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SOS - Post here if you need help (No General Chat Please)

New Members thread, SOS thread, Daily chat and Support, Cutting Down, Abstinence and more.
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Sandy
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (No General Chat Please)

Post by Sandy » 07 Jul 2020 09:34

Hi Glove
Have you contacted your fathers GP? I think this may be the first place to start assuming he is registered with a practice?

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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (No General Chat Please)

Post by Lennylenny » 11 Jul 2020 06:34

Not drank for a week , was drinking six k ciders a day plus vodka, been ok, but last night awful night sleep with nightmares and I feel really shaky and heady this morning . Should I of completly stopped or should I cut down but drink something? When I last stopped it was in a in house detox, never done it on my own

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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (No General Chat Please)

Post by SoberBoots » 11 Jul 2020 09:18

Lennylenny wrote:
11 Jul 2020 06:34
Not drank for a week , was drinking six k ciders a day plus vodka, been ok, but last night awful night sleep with nightmares and I feel really shaky and heady this morning . Should I of completly stopped or should I cut down but drink something? When I last stopped it was in a in house detox, never done it on my own
Hi Lenny, initial withdrawal from alcohol takes around three weeks, as you can see here. The reason they medicate you through withdrawal in rehab is to prevent the risk of seizures, after a week dry you should be out of this particular danger. But if you feel worried, get on to your GP. I found I had some symptoms for a long time (months) sleep disturbance, fatigue, and upset bowels being the worst. But they did reduce over time, and the amount of time that I felt sooo much better in myself increased. I never doubted that I was doing the right thing, rather it made me realise how deeply addicted I was to such a damaging drug. Make sure you take your vitamins (B1, magnesium, calcium), eat as well as you can and rest as much as you need.
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (No General Chat Please)

Post by Lennylenny » 11 Jul 2020 13:08

Thank you so much for that reply, really really helped, thank u🙏🙏

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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (No General Chat Please)

Post by Luna_ » 21 Jul 2020 22:30

Hi Lenny <:)>
Good advice from SB there - the vits are very important. If you can get hold of L-Glutamine (bodybuilders use it, it's an amino acid that for some reason also helps in some brain chemical way to help cravings, but I find it also helps with the jitters. Another great tool (works for me anyway) is OTC Valerina Forte (or whatever it's called in UK/wherever - it's Valerian root extract - get the strongest type). It really works for withdrawal-related jitters and anxiety (and taken before bedtime it also seems to calm those crazy freaky dreams/nightmares).

I also have gone through withdrawals and these get worse each time I have a stupid relapse. It is true, as sober-boots says - this is a sign of worrying addiction to an extremely destructive drug.

Treat yourself as if you're recovering from a bad illness (which you are). Pretend you're in rehab, if you can. Treat yourself kike you'd treat a friend in your condition. Be kind - and now you're a week in - please don't fall into the famous trap of either "oh, I'm fixed now, so I'll just have a can of..." or "I can't take this any more, just one teeny little can will make me feel better". Play the tape forward, you know how it will end.

Peace and strength <:)>
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (No General Chat Please)

Post by zoe_456 » 12 Aug 2020 08:10

Worried about husband....
So I joined today to try and get some help.
My husband who I love dearly has physical issues, resulting in him being quite limited in things he can do. I feel he is self medicating by over drinking. Hes always enjoyed a drink, as have I, and we have always had binge times for a few days now and then but I feel hes doing them more and more and more...almost every week now he spends 3-4 sometimes more days drunk and then add a day for a hangover our week is pretty much over. Hes making arrangements for the week ahead but then cancels or rearranged just about everything to fit around his drinking. Thing is I end up drinking with him, though I really dont want to, he will pressure and pressure till I give in...I resist sometimes but a lot of the time it gets gets too much and the easier option is to just join in...because of his physical limitations I'm also expected to make the drinks, help him go to the toilet and help him into bed when he is ready....we are meant to be trying for a family but that's never going to happen while he/we drink so much. I've tried talking to him but he just wont listen and always says things like 'lifes too short not to', 'you cant tell me what to do', 'it's ok when you want a drink', 'ok, last day, wont over drink next week'....but the next week is exactly the same. He doesnt listen to how much it's getting to me nor thinks he has an issue or is doing anything wrong.
I feel like I'm at a breaking point, im scared for our health, our marriage and our future but it goes in one ear and out the other....

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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (No General Chat Please)

Post by Luna_ » 12 Aug 2020 09:42

Dear Zoe <:)>
I feel for you in this difficult situation. This is a good forum to get advice and experiences from others.
There are also some threads about family matters and partners under the mental health board.

It's very sad, but true, that you can't just tell someone to stop drinking, once they have developed an unhealthy attachment/addiction to alcohol. I've been in the situation where I was developing a drink problem, and my partner yelled at me and punished me for excesses - but at the same time he'd start pouring me a drink when he felt I'd been "good" long enough and it all started over. Part of me wanted him to drink, so I'd be able to drink too (or he wouldn't smell it on me when I dived into my secret stash).

I'm in no way criticising, but I wonder what would happen if you stuck to your limits, and just didn't drink if you didn't want to. Having been on the side of the person with a drink problem, it does provoke some accountability. And yes, drinking all day/every day (or most days) really does obliterate the weeks - and ultimately also the years.

It must be hard for you to be a carer as well as a wife - and you are probably correct in that your husband may well be self-medicating with alcohol. It likely isn't how he wanted his life to end up - and so alcohol offers some temporary relief. Unfortunately, alcohol isn't the benign and innocent drug it's made out to be. Especially when used as medication, it really can take a hold (I know this from personal experience). And nothing in life can improve whilst in the ravages of alcohol (I spoiled about a decade - instead of leaving a bad situation, I just drank to "survive" - and it spiralled out of control).

I believe the best thing for you to do first is to look after yourself (you know, the oxygen mask on planes thing). While you are drinking to placate your husband, you can't look after yourself, and if you are not in a good place, it is difficult for you to help your husband. You can set a good example, by limiting your consumption, and perhaps you could consider making alcohol not quite so readily available. I'm trying to think what might have worked for me. Anger, threats and accusations did not work. What might have worked is to be supported but not enabled in drinking. Like - dear, what's troubling you so much that you need to drink like this? I know you are getting angry replies - but if you are sober/moderate and not joining in with his binges - you may see things clearer.

I'm sorry you and your husband have what sounds like serious physical issues to deal with - is there any way you could try to engage him in things you used to like sharing? Something that doesn't involve alcohol - just for an evening. Making a photo album or something. Calling some friends/family? or any other fun activities :oops:

Most of us trying to get off the booze have used techniques of distraction/delay. "I can have a drink - after I've done X..Y or Z". Or I'll just wait 10 minutes and reconsider. Cravings are strong. The "I need a drink - NOW" phenomenon is common to us all. But the thing with cravings is that they don't last for that long (at a time). If you can delay that first drink - and replace it with something else, it's a big step in the right direction.

I'm sorry to tell you that although it must be hard living with someone who drinks excessively - it isn't that much fun being the one who has a problem either. There is no quick fix - but compassion and some tough love (i.e. not enabling) will go a long way. Oh, and (this is important) - if the drinking has been heavy for a long time - do some research on withdrawal symptoms (see post above also) and try the Harm Reduction route - gradual reduction of units rather than a sudden stop. I can't post links at the moment - but google "HAMS" or "tapering with beer" etc.

Keep posting on the forum (it's helped so many of us to quit or reduce the booze), and I wish you all the best <:)>

ps there also is a thread for partners, but it's not much used.
I still have Faith, but right now I'm reaching for the moon.

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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (No General Chat Please)

Post by zoe_456 » 12 Aug 2020 12:09

Thank you so much for replying. I think posting here, for me, is the first step in the right direction.
Its really interesting to be able to get a different perspective, especially from someone who can relate to my husband and show me a different way of thinking and helping him.
I'm unsure if hes addicted, I'd say not as he can go days without, it's almost like an unhealthy relationship, routine. He insists on drinking every friday and saturday but quite often, more often then not lately especially since lockdown in march, that turns into sunday, monday sometimes tuesday...he says it's a 'hair of the dog', it's not....
Your absolutely right that lashing my frustrations at him, getting angry with him and even threats to leave have probably been counterproductive, I have to pour his drinks and i have told him no but it makes him feel undermined and patronised...but then pouring them makes me feel like I'm enabling him so I feel like I'm between a rock and a hard place
Your absolutely right too, I need to work on myself...maybe lead by example rather than get caught up in his wave of binge drinking and then blaming him....If i can control and take accountability for myself maybe itll help him too...its just the day i dont want to drink and he does, he can be pretty pressuring and draining...I just need to be strong I guess.
Do you think goal setting would help? We have things we want to do, like he wants to learn to drive, try for a family, decorate, places we want to go...but nothing seems to come of it and everything seems delayed by drinking. Do you think if I asked him to set mini goals like getting quotes by such and such date etc would help or just make it harder if we dont make them happen?

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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (No General Chat Please)

Post by Luna_ » 15 Aug 2020 09:01

Hi Zoe - sorry slow response. I hope you are feeling more positive.
I've moved this conversation to "Family Matters" under the Relationships section (go to "Board Index")
<:)>
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (No General Chat Please)

Post by janny » 15 Aug 2020 12:37

I am on Day 3 of not drinking and also tapering down (Day 1) on my use of Diazepam. Does anyone have experience of coming off Diazepam? Any advice would be gratefully received.

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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (No General Chat Please)

Post by pickles » 15 Aug 2020 12:51

Hi janny, I don’t know about diazepam. I found a link which might help .

https://addictionblog.org/support/diazepam-withdrawal/

” Diazepam withdrawal is not a joke. It can be extremely challenging. Some symptoms of withdrawal may even manifest and be confused with mood disorders or mental health issues. So, if you have attempted to quit diazepam on your own before but were unable to succeed due to the severity of withdrawal effects…keep reading. In the following sections, we outline what withdrawal feels like, how long it lasts, and how you can manage it safely“.


Hopefully there is someone on here who has experience ;)?
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (No General Chat Please)

Post by janny » 15 Aug 2020 13:02

I did not sleep at all last night. I took 10mg this morning and was planning to ride out the anxiety and take another 10mg tomorrow morning. Thank you pickles

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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (No General Chat Please)

Post by Luna_ » 15 Aug 2020 19:10

Hi Janny - sorry to hear of your issues.
Good info/link from Pickles <:)>

I haven't had a problem with diazepines (because my doc won't renew prescriptions of them to me) - but I had a hard time getting off some nerve medicines (gaba-pentins and similar).

Sorry if this sounds banal - but I took Valerian root extracts for withdrawal symptoms (here it is called Valerina Forte - it's OTC). I don't know about benzos but L-Glutamine also helped me with cravings.

And also - just treating yourself like you're recovering from the flu. Eat what you fancy (toast, soup etc) and get some vits in - either from fruit or supplements.

All the best <:)>
I still have Faith, but right now I'm reaching for the moon.

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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (No General Chat Please)

Post by janny » 15 Aug 2020 20:44

Thanks Luna ... really helpful.

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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (No General Chat Please)

Post by SoberBoots » 16 Aug 2020 08:18

Hi Janny, slow withdrawals the way - down to splitting the smallest possible dose of tablet and taking fractions of it. Do what you can to reduce your anxiety levels - no caffeine, no alcohol, keep to a routine, gentle exercise, relaxing books/music/films, try an app such as Headspace, or find relaxation techniques on Youtube.

All that said, be gentle with yourself. I am a little concerned that quitting two addictions at once is too much (this depends of course on what your drinking was like, but as you're on this forum I'm assuming it was problematic). Are you getting any medical advice? One thing Diazepam is prescribed for is alcohol withdrawal. I absolutely respect your choices, and admire you for getting clean, but if it's too much don't beat yourself up but try again, and personally I would quit the alcohol and be off it for a month or so (by which time you're properly through withdrawal, sleep has generally settled down, and you're starting to recover) and then gradually wean off the Diazepam.

Best of luck, and do come here for support, this is hard to do alone.
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (No General Chat Please)

Post by janny » 16 Aug 2020 10:58

Thank you Soberboots. I decided to quit both Diazepam and Alcohol but not quite at the same time. I was 3 days in with the Alcohol when I started tapering down on the Diazepam. I was drinking and taking Diazepam. I had my first night without Diazepam last night and it was very, very difficult. I would not recommend going cold turkey it was the worst and most frightening night of my life. However I am forging ahead on my second day without Diazepam if I can do so safely and comfortably. I have some spare tablets and if it becomes too hard I will take part of it, as you suggest. I am going to make an appointment to talk to my Dr on Monday to talk to him about a tapering schedule because going forward I don't think I will be able to manage maintaining cold turkey... unless I stay in bed for 2 months!

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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (No General Chat Please)

Post by Lush4life » 16 Aug 2020 13:29

Janny was on diazepam on three different occasions while I had help de-toxing
and every time i had a strict time table to follow with the tablets being a lower dose spread over 10 days, this was hard enough and so I think would be helpful (assuming they are prescribed by doctors) that they help you to taper in a very similar way to how someone would try to taper when coming off the booze.
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (No General Chat Please)

Post by Avocado » 16 Aug 2020 18:43

😪😪😪😪 my husband calls me an alcoholic, he screams it at me for all the neighbours to hear. Though I've done nothing wrong. I've done nothing but look after my children and care for them as a mother shall do but hes just horrible to me.

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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (No General Chat Please)

Post by Avocado » 16 Aug 2020 18:44

all because I confided in him a week or so ago I was making moves and speaking to local aa but he just threw it back in my face, humiliated and belittled me.

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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (No General Chat Please)

Post by pickles » 16 Aug 2020 19:22

Hi Avocado. I am sorry for the names your husband is calling you . It feels very cruel to be belittled and humiliated . I remember my husband calling me an Amy Winehouse ( without the talented voice of course ) in the street and showed me up in front of people by offering me loudly a drink or pouring a drink when I didn’t want one , even the forcing a bottle of drink down me ( trying to , I spat it out ) because he would get so angry at my constant drinking. He was at his wits end . I did try aa too and he didn’t believe in it .

Perhaps you could take him to a meeting , would that help . Go to counselling together? There is the family matters page with quite a few links . I’ll see if I can find it . Remember we are here for you on the forum <:)>
' Normal ' is just a setting on the washing machine .

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