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General Support and Chat

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Buckley
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Re: General Support and Chat

Post by Buckley » 24 Jul 2015 17:43

Sorry, a bit curt. On top of 250mg of trancs alcohol makes me feel calm and grounded; when I haven't had a drink reality hits and I want to die.

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Chiffon
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Re: General Support and Chat

Post by Chiffon » 24 Jul 2015 18:31

Yep, I can relate to that. How long without alcohol, do you feel like that though? I always found that the first week was the worst and then gradually, things improved. That's why I am so peed off about 'slipping up' a few days ago. Just about functioning again now and no desire to repeat the performace. Having said that, was 'touch and go' walking past the shop earlier - really had to be stern with myself.

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loosebanana
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Re: General Support and Chat

Post by loosebanana » 24 Jul 2015 20:28

There is a thread about depression - http://www.brighteyecounselling.co.uk/a ... ?f=4&t=100

You have my sympathies, depression is bloody horrible, currently on sertraline and hoping it kicks in soon.
<insert pathos here>

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tj_okay
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Re: General Support and Chat

Post by tj_okay » 25 Jul 2015 13:03

buckley,

i totally get it, how alcohol is a place to hide .. often from the problems which alcohol has caused. it's a bloody nightmare, been doing it for years. i often found though that i ended up in tears or self harming when drinking so not sure how delusional i was in thinking it was numbing everything.

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

hope you find a better sober place when you are ready

peace
tj
Insert inspirational quote here....

united
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Re: General Support and Chat

Post by united » 02 Aug 2015 13:36

I'll be 9 weeks sober tomorrow, best I've achieved, with the help of a counsellor, AA once a wk and lots of reading. I'm not going to drink but feel like the honeymoon period is over and feel a bit low and un-motivated. I can see the benefits being sober has and definitely don't want to go back to where I used to be daily drinking, but have felt 'is it worth it?' Any thoughts from long term abstainers much appreciated, thanks for reading, Dan
I would rather go through life sober, believing I'm an alcoholic, than go through life drunk, trying to convince myself that I am not.

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pickles
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Re: General Support and Chat

Post by pickles » 02 Aug 2015 14:37

Hello united . 9 weeks is great and something to be proud of . Yes, I do understand about the honeymoon period feeling. I know I, and a few members found/ find , the first two to three months difficult . I don't know if you want to post more around the threads ,just to help get things off your mind . So going on the 3 month challenge now may help , although it's quiet at the moment ,a few will always pop in to support you .

There are good days and bad days for us all , but it does seem better without drink and we can try to get through days , with support from others . You are doing all the right things for yourself such as AA and counselling . Would an extra meeting help you with AA ? Keeping busy such as cycling for example keeps the mind at bay . There are the lighter threads to post on also ,if you are a keen gardener or cook? Music, films ,other books of interest can help . I find going for a walk helps, longer walks these days as my legs used to ache a lot and very unfit in the early days .
Writing things down, I mean keep a diary, would that help ? Meeting up with a friend for coffee, maybe from AA also you have met a couple of members who will be keen to go out?

Vitamins , if you take them can help. For those feeling down , then 5 - HTP has been recommended a lot . St.John's Wort also can help . Perhaps to speak with your doctor first about these pills first though.
Do keep here, keep posting , keep hydrated and eat well to escape an empty tummy and swirling thoughts .

I hope you have a restful Sunday and hope it's good weather with you ;)?

Don't forget to post on the wobble board also .
' Normal ' is just a setting on the washing machine .

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Newt
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Re: General Support and Chat

Post by Newt » 02 Aug 2015 15:43

Dan, the three to six month period for me was comfortable although I felt empty, washed out, lacking direction. The pink cloud, honeymoon period sort of comes back but less euphoric, but at times just as giddy.

You have the support and you have the will it's only time needed now, you'll bob between the ying and yang days, scratch your head at times to remember the last bad day just to wake up tomorrow feeling odd but they dwindle away as we become used to sobriety being the norm.

How you feel now is not how you are going to feel for ever, maybe not even tomorrow, nature of the game my friend! ;)?
Social distancing since 1966

united
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Re: General Support and Chat

Post by united » 02 Aug 2015 16:00

Thanks Pickles and Naughty Newt,

Much appreciated, good advice and suggestions, thank you.

I suppose this is life, undrugged and raw, why I drank.

I know I'm at very early days, and feelings, good and bad come daily even hourly.

I don't want to put off anyone at the start of the sober journey, even feeling a bit 'mwah' today is better than I ever felt the day after drinking, until medicated again in the evening. Drinking became so not worth it.

What I'm gonna do is follow the 'leap of faith' idea that helped so much during the first two weeks dry, i.e. Even though I don't feel great now I have to keep the faith that things will get better, all I have to do is not drink alcohol.

Best wishes everyone !

Dan

P.s. I'm fortunate to live in a city where there are 87 AA meetings every week ! Makes you realise how widespread alcohol addiction is.
I would rather go through life sober, believing I'm an alcoholic, than go through life drunk, trying to convince myself that I am not.

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Rachel
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Re: General Support and Chat

Post by Rachel » 02 Aug 2015 17:01

I had to do a lot of plodding in the early days. I didn't believe that things would get better - I was very depressed which didn't help. Antidepressants did. I thought, well this is a bit shit but drinking was worse and if I kept drinking it would get a hell of a lot worse. So I just kept going, unenthused but I suppose with some sort of blinkered determination. But it did get better. It took a while. But there a came a point when it did.

But really at the end of the day all we want is something like normality? Anything above and beyond that is possible because we have stopped drinking but we still have to make it happen. It won't happen on its own.

I suppose after a while you have to go out of your way to remind yourself how bad it was and how much better it is. This is because some thing like normal has been achieved. And this is your launch pad for whatever else you want. The field has been evened between you and non-alcoholics, although maybe along the way you have learnt things about yourself that they have not about themselves.

I hope this doesn't sound negative. I had a very rough early recovery so my experiences may not echo others'. Bottom line is keep going. It gets better. Maybe not euphorically better but so much better. And you should be very proud of yourself. I got stuck at 8 weeks for so long!
Last edited by Rachel on 02 Aug 2015 21:21, edited 1 time in total.
Rachel

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Cheddar
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Re: General Support and Chat

Post by Cheddar » 04 Aug 2015 15:55

Hi, not posted for a long time. I havent managed more than one day sober since February. Any tips for making the big leap and committing?

On all my previous attempts, something bad had happened that made me really want to quit ... then complacency got the better of me and I took sobriety for granted. :(

This time I only think I should quit, but part of me thinks what's the point? I used to know that my apathy and bleak outlook was down to drinking and those feelings would pass, but I've been drunk so long now that I'm no longer sure.

Every morning for months now I've said never again and then by the evening I've started again. I'm getting genuinely scared that I'll never break the cycle.

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pickles
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Re: General Support and Chat

Post by pickles » 04 Aug 2015 18:05

Hi Cheddar ,

maybe try for a while Personal Goals thread and then see how that goes, then trying the 7 days again when you are ready .

Posting more does help I find. I know I was always going round and round in circles at first, reach the 7 days and then back ,or three days then back, and so on. Posting somewhere you feel comfortable will help so the thread highlighted could be it??

It does get better though and energy does come back in time .



I want to see Cheddar and Pickles a team one day :) !
' Normal ' is just a setting on the washing machine .

jaxom7

Re: General Support and Chat

Post by jaxom7 » 04 Aug 2015 19:21

Cheddar, I have found one of the most unexpected things about resolving a drink problem is that I slowly changed as I tackled it. I had that really certain 'Right, I will never drink again I HAVE TO STOP' thing. That is a hard moment but for me it was, well wrong in the long term. Never again? Shriek! In the short term it is too hard because 'never again' is wrapped up in thoughts of doing without, of denying ourselves of something we find pleasurable. It will not always feel like that, I promise.

No idea why but I got caught up with the idea of a cure. Yet all the published wisdom said there was no cure. Once an alkie always an alkie. Mmm. Bugger that! I cannot say it will work for anybody else but so far it has for me because I asked myself a question: 'What is a cure?' Answer: 'To be able to drink normally'. Ah but... what if I got to a state of mind where I didn't give two tuppeny hoots? What if I could take it or leave it, then think: 'Why take it?' It has worked.

So what is my advice? Keep a long term aim in the back of your mind but focus on today or this evening, this hour, this minute. Whatever it takes. I know I will not drink tomorrow but it is still in tomorrow, nothing to do with today or here, right now. My feelings change by the day, by the minute. I can only deal with the now and right now I will not drink. In the future, which may be in ten minutes or tomorrow I may feel differently so I have to adapt. What works now may not be effective tomorrow but I start from what works now. Build a habit. I habitually do not drink. You can too but it takes time and patience. Patience = being gentle but persistent.

It is not easy to change ones mindset. You cannot decide, click your fingers then say 'That is how it will be.' I found the hardest thing was to learn patience and take a lot of baby steps. They took me a long way and incidentally I have found this to work in so many other ways. The desire for instant results often equals instant failure.

We are not perfect and we often slip up in what we strive for, not least in resolving our alcohol issues. We all need to find our own way of coping and labelling such slips. My own was to treat my slips as 'not permanent but unacceptable'. Or: 'Good, but could do better'. [Edit: I meant 'good' about the AF time, not the slip!] Certainly better than my PT teacher at school. He wrote on my end of year report 'Fair'. I did not attend a single class!

In all of it though - believe in yourself. We all go through periods of anger, frustration, self-hurt, self-recrimination and it is sometimes impossible to see but we all do it and don't always realise it. A good friend, if you are lucky to have one in 'real life' - you have many here - can see it in our comrades (but not so much in ourselves, me included). I have said and have read the accounts of so many others who say the same: 'If I can do it then so can you.' I have yet to read of somebody who said: 'I did it because I am a superior person and my strength of character got me through.' Anyone who does is self-delusional. We all have the means and the power. Believing that is the tricky bit but that don't change the fact! Not 'I can do it' but 'I will do it'!

Dave

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loosebanana
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Re: General Support and Chat

Post by loosebanana » 04 Aug 2015 20:11

Great post Dave, and nice to have you back, I think addiction is a very complex subject, if it was as easy as saying "that's it, I've had enough", then places like this wouldn't exist. People need help and support when giving up something that was deemed pleasurable, let's face it we've all enjoyed some of our drinking otherwise we wouldn't have done it. But the turning point is when you think ok, I am ready for change, and change is possible, you just have to want it.

I hate the AA dogma that drinking leads to jails, institutions, or death, not for most of us, it just interferes with being happy, and that's surely what we all want, and if stopping drinking is a requirement for that then that's what we have to do.
<insert pathos here>

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Maypole
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Re: General Support and Chat

Post by Maypole » 04 Aug 2015 20:36

Great posts... 9 weeks... Sigh. I wish I could make 9 days

Resolution
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Re: General Support and Chat

Post by Resolution » 04 Aug 2015 23:55

Hi Maypole one day at a time... little baby steps... It's working for me. I started with low expectations but over time improved. Fell back down. But realised that change is possible. Kept trying. And still trying as I refuse to stop trying now. Had more AF free days this year than probably when I was in my teens :oops: you can do it and as people say keep posting <:)>
Sobriety is an exercise in dealing with difficult stuff and not using anything on it

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Cheddar
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Re: General Support and Chat

Post by Cheddar » 05 Aug 2015 13:57

Thanks for your replies

Dave, you're spot on with wanting an instant cure or quick fix to a problem. I've been trying that solution with many aspects of my life ... Smoking, drinking, fitness and diet (and when I was younger, quick fixing my money woes with credit cards). I should have realised by now that's not the way to do it. It's easier to slowly walk up a gradual hill than to scale a sheer cliff face to get to the top.
Pickles40 wrote:I want to see Cheddar and Pickles a team one day :) !
:lol: :lol: :lol:

Hope you're all well!

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Maypole
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Re: General Support and Chat

Post by Maypole » 05 Aug 2015 16:37

Baby steps and small goals. Thanks Resolution (great name)!

It's about changing habits, thoughts and then ultimately behaviour patterns start to shift...so they say.

I've been drinking since I was about 17 and nearly turning 40... Thinking of all the pain and suffering, failed relationships, missed opportunities.. But none of this should be focussed on... Just small goals and sober progress... Hourly hour.

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Re: General Support and Chat

Post by Resolution » 05 Aug 2015 23:16

Keep at it maypole it does get easier... And don't dwell on a past that you can't change... But look forward to a much brighter future of exciting possibilities. That's what I'm focused on. I've started running again and it's helped me so much it really feels like the best thing I've ever done! I started drinking at 15 and I'm now 43... Bad Habits are made to be broken :lol: <:)>
Sobriety is an exercise in dealing with difficult stuff and not using anything on it

united
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Re: General Support and Chat

Post by united » 05 Aug 2015 23:53

I'm pretty sure it takes many many attempts to get and stay sober for everyone that's ever tried.

It certainly did me, I started trying 6 years ago, barely managed a day. Slowly this began to shift and I'd get a bit more traction, only to slip back into daily drinking for months again, soul destroying.

This time I started seeing an addiction counsellor and can't recommend it highly enough to others trying to stay sober. She's given me added support and added motivation not to not just let myself down, but her as well.

I realised I couldn't do this alone.
I would rather go through life sober, believing I'm an alcoholic, than go through life drunk, trying to convince myself that I am not.

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loosebanana
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Re: General Support and Chat

Post by loosebanana » 06 Aug 2015 00:57

Yes I am trying to get an addiction counsellor again, definitely helped me see things a bit more clearly, although I was sliding all over the place I was managing sober weeks, however on my last visit, when I was sober she said "you have all the tools to stop drinking, and one day you will see a drunk person walk through that door, and you don't need that". So I stopped going, cue another terrible catastrophic relapse.

I definitely get it with the honeymoon thing, after a few weeks you think it's safe to drink again, well, errr, not! Isn't three months the guideline to see if you really have a problem? 9 weeks is good going mate, keep at it, keep up with the counselling and AA, anything to help. 9 weeks is probably my longest sober run and I cannot recommend going back to it, it was just more hell and I had worked so hard to free myself from that. Did it on sheer willpower but I know I can't do it on my own now.
<insert pathos here>

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