Online Alcohol Therapy |  Do you need professional help? |  Alcoholism & Recovery Articles |  Self Help Resources

General Support and Chat

New Members thread, SOS thread, Daily chat and Support, Cutting Down, Abstinence and more.
User avatar
Bethan
Posts: 552
Joined: 05 Apr 2016 08:39
Contact:

Re: General Support and Chat

Post by Bethan » 27 Nov 2019 10:59

Iroquois wrote:
27 Nov 2019 02:26
Wishing you peace, Deanna <:)> <:)> <:)>
Thanks Deanna, I agree and think I need to accept I need help and can't fight this on my own. Thanks for the support xx

Iroquois
Posts: 2701
Joined: 12 Feb 2015 21:50
Location: Colorado, USA
Contact:

Re: General Support and Chat

Post by Iroquois » 27 Nov 2019 22:12

Dear Bethan,

I hope so! I went to 2 rehabs, and both times, one for 3 days and 2 nights, one for 7 days and 6 nights, and they both helped so much with understanding and getting back on my feet! I had no money, I had to rely on Medicare and couldn't come up with the rest that I owed them. Not sure where you are from, but hopefully you can find a way to go and get real caring help.

Both of my rehabs, in the US, gave relief meds for the withdrawal symptoms, healthy and good tasting food, and most importantly, psychological sessions and group therapy meetings. I felt basked in around the clock care and shared so much with fellow addicted people. I learned so much!

If you can't scrape up the money, and they will help you try, there are also rehabs that are just day meets and they are free sometimes. Anyone you call through Samaritans, SMART, even AA will be able to point you in the right direction as far as funding and treatment goes. And your HCP most probably!

I am talking to everyone needing help, here, the only way to get rid of the stigma of addiction, is to get help for yourself, then turn around and help others! Together, we can defeat this! Keep posting on BE, because in the end, that is what kept me sane in the final push for my recovery! I talked, talked, talked, cried, wobbled to all the great folks on BE, and I will be forever grateful for their help!

Best wishes, Deanna <:)> <:)> <:)>
There isn't enough alcohol in the world to make you happier, calmer, prettier, more clever or less angry.
Only sobriety will help you achieve these attributes.

yorkshirelad
Posts: 5
Joined: 07 Oct 2019 11:52
Contact:

Re: General Support and Chat

Post by yorkshirelad » 04 Dec 2019 11:40

Not sure if ive posted in the right place?

So far 3 and a bit weeks no alcohol....yay! seems to be going ok tbh. Survived my first social evening last Saturday evening AF.
I've read the Alan Carr book, made real sense and has changed my mind set.

My current worry is Christmas! -I'm spending it with the inlaws, who are big boozers and don't really understand why folk would not drink, especially at Christmas. I can see my father in law now, rolling his eyes when I turn down a drink.! - the come on, just have one, its Christmas! then other family members "feeling sorry" for me for not drinking, or making me feel like a party pooper!

oh the joy!

User avatar
Topcat
Posts: 30203
Joined: 15 Apr 2012 19:37
Last Drink Date: 08 May 2011
Location: U.K
Contact:

Re: General Support and Chat

Post by Topcat » 04 Dec 2019 11:46

yorkshirelad wrote:
04 Dec 2019 11:40
My current worry is Christmas! -I'm spending it with the inlaws, who are big boozers and don't really understand why folk would not drink, especially at Christmas. I can see my father in law now, rolling his eyes when I turn down a drink.! - the come on, just have one, its Christmas! then other family members "feeling sorry" for me for not drinking, or making me feel like a party pooper!
Please try and stop worrying yorkshirelad. It's your decision and it's a problem for them (not you) if they don't understand and support your decision. Would they try and force cigarettes onto you if you said you'd quit? No, they wouldn't and it should be the same for alcohol. Stick to your guns and remain sober. Remember at all times that you are doing this for yourself, it is your body and your decision not to pour poison into it. If it all gets too much, maybe go for a walk or find a quiet place to yourself for a while. TC xx
#5 on the 2020 Challenge
Today is our most precious possession.

User avatar
Mark.
Posts: 22384
Joined: 15 Jun 2010 11:58
Location: Uri Geller's barbecue
Contact:

Re: General Support and Chat

Post by Mark. » 04 Dec 2019 11:54

Topcat wrote:
04 Dec 2019 11:46
Would they try and force cigarettes onto you if you said you'd quit? No, they wouldn't and it should be the same for alcohol. Stick to your guns and remain sober. Remember at all times that you are doing this for yourself, it is your body and your decision not to pour poison into it. If it all gets too much, maybe go for a walk or find a quiet place to yourself for a while. TC xx
Yorkshirelad, these are all really excellent points from TC ;)?

Christmas can be very difficult, I realise. But it's not impossible to overcome these things. By and large, I've always found in all social/family events that once you've said no to the first drink, other people tend to forget that you're not drinking. They become too interested in their own drinking to care what you're doing.

If all else looks like failing, telling small white lies sometimes helps too to decline the first drink. You have a headache, you're on medication, etc etc.

In terms of pysching yourself up for Christmas, you might find this article helpful. Trojan posted it on another thread, the other day:

https://thesoberschool.com/how-to-survi ... ve-season/

As TC says, try not to worry. It's your body, your life. It's your decision what you do with them. Be bold and stay sober ;)?

All the very best,
Mark
"Addiction doesn’t go away when we stop drinking." ~ Tai

yorkshirelad
Posts: 5
Joined: 07 Oct 2019 11:52
Contact:

Re: General Support and Chat

Post by yorkshirelad » 04 Dec 2019 13:21

thanks for your helpful replies.

Your right, its my body, its up to me what I put in it.

father in law is a big drinker, always has been (ex forces, landlord etc), and has convinced mother in law thats what normal "men" do in their spare time t relax!............so he's the one with the problem. Its also when people start fussing around and start feeling sorry for you when your not drinking. -thats what drives me mad!

roll on 26th December!!

User avatar
Mark.
Posts: 22384
Joined: 15 Jun 2010 11:58
Location: Uri Geller's barbecue
Contact:

Re: General Support and Chat

Post by Mark. » 04 Dec 2019 13:29

yorkshirelad wrote:
04 Dec 2019 13:21
so he's the one with the problem.
Very true, I'm afraid!
yorkshirelad wrote:
04 Dec 2019 13:21
Its also when people start fussing around and start feeling sorry for you when your not drinking. -thats what drives me mad!
Yes, that's a good point too. I hope that isn't a major problem for you. Possibly the one person I had this trouble from was my sister-in-law (now estranged). She would fuss when I wasn't drinking. She wasn't a huge drinker, but I don't think her 'sympathy' for me was real - it was more that a sober person in her midst reminded her how much she was drinking. However, she was an exception and, as I said, like most people she tended to forget quite quickly that I was sober once she'd had a couple of drinks of her own.
yorkshirelad wrote:
04 Dec 2019 13:21
roll on 26th December!!
;)?
"Addiction doesn’t go away when we stop drinking." ~ Tai

User avatar
SoberBoots
Posts: 5067
Joined: 08 May 2017 16:19
Last Drink Date: 08 May 2017
Contact:

Re: General Support and Chat

Post by SoberBoots » 04 Dec 2019 18:28

It's difficult when others are upset by your decision not to drink, but as people have already said it really is their problem.

For me, it worked better to make it clear that my decision is to stop drinking altogether, rather than make excuses such as being on antibiotics or whatever. It affirmed my own choice to me, and by and large people just get on and accept it - people can often emphasise with me saying that I developed a faulty off-switch, that I find it easier to stop altogether than moderate, or that I stopped for a while and felt so much better that I decided to make it permanent. I'm always clear that it's a positive choice, I feel better sober so I choose to be that way.

I've also found it's better to tell people in advance so they have time to adjust to the idea, rather than spring it on them. I'd also take plenty of nice AF drinks and tell them that that's what's happening, as sometimes people feel embarrasssed if they don't know what to offer you. Be armed with something if there's going to be toasts and the like - I tend to have Nosecco, an AF fizz, ready for these. I never preach abstinence or criticise other's drinking, I think their drinking is their affair and mine is mine.

Good luck, and stick with it - even if it's a bit tough in patches it's totally do-able and will definitely get a lot easier with practice! Make sure you can get on here for support and understanding if you need it.
The best time to plant a tree was 30 years ago. The second best time is today.

Spats
Posts: 4884
Joined: 03 Sep 2017 15:12
Last Drink Date: 24 Dec 2018
First Sober Date: 25 Dec 2018
Contact:

Re: General Support and Chat

Post by Spats » 05 Dec 2019 22:03

Not been around for a few days. Feel I need to bow out for a while. Need to regroup and find my way back again. Maybe get away from volunteering too.
Keep up the work you’re doingi, never give up giving up ;)?

User avatar
Mark.
Posts: 22384
Joined: 15 Jun 2010 11:58
Location: Uri Geller's barbecue
Contact:

Re: General Support and Chat

Post by Mark. » 05 Dec 2019 23:39

Spats wrote:
05 Dec 2019 22:03
never give up giving up
You too, Spats! It's a wise move to step back from giving more than you can, but don't stay away from here too long, will you? ;)? <:)> <:)>
"Addiction doesn’t go away when we stop drinking." ~ Tai

User avatar
Topcat
Posts: 30203
Joined: 15 Apr 2012 19:37
Last Drink Date: 08 May 2011
Location: U.K
Contact:

Re: General Support and Chat

Post by Topcat » 06 Dec 2019 06:29

Spats wrote:
05 Dec 2019 22:03
Feel I need to bow out for a while
I echo Mark's words Spats. Fully understand your reasons, but don't stay away too long eh? <:)>
#5 on the 2020 Challenge
Today is our most precious possession.

Spats
Posts: 4884
Joined: 03 Sep 2017 15:12
Last Drink Date: 24 Dec 2018
First Sober Date: 25 Dec 2018
Contact:

Re: General Support and Chat

Post by Spats » 06 Dec 2019 08:01

Thanks Jjj and TC Know what’ll happen if I stay away too long. Will keep browsing and occasionally post but remain quiet on own progress. Not going to give up though <:)>

User avatar
Mark.
Posts: 22384
Joined: 15 Jun 2010 11:58
Location: Uri Geller's barbecue
Contact:

Re: General Support and Chat

Post by Mark. » 06 Dec 2019 10:09

Spats wrote:
06 Dec 2019 08:01
Not going to give up though
Good stuff, Spats ;)? <:)>
"Addiction doesn’t go away when we stop drinking." ~ Tai

User avatar
Leslans
Posts: 1148
Joined: 17 Apr 2017 11:44
Last Drink Date: 10 Nov 2019
Contact:

Re: General Support and Chat

Post by Leslans » 06 Dec 2019 18:06

Don’t leave it too long Spats, you and I know where it will take you.

I’m feeling a bit sad today. I’m good as far as the abstinence is concerned, just the fact that my world, my daughter is away and won’t be home for Christmas. She phoned today to say she was a little homesick, but was enjoying herself. She’s a chalet maid in the French Alps for the forthcoming ski season. She’s the reason why I will remain sober, she’s the little girl I wanted so much 22 years ago and she’s my best friend. I’ve hurt her over those 22 years, totally unintentional but alcohol has warped me in the past and turned me into someone I most certainly am not. I can’t turn the clock back and erase what has happened but I can certainly make sure I don’t repeat any of it in the future.

Most of you know I’ve relapsed after long stints and I felt myself getting angry today with the festive season now upon us. I know many can moderate, but this is an addictive drug and so many people will do things they will regret over the coming weeks. Thank god today that won’t be me and I’m praying my beautiful daughter looks after herself while she follows her dream to be in the Alps skiing every day.

Have a lovely weekend everyone. Day 26 or 103 minus after my mini relapse 😡
"Don't look back, you're not going that way"

User avatar
Mark.
Posts: 22384
Joined: 15 Jun 2010 11:58
Location: Uri Geller's barbecue
Contact:

Re: General Support and Chat

Post by Mark. » 06 Dec 2019 18:29

<:)> <:)> Stay sober, Leslans - both for yourself and your daughter, however far away she is. When she returns from her travels, you'll be the mum she deserves and also the person that you deserve to be ;)? <:)>
"Addiction doesn’t go away when we stop drinking." ~ Tai

User avatar
Leslans
Posts: 1148
Joined: 17 Apr 2017 11:44
Last Drink Date: 10 Nov 2019
Contact:

Re: General Support and Chat

Post by Leslans » 06 Dec 2019 19:44

Here what you’re saying, I understand. This truly is for me, trust me. The lovely people in my life will reap the benefits <:)> <:)> <:)>
"Don't look back, you're not going that way"

User avatar
Mark.
Posts: 22384
Joined: 15 Jun 2010 11:58
Location: Uri Geller's barbecue
Contact:

Re: General Support and Chat

Post by Mark. » 06 Dec 2019 20:15

<:)> <:)> <:)>
"Addiction doesn’t go away when we stop drinking." ~ Tai

Spats
Posts: 4884
Joined: 03 Sep 2017 15:12
Last Drink Date: 24 Dec 2018
First Sober Date: 25 Dec 2018
Contact:

Re: General Support and Chat

Post by Spats » 07 Dec 2019 10:06

Spoke to supervisor at one of charities I volunteer with. They’ve been expecting this for a while now. Coming to see me Monday about how I feel and where I want to go from here. Over last few years since hubby died I’ve just thrown myself into trying all sorts of things. Now need to step back and take stock. Maybe just do 1 thing. Will continue to visit 1 person as volunteer and ARUK work. Have switched roles so I don’t have so much responsibility. See how things go ;)

User avatar
Topcat
Posts: 30203
Joined: 15 Apr 2012 19:37
Last Drink Date: 08 May 2011
Location: U.K
Contact:

Re: General Support and Chat

Post by Topcat » 07 Dec 2019 11:21

Spats wrote:
07 Dec 2019 10:06
Have switched roles so I don’t have so much responsibility. See how things go
That sounds like a good plan Spats. We can throw ourselves into things "to keep busy" when we lose somebody (I did). There comes a time though when we need to stop/think and maybe slow down a bit in order to recharge our batteries <:)>
#5 on the 2020 Challenge
Today is our most precious possession.

User avatar
Ruby&Tilly
Posts: 3522
Joined: 26 Apr 2018 22:24
Last Drink Date: 13 Apr 2018
Location: scotland
Contact:

Re: General Support and Chat

Post by Ruby&Tilly » 07 Dec 2019 20:52

Spats wrote:
05 Dec 2019 22:03
Not been around for a few days. Feel I need to bow out for a while. Need to regroup and find my way back again. Maybe get away from volunteering too.
Keep up the work you’re doingi, never give up giving up ;)?
Hope things work out for you Spats and that you don't stay away too long, I for one will miss you. <:)> I sent you a pm and lost it but you know you can pm me any time if you want to chat. <:)> I know you'll never give up giving up. ;)?

Ruby xx
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
352/12 days - sober/drinking (14 April 2018 - 13 April 2019)

Post Reply