SOS - Post here if you need help (No General Chat Please)

[Mark.]

I also feel that I am totally undeserving of support having had a lot of it over the years and letting everyone down time and again.

You've never let down anyone here, April, and you certainly ARE deserving of support! I hope you'll stick around a bit longer, even if all you do is read and chip in occasionally. There's no pressure. And here you don't have to try to solve everything all on your own. There's good, no-strings company here, if you want it?

[Shell26]

Hi everyone
So it feels a bit strange coming on a forum to ask for help/advice, I find it so hard to admit I have a problem and tell myself every time this is the last one!
So basically I wake up and go to work every day and I feel fine. I dont bat an eyelid about needing a drink. As soon as I finish I drive home and think 'f**k it' and get a few beers/bottle wine. Sometimes its 4 beers, sometimes 2, sometimes just 1 but I just can't seem to resist that urge to have a wee drink after work. My fiance is the same. Anyone in the same boat? The funny thing is, if we have a night out on a weekend, I can take the car and dont think twice. I was at 2 gigs at the weekend and drove to both. It's just after work the problem lies! It's as though when I sit down with a beer or glass of red, my working day is over and i can relax.

[SoberBoots]

Hi Shell,
That was of (of my many) triggers too. You've come to believe that alcohol = relaxation, and that's a dangerous pattern forming. I really recommend reading one of Allen Carr's easy way books, they really helped my mindset.

[Shell26]

Thank you sober boots! I'll check the book out. Definitely got myself into a bit of a bad routine! Thanks got the link to the audiobook, I'll give it a bash!

[Lisagna]

Hello all and happy new year.
I’m in Sydney, Australia. I’m desperate to stop drinking but I can’t due to severe withdrawals. I have my first drink at 5am and then continue until 11pm every day/night. I can’t see a doctor because of my job - I can’t have alcoholism on my health record.
No one knows that I’m an alcoholic - not even my parter of seven years. I’m drinking a bottle of vodka a day and then wine with dinner. I keep my Vodka in the bathroom - my partner has no idea.
It feels like I’m in a viscous cycle of trying to taper-off but hitting a point every day where I just think “f$#k it”. I wake up every day wanting, planning, praying to do the right thing but I fail.
Any advice is sooo welcome
Lisa X

[Iroquois]

Lis,

Hang in there! We all have been at this point of desperation! We have all tried and tried and tried to quit and then said F*** it and continued drinking against our own will, in a way!

But, as all of us have found out, that is the beginning! The start just always seems to present with quitting and relapses and back and forth and back and forth, etc.!

I am so proud of you that you are sticking in there and just not fading away from BE! That means that you really DO want to quit and you really know you NEED to quit drinking!

Just calm down, take a deep breath and remember that any journey starts with the first step!

Then come up with a plan! Are you sure you can't get help with a rehab or a doctor that will keep your recovery secret? You would be surprised at how many health care people will go out of their way to help you!

Right now, you are all paranoid and scared with lots of anxiety, am I right? Go to your doctor or HCP and just open up and talk about it, you might just be totally surprised at how much help is out there!

Keep posting and we will help you through this! We do care!

Deanna

[Iroquois]

I will check back to see if you post again soon, then share with you the plan I finally adopted that got me out of the viscous cycle of binge and relapse.

And, your secret from your partner or others might not be as secret as you think. You might find lots and lots of help right in your circle of people you care most about! When you are drunk or drunkish, a lot of things are going on that you just are not aware of, enlist the ones you trust to help you! It works!

Keep posting!

Deanna

[Topcat]

Hi Lisa

Very wise words from Deanna That is a very high level of alcohol that you are getting through and, I don't want to worry you, but it can be extremely dangerous to detox without medical assistance when you have that level of dependence. You need to be aware that withdrawal can result in an alcohol withdrawal seizure (it did for me). Please seek professional help

As for people not being aware of the level of your problem, as Deanna says, I'm sure they know a lot more than you think they do (they probably know where you hide it too).

[Lush4life]

Morning Lisagna,
welcome, cant add much more than the very wise words already written, just to say
( and I don't say this lightly) your health is more important than any job; indeed sometimes its the job along with many other factors causing us to turn to this harmful form of escape.
You must now put yourself first in all this, before you completely fall apart I'm fairly sure given the amount you're drinking you must be feeling both physically and definitely mentally, quite ill.
When we do get well, you'll be amazed how great you feel, over time we forget how bloody awful drink makes us feel, we get used to feeling so wrung out it becomes the norm.
I would definitely do as TC says, seek a doctors help, just to add not all doctors are sympathetic with regards addiction, so if you have a trusted friend ( or come clean to your partner, doing just that alone can be such a weight lifted , honestly it can)
Take them with you, you may have to knock on a few doors before you get the help you need and yes deserve!!
I personally could not have got any long term sobriety without medical detox (to my shame I had 3)
I tried and failed for so very long on my own and suffered very badly trying to detox myself, so like has been said you are drinking a lot , I just wouldn't advise you do it yourself.
Take care, keep posting,that was a brave first step posting here, but you are among friends and you will get valuable support and advice from those that understand .

[Shadowlad]

Hello Lisa and welcome

I can't really add to the brilliant advice already given but do empathise and i sincerely wish you well. Your health must come first because alcoholism is very serious condition and progressive. No job is worth sacrificing your health for, and there does come a time when we get too ill to work anyway. It gets worse without proper treatment and intervention.

Hopefully the above responses will have given you hope, direction and made you feel less isolated.

Please take care,

Nicky xx

[SoberBoots]

Lisa I've responed to you on the new members thread. Trust that there IS a way through this. Alcohol addiction can cause us to despair, but it's totally possible to recover and be free of it.

[Avocado]

I'm just posting on here as I feel like drinking but I don't actually want to. I'm being used as an emotional punchbag by my husband. He got rushed to hospital last week with a heart problem. He's ok now and is at home but he's been having dramatic mood swings. Last Friday he was so horrible to me he said he hates me he doesn't want to be with me, called me some nasty names and threw a cup of tea across the room where it smashed. I could say it's the shock of what happened about being taken ill but the truth is he's behaved like this many times before but now I'm trapped and just supposed to take it because he's unwell. Anyway that drove me to drink and I downed wine on an empty stomach to the point of blackout and felt very ill the next day. I have not drank sinse then but he's started being nasty to me again today sending horrible text messages and telling lies about me to his family.
I'm feeling the same emotions right now as I felt on Friday, lost, heartbroken and helpless. I'm at work trying not to cry and the wine witch is being very loud saying I could numb out the heartache by drinking.

[Sue C]

Avocado - sending you big hugs and lots of solidarity. No-one has the right to speak to you and treat you like that - no matter what the relationship or circumstances. Put you first. And don't be forced into making a 'choice' (to drink) that you don't really want to make.
Keep posting if it helps. Tell the WW to do one!!
Sue x

[SoberBoots]

I'm so sorry Avo. It does seem very often that drink problems and difficult relationships go hand in hand in a very unlovely dance. Drinking will, as you know, only make you feel ill, erode your self-confidence, and reduce your ability to cope. Can you remove yourself from the situation? Go and stay with friends or relatives for a few days? In case there's any thought about you being selfish or uncaring to do this, knock it on the head - losing his temper isn't healthy for him with his heart trouble, so by getting a bit of distance you would be looking after not just yourself but him as well.

If you stay, then you must focus on yourself - his moods, actions, and self-care are his responsibility, yours are yours...

[DannyD]

Avocado can you grab something to eat on the way home? Fish and chips, burgers - anything. And lots of it. Firstly it distracts from wine thoughts, and secondly, if you do drink, it won't be on an empty tum.

And maybe video him whilst he's ranting. Publicise his texts. I expect he's frightened, and resents being reliant on someone to nurse him. No reason to be cruel though

[martha]

Avocado, just what Sue and SB have said. Please look after yourself and put yourself first. You deserve better than someone treating you like this and you definitely deserve better than the poison that is wine.

[Avocado]

Thanks so much for your kind words and advice, it's really helped and I'm glad I posted. I left work with the WW whispering to me so went straight to McDonald's drive thru and got a garlic chicken wrap and chips. That pretty much smothered the wine witch and enabled me to go to the shop to get some essentials without getting wine. Thanks DannyD for that advice. Now the window of opportunity to get wine is closed unless I'm desperate enough to bundle the kids into the car and drive to a shop but I'm pretty sure I won't, I'm too lazy for that
Your words have really helped me realise I'm worth more than making myself ill with alcohol, sometimes an outsider's viewpoint helps put things into perspective. I am going to have a break from the husband, I've been using alcohol for years to numb my feelings and brushed things under the carpet to forget how much he's hurt me without actually dealing with the situation, until the next time. It's toxic. You're right SB he is responsible for his own moods and actions, I have 2 little people to take care of so if I'm unwell because of the husband treating me badly or or my own self medicating it has a knock on effect on them and that is not acceptable.
The cravings today have been coming intensely and going again it's weird how when the cravings are there I'm seeing it as a some kind of pleasure, something that will make me feel good but when the cravings go I'm back to reality and think back to the last time I drank when it was far from pleasurable, I possibly got 5 minutes relief then after that it was horrible and I wasted a whole day the next day feeling severely ill.

Thanks again guys I'm still here to fighting, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger etc.

[DannyD]

Well done. All positive thinking. Because you ARE worth it

[Avocado]

Thank you honestly I really mean it I probably would've succumbed to the evil witch if I hadn't posted on here and got some support. I'm really glad I won't feel hungover tomorrow. This is a new me, I'm changing my autopilot. I've built some sober muscles l never would've been able to resist the drink a month or so ago, in a situation like this, or any day of the week at all to be honest.

Just to let you know I'll probably delete my original post in a day or 2 (not the replies) just because I'm paranoid that if I write too much personal info about my life someone from real life may realise it's me. And it's nice to be anonymous it's easier to be completely honest that way.

[SoberBoots]

You're doing great Avocado, be proud of yourself! It's a nice feeling - until I got sober I hadn't realised it had pretty much gone from my life...

You're unlikely to be identified - we don't even know what country people are in - but do whatever it takes to be able to be open on here, because it does really help. I changed my user name a while ago, because my original choice used both my real name and my location, lol. I was either still drunk or in severe withdrawal when I picked it, natch.