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SOS - Post here if you need help (No General Chat Please)

New Members thread, SOS thread, Daily chat and Support, Cutting Down, Abstinence and more.
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Jake.
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (No General Chat Please

Post by Jake. » 15 Mar 2013 20:58

diane83 wrote:Hate myself and think this is the time I should leave BE. Everyone on here is lovely and I know will tell me not to beat myself up about it, forgive myself and tomorrow is another day. That is what we keep on saying to each other. I know as I have given the same advice myself. Perhaps we should be saying pull ourselves together and get on with life. I have friends with awful problems, one whose child is dying, another with MS and another with problems as a carer for her elderly invalid parents. Do they drink? The answer is NO.

Does anyone else think we keep on giving each other on this site the permission to drink. I am sorry for sounding like this. Awful day, daughter's birthday who I will never see again because I could not put down a bottle of wine.

Just want to die.

I have put this post on "are you drinking now" as I know there is noone who can help me.
Why do you feel you are less worthy than other people? Just because someone has MS doesn't make them more worthy or less worthy than you!!! You deserve help aswell and you should put your recovery first. Why cut off a vital support line? I don't feel bright eye supports me in drinking, it aids my recovery, and so it can for you.

Saying pull yourself together does nothing to help you deal with your problems, its the feeling you should 'pull yourself together' that probably got you in this mess!

Try not to hate yourself, that does nothing to help you. We are here for you. As has been said the only person choosing your fate is you.

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mitch12
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (No General Chat Please

Post by mitch12 » 15 Mar 2013 21:58

felt quite ok at beginning 0f evening, fairly positive so opened bottle of wine. :roll: despite my efforts to be positive I guess with OH on his regular night out I am feelng lonely and lost. Have enjoyed making plans this evening for me but at the end of it all I can see is loneliness. Was supposed to be on two week thread tomorrow but (no disrespect) when I made my entry it seemed I didn't fit the "gang" Really struggling self harming. Why cannot I get past these Friday nights?
Day 1

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mitch12
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (No General Chat Please

Post by mitch12 » 15 Mar 2013 22:07

Just fiished last of wine. sorry but nomatter how positive I try to be hate myself right now.
Day 1

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chriscole
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (No General Chat Please

Post by chriscole » 15 Mar 2013 22:13

straight to bed then mitch hey? glass of water before and during??
maybe draw up a plan to tackle further friday nights?
2017 challenge member #34 !!!

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mitch12
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (No General Chat Please

Post by mitch12 » 15 Mar 2013 22:19

Yeah OH has to deal with this all the while. Hid the wine when I got in and waited until he left, I feel so ashamed feel like a whole load of jelly fallen out of its mould. Have let oH down, let myself down. sorry BE
Day 1

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TAD
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (No General Chat Please

Post by TAD » 15 Mar 2013 22:22

Hey Mitch really feel ur pain right now. Try and switch off now and like others have said...tomorrow IS another day my friend. Be kind to yourself now xx
Nam-Myoho-Renge-Kyo

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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (No General Chat Please

Post by TAD » 15 Mar 2013 22:40

Mitch I'm sorry...i've just read your previous posts...i replied to the ones I saw on this page as I wanted to try n support. Nway...i've read that you were about to join the two week challenge...that's some achievement,really it is!!!! I do think that if u can re-hydrate now and sleep then it will be easier to put this slip into perspective tomorrow. you've come so farnow xx
Nam-Myoho-Renge-Kyo

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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (No General Chat Please

Post by Biggles » 15 Mar 2013 22:40

C'mon Mitch girlie! You've got the pony to work on tomorrow <:)> Don't give up and don't hate yourself....you're lovely ;)?

Bxxx
( Note to self.... ) GO AND DO SOMETHING !!!!
#31 for 2013.

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mitch12
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (No General Chat Please

Post by mitch12 » 15 Mar 2013 22:51

Thank you peeps, if only I could have you in my front room right now. Will confront OH about step children and then decide if it is time to move on or not. Am now asking myself the question is it fair that I hurt myself because "your child is a t**t" eating chocolate and on my way back up x
Day 1

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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (No General Chat Please

Post by Connie44 » 15 Mar 2013 22:53

Good lass get some water down you as well (saves on the hangover in the morning)

Bed now for me nite all xx
I'm allergic to alcohol - it can kill me.

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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (No General Chat Please

Post by TAD » 15 Mar 2013 23:15

Great stuff Mitch!!! Put yourself first right now n address other stuff tomorrow xx
Nam-Myoho-Renge-Kyo

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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (No General Chat Please

Post by Jaxom » 16 Mar 2013 12:03

:arrow:
diane83 wrote:Hate myself and think this is the time I should leave BE. Everyone on here is lovely and I know will tell me not to beat myself up about it, forgive myself and tomorrow is another day. That is what we keep on saying to each other. I know as I have given the same advice myself. Perhaps we should be saying pull ourselves together and get on with life. I have friends with awful problems, one whose child is dying, another with MS and another with problems as a carer for her elderly invalid parents. Do they drink? The answer is NO.

Does anyone else think we keep on giving each other on this site the permission to drink. I am sorry for sounding like this. Awful day, daughter's birthday who I will never see again because I could not put down a bottle of wine.

Just want to die.

I have put this post on "are you drinking now" as I know there is noone who can help me.
Diane, I hope you are still reading. I think I know what you mean. IMHO the "don't beat yourself up" type of message is really important because slips are very common. It is very, very rare for somebody to swear 'Never again' and stick to it. I believe everybody who has achieved long-term sobriety has gone through a phase of trying and 'failing'. So we MUST encourage everybody to keep trying. 'If at first you don't succeed then try, try again' as the saying has it.

HOWEVER, I also think there is a trap here. We can settle for being in our drinking comfort zone. Imagine (or remember): you decide to stop drinking but find you cannot for more than a day or two. You are alone in the giving-up-drinking world. You keep on trying and failing. Then you discover a place like this and find others in the same boat. It is so easy to pat each other on the back and say: 'There, there. Do not worry. Same with me.' Then we 'decide' that this is OK. As long as we are 'doing something about it' we are 'getting there'. That is the trap. That is the comfort zone. It takes more to achieve sobriety. All the techniques, all the self-help books, all the weird and wonderful supplements and mind-training methods are just support. They amount to squat-diddley unless we decide to go flat-out, accept the hardship and get on with it. Sure, use all that support, all that advice because it does help but it has to be put into practice and only one person can do that.

This is a support forum for people with alcohol problems Support is vital but it is just support. It can not do the journey for you. I have taken a huge amount of advice and huggie, huggie-type support ( which is really important to me) from here. It has helped enormously but ultimately I have always known that it is up to me to do the work. The basic message I get from here is that, no matter what problems I encounter, I have to deal with them. Others can let me know that I am not alone in having these problems, they can tell me how they dealt with them, but it is I who have to deal with my problems.

So, please do not write BE off. Ask for help when you need it. Read what is offered in assistance. Then take the responsibility for making a decision and putting it into practise. It is your life. It is your choice to make it what you want it to be. What others get, or do not get, from this site should not matter. It is up to you to look beyond the inevitable smoke-and-mirrors. There is a lot of stage-conjouring around but, if you look for it, there is true magic going on here.

Dave

PS <:)> <:)> cos they can work too. It means (to me) I empathise.
An Inuit story. An old man is talking to his grandson: 'Inside me are two dogs fighting: a black one and a white one.` `Which one will win?' asks the boy. 'The one I feed'

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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (No General Chat Please

Post by MakeYourself » 16 Mar 2013 13:04

Pardon my French, but you guys f**king rock

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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (No General Chat Please

Post by TAD » 16 Mar 2013 14:21

Wow what an amazing post!!!! Sitting here having a bit of a wobble on this drizzly Saturday afternoon and thought I would have a quick browse through the site. So glad I did now. Have managed to pull myself together and push out the usual excuses to drink. Thankyou!!!!
Nam-Myoho-Renge-Kyo

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I need URGENT help - please answear ASAP !

Post by Eileen » 17 Mar 2013 12:12

I have been drinking at least a bottle of vodka a day. I am having periods of staying sober but they are short (a week or two) and I achieve it ONLY if I take Antabuse. I really have enough and I know one day I will drink myself to death. I feel very guilty because I know I hurt my husband very much and he is trying to help me so much. But unfortunately, when it comes to alcohol I will do anything. Few months ago I drank on Antabuse and got very sick. So I came up with ways to trick my husband into thinking that I am taking it but I really wasn't. For example, I took magnesium suplement instead, making him think I am taking Antabuse. Or recently I was taking Antabuse but then I vomited it. I found out that if I do that I can drink straight after. But I am getting scared now and I really want to stop. Some time ago, I took Antabuse and gave my husband my wallet so I had no chance of buying anything and I went to work and I drank ethanol that we have in the laboratory. I got all the side effects - I flushed, vomited really heavily and I passed out. I don't know how long I was laying in the office unconscious but I think it was around half an hour; there was nobody around at that time. I know how ridiculous it all must sound ! I told myself enough last week when I was using ethanol in the laboratory (this time for work purposes, I had already drunk almost a bottle of vodka anyway) and I saw a label on this laboratory ethanol: it was 98% of ethanol and 2 % of methanol !!!! I got really scared thinking that if Antabuse previously didn't make me sick (when I passed away) I would die because of methanol content. I thought how stupid I really am. I have enough of being drunk, being tired, hiding, lying, looking bad etc. So I told myself I will just get into this weekend and I will stop. I got rid of all alcohol yesterday (by secretly drinking it, of course!). I told my husband about all the tricks I use to avoid taking Antabuse. I told him to give me Antabuse and don't let me leave the room for an hour. But I didn't tell him I was drinking at least a bottle of vodka per day for last few weeks. I was too ashamed and I didn't want to disappoint him again. He is away for few days now. And now comes my question: can I take Librium when I took Antabuse 3 hours ago? I have enough for few days, I have done it before and I know I should reduce the dosage gradually. The reason I am asking is because I am experiencing withdrawal symptoms (I was hoping I am not physically addicted yet). I can't walk straight, I am vomiting every few minutes, I don't have energy to get up and do anything at all, I have even problems typing, I feel disorientated, I think I see things that are not there and I am scared I am gonna colapse and nobody will even know because I am on my own for next 5 days. I read on the Internet that it is not a good thing to just stop if I am a heavy drinker. Of course, I can't have a drink now because I took Antabuse. So can I be on both medications at the same time?

I also know I need some profesional help because without alcohol I feel lost. I can't concentrate, nothing makes me smile, I can't be bothered to do anything at all; it is like I am depressed again. When I have a drink I think I am funnier, more confident, I have a courage to talk to my co-workers. In reality it is only in my mind - my husband says I am much better to be with when I am sober. I think I need to join some support group.

Anyway, could you answer my question above ASAP as I feel really horrible and I think I am gonna die.

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Jake.
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (No General Chat Please

Post by Jake. » 17 Mar 2013 12:22

A bottle of vodka a day is a lot, but you don't need me to tell you that. With that amount of alcohol consumption I think you should seek medical help before detoxing. You can cause serious permanent neurological/physiological damage but with the right meds these can be avoided.

I remember that feeling, laying in bed at night, unable to sleep, being scared/anxious/panicy and nervous thinking I wouldn't wake up! Suffice to say it was all caused by alcohol and I am still here today. You will get through it, with the right support and assistance

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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Eileen » 17 Mar 2013 12:54

Crackers24 wrote:Hi,Eileen, pleased you felt you could post, lots of us here in similar situation,just have a look round some of the threads and see what could help.

Are you looking to quit completely? X


Crackers
Yes, I want to quit completely. I had detox with librium 5 times, twice at home under my husband supervision. But I am on my own for next few days and I am just a little worried because I feel horrible. I took Antabuse today morning because these days it is the only thing that stops me from drinking. I didn't expect to feel this way as my recent laps lasted only 3 weeks (I went through whole bottle of vodka throughout the day; had last drink at 9 p.m.). I can't have a drink now because of Antabuse. But I know librium usually helps and I have it at home (last detox). I just don't know can I take it with Antabuse, which as I said I took today morning. I am also really scared to go to sleep because I am shivering and sweating a lot (I am completely wet like after a shower). I don't want to go to the hospital because last time they took me they couldn't speak English (I am doing a PhD around Europe and right now I am in Prague). I want to stop because I feel like I am losing my job and I am scared that my husband, who is very suportive, will have enough one day. Plus if you read my previous comment you can see what I can do (i.e. drink laboratory ethanol contaminated with METHANOL). Methanol = death. I feel like such an idiot and a loser. It is a miracle that nobody at work guessed I am constantly drunk.

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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (No General Chat Please

Post by Eileen » 17 Mar 2013 13:00

All, thank you for help and kind words. I have medication at home (after last detox). But I have done a mistake. I took Antabuse today morning and I don't know can I take librium as well (to lessen the symptoms). I know it works for me but I don't know can I mix them. I have emailed my psychiatrist but I don't think he checks his emails on Sunday. I have worked with him previously and he speaks good English and prescribed me these meds previously. Except I went through a detox with librium first, staying at home with my husband so I wouldn't drink and then I took Antabuse. The reason for not doing it in this order this time is explained in my original post - I was too ashamed to tell my husband that I am drinking again. He worries about me and then can't sleep, it affects his work too because he gets down.

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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (No General Chat Please

Post by Eileen » 17 Mar 2013 13:07

When I get up, I go blind for few seconds and feel dizzy. Is that really dangerous?

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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (No General Chat Please

Post by jaffa21 » 17 Mar 2013 21:42

EILEEN, PLEASE SEK HELP NOW!!

I understand you are mixing drugs....this is not good!! I have never taken antabuse or librium but by the sound of your symptoms you need to go to an Accident emergency or A & E ... Please don't worry about the husband he will be pleased you are safe and seeking help. I'm sure he will support you when he gets back.

Winker is right, do not worry about the language barrier just go to get help!! NOW!! PLEASE!!

Stay safe xxx
I am fighting this with all my might.

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