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OLD new members introductions - (on the last page)

New Members thread, SOS thread, Daily chat and Support, Cutting Down, Abstinence and more.
Nickie
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Re: NEW MEMBERS - Please Introduce Yourself (on the last pag

Post by Nickie » 21 Nov 2010 15:06

Bagshot click into sobriety challenges at the top of the general recovery forum. There you'll find a whole load of challenges, ranging from the first seven days to the one year milestone. Most people start with the seven day challenge. You'll find a whole heap of folk at the same stage of abstinence as you. And you'll get a whole lot of support too ;)?

melvin397
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Re: NEW MEMBERS - Please Introduce Yourself (on the last pag

Post by melvin397 » 21 Nov 2010 17:00

hey bagshot,
Good to hear from you. Yea the excuse i make for continued drinking is that i only do it in the evenings. But i can do alot of damage then! Hope you find support here. I certainly do.
Welcome
mel

LookingToTheFuture
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Re: NEW MEMBERS - Please Introduce Yourself (on the last pag

Post by LookingToTheFuture » 21 Nov 2010 17:50

Hiya everyone,

Not sure if I should be on this forum as it is not me with an alcohol problem, but my partner of 5 years.

I am in my early 20's, He is in his late 30's and we have two young children together. We are currently not living together, although have done in the past.
He is a functioning alcoholic, he will get up for work at 4am, have our children every Saturday so I can get on with my studies etc.
He has been drinking for years, but it has gradually gotten worse to the point where I have refused my children to be in the car with him.
But..........and I am so so so so proud of him.........He admitted he has a problem! Took him a few attempts, and a lot of courage, but he did ring our town's alcohol team. He has had a few meetings (some of which I have attended) and starts his detox Tuesday.

I am so so pleased for him, I have been really worried about his drinking, or, more so his actions whilst drinking and I am hoping that this will be the fresh start we need as a family. I know it will be tough, oh boy, I know only too well (ex teenage binge drinker) but I have all my faith in him.


Over the last 5 years I have seen his drinking get worse, and himself decline. Not health wise as such, but more his personality, the sparkle in his eyes, the man he was when we first met.
You know, I used to lay awake at night, just waiting for the knock on the door to say he had been involved in a RTA due to drink driving and be expecting the worse. Or, I could not sleep at night when he had our children overnight, in case he drank himself to sleep and something happened to them.

My children and him are my life, and through the silly little rows and things that have been said, I will always be stood by his side. But now he has finally taken the plunge to becoming alcohol free, I have no idea how to support him. Don't get me wrong, I can do the whole listening to him when he needs to talk etc but how can I be supportive properly ?
Whenever I have asked him (because he does say he wants me to support him) he says 'just be there for me'......


Anyway, that is me, and I hope I have found somewhere nice to be able to talk through these next tough few months.
Dp's Dextox Date - 23/11/10

Your kids will thank you when alcohol is not more important than them.

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hamster
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Re: NEW MEMBERS - Please Introduce Yourself (on the last pag

Post by hamster » 21 Nov 2010 18:26

Hi lookingtothefuture

I wrote a post and it disapeared :evil: - Dont have much time to re-write it all.

Welcome to BE :) . I think your partner is a lucky man and am so pleased he is finding help. Its so hard to do alone. How to support him? well you sound to be doing just great right now. Be aware though, there may be slips trips and falls along the road to recovery. Some get it straight away and stay sober, others (like me) take a while longer.

My husband has been by my side because he sees I am trying with long periods of abstinence and getting straight back onthe wagon if I do fall off. I had alcohol counselling and stopped for 9 months after. Now days I go to AA and use this forum. But the main thing is I have never gone back to my old habits in the last three years. I think that is the reason my husband still supports even with slips - he can see effort and change and thats important.
If you read around the threads you will see how hard it can be and how rewarding also.

do you think he would be interested in this forum?

Good luck to both of you.
Julie
x
AF2011 number 10

LookingToTheFuture
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Re: NEW MEMBERS - Please Introduce Yourself (on the last pag

Post by LookingToTheFuture » 21 Nov 2010 18:41

He is a very private person so I do not think he would come on a forum, Which is a shame as I think it would benefit him a hell of a lot and you all seem like a friendly bunch.

I am rather worried about next week though. His key worker suggested it would be a good idea for him to stay with me for 10 days whilst taking meds (not sure what these are) in case he forgets and overdoses on them.
He does not want to do this, he seems that he will be fine staying on his own and taking care of his own meds. I do not want to force the issue, but I want him to be safe.
He used to say my nagging was a pain, but now he's said he needs the nagging to get him to do things. Bloody typical bloke I say (::)
Dp's Dextox Date - 23/11/10

Your kids will thank you when alcohol is not more important than them.

LookingToTheFuture
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Re: NEW MEMBERS - Please Introduce Yourself (on the last pag

Post by LookingToTheFuture » 21 Nov 2010 18:57

Oh, and why can I not start a new thread? :?
Dp's Dextox Date - 23/11/10

Your kids will thank you when alcohol is not more important than them.

MT Glass
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Re: NEW MEMBERS - Please Introduce Yourself (on the last pag

Post by MT Glass » 21 Nov 2010 18:57

franksd » 21 Nov 2010 08:40

Thanks for your support and good luck with your challenge.
I like you can easily go several days without a drink and it really does not bother me but like you say the challenge,and I think its more a mental one than anything is to make that permenant!

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Bela
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Re: NEW MEMBERS - Please Introduce Yourself (on the last pag

Post by Bela » 22 Nov 2010 00:10

Looking to the Future,
Only the site adm (Tobin) and the mods can start threads.
We do that so discussions don't proliferate too much.
If you have a thread in mind, you can post it on the Ideas for the Forum (some such name).
Bela
Whatever works.

Cravings stop going where they aren't fed.

bpositive
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Re: NEW MEMBERS - Please Introduce Yourself (on the last pag

Post by bpositive » 22 Nov 2010 10:06

Hi Everyone, I want to say hi to a few people I've seen who have joined over the weekend but first I'll just update you on my progress!
Well I joined this site this time last week after the usual weekend of lots of wine drinking and a gro any time soon. How wrong was I! This week I feel like a different person! So many weekends had past before when all I was really thinking about is how soon, is too soon, to have a glass of wine. My aim last week was to stay sober all the weeknights - missoned accomplished - I had a few thoughts of having one wine - but with the support of everyone and the goal re-inforced in my mind, that passed and with it came the huge sense of achievement.

The weekend was new territory - with lots of decorating planned and the new HP film, it was so easy. My partner and I (he also was a big wino) just got on with life and it was one on the nicest weekends in a long time. Even after finishing up and settling down to a late film Friday - neither felt the need to get a bottle of wine - it was great. Sat night I'm going to confess that I had a red wine with my dinner out, i usually drink white by the gallon and the red was so different and i just sipped it. I felt a bit gulity afterwards, and all it really made me do is want to go another week sober. But I felt in control, which was another of my goals!

I'm sure there will be challenges - not is this easy, but I think if you want it bad enough, you will do it. Unlike dieting the results seem to be immediate! so it is so life changing straight away. To anyone that is looking to lose the wine weight - stay off it and it will fall of - 1 week I have lost 2ibs and not changed my diet at all. I have increased my exercise, but that is because i now have energy and time!

When I read other people's post's that had given up weeks/months - I thought that i was not strong enough to do that no way - they must be better people than me - but honestly, get your goal in your head - and just go for it.

MTGlass, I hope the weeknd turned out for you like you wanted. Great hear your story. Looking forward to hearing from you again.
Laurak, Franksd, I hope you girls had a good weeknd too.Hi to everyone who joined this weekend, stick with it.
I'm going to look at the challenges at some point today. After a little bit of work!
Lisa x

kabukichotroll
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Re: NEW MEMBERS - Please Introduce Yourself (on the last pag

Post by kabukichotroll » 22 Nov 2010 12:19

Hello,
I am new here. I have been drinking all of my life. I'm 45 now, totally alone, child grown and gone, mother dead. I live in a foreign country in Asia and when the loneliness overwhelms me, I go to the pub district. It beats sitting in a tiny apartment by myself. I am a woman, and women my age alone are sort of screwed. Men my age seem to be able to catch young women, but for women it is a different story. It seems a woman's worth lies in her youth and beauty if she is alone and single. I am trying to learn how to accept that I will have to look at the rest of my life alone but it's been two years since my child left home and my mother died, and it is not getting easier. Adding to that the fact that each day I will just get older makes it an impossible thing to wrap my mind around. My drinking has recently reached a ridiculous level. I don't really remember the last two months, just days here and there. I will be able to stop for a few days, go to the gym, feel better until the reality of my situation hits me. I tend to go off the deep end when some man I have been dating basically expresses the fact that I am too old. This happened a few months ago with one. Then again two weeks ago with another. So for the past two weeks I have been working and drinking and working and drinking. Last night I tried so hard to get drunk but just couldn't no matter how much I drank. My tolerance level is at an inane standard. I don't want to think that there is nothing really to look forward to in life anymore, I want to believe that I have some future, but I honestly don't think it is possible as a single woman at my age. The world just doesn't work that way. I have to accept that there simply is no possibility of finding someone to spend my life with. So, for me, finding a reason to stop drinking is the main thing. I know I am slowly killing myself but drinking is all I have left. I'm not sure I want to go on like this anymore, but I am too much of coward to take myself out and I can't imagine how much that would hurt my grown child, even though I never get to see him, I know he loves me. That fact is probably the only thing keeping me on the planet right now. I would like to believe I can snap out of this someday, somehow, but I think I am losing hope.

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Bela
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Re: NEW MEMBERS - Please Introduce Yourself (on the last pag

Post by Bela » 22 Nov 2010 13:27

Hi Kabu and welcome to BE,
Sounds to me like you feel yourself incomplete with out a partner.
Truth is you are complete just as you are.
Thing to do is to work on not drowning yourself in your loneliness.
Get the drink out of your life and you can focus on YOU.
You are a child of the universe. Your worth is not dependent upon someone else.
Yes, you are lonely. You can fill your life with other lovely people, but can you first just focus on yourself and define goals other than finding someone to complete you?
We have all kinds of threads here, even those focusing on loneliness and relationships.
Make yourself at home.
<:)> Bela
p.s. Have you considered a move? What is keeping you where you are?
Whatever works.

Cravings stop going where they aren't fed.

Indigo
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Re: NEW MEMBERS - Please Introduce Yourself (on the last pag

Post by Indigo » 22 Nov 2010 16:40

Hi there

I am new on here so just wanted to introduce myself and say hi. I have been an alocolic for quite a few years now, but really pleased to say that last week I reached my one year of sobriety. It has really been a struggle though and even after a year, I'm still finding each day a challenge. I very seldom go out now and have lost a lot of my friends as a result of this. My husband is at least very supportive, although I'm sure he wishes he hadn't married into this much baggage!

I have unfortunately got an eating disorder too, which I haven't yet managed to beat, but working on that one. The reason I decided to try this site is because I'm really worried that if I beat the eating disorder, I will turn to alcohol again. I still get cravings almost every day, so it really is something that scares me. Is there anyone else who suffers from both and who might be able to give me some advice please?

I have been on a waiting list for counselling for around 8 months and doesn't look like I'm anywhere near the top of the list. So just a bit of guidance or word of encouragement would be much appreciated.

Thank you xxx

MT Glass
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Re: NEW MEMBERS - Please Introduce Yourself (on the last pag

Post by MT Glass » 22 Nov 2010 20:06

hI bpositive

Thankyou and yes the weekend was great thanks I am 1 month dry on wednesday.
Was great to hear your weekend was good too I find it feels particularly good when you manage to stay of the booze or cut down at a time when previuosly you would probably of ended up getting drunk.

MT

Tinelle
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Re: NEW MEMBERS - Please Introduce Yourself (on the last pag

Post by Tinelle » 22 Nov 2010 22:28

Just wanted to say hi to the new people! I joined yesterday and am now on Day 2 of the 7 day challenge. At first I wanted to jump straight to the one year milestone but realised that even one week without booze will be a milestone. I think it’s been 3 years since I have gone a week without a drink!

Indigo – congratulations on staying sober a year – it’s so encouraging to read posts like yours!

Kabu – have you thought about meeting friends/blokes online? I know a couple who met online and are now married!

Bpositive – Congrats on a weekend in control of your drinking! I can’t wait to claim back my weekends!!

Goodnight everyone and good luck! :0)

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Bela
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Re: NEW MEMBERS - Please Introduce Yourself (on the last pag

Post by Bela » 22 Nov 2010 23:24

Indigo, we have a thread on the Physical and Mental Health forum on eating issues that you might want to take a look at. You are certainly not alone here with eating disorders, or the problem of interacting issues. <:)> bela

p.s.,
The thread is called Eating and Food Issues. You will have to scroll to the second page. It's been inactive but sometimes it only takes one post to kickstart a thread. If you have trouble finding it, just say so and someone will be along to bump the thread for you.
Whatever works.

Cravings stop going where they aren't fed.

Tink
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Re: NEW MEMBERS - Please Introduce Yourself (on the last pag

Post by Tink » 23 Nov 2010 04:58

Welcome all <:)>

Kabu, your post touched me so much. I was your age about when my son's left home and then my drinking went crazy as well. Loneliness and trying to find your place in this world is hard at that age. At any age really. More so though I think when we go through what I like to call our adult adolescence. We go through so many changes with mind and body. WE go from mom's to mom's of adults and that is a experience :shock: . Allot of woman become drinkers in that time. Change of life is hard and hits just about when the spawn leaves the nest. Double whammy and then our parents become like our kids too in allot of ways so that makes it a triple play. Loosing your mom was hard I am certain. We need to feel needed and you lost two of those needs. Now you will need to find how you can feel useful again. You will. I promise. I have never been to Asia or any country really other than where I live so I don't have any idea of what you may be going through in that culture. All I know is how displaced you feel from reading your post and can totally relate to it. Don't know about the men there either but maybe you are just shopping at the wrong store? You are not old. You are not worthless. If a man thinks that of you then he needs to have a little peek in the mirror. :roll: You are starting a new life. Hard but it will be full of new and wonderful adventures. Maybe find a woman's group? Church groups are good to to meet people and men. Go to a nice grocery store and hand out in the frozen foods? :lol: Gotta get a since of humor about it really cause one thing ya want is a man with a since of humor. Don't take the first fish that swims by. You are a mother and not some kid. You deserve a man not some shallow hollow so called man to tell ya you are not young enough. Hell, what? He can't handle a real woman he needs a little girl? What ever. Prize yourself and you will get a prize.
We are here for you and anytime ya need a pep talk well, here ya go....
You are a woman full of experience and wisdom.
You are worth more than gold.
Your worth is not only about your children but also about yourself because you are also someone's child.
You are beginning a new chapter in life. A blank page to write on. Fill it with all the things you want to do.
Fulfill your dreams as this is your time to take care of you, you spend your whole life caring for others and now it is your turn. Do for yourself what you have done for them. You deserve it.
Go to the Dr or a clinic and make sure you come off the alcohol safely. Use this site to help give your courage and strength. You have friends here and we do care. You are not alone. We all have drinking issues so we do understand just as you will understand us.
One day at a time. <:)> ;)?

Congratulations for finding us and posting. What a great start you have made by coming here. Post often mate and make yourself at home. Oh yeah,one thing, I am older than you and always will be so have faith and hope cause I am just turned 51 and I am a COUGAR GGRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! Maybe that man was too old for you? (::)

Tink <:)>
Life is a journey not a destination. Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain.

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Re: NEW MEMBERS - Please Introduce Yourself (on the last pag

Post by Maggi » 23 Nov 2010 08:01

Welcome to all the new members & good luck on this journey.

Kabu - I just wanted to say that I also live in an Asian country (India) and find it an incredibly, insanely lonely experience. The cultural differences are a huge thing to overcome and add to the feeling of isolation. I've been here 7 years and have a lovely partner but there are cultural understandings which come from coming from the same world view which can never be overcome. I wonder if that is adding to your sense of lonliness? I get so sick of people saying to me things like 'you live here! You're so lucky! You must love it!' They have no idea how challenging and lonely it is. I'm here only out of necessity - partner, business. I'd go home tomorrow if I had the money/opportunity but I don't. When I first came here 7 years ago I was a confident, outgoing person. Now I am a broken. I also think that the ex pat experience is a bit different from the 'real world'. That ageist attitude you are experiencing - I think that's likely to be worse living the life you do. In my experience, foreigners living in Asia are living in this little bubble of unreality. Old men are suddenly attractive to younger women and so behave like s**ts. But its not THEM that's attractive - its their wallets or their perceived wallets. Being a westerner in Asia you become a commodity and people view you in terms of what you can do for them. That's been my experience anyway. That is why I have so few friends here - because in the end you find that everyone is just using you. This is going to sound like a huge generalisation too but I believe that most of the people living in this environment are running away from something - maybe themselves? There are a lot of broken souls here. Its not a normal environment. And its very tough. Its a tough place to get well in.
That was a bit of a ramble - sorry!
Good luck with not drinking and dealing with the lonliness,
love Maggi xxx
I did it before and I can do it again....

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Re: NEW MEMBERS - Please Introduce Yourself (on the last pag

Post by Laurak » 23 Nov 2010 08:27

Hello everyone, just wanted to say im still around and have been reading all the new posts and wanted to say hi to the new comers.

Well it's day 12 for me i havnt touched a drink and dont want to, i hope it stays that way, when the time comes where i think i want or need one i will hopefully just look at my original posts to reaffirm why it is i am not going to have one.

Bpositive..a really inspiring post..im so glad you are feeling this way..long may it continue. If you keep this up maybe that baby you and your partner want may come along, you are not too old, i see plenty of women in their late thirties/early forties at the mother and toddler groups i take mine to. I started back on my fitness regime yesterday and am starting to feel more positive myself.

Kabu..although i cannot personally relate to your situation i can understand as my mum has been in a similar situation in recent years after my parents divorced she is ten years older than yourself. My Dad has had a succession of younger girlfriends and recently married a girl of 32 (younger than me) so that didnt help her. She has had a successon of rotters one of which she remorgaged her house for and gave 15k to there's not a chance of getting it back! She doesnt feel complete or happy in her life without someone, she met a man though earlier this year who is 10 years younger and they seem really happy, im hoping that this one lasts for her sake. I cant offer any advice as to how to achieve this but thought it may help you knowing that other women your age and older have the same problem and it is possible to find somebody but like others have said it is ok to be on your own it doesnt make you any less of a person.

Indigo...well i myself have had issues with bulimia.. in recent months it has been really bad but thankfully since my last binge drinking episode i havnt done it i realise its a huge problem for me along with the drink and dare i say smoking Ive started that again since this all happened after 3 and a half years of quitting arhhh! so annoyed at myself right now. I have never told the doctors about the bulimia i know i should but there always seems to be something more important to discuss on the rare occassion i have an apt..doesnt help your given a 10 min slot. You have asked for help on this and are awaiting treatment you cant do much more than that so dont be hard on yourself.

Tinelle...i totally understand where you are coming from with feeling all alone in all this we all have our own personal and individual probelms with drink how/why/when we do it etc... it does help reading through this forum though and seeing that really we are not the only ones.

To all the other newcomers i dont want to sound dismissive..i can relate to some of you and the others i cant i really feel for you...we all have similar goals..we want to deal with our drink probelms and have made the right step in admitting that and trying to help ourselves. Good luck to you all and i wish you the best, Laura, x

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Nomore4me
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Re: NEW MEMBERS - Please Introduce Yourself (on the last pag

Post by Nomore4me » 23 Nov 2010 09:04

Well said Tink and Maggi. . . . <:)> , i can also relate to a lot of what you have both said in your posts, as i am also an older woman, and lonliness and age does seem to hold us in the alcohol trap, but that CAN be changed.Your post are inspirational to all, young and old, as this addiction does not have preferences. We all believe that alcohol holds the answer, but find out one day that it DEFINATELY does NOT.

For all the new members. . you can all learn to enjoy life better without the effects of alcohol, but that needs support,from people who understand and who have "Been There " and are willing to give their experience and advice, and as you can see, there are plenty of people to help you on here.

It is not easy, but you have all done the hardest part by joining this brilliant network of support to help you along in your journey.

It is hard to make the first step, but you have done that,. . . .the rest is up to you, and you can do it.

I would like to say to All the new members, WELL DONE (::) . stick with us and given time you WILL get through this awful time, you are not alone, we are here for you all. Keep posting.

<:)> <:)> <:)> <:)>

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Re: NEW MEMBERS - Please Introduce Yourself (on the last pag

Post by Indigo » 23 Nov 2010 12:00

Hi All

Thank you very much for the kind words! I am really pleased to have made a year... I didn't think I was going to be able to. I couldn't go a single day without drinking before I got help. Was drinking from morning to night too. It was a really terrible time of my life, but I'm grateful to so many people for their help and support. With the right help and support I truly think anyone can beat alcoholism. Heck, if I did, I'm certain anyone can!!

Be strong everyone!! Sending big hugs xxx

Bela, thank you very much for the tip on the eating thread. I'll have a look at that now. <:)>

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