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New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

New Members thread, SOS thread, Daily chat and Support, Cutting Down, Abstinence and more.
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SoberBoots
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by SoberBoots » 24 Apr 2019 22:15

Welcome Norman! :\:

Sounds like you've got a lot of challenges going on, I wonder of you feel as of you're just reacting all the time rather than having time to reflect or to take considered action towards making changes?
When I am not tipsy I feel anxious, self-conscious and I have lots of anger issues, my mind works overtime.
This struck me in your post - do you drink all or most evenings? Because the mental state you describe is very common in alcohol withdrawal - I just wonder if you know what you're like without the booze. I know I didn't - I've been sober (thanks in large part to this site) for nearly two years now, and I'm still finding out who I am because I had been drinking heavily for a very long time. I certainly feel my happiness, productiveness, resilience, and problem-solving skills have improved massively.

Anyway, do have a good read around the site and find a few places you feel comfortable to post. There's no judgement here, and having a safe anonymous space to get your feelings out may be exactly what you need.
The best time to plant a tree was 30 years ago. The second best time is today.
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Toffipop
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Toffipop » 25 Apr 2019 18:33

Hello. Dont know what to say really. I wake up every day saying Im not drinking today. Go to sleep every night having failed. Cant get out of the cycle. Always an excuse and feel its getting worse. Made me cry typing this. Anyway, hello all, hope we can help each other x

chick dip
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by chick dip » 25 Apr 2019 19:00

Toffipop....Dont cry you are among friends here and we have all been where you are now....you have made a huge step by making this first post.
Have a good read around and jump on board when you feel you can....so much support here <:)> x
AF May 2010-Sept 2012...thanks to this site...

Onward and upward again

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SoberBoots
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by SoberBoots » 25 Apr 2019 20:33

Toffipop wrote:
25 Apr 2019 18:33
Hello. Dont know what to say really. I wake up every day saying Im not drinking today. Go to sleep every night having failed. Cant get out of the cycle. Always an excuse and feel its getting worse. Made me cry typing this. Anyway, hello all, hope we can help each other x
:\: Hey there. You haven't failed. Alcohol's a powerful and very dangerous addictive drug. It spoils the live of millions, and kills many of them. Don't underestimate it, but please believe that you can grow yourself a happier and healthier life in which it plays no part. Reaching out for support is a brave and vital first step. <:)> If you read back through this thtread you'll find a ton of tips to get you started.
The best time to plant a tree was 30 years ago. The second best time is today.
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Luckychap
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Luckychap » 25 Apr 2019 21:19

Hello Norman and Tofipop . You have done amazing to find this site. The people on here are truly special and are helping me on a daily basis with support and encouragement. I am sure if you keep.posting they will wrap their arms around you.

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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Toffipop » 26 Apr 2019 04:18

Thank you. You all seem really kind. Failed again. Self loathing cycle.

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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Toffipop » 26 Apr 2019 04:28

Thank you. You all seem really kind. Failed again. Self loathing cycle.

sji
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by sji » 26 Apr 2019 06:23

Welcome Toffipot and Norman,
I am pretty new on here but it has already helped me massively. 11 days sober out of 18 which is fantastic for me!
So far I have learnt to be prepared and have a plan, a good book to read or exercise/ meditate helps me.
I have also taken on advice that when I do drink I need to pick myself up dust it off and go for it again today.
This forum is a wonderful place to start. Good luck everyone!

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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by martha » 26 Apr 2019 08:03

Welcome, Norman, Toffipop and sji :\:
Waiting for bunnies to appear in the fields.

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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Norman » 27 Apr 2019 10:01

Thanks DannyD, SoberBoots, LuckyChap, sji and martha for a welcoming response.
DannyD wrote:
24 Apr 2019 20:51
How about giving up for one evening? Can you do that?
I have chosen not to give up at the moment but have cut down. In the last week I've had 81 units whereas the previous week was 134. Hopefully very soon I will be dry and then is the time to start on a book - I already have one in my bag ready :D.

SoberBoots wrote:
24 Apr 2019 22:15
Because the mental state you describe is very common in alcohol withdrawal - I just wonder if you know what you're like without the booze. I know I didn't - I've been sober (thanks in large part to this site) for nearly two years now, and I'm still finding out who I am because I had been drinking heavily for a very long time. I certainly feel my happiness, productiveness, resilience, and problem-solving skills have improved massively.
I am pleased for you. Booze has an effect on my anxiety when I am drinking over - about - 100 units a week. But without the booze I still have significant issues, and no effective "crutch" to help deal with the crises that happen around here.

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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by DannyD » 27 Apr 2019 10:15

Morning Norman

Well done on cutting down. Will you be able to cut down more next week?

Crisis often diminish quite a lot when alcohol isn't used as a fuel.
be selfish in your sobriety.

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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Dxb » 28 Apr 2019 11:54

So here it goes! Been prowling here for a while but just registered. In 40's. Probably been drinking too much, since in my teens, but became a big problem in the last 5 years. (Drinking alone, far too early etc.) Have a lovely life, so no excuses. Can also stop for 1-3 weeks, lead a much happier life, gym, running, feel and look a 100 times better, BUT....... once I start again.......well, you all know how it goes! Husband works away from home, he knows and has told me he'll leave if if I don't sort it out. He's back tomorrow and I'm drinking just now.....why do we do this to ourselves???

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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by SoberBoots » 28 Apr 2019 12:24

Dxb wrote:
28 Apr 2019 11:54
So here it goes! Been prowling here for a while but just registered. In 40's. Probably been drinking too much, since in my teens, but became a big problem in the last 5 years. (Drinking alone, far too early etc.) Have a lovely life, so no excuses. Can also stop for 1-3 weeks, lead a much happier life, gym, running, feel and look a 100 times better, BUT....... once I start again.......well, you all know how it goes! Husband works away from home, he knows and has told me he'll leave if if I don't sort it out. He's back tomorrow and I'm drinking just now.....why do we do this to ourselves???
Welcome Dxb!

Sounds like you've got a good basis for sorting this out.

I think I hadn't properly understood that alcohol is and addiction. It's a more addictive drug than cocaine, and amongst the most damaging, being the only drug that affetcs every cell in yoir body. If were surrounded by people shooting up heroin or out of their skulls on spice all the time, these things were not so much socially acceptable as a powerful norm which was pushed at you, if they were advertised on TV and available 24/7 frequently on special offer, then no doubt society would have similar problems with those too. Alcohol was around too soon, and is too lucrative in revenues, to be treated in the same way. Our government is aware of the various costs of this addiction in money and misery, but the take from sales of it is enormous and so there is no effective action.

Once you understand that it IS an addiction, and that addictions don't just get wiped out (once they're in your brain they're wired there) you're on the way to acceptance, and that's the key to getting sober long term.

If you read back through this thread, there's a wealth of tips and info. Mine are to work through the Allen Carr Easy Way, read the Unexpected Joy of Being Sober, post frequently on here, and take vitamin supplements (B1, B12, Magnesium).

You may be thinking that you'll start on a given date, like Monday or the 1st of the month. I advise that you cease to despise yourself (anyone can get addicted, I even once knew an alcoholic cat) and start despising the drug instead. Chuck it down the sink and start grabbing sobriety right now. <:)>
The best time to plant a tree was 30 years ago. The second best time is today.
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Lila lu
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Re: New Members - Pleaheli allse Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Lila lu » 28 Apr 2019 12:52

Hello all my name is Shirley im here because my 37 year old son is an alcoholic but wont admit it or get help it breaks my heart to see him drinking so much hes been doing it for years!! he is very agrestive and gets violent he attacked me last week i was told to get the police but i couldn't!! Im worried something bad is going to happen x

Dxb
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Dxb » 28 Apr 2019 12:58

Thanks Sober Boots! Appreciate it's addictive, but my social circle drinks quite a lot, and pretty sure they don't crave a drink as soon as they wake up......well, maybe they do, but they don't do it!! Read Allen Carr's book specifically for Women, which was good..for 3 weeks. Just trying to work out if I can do it alone or I need to get some 'professional' help. Thought I had it last time, when I went through all the Pros & Cons.....very few Pros to drinking at home alone at lunchtime!! But, its's still a better option at the moment to getting all my cleaning done :( . Thanks agin for the reply, much appreciated :)

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SoberBoots
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by SoberBoots » 28 Apr 2019 13:12

I had to do Allen Carr twice - I thought I'd got it the first time around, but in fact hadn't. I went through it a lot more slowly and more openly, the second time.

Addiction tends to have its roots in vulnerability - genetics, trauma, loss, isolation - and this is true for all addictive drugs. I've known many people who use cocaine socially, for example. Yet others get addicted.
Addiction is hard to tackle because it's rooted in the instinct/emotional part of the brain, not the cognitive; this makes it hard to overcome by reasoning and logic alone, although these undoubtedly have their place.
I think this forum is an amazing place for support, and I'm sure that I would not have got this far without it. Would you feel strong enough to sign up for the 100 day kickstart?
The best time to plant a tree was 30 years ago. The second best time is today.
Completed 2018 challenge

Dxb
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Dxb » 28 Apr 2019 13:36

Genetics maybe. 2 x Alcoholic Grandparents on different sides. Always felt a little bit doomed! 100 days seems a bit daunting for me just now. When my Husband is here, it's all good, but we do drink sociably quite a lot. If I was to stop completely, that would have an affect on him, which I would feel bad about. (Not his fault I can't handle being addicted is it?!) Can drink well and normally socially, problems arise when left alone........ :evil:

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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Winkler » 28 Apr 2019 13:42

Hi Dxb
I wondered if the link below might be useful in determining whether you need extra support
There are links to the audit screening tests which can indicate the degree of alcohol misuse disorder you have and the level of dependence. I mean it’s not an exact science but if you are scoring highly, it might indicate the need for more face to face support?

It might help to be upfront with your partner as to the extent of your problem as well?

I sympathise about the social aspect, but it might help to think of it as the drug it is and that you won’t have a problem if you avoid it rather than trying to control it.

I think, if I’m honest, my socialising was mostly done and looked forward to with one eye on the bottle and I’ve only just recently started to feel Ok about and prefer not drinking in company. It’s one step at a time tho, we only have to go to bed sober tonight and avoid the first drink and we’ll cope and we’ll stay on the road of things working out ok!

I’ve been round the block a lot but currently mostly on the 2-4 week and 100 day thread. Would be good to see u there 🙏

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/alcohol-misuse/

Hi Lila, really sorry to hear about your son. Unfortunately, he’s the only one who can decide to change. If I can offer any advice, I would say protect yourself when he’s actively drinking, don’t let him in the house when he’s been drinking and get as much support for yourself as you can. I believe al-anon will support relatives but there may be local help too? Your GP or citizens advice may be starting places? <:)>
Alcohol is an addictive poison

Dxb
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Dxb » 28 Apr 2019 14:27

Hi Winklar,

It's definitely a problem!

Think my Husband is probably more in denial than me, as he doesn't want an alcoholic wife and all the implications of that. Watching London Marathon & thinking, should really be doing that as opposed to drinking vodka! x

Dxb
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Re: New Members - Pleaheli allse Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Dxb » 28 Apr 2019 14:37

Lila lu wrote:
28 Apr 2019 12:52
Hello all my name is Shirley im here because my 37 year old son is an alcoholic but wont admit it or get help it breaks my heart to see him drinking so much hes been doing it for years!! he is very agrestive and gets violent he attacked me last week i was told to get the police but i couldn't!! Im worried something bad is going to happen x
Hi Shirley,

Sorry, realize I've been a bit selfish there. Not very professional advice from me, as still drinking, but keep with him. Call, go round, maybe 1st thing in the morning, make him eat, get out for a walk? Those are the things that work for me. Good luck! x

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