October General Support and Chat

New Members thread, SOS thread, Daily chat and Support, Cutting Down, Abstinence and more.
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Rachel
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Re: October General Support and Chat

Post by Rachel »

ursula wrote: but how to tell what is stress because of drinking and how much is part of my life???
It's hard to disentangle lots of things from drink but I certainly know that drinking exacerbates depression for me, and makes me blow what to other people would be small set backs out of all proportion. My depression antecedes my excessive drinking but it becomes much worse and indeed often utterly unmanageable when I drink. I think it's a combination of what it's doing to me chemically, all the guilt that comes with drinking, when I know I shouldn't, and antidepressants probably not working as efficiently as they should.
Without the drink I am mildly depressed and the feelings of anxiety that attend the depression or are part of it are short lived and I can cope with them.
Rachel

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Boris Bike
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Re: October General Support and Chat

Post by Boris Bike »

Yes, it is difficult to disentangle. My advice on that would be "since we will probably never know quite how much anxiety is the drink and how much is something else, let's not even think about it."

Some of the Buddhist texts say that when it comes to matters of after-lives and which Gods are powerful and which are less powerful, let's just shut up about the whole thing: label them "unknowable" and start thinking about things we can usefully act upon. I think that might be a good rule to apply here.

I never really suffered from the common type of hangover: headaches, nausea (except towards the end when I would retch in the mornings) but what I would get was HORRIBLE anxiety and I'd get real panic if I walked down the street and someone walked towards me. I still get waves of anxiety now, but I'm getting better at "surfing" them until they pass. By not drinking I feel more level-headed and "can do" about problems rather than "I can't cope with this any longer".

So I'd say the key thing, Ursula, is that anxiety is a problem that does have some solutions. It may be a long struggle to find them and the problem may never go away entirely, but there's good reason to believe that things can significantly improve and being off the booze I would say is an excellent start.

Have a look at some of these pages on anxiety from Mind, the mental health charity. I usually find their information well-written and useful:

http://www.mind.org.uk/search?q=anxiety&x=0&y=0

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ursula
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Re: October General Support and Chat

Post by ursula »

Hi Boris
I've just worked out where your location is - I kept wondering where it was and decided it was somewhere in Holland or Belgium!!!

One day free!! Didn't sleep very well though - kept waking up - wide awake. Feeling like my head is full of cotton wool this morning.

You're right about the anxiety - not to worry about what is causing it. I am off work at the moment and I don't want to go back with the same problems I came away with - I feel so mentally drained. Problems with health,work, husband, dogs, money - I want to get it sorted and feel in control. But maybe trying to sort these things out will just bring it's own anxieties and make the situation worse. The longer I am off the less I want to go back but I have to - the whole family depends on my income!

Still focus on the positive - if I don't drink alcohol I can eat more chocolate!

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Boris Bike
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Re: October General Support and Chat

Post by Boris Bike »

Heh, yes we Sarf Lahndahners can be hard to understand :)

If you feel you have too many problems on the go, can you prioritise one or two and focus on those? Are some of them ones that need to be fixed by a deadline whilst others can be ignored for a while?

If you keep getting bogged down by the number of problems because when you start on one all the others crowd in and distract you, try saying "I am going to spend the next hour (or half hour or whatever suits) solely on this one thing". If possible choose a duration you can tolerate. Procrastinators sometimes use the tip of telling themselves they will spend just ten minutes on something. Because it's so short a time it's like saying "well anyone can do that" but what hopefully happens is that once you've started you think "OK I can carry on now".

Also break down big problems into smaller tasks then tackle the big problem one task at a time. So with the big problem "money worries" you might have the task "pay x bill" or "write monthly/weekly budget" and if writing a budget is in itself a big task then break that down into, for example "budget for utility bills" and leave "budget for groceries" for some other time if necessary.

joanneholdbrook

Re: October General Support and Chat

Post by joanneholdbrook »

well you did tom so dont beat yourself up maybe the cab will be able to do it for you !!!!!!!!!!!!! or if not maybe they wil let you go out and get it done but the answer is tom you new it had to be done and you should have made sure you done it sorry to be harsh but if you want your troubles sorted then thats the only answer i can find hope your well xxxx

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Boris Bike
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Re: October General Support and Chat

Post by Boris Bike »

TomC123 wrote:Great advice Boris! ;)? How are you today?
My tardiness in replying means it's a whole new day. Guess you're at your CAB appointment as I type. Hope it's going well.

Yesterday frustrated me slightly. I had loads of free hours to spend and just sort of frittered them away on nothing in particular even though I could have got my arse in gear ad done something really enjoyable. Ah well. Will try and have that as a lesson for the future.

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Re: October General Support and Chat

Post by lucylu »

Sorry for butting in guys... just popped over from the Cutting Down thread which is my usual hang out!! Can any of you point me towards a thread/ discussion on Kudzu please? I saw one a while back and have started on it but can't find the forum discussion again. The one on the actual Kudzu page is a bit hard core a referring to all sorts of medication rather than natural remedies... Thanks for any help. Lx
"I can see clearly now, the rain is gone, I can see all the obstacles in my way. Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind...It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright) Sun-Shiny day!!"

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George
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Re: October General Support and Chat

Post by George »

Not too good Tom. Any early ideas as to what to do?
“Now I’m sober and I realize, I didn’t drink to escape the world, I drank to escape myself”
― Phil Volatile, Crushed Black Velvet

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linda6666
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Re: October General Support and Chat

Post by linda6666 »

You always find Tom that "It never just rains, but it pours" yes this is just a saying but the saying has to come from somewhere, and at times when life is shit, everything around you then seems to come in bucket loads of shit. But mate if you can deal with this shit just now and do it sober, you will find strength to do ANYTHING sober... I had my own dealings with shit and life @ start of 2011 with my DB but mate hard has it was (and it was not just the fact of dad passing away) all loads more stuff happened, but i got through. So now myself i see if i can get past that kind of " LIFE'S SHIT" i can maybe deal with other stuff....Does this make sense? My mum always said "These things are sent too try you" and try they do..But there is some truth in my mums words of wisdom .. Thing to do is stay strong ( i know its not easy) but look @ it like this if you can, there is somewhere in this world right now someone going through far worse than you will ever know/also people will be going through better yeh? So see what your going through yes its shit, but challenge that shit, dont let it win... ;)? ;)? ;)?
p.s sorry for all the "sh" words ;)?
I Have a Guardian Angel in heaven... I call him DADDY BEAR. I AM NOW 10 YEARS DRY AND LOVING IT,SO PROUD OF ME ;-)
We are all given a 2nd chance every day, it's just we don't usually take them . I TOOK MINE :\:

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zarajenkin
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Re: October General Support and Chat

Post by zarajenkin »

Hi Tom, <:)>

Know exactly what you mean about losing ability to get on top of things through drink but reading your posts makes me think you are really putting lots of effort into getting things sorted and like me - if you stay off the drink - though excrutiatingly hard at times and deal with the SH$$ as Linda says then you really CAN and WILL get a brighter future! I believe you can do this Tom - I can see real strength in you!!!!

Keep going! And if you are like me take deep breaths and consider if it is really worth it when you want to drink because thinks are 'bad' or 'good'. Cravings don't always last very long but effects of drinking can be long in my experience and scupper our chances!

Take care,

Zara

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Jane12
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Re: October General Support and Chat

Post by Jane12 »

Hi everyone

Decided to have a clear out. Very bad idea. Realised I haven't opened any post now for over 3 months. luckily a lot of it is just crap but there's a few scary letters. Never been very good with the life admin. Found lots of old folders that had lots of paperwork from my many attempts at going to college/uni which I've always quit halfway through (for not handing in an assignment or studying for an exam). Feeling pretty much like a failure right now. Lots of p45s and leaving cards(i actually dont recognise the names and so dont even know which job they were for, theres been so many!).

Im going through a life which im not very proud of. Feeling really hard to breathe, knots tight in my stomach.

Wish I knew how you are supposed to live. Feel like someone handed out a book of life skills to everyone else and i never got a copy.

why is opening post so bloody hard?! why does everything get on top of you and you can never catch up.

sorry for such a long moan. doesnt matter if im drinking or not - always scared of the post, my phone, the door.

Janexx
First the man takes a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes the man - chinese proverb

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KraftyKat
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Re: October General Support and Chat

Post by KraftyKat »

Jane - you may be scared but you're facing up to doing it anyway (::)
One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.
Nancy Astor

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Boris Bike
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Re: October General Support and Chat

Post by Boris Bike »

I can relate to that, Jane. Even though you may have the odd scary letter it's probably not anything you can't solve by giving the situation a bit of attention now.

I've also been a serial job getter/loser, though generally because of issues other than drink (not saying I didn't drink enormously, just that it never really effected my performance).

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Missychief
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Re: October General Support and Chat

Post by Missychief »

Hi Jane,

Your post resonated with me so much <:)> .

For a long time the day to day stuff of life terrified me - I buried my head in anything other than the post and the phone calls. Just keep in mind that you are the one in control –if you don’t want to take a call you can say so and hang up, and you can deal with post issues in your own time – if there are utilities in there then you are better off talking to them but you can pace yourself – say one provider each day… Dont let them push you into panic..
Invisible and true...

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Re: October General Support and Chat

Post by you're worth it »

Jane, uncanny post - I was just saying to someone three hours ago - how I felt that I felt I had never learnt the skills to cope with life and that generally I was just no good at "doing life"....so it seems there are a lot of us out there. When I've been really low I have found just the tiniest tiniest steps help (so I can't fail).just one little task a day and build on that. You will get there. Take care, hun <:)>

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Jane12
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Re: October General Support and Chat

Post by Jane12 »

Thank you KraftyKat, Zoe, Boris Bike, missychief and youreworthit.

Really nice of you all the offer your support.

Cleared everything out last night. Really wish I had listened to the advice of do a little bit at a time. But its always all or nothing isn't it. So i dont do anything for months and then tackle it all in one go. just felt like complete rubbish last night, seeing a life of things left unfinished and so many mistakes and regrets along the way. I just wanted to sort it all out in one go. In my head i think if i bin it then it never happened. Obviously I drank.

Need to work on a better strategy for being able to look at the past without having a meltdown.

Alchohol blues this morning but I have a to do list to crack on with. I think it might have been george elliot who said 'its never too late to be what you might have been'. I like that.

Thanks again, love jane xx
First the man takes a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes the man - chinese proverb

claremo

Re: October General Support and Chat

Post by claremo »

Hi all wasn't sure where to post so picked the general thread, been invited for end of holiday drinks at my friends on friday!!!
My last social situation with the same friends was the night before i joined BE which says a lot i think!!
at first i thought don't go but don't have much of an excuse as they know i am not working, then i thought well go but drive but then i had the nagging voice saying well just go and have one or two.
I have avoided social situations and after my wobble the other night this is not an invite i needed any advice would be very much appreciated.

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Mark.
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Re: October General Support and Chat

Post by Mark. »

Hi Claremo,

My advice would be to pick an excuse for not drinking and tell them ASAP so that there's no going back on it.

I would avoid saying to yourself, "Oh, I'll just have one or two." Those are good intentions that pave the way to... well, you know where to! :D Reading between the lines, I think it's probably not the right time yet to risk an experiment in "social drinking"?

You could offer to drive - offer people a lift? Or you could invent a reason: you're on antibiotics, you have a dentist's appointment early next morning, you've had a headache all week?

In my experience, once you've given people a reason, it becomes easier to ignore the temptation to drink. And, once they themselves have had a few drinks, they quickly forget that you're not drinking.

If you want some other suggestions, I'd recommend the Special Occasions/Weekend Challenges thread. It's under Sobriety Challenges.

Take care and have a great (and sober) time!
Mark
"There is no 'us' and 'them'; it's an illusion. We are all human beings, and we all have a responsibilty to support one another." Roger Waters

newhorizons
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Re: October General Support and Chat

Post by newhorizons »

Hi Claremo,
This is a situation that is very familiar to lots of us and everyone will deal with it differently.

It depends on whether you are not wanting to drink again, ever, or just cut down. If it's the former, you have a few options: 1) have it set in concrete before you go that you will absolutely not drink (someone said that on here a while ago), and I have used this successfully. If you go along thinking that, okay you may just have one or two, then the chances are you will capitulate at the first hurdle...... 2) drive, as that way you really can't drink and you have the ready made, totally legitimate excuse.... 3) just don't go... it may be too much to handle early so early in your journey and social/peer pressure can be overwhelming.

I have just come back from a cruise, I had been going along quite nicely not drinking for 7 weeks until that point, but I didn't have my 'absolutely not drinking' hat on when I got off the plane and knew that it was only a matter of time before I had that first drink. I did manage to keep it to sensible levels during the holiday, but when everyone around you is drinking, it is the hardest thing to resist, and any hesitation or doubt will be fatal, believe me.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do, x

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Re: October General Support and Chat

Post by you're worth it »

Claremo - I managed my son's engagement party AF a few weeks ago. (Ex hubby there with new wife and all that). I concentrated on ensuring that my son and his fiancee had a good time and also took great pleasure in watching others around me getting drunk and making fools of themselves.

Go for an excuse not to drink and please report back when you can tell us how proud you are feeling. <:)>

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