019 14:46
Hi all

I’m back here under a different name. Lost password and email access from previous one. I’m Jimi. Anyway, not important in a way :) So I think I need a support group again so I’m here. There is no such suitable group where I live. I relapsed twice this year and it wasn’t good for anyone. I am off it almost two weeks. I drank for 5 days straight before that. Not huge amount but landed me in financial trouble and worried family. The usual. So you might see me around. Hope you doing OK this Saturday <:)> <:)>
Welcome back, MikeB/Jimi! :\:
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Topcat
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by Topcat » 01 Dec 2019 19:06

MikeB wrote:
30 Nov 2019 14:46
I’m back here under a different name
Welcome back Mike/Jimi. Look forward to seeing you around the boards ;)?
#5 on the 2020 Challenge
Today is our most precious possession.

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Topcat
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by Topcat » 01 Dec 2019 19:08

Winkler wrote:
30 Nov 2019 10:23
Life can still be fun without being shitfaced and that’s down to me to manage!
It certainly can be fun without alcohol Winkler and, what's more, you remember it ;)?
#5 on the 2020 Challenge
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by Jjjj of Old » 02 Dec 2019 20:37

Good to see you again, Mike (Jimi of old) ;)?
"Addiction doesn’t go away when we stop drinking." ~ Tai

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Winkler
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Re: The Road to Abstinence.

Post by Winkler » 08 Dec 2019 09:02

Morning all - not much traffic here in the last week
Ive just seen a fb post from a beautiful lady we met on holiday - she was planning her PHd, had worked internationally, had film star looks, was confident and friendly and also didn’t drink
She hadn’t made much of her AF status, kind of lumped it in with a weight loss/fitness plan she was following
Turns out she was following the 12 steps all along!
I’m not sure what to make of it really, but glad I met her - I was a bit in awe of her. That hasn’t changed :)
There was a sadness about her, or maybe she was just less reactive and quieter than other people, or more reflective, or just more clever - bit of an enigma.
Or maybe working on this thing does give us all an extra dimension..... hey, I can dream :lol2:
Alcohol is an addictive poison

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