chriscole wrote: ↑
04 Oct 2019 20:42
i go end of month. there is one in portsmouth,but thats more 12 step,so thats why i chose oxygen. cant wait, fed up of puking. fed up of being skint. im 40 next year. i want to be sorted by then, off my anti depressants, have my own place , maybe even be happy ?!
I wish you the very best Chris, with your stay in rehab. It is an opportunity to embrace a new start, and it sounds like this opportunity is filling you with much needed hope ? There is
hope, whether we are in a rehab, on a forum, or in meeting rooms with other recovering people. Whilst we are actively 'treating' our addictions there is always
The massive bonus of going into rehab or a home detox (or hospital detox in my case), is becoming free of that awful physical addiction to alcohol. It is more comfortable, much
more comfortable when we have medical assistance. It doesn't take too long to become free physically, and that is such a relief of course. Oddly enough, when i went into rehab back in 2007, i wasn't physically addicted, i went in for a 3 month rehabilitation, voluntarily, after a driving conviction. It extended to 6 months. It was all funded, my life was so disabled by binge drinking at the time, with extensive legal, family and work problems as a result. I wanted to be free of alcohol, and for all the chaos to stop. I admit i pinned all my hopes of being 'saved' in this rehab.
Looking back, 12 step meetings were not working for me then, and a strict, tough love type 12 step rehab was not the full answer either. I'm sure this type of rehab has worked for others, but for me it was tough. I was already consumed with remorse for my failings, but felt unable to stay stopped. I wanted to 'learn' how to stay stopped.
The good news is that i did
stay abstinent for a much longer period on leaving rehab, due to all that i had 'learnt'. What i did not understand, or believe
at the time, was that the rehab was a foundation for recovery, not the complete answer to it. Once i left, i did not keep connected to other recovering people and 'forgot' that i had a lifelong 'condition' that needed maintaining. Now i realise that recovery has to be maintained much the same as any other chronic condition, to keep my 'wellness batteries' charged up. It is so important for me, and i suspect for you also, to get well and stay well.
We are all different, but this 'affliction' is the same. Deep down the 'affliction' is us
, feeding it and seeking false refuge in it. We do this until those binges become shorter and we find our bodies needing
the poison to stop being so ill. So frightening when this happens. Even if we do not reach the physical addiction stage yet, the harm we do ourselves does not rationalise carrying on drinking. Deep down we know it is us
who is keeping the pattern going, but we don't believe we have the strength to change things. Well... we do and you are changing things Chris, by not giving up on yourself. If you can learn anything from my past mistakes, try and work with the process in rehab and be true to yourself. Then life really can begin at 40 for you, saving another 10 years or more of misery
Will be thinking of you and willing you on,
Much love and best wishes from nicky xx
Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.
Dennis P. Kimbro