Me too! I can totally empathise with all those points - the Marian Carey point did make me chuckle , my 3am was portishead (depressing or what) - on facey or singing loud and drunk in my apartment for all to hear. Cringepitstop wrote:Mrsproblemchild, when I read this it bought a tear to my eye because I thought it is the same as my story I am only on AF day 13 and already its all too easy to forget the things youve just mentioned, FB, texts, broken glass, and yes as you say more dread as the day slowly unfolds with the things you find out. Coupled with extreme anxiety, panic attacks and depression because of being caught up in the vicious cycle. But this time I decided I will not live a life like that any more I simply can't. Well done Mrsproblemchild get through today one step at a time and a new life awaits you tomorrow, we are all in this together and here to help. Big hugsmrsproblemchild wrote:Black outs!!! waking up panicky with no recollection of the night before, slowly finding all the clues of what happened as the day goes on...sent text messages to boyfriend of stupid, retarded fights.Texted ex BF to tell him I miss him(WTF!) I love my boyfriend to death! Finding broken glass around the house.Seeing all the stupid things posted on Facebook for all to see.3am mariah carey videos posted to news feed....siigggh. I always fight with objects when I'm drunk.Being embarrassed to even talk to anyone that I may have run across while drunk.
Looking like crap and then going to work, making a bazillion mistakes at work (as a receptionist) Feeling absolutely sick and time stands still.Eating everything in my path and wrecking my diet. Putting off errands.going home to a smoke filled and filthy boozy smelling house and eat junkfood in my own chaos.
Feeling worthless and embarrassed apologizing to boyfriend again and again.Sleeping the rest of it off.
..and then forgetting all of it when I walk past the liquor store.A couple bottles of wine and lie to everyone and lock myself in my apartment and drink all over again.Wake up, blacked out do it all over again..what a nightmare.
I will be working hard to doing recovery right this time this time!! local AA, going to the doctors, getting support on forums, here I come.
I'm on AF 15 and one of the best bits is coming home to a clean (ish!) house that doesn't smell of stale booze n smoke and doesn't have bottles everywhere. And going to work without getting wafts of stale smells on me - cringing when someone gets near in case they smell it too. Why do we do it? Bloody EAF
Lottie x x