diane83 wrote:Hate myself and think this is the time I should leave BE. Everyone on here is lovely and I know will tell me not to beat myself up about it, forgive myself and tomorrow is another day. That is what we keep on saying to each other. I know as I have given the same advice myself. Perhaps we should be saying pull ourselves together and get on with life. I have friends with awful problems, one whose child is dying, another with MS and another with problems as a carer for her elderly invalid parents. Do they drink? The answer is NO.
Does anyone else think we keep on giving each other on this site the permission to drink. I am sorry for sounding like this. Awful day, daughter's birthday who I will never see again because I could not put down a bottle of wine.
Just want to die.
I have put this post on "are you drinking now" as I know there is noone who can help me.
Diane, I hope you are still reading. I think I know what you mean. IMHO the "don't beat yourself up" type of message is really important because slips are very common. It is very, very rare for somebody to swear 'Never again' and stick to it. I believe everybody who has achieved long-term sobriety has gone through a phase of trying and 'failing'. So we MUST encourage everybody to keep trying. 'If at first you don't succeed then try, try again' as the saying has it.
HOWEVER, I also think there is a trap here. We can settle for being in our drinking comfort zone. Imagine (or remember): you decide to stop drinking but find you cannot for more than a day or two. You are alone in the giving-up-drinking world. You keep on trying and failing. Then you discover a place like this and find others in the same boat. It is so easy to pat each other on the back and say: 'There, there. Do not worry. Same with me.' Then we
'decide' that this is OK. As long as we are 'doing something about it' we are 'getting there'. That is the trap. That is the comfort zone. It takes more to achieve sobriety. All the techniques, all the self-help books, all the weird and wonderful supplements and mind-training methods are just support. They amount to squat-diddley unless we decide to go flat-out, accept the hardship and get on with it. Sure, use all that support, all that advice because it does help
but it has to be put into practice and only one person can do that.
This is a support
forum for people with alcohol problems Support is vital but it is just support. It can not do the journey for you. I have taken a huge amount of advice and
huggie, huggie-type support ( which is really important to me) from here. It has helped enormously but ultimately I have always known that it is up to me to do the work. The basic message I get from here is that, no matter what problems I encounter, I have to deal with them. Others can let me know that I am not alone in having these problems, they can tell me how they dealt with them, but it is I who have to deal with my problems.
So, please do not write BE off. Ask for help when you need it. Read what is offered in assistance. Then take the responsibility for making a decision and putting it into practise. It is your life. It is your choice to make it what you want it to be. What others get, or do not get, from this site should not matter. It is up to you to look beyond the inevitable smoke-and-mirrors. There is a lot of stage-conjouring around but, if you look for it, there is true magic going on here.
cos they can work too. It means (to me) I empathise.
An Inuit story. An old man is talking to his grandson: 'Inside me are two dogs fighting: a black one and a white one.` `Which one will win?' asks the boy. 'The one I feed'