General Support and Chat

New Members thread, SOS thread, Daily chat and Support, Cutting Down, Abstinence and more.
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Topcat
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Re: General Support and Chat

Post by Topcat »

TrueState wrote:
17 Sep 2019 20:56
Also apologise that this is very self centered as a post
Please do not apologise TrueState. Absolutely no need to my friend <:)>

This must be a very difficult time for you and your sister and I feel for you. I cared for my mum in her latter years and there were times when I just had to have a break for a bit of "quiet time" for me. It can get so very stressful (I felt so very helpless at times). Drinking really won't help at all, but you know that. I hope you are managing to get all the outside help that is available. TC xx
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pickles
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Re: General Support and Chat

Post by pickles »

Hello TrueState, I remember caring for my father in the last couple of years, mainly the months when we knew he was dying, in and out of hospital. It was me and my mother and it wasn’t easy either driving with her to and fro from the hospital. It was a few years ago now but remembering how he was and looked in those last few days when he chose to come home ,it wasn’t easy for him and losing all dignity .
I hope you find good support outside the forum as well but stay here as much as you can if it helps you .

There was this link that used to be suggested on here . It’s meant to be of good support . Someone on here recommended it . I don’t know if they have a link for support in the final stages but maybe if there were a number to call on ,there could be some advice .

https://www.cruse.org.uk/get-help/about-grief
' Normal ' is just a setting on the washing machine .

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Pork
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Re: General Support and Chat

Post by Pork »

Be careful chopping up chicken & veg after three peronis. Nicked a finger. Not serious but just remember they don’t drink on master chef....

TrueState
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Re: General Support and Chat

Post by TrueState »

Thank you all for your support and links really has helped.
Mum has a community Matron and Hospice nurse so we do have support. She has just agreed to care three times a day which is a huge relief as she has not been coping at all but been in denial in what she needs
Pork wrote:
21 Sep 2019 19:06
Be careful chopping up chicken & veg after three peronis. Nicked a finger. Not serious but just remember they don’t drink on master chef....


:lol: shall take that on board Pork....hope you're doing good..

Night all

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Pork
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Re: General Support and Chat

Post by Pork »

I think if I’d cut where there’s no nail I may have done more damage but all good.

I have a plan.
Another long sober stretch through the fall/winter.
Then go from there.

Keep on 👍😎

Bluebottle
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Re: General Support and Chat

Post by Bluebottle »

Pork wrote:
22 Sep 2019 16:17
I think if I’d cut where there’s no nail I may have done more damage but all good.

I have a plan.
Another long sober stretch through the fall/winter.
Then go from there.

Keep on 👍😎
Sounds like a plan Pork. ;)? Wish I could say the same, will regroup tomorrow. :?

Ruby xx
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
352/12 days - sober/drinking (14 April 2018 - 13 April 2019)
307/59 days - 2019/2020

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chriscole
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Re: General Support and Chat

Post by chriscole »

anyone here been to rehab?
2017 challenge member #34 !!!

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SueDenim
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Re: General Support and Chat

Post by SueDenim »

Hi Chris - it’s been a while.

I haven’t been to rehab, but I’m sure that others have. How are things with you? Not great by the sound of things, but hang on in there - someone more useful will be around in the morning. x

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Luna_
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Re: General Support and Chat

Post by Luna_ »

Hi chrisC,
I haven't been either, although I on occasions wished I could afford to take myself off to one of those anonymous private places.
If you have the chance to go to one supported by your doctor, go for it.
It won't solve all the problems, long-term, but it will get you through those first weeks, which for most of us is difficult to do - get off the roundabout.
I hope you can get whatever help you need.
All the best to you <:)>
I still have Faith, but right now I'm reaching for the moon.

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Rachel
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Re: General Support and Chat

Post by Rachel »

I have, Chris. More than once. Which doesn't sound like a good indictment, but not sure I would be here today without it. Sorry things are so bad. <:)>
Rachel

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Shadowlad
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Re: General Support and Chat

Post by Shadowlad »

Yes me too Chris. It was over 10 years ago and it was a 12 step one. When do you go ? xx
Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.

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Re: General Support and Chat

Post by sticky pudding toff »

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Last edited by sticky pudding toff on 04 Oct 2019 20:34, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: General Support and Chat

Post by sticky pudding toff »

Don't know how to delete post.
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chriscole
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Re: General Support and Chat

Post by chriscole »

i go end of month. there is one in portsmouth,but thats more 12 step,so thats why i chose oxygen. cant wait, fed up of puking. fed up of being skint. im 40 next year. i want to be sorted by then, off my anti depressants, have my own place , maybe even be happy ?!
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Luna_
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Re: General Support and Chat

Post by Luna_ »

Hi CC
Sorry about my uninformed remark earlier. I now realise you got funding and will start rehab.
I wish you all the very best <:)>
I agree - when life quality no longer is on the plus-side of the scale - it's time to take action.
Bestest
I still have Faith, but right now I'm reaching for the moon.

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Shadowlad
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Re: General Support and Chat

Post by Shadowlad »

chriscole wrote:
04 Oct 2019 20:42
i go end of month. there is one in portsmouth,but thats more 12 step,so thats why i chose oxygen. cant wait, fed up of puking. fed up of being skint. im 40 next year. i want to be sorted by then, off my anti depressants, have my own place , maybe even be happy ?!
I wish you the very best Chris, with your stay in rehab. It is an opportunity to embrace a new start, and it sounds like this opportunity is filling you with much needed hope ? There is hope, whether we are in a rehab, on a forum, or in meeting rooms with other recovering people. Whilst we are actively 'treating' our addictions there is always hope.

The massive bonus of going into rehab or a home detox (or hospital detox in my case), is becoming free of that awful physical addiction to alcohol. It is more comfortable, much more comfortable when we have medical assistance. It doesn't take too long to become free physically, and that is such a relief of course. Oddly enough, when i went into rehab back in 2007, i wasn't physically addicted, i went in for a 3 month rehabilitation, voluntarily, after a driving conviction. It extended to 6 months. It was all funded, my life was so disabled by binge drinking at the time, with extensive legal, family and work problems as a result. I wanted to be free of alcohol, and for all the chaos to stop. I admit i pinned all my hopes of being 'saved' in this rehab.

Looking back, 12 step meetings were not working for me then, and a strict, tough love type 12 step rehab was not the full answer either. I'm sure this type of rehab has worked for others, but for me it was tough. I was already consumed with remorse for my failings, but felt unable to stay stopped. I wanted to 'learn' how to stay stopped.

The good news is that i did stay abstinent for a much longer period on leaving rehab, due to all that i had 'learnt'. What i did not understand, or believe at the time, was that the rehab was a foundation for recovery, not the complete answer to it. Once i left, i did not keep connected to other recovering people and 'forgot' that i had a lifelong 'condition' that needed maintaining. Now i realise that recovery has to be maintained much the same as any other chronic condition, to keep my 'wellness batteries' charged up. It is so important for me, and i suspect for you also, to get well and stay well.

We are all different, but this 'affliction' is the same. Deep down the 'affliction' is us, feeding it and seeking false refuge in it. We do this until those binges become shorter and we find our bodies needing the poison to stop being so ill. So frightening when this happens. Even if we do not reach the physical addiction stage yet, the harm we do ourselves does not rationalise carrying on drinking. Deep down we know it is us who is keeping the pattern going, but we don't believe we have the strength to change things. Well... we do and you are changing things Chris, by not giving up on yourself. If you can learn anything from my past mistakes, try and work with the process in rehab and be true to yourself. Then life really can begin at 40 for you, saving another 10 years or more of misery <:)>

Will be thinking of you and willing you on,

Much love and best wishes from nicky xx
Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.

Dennis P. Kimbro

steve_w
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Re: General Support and Chat

Post by steve_w »

Hi All,

I'm new here just looking for some support really, I posted some more details in the new members intro thread but short version is I need to stop or cut down to save my 20 year marriage and family.

Thurs no alcohol
Friday no alcohol (got myself some alcohol free beer to get through the weekend)

I'm not craving alcohol at all but feel very down and sad, no idea if it's caused by the lack of alcohol (I've hardly had any days off it in 24 years) or my relationship problems.

I'm finding it especially tough because the one person I would normally turn to in times of need isn't there for me this time.
feeling lost.....42 years old and sat in bed at 22:15 crying while I'm typing.....not my finest moment in life.x.
sw.

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Shadowlad
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Re: General Support and Chat

Post by Shadowlad »

Hello Steve and a warm welcome to the forum. I'm sorry you are feeling very low and upset. You have done so well not drinking and you are doing all the right things. Its very hard when the people we love are distant with us because of our drinking, but with time things may change for the better, now that you are seeking support. Please don't despair, it was a brave and good thing to reach out here :)

Please take care and know that you are not alone Steve <:)>
Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.

Dennis P. Kimbro

steve_w
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Re: General Support and Chat

Post by steve_w »

Shadowlad wrote:
18 Oct 2019 23:00
Please take care and know that you are not alone Steve <:)>
Hi Shadowlad - Thanks for the reply, I did read it when you posted it, it meant a lot like all the replies I've had on here did, I've been posting more over in the new members introduction thread, made it to 5 days now :)

survived the weekend and even watched a footie match with a couple of mates (at my house instead of the pub and with a few AF beers, baby steps yeah) got back from work tonight and instead of drinking done a 2k run and cooked a meal for the family, been doing lots of small runs on the treadmill, went paddle boarding at the weekend, got a badminton game lined up tomorrow with one of my friends, I've told quite a few of my close friends now which has made me feel much better about it all.

I was surprised how many of them cared so much about our relationship and family and just wanted to help, for some reason I thought they would all be judgmental and take sides. Not sure why I thought that to be honest we have a good group of friends, I should have confided in them sooner.

My wife and I are starting to talk constructively again although it's often a bit of a knife edge at the moment where it's very easy for one of us to say the wrong thing, there is still a long way to go and maybe a few pitfalls along the way, we'll see.

I'm very glad I found this place.
Thanks,
<:)>
sw

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SoberBoots
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Re: General Support and Chat

Post by SoberBoots »

I'm very glad I found this place.
Steve, I've been wondering how you are. It sounds as if you're doing really really well!

Just from my own experience, I'd suggest that you find some means of staying focused on your recovery, whether that's a daily post on here, keeping a journal, using an app, going to AA... I used to find I could stop for a while and stay stopped in an initial rush of motivation, but then I would slip again if things went wrong or just got humdrum. I've had to really work at a) shifting my beliefs about alcohol and b) prepapring for challenges, the times when "just one.. or maybe a few..." is no longer in ts proper perspective as a reallt terrible idea!

So pleased that you're being open with your friends, there's nothing like having a team around you. And fab news that there's some communication with your wife.
The best time to plant a tree was 30 years ago. The second best time is today.

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